“US fast-food chain Taco Bell is removing lettuce from its menu in some states after investigations found it could be linked to an outbreak of explosive diarrhoea caused by a parasite”

I’ve never liked lettuce and can’t see the point of it,furthermore I’ve always suspected that it causes the shits and luckily the boffins at Taco Bell Laboratories have proved me right,again.

“Do not eat food items with shredded iceberg lettuce from Mexico served at Taco Bell locations in Indiana, Kentucky, Michigan, Ohio, and West Virginia,” the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) said..

Which just goes to show lettuce,particularly Yank lettuce,which appears to be from Mexico thus adding to the problem,is a cunt.

Although the evils of lettuce have only recently been proven by the eminent scientists at Taco Bell,we should all be grateful for their pioneering work in this dangerous field.

I’ve also heard rumours that some kebabs have lettuce in them but Taco Bell have so far been silent on whether this can also cause explosive diarrhea.

BBC News?

Any suggestion that lettuce has caused Lord Siddique Khan to look like he has just been dug up has been refuted the Green Party.

Be On Your Guard.

Nominated by : Unkle Terry

are a cunts for cunts.

common isn’t it?
if your kids/ grandkids have a trampoline in the garden then they probably also have nits.

As well as screaming hey we’re chavvy as fuck
they’re dangerous.

100,000 accidents in A&E are tramp-o-line related.
I’m not arsed about that,
find it funny,
no, I’m concerned with how
‘council estate ‘ it is.

plant a tasteful flower bed
have a pond and water feature
show some taste.
Let little Teagan and Chardonnay burn off their ADHD in some state sponsored kids gym.

ps dont get me started on bouncy castles.
vulgar.

youtube

Nominated by Miserable Northern Cunt.

A woman who complained that her stainless steel sink was rusting after having had it for only 11 months has said she was “staggered” when she was told to keep it dry.

Alison Theaker, from Kingsbridge, Devon, bought a new kitchen from furniture retailer Ikea in February 2025.

She said the sink in her utility room had developed rust spots, so she complained and was told it “down to general wear and tear”, as well as “clearly a case of excess moisture” and she should “keep the sink dry”.

Very good.

She said: “I queried how I was expected to avoid excess moisture on a sink” and “the person got back to me and said that I needed to keep the sink dry”.

“When I queried how this was possible, she cut me off,” she said.

Peak good old fashioned British customer service..

Call me somewhat cynical but I suspect all Chinese steel is by no means stainless,and probably not steel to begin with.

Let’s all hope Alison’s replacement sink remains pristine and rust free.

Otherwise she’s fucked.

bbcnews

Nomination by Unkle Terry Link by C.A.

A more rotund lady for those who like fatties. C.A.

are cunts.

The Chairman,
Marks & Spencer plc,
London W1

Dear Sir,

It has come to my attention that your erstwhile august institution has started selling ladies’ unmentionables with a slit in the front. I am informed that this is to permit the interpolation of a gentleman’s pintle into the lady’s monosyllable without the need to remove said lady’s bloomers..

As loyal M&S customers, I wish to inform you that my good lady wife and I have never partaken of such lascivious behaviour, nor do we wish to start now. Who are these undergarments aimed at – your customer base or Mrs Price and Mrs Rayner?

In the past my good lady wife’s St Michael drawers gave her much-needed relief from a chill on her kidneys, and when the elastic finally succumbed we used them as windfall catchers underneath our apple tree. Your latest offering wouldn’t catch an acorn.

If you do not return to selling undergarments of their former quality we will be taking our business elsewhere.

Faithfully yours,

Disgusted,
Tunbridge Wells

telegraph

Nominated by Geordie Twatt.

is a cunt.

Lament for Veronique and wife Amy who’ve recently bought a house near a big tip and don’t like the smell..

“Veronique said she had seen waste piling up from her bedroom window. She added: “It was over the house, like from our bedroom we could see rubbish.

“It’s gross, it’s disgusting. It gets to your throat, makes you gag, you cannot stay out, you don’t want to be there.”

Tiffany Jarvis, of North Grove, has lived next to the landfill for 22 years but said in recent years, the nuisance from the smell had become intolerable.

She said: “It’s just violent on the nose, sore throat because of it constantly. It’s a rubbishy rotting vegetation, rotting meat.

“Every morning waking up literally feeling sick, massive headaches because the smell is just atrocious.”

Nobody wants to buy this home so now I’m trapped. I’m trapped in a cesspool of a village,” she added.

A cesspool indeed and the local MP recommends the tip should “be a better neighbour”..

That’ll sort it.

Weep for Veronique.

Weep I say.

bbcnews

Nominated by Unkle Terry.