The Perfect Shark Shot


“I knew something was different because the sharks were on the surface,” says Tayane Dalazen, a 37-year old Brazilian lawyer and social media personality.

“There were a lot of them,” she says. “Later, I discovered [the tour organisers] were feeding the sharks so that they would interact with the tourists.”

Dalazen, from Sao Paulo, was on a shark-diving trip on the Brazilian coast in April when she suddenly felt “strong pressure” on her leg.

“When the shark bit me, the pain was very strong,” she says. “I stayed calm because I knew I couldn’t fight the animal.”

Incidents of sharks biting humans are incredibly rare, but at least three influencers have been bitten by the animals in less than a year. Scientists say they’re increasingly concerned about the rise in social media videos showing people swimming too close to sharks, touching or even riding them.

“I’m seeing these videos every single week now and it’s way more than it ever used to be,” says shark scientist Kristian Parton, who also hosts the ‘Shark Bytes’ YouTube channel. “We’re going to see people ending up in really serious incidents with sharks.”

In July, a fishing influencer almost lost his leg after being attacked by a reef shark whilst spearfishing. In December, a Chinese content creator was bitten in the Maldives. Both incidents were caught on camera.

What the fuck is wrong with these idiots?

The fantastic social media has a lot to answer for.

I am however a keen advocate of Natural Selection.

BBC News?

Nominated by : Unkle Terry

Emergency Alert system

 

is a cunt.

Another thing that needs a cunting is the Emergency Alert system.

There I was feeding treats to one of the cats when the phone flashes and an annoying wibble tone frightened the cat off.

So what was so damn important who knows as it’s in Welsh and I don’t speak the language. Has Putin decided to nuke us and the PM is letting us know we’ve time to boil an egg, or the Orange man has pushed the button in error.

Well shortly after the English version arrives to frightening the cats again. Turns out said emergency is a warning about fires in Wales and not to go burning the countryside.

Well as the PM has banned the barbeque things and the fires are being set by feral yoofs it was all a bit fucking pointless.

No doubt we’ll get another one about flooding when the wet weather arrives followed by one on imported brown rapey stabby folk being abused by the folk they’re raping an stabbing.

The Emergency System is a cunt that failed to do anything except frighten the cats(twice)

Nominated by Paul Goddard.

Jason Arday (3)

 

is a cunt.

Right first off this Jason Arday bloke needs a proper cunting.

Comes up with the sort of fantasy wank the pub tosser dreams up after 5 or 6 pints of Stella giving it large about being in the Falklands war or having joined the SAS and been part of that embassy raid. Despite being born years after both of these taking place.

Anyway Jason claimed he was non verbal, suffered from this an that, how evil wwwaaayyyccciiissssttt people had sent a pigs head to his house and the police debunked it as bollocks.

Copied loads of his work off other people, claimed to have donated loads of cash to charity, run a shit ton of marathons with a broken leg or something.

Worked for some water charity, then played the race card every time someone thought his claims were quite frankly bollocks.

Finally as the story broke the university which should have told the chancer to do one ages ago started investigating his bollocks claims and covering their arses.

Well Jason resigned despite an open letter of support from the usual race baiting suspects.

Now he’s been found dead, I’m not sure about that as I there was something in his CV about being the son of God an popping back in a few days.

Anyway he’s definitely non fucking verbal now unless one of those Derek Acora psychic chancers decides to channel him from the afterlife and he’ll blame everything on Nigel Farage.

wiki

Nominated by Paul Goddard.

Roys Bedoys

 

is a fucking irritating cunt.

This animated children’s programme features Roys, his family and friends. Roys is an ill mannered brat who behaves appallingly only to be taught a life lesson at the end of each episode.

All great in theory, apart from the fact many children will be influenced by his arsehole behaviour and try to emulate him. One episode showed Roys’ friends retreating from him as he reeked of shit, having not wiped his hoop. Not before the little cunt tried to blame all his friends for creating the shyte miasma.

Roys Bedoys needs a fucking good beating with a sturdy Adidas trainer. The cunt.

youtube

Nominated by Paul Maskinback.

Dead Pool [396]

Congratulations to Jeezum Priest who has gone and won Dead Pool 395 by predicting the demise of the much loved Comedy Actor Richard O’Sullivan best know for his role in Man About the House.O’Sullivan suffered a stroke in 2003 and since then had lived at Brinsworth House a retirement home for showbiz figues.He was 82 years old.He is survived by his son and Grandchildren.

On to Dead Pool 396

The rules:

1)Pick 5 famous cunts you think might conk out next.It is first come first serve and no duplicates allowed.You can always be a cunt and steal someone elses nominations from the previous pool.

2)Anyone who nominates the Worlds Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt who we will ignore

3)It must be a famous cunt we have heard of.

4)No swapping picks mid pool unless your pick has already been nabbed beforehand.

5)Hits are awarded based on chronology of death reporting not necessarily in chronological order of death.