John Lennon – a Christmas visionary

It’s that time of year when you just can’t get away from the barrage of crap Christmas music, and I must admit to having cashed in on a few myself over the years.

But this year there’s a eulogy to the Fab Four that reminds me that there is one Christmas visionary out there who richly deserves a thorough cunting especially at this time of year – John Lennon :

(1) a man so far up his own arse he was almost a quantum singularity
(2) a man with an ego larger than the known universe
(3) a visionary who undoubtedly, had he lived, would have almost certainly been a UN peace ambassador and an even bigger know head than Bono
(4) a man who married one of the world’s ugliest women, almost as big a cunt as Meghan
(5) a man who never wrote a decent song after he split with McCuntney

It seems to me that Lennon’s main claim to immortality was that he was assassinated, otherwise there wouldn’t be an airport named after him and he would have faded into obscurity. That at least would have spared us the crock of shit that is “Merry Christmas – War is Over”.

Regrettably we have to tolerate it every fucking year. The only good thing you could say about it is that it’s better than “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time”. But then again we are comparing two turds to see which is the best polished.

Have a great Christmas.

Nominated by : Chas C

Children (always) in Need (3)

I cannot fucking stand it. The big build up to the BBC annual shitfest that is Children in Need.

It’s bad enough that we have to tolerate the substandard rubbish that will be masquerading as entertainment on the night itself. At least we can turn that off, but the big build up…..jeez it goes on and on and on. Rammed down our throats.

Our kids are brainwashed in school and forced to take part in this crap. The chuggers are out in the streets rattling their big red buckets. You can’t get into work without being accosted on the doorstep. This year the cunts are even knocking on doors.

One chugger cunt even called me a “tight fisted shit” when I told him I wasn’t interested in donating.

It’s all part of the Christmas build up when charities go into overdrive to part us from our hard earned dosh. Their message is simple. It’s the season of good will when we should think of our fellow man, so give us your money.

Well my fellow man doesn’t give a shit about me, so as far as I’m concerned he can fuck right off and preferably take fucking Pudsey with him.

Christ how I hate that bloody bear…

Nominated by Dioclese

Soccer Aid (It’s called Football for normal people)

Couldn’t find a pic of someone crippling James Corden, sadly.

Call me a soppy fuckwit, but I like a good charidee football match. Former pro’s in middle age showing they’ve still got it and the odd famous face maybe showing a bit of class. Soccer aid should therefore be right up my strasse, but is invariably ruined by multiple examples of cuntitude.

Robbie Williams, the great pretender. Pretending he’s Alf Ramsey for 90 minutes and still pretending he’s heterosexual. All this whilst banging on about how he alone came up with this vanity project and should be lauded thus.

Alex fucking Scott (Again!!) bouncing around pitch side like a 12 year old. Dermot O’Growly with his personality free presenting skills and Micah Richards, still blissfully unaware that he is employed as a token and nothing else.

The sleb players, of mostly indifferent quality, loving every minute of their chance to self promote, make the ex pro footballers look like paragons of humility. The only good thing to come out of this wankfest was the irrefutable evidence that wimminz footballers are inadequate in every respect and were, basically, shown up to a degree where even I felt embarrassed for them. Still, never mind love. There’s always shirts in need of ironing.

Link to the “all star” lineup

Nominated by – Field Marshal Cuntgomery

Tax On Pensions (A Rant)

My Mother in law received a tax demand from HMRC just a few days ago suggesting she owes just under £2k in unpaid tax for the current FY. This came as a bit of a bombshell only weeks after losing her husband to cancer.

But on closer detail its all legit because she not only receives a state pension, but also an NHS pension, and her husband’s private pension. Add them all together and it amounts to more than her personal allowance of something like £12500 pa, and therefore is liable for tax at 20%

What she didn’t realise due to how the tax demand letter was set out was that she only owes 20% of that £1900, which still means a demand of about £380. Not as bad but to her mind still quite annoying. (Unfortunately she’s not always rational, and is sometimes hot headed when she sees shit like this when living alone.)

Even though she is 70 and has worked for something like 45 years, paying income tax and of course NICs, she is still hit with tax demands. I realise this affects every retired pensioner with a taxable income, but it really is a kick in the balls to think that paying into pension pot(s) for a comfortable retirement still means being fucked over by the Taxman.

Moreover, what really pissed her off with the news of her sister, who is a year younger, has only worked for about 10 years in her entire life, receives a very small state pension, but is topped up with a number of benefits, which are not liable for tax – benefits that almost equate or perhaps even surpasses what my MiL receives on her state pension alone! (I can’t validate if any of that is actually true though.)

She wasn’t happy about that, but then when she watches the news and learns about how Afghan refugees and dinghy migrants are handsomely treated via the Taxpayer, it just puts her into a vile rage, spouting the usual statements about “I’ve worked for 40 odd years, paid my taxes, and then get stung for a tax demand to fund these bastards!”

And it pisses her off even more at the thought of having to sell her home to pay for residential care purely because she’s a home owner (after 26 years paying a mortgage for  her current home) and has some savings, all of which could take her over the means-tested threshold!

The working classes that live within their means, take responsibility and earn a crust for 30+ years, get fucked over again and again.

Nominated by – Technocunt