Now, this nom isn’t restricted to just wimmin, but they are the culprits in the vast majority of cases.
I think we can all recognise media-savvy well trained speakers who blight our TV screens with endless head nodding and animated arm and hand movements that are well beyond Parkinson’s and bordering on Epilepsy.
There was some aspiring junior reporter that crammed in the full quota of presenting nous, but to me, she was bordering on offering her heady oversight in semaphore. A couple of flags was all that was required.
I don’t really know if any of the ISAC faithful are cut from the same cloth or have a background in delivering presentations, lectures or training, but having endured some formal training many years ago, I was always told that any gimmicks or gestures were employed to distract the audience from what was being said. Or in other words, if you need to move around, or move your hands or head, then what you were saying was essentially crap.
Sorry folks, can’t find a link but any daily news bulletin will do…

better help

Nominated by Smells Fishy Link by Jeezum Priest.

‘Free Form’ is that style of jazz which is characterised by a rejection of traditional jazz conventions such as set chord progressions and melodic structures, opting instead for individual expression and group improvisation. It says here.

Anyway, it’s a kind of ‘music’ that puts me in a bad mood. The wife and I are not long back from lunch in a favourite café of ours, where the owners unfortunately persist in playing this tripe, no doubt under the misguided belief that it creates a bit of ambience to the place. So we sat and ate our admittedly excellent meal for an hour before I plucked up the courage to ask them to turn it down a bit.

Until that point, we had Animal from ‘The Muppets’ crashing about on drums. We had some cunt doing an endless, toneless ‘dum dum dum dum’ walk up and down the double bass. We had a collection of wassocks jangling and tootling a seemingly random collection of notes on piano, sax and trumpet. And we had some bird who fancied herself as Ella Fitzgerald occasionally chiming in with ‘yahdooby darby dooby darby do’.

In other words, a cachophonous racket of jumbled noise which constitutes nothing more than an assault against the ears. Who listens to this shit? Who actually appreciates it enough to pay to see it performed? That’s what I’d like to know. It’s a fucking atrocity.

Anyway, take it away fellas.

youtube

Erm, niiiice.

Nominated by Ron Knee.

Louis is a documentary maker.
Usually looking into cults, cranks like scientologists, porn stars etc.

He can be quite entertaining and has interviewed people such as Jimmy Savile and Paul Daniels.

He looks like he’s wearing one of those glasses and fake nose combos from a joke shop.
Know who I mean?

Anyway last night I watched his latest offering ‘ the settlers’.

It was Israeli right wingers who are settling land in Gaza previously help by Palestinians.

Fuck me, it was biased as fuck.
No attempt at impartiality.

There wasn’t much mention of the rapes, beheadings, or hostage taking.

BBC party line all the way.

Well I thought the Israelis were right to turf the murderous cunts off the land.
Especially with a bullet up the khyber.
I won’t watch Louis anymore from now on.
He can fuck right off.

youtube

Nominated by Miserable Northern Cunt.

I don’t know why Mrs Cunter likes watching this programme.
It’s not like she can grow flowers here.
It’s all palms and cactii for us.

I don’t mind Monty Don, he knows what he is talking about and his dog is obviously A Very Good Boy.

The rest of his team are a different matter altogether.

An ugly black women, a scruffy, unshaven spiv with a speach impediment, a saggy old bag lady and worse of all, a flid.

How she ever got employed as a gardener is beyond me.

She might be very clever with planting small things with her feet but she would be fucked by digging up a tree stump.

I am amazed by the soil in Monty’s garden.
Whenever he has to dig a hole for anything the soil is as soft as shit.
You never see him struggling with hard, compacted ground and finding old roof tiles and bricks buried like in the real world.

Then, like all TV gardeners they come out with the Latin names for plants.

What’s the fucking point?

Nobody is going to write them down or remember them.
I reckon the presenters have to use an autocue as well.
I don’t believe for one minute that they know the Latin for the plants they show.

So why tell us?

You go to the garden centre and say,
“Oi mate, I want half a dozen solanum lycopersicum abracazebra. And don’t try and palm me off with some lycopersicon esculentum. You dodgy cunt”.

As if the minimum wage garden center worker would have a clue what you were on about.

And at the end of the programme Monty gives you your jobs for the weekend.

Pinch out your chrysanthemums.
Pot on your geraniums.
Multch your sweet potatoes.

Yes Monty. Thanks for reminding me. I will get straight on it.

Gardener’s World.
A load of manure.

bbc

Nominated by The Artful Cunter.

Is a fucking Cunt.

This Byzantine legal case,wholly involving Africans up to nowt good,must have cost millions in “legal aid”and adds up to another excellent advertisement for Lawfare Britain..

Justice is served,all bills are paid,all rules followed and court proceedings dutifully updated..

All at vast expense whilst these lying Nigerian cunts play house and game the system..for the trillionth time.

Rules Based Britain is a Floundering Cunt.

Vote Oven.

bbcnews

Nominated by Unkle Terry.