The Winter Olympics
The only good thing about the Winter Olympics is that you get hours of television without seeing a black person, and as it is on the BBC you do not have to suffer adverts showing Pakistanis landing airplanes in their living room.
Other than that it is a wankfest.
What the fuck is curling all about?
I can understand the principles of the game but why have people with brooms?
What next?
Lawn green bowls with a team that has a couple of guys with hover mowers?
The ski jumping is nonsense.
Camera angles make it look a lot more dangerous than it actually is.
It’s not even about who can jump the farthest.
It’s marked on style and technique.
There is also something called a telemark that has to be ‘hit’.
The rules seem to have been made up by a committee.
The skiing race where the competitors have to stop now and then to shoot at a target.
Two totally unrelated disciplines.
You may as well have a 10,000 meter race at the Summer Olympics where the runners have to stop after every lap and throw 101 with 3 darts.
Ice dancing.
Triple lutz, double salco, one and a half axel.
It’s all the fucking same.
Nobody can tell the difference.
But how did ice dancing originate?
A young couple looking over a frozen lake in Scandinavia.
“Do you fancy a dance?”
“On the fucking ice? Don’t be a cunt, it’s slippy. I will go arse over tit”
Padding out the games by dreaming up unlikely things you can do on snow and ice.
Going down an icy slope head first on a tea tray.
Going down an icy slope feet first on a tea tray.
Coming next……
Going down an icy slope on all fours with a tulip stuck up your arse, on a tea tray.
Downhill skiing on a short course, then a medium course, then a long course and now a GIANT course.
And why ski through gates that easily collapse when hit?
Make it more realistic and introduce the possibility of serious injury by having them ski around big pine trees.
Fuck the Winter Olympics and fuck the stupid cunts that turn up to watch it with their cow bells.
Nominated by The Artful Cunter…
And here’s ElDiablo666 with some thoughts on the summer edition:
Can I add the summer Olympics into this too? Both are pointless and stupid. Opening ceremony costs a fortune, the whole torch-relay we had as stupid. On top of that, try getting a ticket to see anything if you didnt buy it 25 years in advance. Half the teams are full of people who arent even from their country too. And with the rule against amateurs, theres no Eddie The Eagle or Jamaican Bobsleigh team anymore. Whats more, they want to add in new shit like breakdancing and other non-sports. Fuck the whole thing.
