All, Flying Ant Day will soon be upon us, so here’s what you need to know.

There’s no specific day as such. This takes place between late June and August and is when queen ants take to the air pursued by hundreds of horny males. So, much like the Summer mating rituals of humans, except we don’t fly after the females.

The media will no doubt offer advice on how to keep these irritating bastards out of your house.

The Express will probably suggest sealing all doors and windows with expanding foam, and sitting with your feet in a bowl of iced water as you attempt not to suffocate/die of heatstroke, because they always offer such sensible advice, the absolute morons.

Some people will suggest burning sage, of dried tea leaves, or something equally useless.

My advice, purchase a full beekeepers outfit and wear it constantly. Temu sells them. Or you could buy a can of Raid and zap them into oblivion.

Stoke Sentinel

You’re welcome, no need to thank me.

Nominated by : Jeezum Priest

Two men who police say botched a plan for a shooting after one of them accidentally shot the other in the leg, have been convicted of firearms offences.

The failed criminals, Adam Liaqat and Asad Khan, foiled their own scheme when their gun went off inside their parked car on St Paul’s Road, Smethwick, in the West Midlands, on 23 November.

Detectives say Liaqat, the driver, fired the gun by mistake, leaving his passenger and accomplice, Khan, with serious leg injuries.

A tragic accident indeed.

Firearms,drug dealing,car theft,intent to commit murder?

Just another accident prone day in Modern Britain.

I wonder what sort of sentence they’ll receive?

A community service order?

Filthy cunts.

BBC News?

Nominated by : Unkle Terry

So if you’re a fat cunt, with rolls of excess flesh flopping about.
If Primark leggings simply aren’t big enough, but you force yourself into them anyway, to the disgust of normal size people.
If you haven’t seen your genitals for years, and fuck knows what your arse looks like after a shite ( no, don’t show me, please ) it’s all ok, because obesity is a disease.

No doubt you’ll be getting some kind of benefit, and probably a car. How fucking marvellous.

Why the fuck are we encouraging these grotesque land whales?

World Obesity

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

A second helping provided by : Balsamic Dave

A righteous cunting, wholeheartedly seconded by me.

May I also offer Ricky Gervais’s absolutely razor sharp commentary on this exact subject: YouTube.

Thanks to successive govt failures to ensure domestic gas and oil security by tapping our own sizeable resources and the zealotry of the “green energy” religion households will see another hike in bills by mid summer.

The ground has already been laid by politicians and the talking heads on the telly to blame Donald Trump for upsetting international energy markets by taking the Iranians on before they can nuke Tel Aviv.

If we weren’t governed by hapless lying cunts then there’s a chance we’d be able to drill our own oil and gas instead of paying the Norwegians to drill it from the same fields then sell it back to us,not import LNG from the States and Qatar and maybe not have the Canadians chop their forests down to send us wood pellets we can burn at Drax just to burnish our “green credentials”.

The cunt Miliband insists we go even faster toward “net zero” with ever more windmills and solar,despite them not being able to feed into the National Grid effectively and having virtually no battery storage capacity even if it were possible,which it isn’t.

All of this makes perfect sense if you never pay any bills,such as our elected representatives.

A tower shitheap of stupid cunts.

BBC News?

Nominated by : Unkle Terry

is a cunt.

This is not about marrying your cousin, nor a Family Business being passed from Father to son, (etc)…
I noticed on the TV screens at the gym this morning that a ‘presenter’ on the BBC’s Morning Live, Nick Stapleton, has been awarded his own show, ‘Watchdog’. Well fuck me, he is the son of John Stapleton and Lynne Faulds Wood, who both used to present the old show.
That annoyingly reminded me:
Ellie Sandover, niece of the Prime Mincer was selected (and recently won) a seat in a very safe Labour Ward in Croydon.
Kinnock is the son of Kinnock.
Chlamydia Winklepicker is the daughter of Eve Pollard.
Hilarity Benn is the son of Anthony Wedgwood Benn.

I could go on, but Cunters, I am sure, will have much better examples!

bbcnews

Nominated by Hugh🥒Cumber