“Best ever”

Best ever cunts are…. well… cunts….
I refer to the sort of millennial spunk dribble who always refers to some modern shit as the ‘best ever’… Examples include: Lionel Messi is the greatest player ever (when he fucking isn’t), Benderbert Cuntberdinck is the best Sherlock Holmes ever (bollocks), Jennifer Lawrence is the sexiest woman ever (ever seen the young Liz Taylor or Anita Ekberg, you cunts?), Ed Sheercunt is the best ever songwriter (oh, my fucking sides), some childish name calling by a cunt like JK Rowling is viewed as ‘the best put down ever’ (do fuck off), and now it’s Jodie Whittaker is the best Doctor Who ever… What?! After three fucking episodes?! Fuck right off! She’s the best looking one, sure, but that’s it….These ignorant cunts have no sense, knowledge, or regard for history and true greatness… Anyone who thinks that walrus with lipstick, Adele, is the best singer ever or that Mrs Brown’s Cunts is the funniest show ever needs shooting… Moronic millennial cunts….

Nominated by Norman

Graeme Swann

Graeme Swann is starting to become a very annoying cunt.

After having a makeover to rival only that of Shane Warne, using even his kids as a justifiable reason to gain votes he has sold his soul to be a strictly mincer.

Whilst IPL could be an acceptable cash cow to sell out to, what is he thinking.

I sincerely hope Tollioni and Revell Horward bun him in the showers as the cunt drops the soap washing off the fake tan just to get his mind right.

Fuck off Swann you total bell end.

Nominated by King Cunt

Kevin Maguire [3]

Kevin Maguire is due another nomination for being a two faced anti-Brexit twat. Prior to Unilever’s about face on their move to Rotterdam, Maguire tweeted;
“Persil-PG Tips-Marmite giant Unilever shifting it’s HQ from London to Holland would Brexit Britain a poorly stocked corner shop in the world”.

However, now that the shareholders have forced the management of Unilever to rethink their move, Maguire has tweeted;
“Unilever HQ moving to Holland never about Brexit and nor is staying. Anglo-Dutch company worried about lack of protection from financial raiders. Shareholders want it to stay…to cash in from raids”.

What an utter, two-faced, cockwomble of a cunt. He’s partly correct with his second tweet. Unilever’s decision to relocate to Rotterdam was NEVER about Brexit. As I understand it, the Dutch government offered them a better deal on tax and regulation than the British government. That had nothing to do with the UK leaving the EU. That being the case, why did Maguire insinuate in his first tweet that the move WAS because of Brexit, by mentioning “Brexit Britain”? And how the fuck did he think he would get away with subsequently insinuating it was actually greed on the part of shareholders that was behind the decision to stay in the UK? And that insinuation isn’t even true. Because he’s a cunt, that’s why.

Yet another left wing, anti-democratic shite hawk, who got it wrong, and has neither the guts nor the decency to admit it.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

Social Media Mums

What is it about these daft bints with their fucking hashtags and their holier than thou attitude? If it’s not the fact their kids are the best at everything (until they fail their exams or their school team gets beat and then fuck all appears), then it’s their house is the best (at least Hyacinth Bucket/Bouquet was a pisstake), their cars are the best, their jobs are stressful, but fulfilling, their husband is the best and their family life something everyone should aspire to (even though both halves of the relationship are probably fucking someone else).

Their diet and fitness journey is rammed down your throat (Your PT costs a fortune but your still fat love, have a bag of chips instead of an avocado). And to cap it off, they share “inspirational quotes” on a Saturday night, which gives the game away; you ain’t got the slap on to take an airbrushed photo at a high angle to hide your double chin love.

You’re fat, middle aged, stuck at home watching celeb cunts dancing or snowflake cunts crying because 4 talentless wankers think they can’t sing. The hubby is fat and thinking you’re boring but he can’t get a younger model.

Get out and get a life, get a fucking off someone, get a hobby, but whatever you do, keep it to yourself you cunt.

Nominated by Cunt Nemesis

Druggies

I was in our local pharmacy earlier to get a prescription made up. Unfortunately I had to share the confined waiting space with a couple of totally wasted specimens who were in to get their methadone hits.

I’d say that the notion of applying some soap and water either to themselves or their manky clothes was utterly alien to either of them. Both smelled as though they’d just fallen off the back of a Council dustcart, but oddly, each had a very shiny and expensive looking smartphone. One was trying to put a date onto the calendar, and was relating the story to the other. It seems that ‘the cunts’ from the DHSS were due to pay him a visit concerning some disputed money to which he was ‘fucking well entitled to’.

Entitled my arse. It’s a fair bet that neither of these useless scratters has ever made a single meaningful contribution to society in their miserable lives, or ever will. It will always be ‘take’ as far as they’re concerned, and guess who’ll be picking up the tab?

I would not cross the road to piss on either of these cunts if they were on fire. That would just take the pleasure out of a good piss.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Dope smokers are cunts.

Goddammit, I never thought I’d think this way, as cannabis is a rather pleasant recreational drug. Unfortunately, 99.9999% of the people who use this drug are workshy motherfuckers who use it as an excuse to marinade in their own filth whilst doing nothing more creative and “out there” than watching fucking TV or playing games consoles.

I’ve enjoyed it, don’t get me wrong. It’s fun. But like most fun past times, there’s a time and a place. On the tab of the taxpayer is not the place. Every waking minute is not the time.
So like it or not, western civilisation is changing it’s attitude and the process of legalisation is well underway. For years dope smokers have wished for this, their every effort hampered by old school lawmakers and well meant but utterly idiotic celebrity representation (like george micheal the chump). Who knew all we’d need is a few sick kids?

Before you know it, most of the country will quite legally be on their lazy fat arses. All the billions in tax will pay for it all. Of course, at first it will all be “medicinal” and therefore thoroughly acceptable.

No-one seems to consider that we’re a country of self obsessed fuckwitted idiots already and giving us dope will exacerbate the situation. You think our country is full of cunts already? You think we’re lazy now? Worried about ruskies, the EU or islam walking all over us?

Just wait, duuuude, until we’re all chillin’. Just fucking wait indeed.

Nominated by Cuntflap