Nomination: Various footie cunts

To celebrate Ipswich’s return to the top division after twenty-fucking-two years away, I’d like to nominate a group of irritating footie cunts.

VAR: this useless fucking system has wrecked the flow of many a game just so a bunch of twats can sit in an office miles away from the game and decide (usually wrongly) that a striker’s eyelash is a nanometre offside. And such is the inherent bias of the system towards Scouse Cheats FC that LiVARpool regularly trends on Twatter.

Leeds: everyone hates these arrogant bastards who seem to think they have a divine right to be in the Premier league. Numerous disparaging comments about ITFC from Leeds supporters throughout the season. How did that work out for you, cunts? I fucking hope they lose in the playoffs.

Brighton: apparently the rentboys of the south coast are sniffing around Kieren McKenna. Fuck off and find your own promising young coach gaylords. They probably want to bum him.

But without a doubt the biggest football cunt of them all…

Jurgen Klopp: I fucking despise this cunt. Possibly the only person in their world I would physically assault if I was ever in the same room. Has gone completely native in Liverpool and spent the past nine years whinging about how hard done by the bin dippers are despite the ludicrous bias of both the FA and the media towards his shitty club. His latest moan is about too many 12:30pm kickoffs. Fuck off and die, you prick. Thought he going to win a Quadruple and ended up with the tinpot League Cup, a competition so pointless it only entitles the winners to enter into UEFA’s crappy Europa Conference League.

Go ITFC. Aiming for 17th next year!


Nominated by Emperor of East Anglia.

King Charles [16] – Cancer Victim

The king has cancer. Not just “has” cancer. Is “stricken” with it.


His cancer is infintely more important than your pleb cancer and don’t you forget it.
Jug-ears’ll have access to the very best oncologists in the world and everyone else who actually has to pay for the disaster that is the NHS…well, their cancer is terrifying because of chınkyflu and overcrowding, waiting lists are as long as a siphonophore.

The fawning press goes overboard with their asskissery of this hypocritical, WEF-stooge, über-rich sponger.
“Cancer-stricken king might not be able to perform his royal duties”

His duties? Going on holiday and waving at simpletons from a safe distance.

Fuck him and his whole useless, grasping family of chinless inbreds.

BBC News Link.

Nominated by : Thomas the Cunt Engine

Tyson Fury [5]

Tyson Fury is a cunt.

He just got beaten fair and square by Usyk after showboating for half the fight.

His response after the result was announced? ‘His (Uysk’s) country is at war.’ Yes, he’s really trying to blame politics for a subpar performance. Hopefully the nasty, arrogant Pikey cunt will fuck off after Usyk batters him again in the rematch, never to be seen or heard from ever again.

BBC Sport Link.

Nominated by : OpinionatedCunt

Keith Byrne and Sophie Singer

are cunts.
This lovely pair left their elderly boxer, Bentley, home alone without food, while they went on a family holiday.

Concerned neighbours alerted the authorities, and pushed food through the letter box.

Bentley was rescued and taken to a vet, but sadly couldn’t be saved. During the necropsy, the contents of his stomach included food wrappers and a felt tipped pen, ffs.

This charming pair were given suspended sentences. I know where I’d like to suspend them, and from what.

Meathooks and the Forth Road Bridge.


Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

Johannah King-Slutzky

*Deadline 1st May 2024, NYC’s Columbia University*

As the legendary philosopher Austen Warhol once said, ‘it is a truth universally acknowledged that any cunt can be famous for fifteen minutes’. Step forward one Johannah King-Slutzky, who recently gloried in her fifteen minutes in the spotlight.

Okay I hear you saying; ‘Johannah Kunt-Slutty who, and what’s her claim to fame?’

Well, cunters will be aware that a bunch of scruffy pro-Hamas types recently ‘liberated’ Columbia University’s Hamilton Hall from reactionary forces, and began an occupation for Palestine. Step forward Johannah ‘Keffiyeh Karen’ King-Slutzky, a PhD student who is studying poetry ‘through a Marxist lens’. As you do.

Anyway, after this occupation began, gobshite King-Slutsky had the unmitigated cheek to demand a commitment from the university that this motley crew of campus guerrillas would receive food and drink as they struggled for the cause. Here she is, pontificating self-importantly before the cameras;

YouTube Link.

If you listen very carefully, you’ll just be able to make out the sound of the protesters chanting in the background; ‘from the river to the sea! Now bring us some rooibos tea! From the sea to the river! KFC must now deliver!’ **

Lenin and Mao would be weeping tears of admiration if they were still around to see this. Whatever your views on the situation in the Middle East, you can only admire those who are prepared to make any sacrifice for their cause, just as long as it doesn’t actually put them to any inconvenience.
(Go on, read this link, I dare ya – NA)

** okay, I made that bit up

Nominated by : Ron Knee