New Zealand Drivers

A “get back on your side of the fucking road!” cunting for New Zealand drivers.

A bit of a niche effort this one, which may get passed over, but our driving really is the worst. Dioclese has been here, possibly a few of you others too, so they can confirm we are fully shit behind the wheel.

Now, considering a new car here costs a minimum of $20k, has various new fangled gadgets such as “indicators” and “head lights”, it’s amazing how many of them don’t work. Or the driver is a cunt and won’t use them. One or the other anyway.

Dawn/dusk or poor visibility (fog/rain)….no cunt uses headlights.
Turning off of a road into a side street or driveway… cunt indicates.
Speeding and tailgating…apparently mandatory.
Busy traffic and you need to turn in from a side street….no cunt will let you in.
The times I have been courteous and let some poor fuck into the stream of traffic, I’ve had the cunt behind me honk his horn or flash his lights or even just overtake me, nearly broadsiding the schmuck pulling out.

The urge most display to not be delayed by a even a nanosecond is weird. Very fucking weird.

Then we have the absurd laws that allow 15 year old children to drive, after having been “taught” by their shit fucking driver of a parent/sibling/friend. No requirement whatsoever to undergo professional tuition. And these “lessons” are generally taken in the wanker mobile that’s been modified to fuck (dropped suspension, fat cunt exhaust, turbo blower noise enhancer).

Small fucking wonder the standard continues to decline as more people start to hit the roads

New Zealanders are (mostly) not cunts, until they get behind the wheel. Then the majority are truly fucking arseholes of the highest magnitude

Nominated by, KiwiCunt

Charles De Gaulle

Totally arsed orf by the bum tonguing the old pin headed frog (whenever he took his titfer orf everyone was astonished at how small his head was) is getting now Macron is over here to celebrate the “famous” wartime broadcast from London.

Indomitable Bravery, Fortitude in the Face Orf, Rallying Cry to Free Europe, Changed the Face Orf The War and other Pro Frog Platitudes oozing oit orf the Sluggy Orifices orf The Media. Churchill saved the Fucking Frogs skin by getting him whisked over to England and tucked up in a nice safe billet in London from where he could lead the Free French. Naturally Mon General was pissed orf because the Perfidious Anglais had kiboshed his Moment orf Glory, his Fight to the Last against the Remorseless Nazi Hordes. At least he was able to demonstrate the legendary frog Military Stratagem, Turn Your Arse To The Enemy and Run (used it meself a few times).
Cease fire orn cliches? Righto.

Point is Yours Truly was aroinde at the time and mixed in certain circles. De Gaulle was a universally hated arrogant frog cunt but for some reason, perhaps a mistaken sense orf comradeship (they were both WW1 veterans) Churchill thought that they were the best orf amis. Even to the point orf transferring military materials and food from the UK war effort to the frogs. The more Churchill helped him the more De G resented him. Came the end orf the war De G threw major froggy wobblies until he was allowed to lead the conquering frog contingent through Paris. He was orn the lips orf every true froggy “Baisse qui est ce grand con avec le gros nez” (Fuck who is that tall cunt with the big hooter?)

Another key stage in the story revolves aroinde the nukes. All very hush hush ect ect but the technology for nuclear bombs and power generation was pioneered pre-war by the boffins in Oxbridge. It was then transferred to America to stop it falling into Nazi hands. Our boffins went over to America (Los Alamos) to continue their work. Came the end orf the war and the new Ruskie threat UK and America were freely interchanging nuclear technology and building and testing bombs. De G wanted his own toys to play with and very properly the yanks explained to him that it was UK technology so they owed us and invited him to fuck orf. Unfortunately Churchill felt sorry for the whinging cunt and presented him free, gratis and for nothing all the UK nuke tech to build power plants, hence the vast frog nuclear power industry that now owns most orf the UK.

A little aperitif. To cheer up his little froggy mucker, Churchill shares with him his idea of setting up a zone within europe that links together all the former combatant countries through a trade and security alliance. Sounds familiar. De G poo poos the idea and Churchill, a little hurt, drops it as the growing threat orf commie capers intervenes. About a year later De G is actively promoting the idea as his aroinde europe. It is a goer but to their credit, only Holland and Sweden want to include poor old Blighty and the frogs are actively against us so it goes ahead without the UK. Thus began the Common Market/EEC.

It is unlikely, dear reader, that you will find this information on the internet any more and certainly not on any EU sanitized website. It exists only in old books by old cunts who were aroinde and involved at the time and in the tattered synapses orf old cunts like Yours Truly who never forget.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

Patricia Yates

A green and pleasant land, Elgar optional, cunting please for Ms Yates, head of the UK Travel thingmabob. The reason Ms Yates has boiled my piss is that today she told a Parliamentary committee, made up of the usual fuckwit know-alls, that she would like to see an extra bank holiday this October to help holiday companies to recoup some of the money they lost over Easter and the May bank holidays

Has this daft woman not realised that every day since March 23rd has been a bank holiday for the majority of people (I agree there should be some reward for essential workers – from supermarket workers, bus drivers and refuse collectors as well as the usual suspects in the NHS) but who the fuck would want to spend a day camping in the wet shortening days of October to make up for the beauty and promise of spring.

Pull yourself together you Guardian reading arsewipe.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

Dog shit

Dodging the Dog Shit and Pavement Crayoning – If it’s not bad enough having to plan your walk with military precision lately e.g sideways walking to avoid some likely lurgy cunt, two metres, two metres, two metres ARHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I now have to glance downwards on the pavement every two steps to make sure I don’t walk in some freshly laid dog egg.

Seems to be even more lately, what the fuck is it with the cunting dog owners? I must admit I am OCD with cleanliness, clean pavements, no litter, no graffiti, no fucking chewing gum. And don’t get me fucking started on the kids crayoning shit on the pavements lately also, if you want to draw, do it in a book you cunts.

Nominated by Bob Frapples

Roger Waters (3)

“Dark side of the Loon”

Roger Waters is a cunt.
The ex-Floyd windbag is now moaning about how he is not allowed access to fans In a message via his twitter account, Roger Waters has today complained being denied access to Pink Floyd fans via the band’s website and social media accounts.

Waters starts the five-and-a-half minute video announcement by saying that he “rarely speaks to Pink Floyd fans [directly]” and adds “but that is what I am doing now.”

“David Gilmour thinks I’m irrelevant” claims Waters in another gripe.

Well, isn’t this the same man who used to purposely ignore fan mail of any kind in the 70s and 80s? Didn’t he also gob at a Pink Floyd fan once? And as for his moan about Gilmour? Didn’t Waters think Rick Wright (RIP) was irrelevant? So irrelevant that he sacked him?

Hypocritical old cunt.

Nominated by Norman

… and as Ruff Tuff points out, the cunt left the band 35 years ago