Golfers

Golfers are Pretentious Cunts.

Golfers are by and large showy, shallow, pompous, artificial facsimiles of the human species. I know this for a fact; for my sins I am a golfer. I am in fact a member of a links course at a popular seaside destination and play a round 4 times a week, more if Mrs Ecunt allows.

See even the statement “I am a member” sounds fucking pompous.

The car park is littered with Jags, Mercs, Bmws and even a few Aston Martins. Fuck knows what they really think when I roll up in my 15 year old Fiat Panda and park in between them in a gap that they thought was wide enough to open their doors but not wide enough for another car to park in between. Ha got ya cunts my little Panda is about the same width as a large motor cycle and I don’t fucking care about a odd scratch or two on the door of a car worth about £400.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t bang my door into theirs but love to watch them struggle to get into their motors without scratching theirs.

Fuck me you should see some of the clothes they wear; pink strides, yellow tops, harlequin jumpers; grotesque. Sometimes I reckon they’ve just come from a gay pride march.

They love to talk about their new driver, (big golf bat not chauffeur)
“I ordered it from the States you know. It only cost £500, absolute bargain, same as Rory or Tiger use you know”. Fuck off you preposterous cunt.

One golfer I know and occasionally play with has bought a remote controlled trolley to carry his bats. Over a thousand quid for it just so he can piss about controlling it with an app on his fucking phone, whilst walking at the side of it. WHAT a CUNT. Mine cost a tenner from a charity shop, this means I have to push it. Such hardship.

My entire set of bats was bought from a pawn shop for less than £50. In the club shop they sell a variety of sets of clubs priced from about £500 to £2000. Fucking ridiculous. This is not me being tight or a reverse snob either, because if it made them play better then fine (maybe) but to most it doesn’t. I play off a decent handicap and regularly beat many of these cunts with my cash convertor specials. It’s the same with balls. I can’t remember the last time I bought a fucking golf ball, shit players lose them and I find them. You can pay £5 a ball.

Golf etiquette; “shhh, can’t you see I’m on the tee green” the cunt will say from 100 yards away. Now I’m no yob and if the bloke I’m playing with is playing a shot then I’ll be quiet but from 100 yards away you can fuck right off. I used to get aggressive and tell them exactly that; nowadays I simply say “don’t worry you carry on you won’t put me off from my conversation”!!, which really pisses em off.

Golfers are by and large massive cunts man women or beast. Though there are some tidy looking women playing these days. Good excuse to get lost in the rough ..Arf arf

Nominated by: Everyonesacunt 

Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away!

High court enforcement agents / County sheriffs call them what you will. They are legalised bully boys.

Yes, lots of people run up ridiculous amounts of debts. Some are irresponsible and think they can just walk away others may have hit hard times through divorce, redundancy whatever. My God there will be many more like this post covid.

My argument is with the agents’ tactics. Get into a property and if the debtor won’t pay threaten to remove goods to the value. However, if the property belongs to a partner or parent they can still take any possession unless it can be proved that it is not owned by the debtor. Think about how many items in your home you do not have a receipt for. Perhaps a car you paid cash for from a private seller. Ok the log book is in your name but that only proves you are the keeper. They can take it. Same with laptops or TVs or anything else really.

There is another issue: payment. These guys will take payment from ANYONE. Friend, relative or stranger. They don’t give a damn if they are putting someone else in debt. Nor would they bat an eyelid if a drug dealer walked in off the street and gave them a bundle of cash. Long as they get their money.

Amoral.

Nominated by: Lord Helpuss 

Ash Sarkar (2)

I would like nominate Ash Sarkar, another self styled ‘corbynista’ with a vast hatred for this country and most people in it. Yesterday she came out with the following

“The sectors being ratfucked the hardest-pubs, venues, arts and culture are the only things which make living on this wretched island bearable…”

Can I kindly suggest you fuck off to North Korea or Venezuela then Miss Sarkar? Seeing as you previously said you are “literally a communist” these kind of places are right up your street.

These cunts that hate Britain should be offered a one way ticket out of here, preferably to push them out of the plane over the Atlantic somewhere, maybe she’d get picked up by some of her mates in a dinghy…

Nominated by: Laughing Gravy 

Cold Callers

I get a few calls a week from unknown numbers, I usually look them up on the inter web to see who’s trying to scam me or sell me something I don’t want. I just received such a call, didn’t answer and looked up the number as usual, the first comment was as below.

Ruined a good helmet tug, to make matters worse the ringtone alerted my wife who burst in on me. My dinners just gone in the bin and she’s wheeled off to spend a few days at her mothers. Bloody scammers ruined my life!!!!’

This has to be one of us surely?

To sum up cold callers are cunts but this bloke made me laugh, he should of answered the call and carried on tugging.

Nominated by: Sixdog Vomit