DIY Car Park

I think I have found the ultimate cunt, I really do, imagine opening your front door to find some scummy, tight fisted, fuckwit cunt has parked his car on your drive, so he can avoid airport car park costs, locked his car on your fucking drive and has then fucked off abroad, leaving his car on your drive, knowing legally there’s fuck all you can do about it.

How much of a cunt do you have to be to do this, I suppose the police will tell you it’s a civil matter and will cost a fortune to take the aforementioned cunt to court, and this cunt, mother fucker is quite happy that his car will be safe and sound until he deems fit to turn up and take it away, probably late at night to avoid the grilling from the house owner.

Sure mate I will look after your car while your away…. Not don’t phone the police,yet there would be an oil patch where it used to be, drag the fucker into the middle of the road on a trolley jack, wait for the ensuing gridlock and then phone the police to say there is a car abandoned into middle of the road causing mayhem and wait for the tow truck to arrive, to take the fucker away, or even go down to the local pikey camp and tell them you will happily look the other way while they Hiab it onto the back of their truck, never to be seen again.
Thers no fucking way I would let a cunt let wanker this park his fucking car on my drive and the fuck off to the airport with a big smile on his fucking funny face……. No way

Can you imagine fresh Pesh from Bangladesh having to knock on your door to enquire as to the whereabouts of his pride and joy, the cunt

Nominated by: Fuglyucker

52 thoughts on “DIY Car Park

  1. First, cut out catalyst with angle grinder and sell to scrap yard – (don’t forget to wear baseball cap and spill egg down your vest)

    Buy it now auction on ebay motors : “Keys lost, log book misplaced, not reported stolen (yet) – buyer must collect car within 24 hours and trailer away £999 – no offers”
    Possession is 9/10th of the law and it’s on your property.
    Donate the £999 to Scope, mentally handicapped (get it?) charity and get a receipt.

    or get a sign made up and attached to the front of your house :-
    “Airport parking – £20/hr. If no valid ticket displayed, vehicle may be towed away and subject to £1000 fine per day”

    or even better ;
    Drain all coolant, transmission oil and engine oil. Put sump plugs back after stripping threads. Drain fuel tank and put into engine with bag of sugar. Bleed brake calipers and throw away bleed screws. Kink brake hoses.
    Cut suspension springs with angle grinder. Cut gas shocks. Epoxy resin door locks shut.
    Paint brake fluid over bonnet “CUNT” Etch all windows with a dremel “CUNT”
    Don’t waste time letting down tyres – drill a hole through the rear of each alloy wheel and watch him try to figure out why he cant re-inflate his tyres.

    Wanker !

    • Dear Lord of the Rings,

      Truly inspired.
      Concerning the tyres, you forgot to add lock-tite to the wheel nuts and then over torque them or better still get the MIG/TIG welder out and weld the wheel nuts to the studs. That way the whole axle has to be replaced.
      Don’t forget to splash a few pints of whole milk in the upholstery via a hole in the sunroof. So the smell will be rancid after a day or two.

  2. The milk one is a good un,, but pour it into the vent intakes, that putrid rank smell will be permanent, super glue the valve caps on. after deflating the tyres but leave enough air in em so the cunt can get it off your drive.
    If your going to get serious,, a small 0.6 mm drill hole on all plastic light lenses near the top of the lens. lenses are fucking expensive, and the cunt is too tight to pay for parking will mist and hit the cunts wallet later.
    Super glue in the top of door gaps so the seals are ripped to shit.
    and a few YOU Park LIke A cunt stickers all over the motor.
    Also brush some valve grinding paste onto the brake disks through the rims.

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