Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Have I Got News For You. (HIGNFY)

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I would like to nominate Al-BBC staple Have I Got News for You for a cunt-therapy session. Therapy for my benefit of course, not fucking theirs.

Not only has this satirical cuntfest gone well past its sell-by date, it has fermented into an unrecognisable, putrid mass in the fridge crisper. Choice vegetables of course in this salad o’shite being Ian Hislop, Paul Merton and whichever liberal elite comedians happen to be out-cunting themselves each week as the ‘guest’ hosts.

Confession time – back in the 90s, I used like this show. I remember Paula Yates and Piers Morgan on respective episodes getting a good old cunting. That Bruce Forsyth terrorist card game was funny. The William Shatner one wasn’t bad. But the show is now just a sorry fucking self-parody tribute act. What is worse, is that like anything from the Al-BBC post 2008, it has been infested with divisive neo-lib rhetoric and goes hand-in-hand with the very fucking worst dregs you find nodding sagely to Polly Toynbee columns in the Guardian.

The political agenda is barely concealed – all parties might be mocked but it is evident where the bread is buttered by noting who gets a real kicking. Unsurprisingly, plenty of pro-EU/anti-Trump/pro-immigration bollocks can be heard within each episode; topped off with the crowd of blue-haired quinola-scoffing hemp-wanking fucktards in the audience, who have taken to cheering anything pro-EU.

I no longer watch this shitfest, but in a moment of ill-judged stupidity I tuned in for the 2017 post-election special. What a fucking monumental mistake that was. Leading the charge as host was Jo Brand: a perfect fucking encapsulation for what the corporation champions as a box-ticking ‘comedian’ and amazingly, not even the most unfunny cunt with that surname. Ian Hislop as ever doing his indignant lectures that were once cutting and revealing, but are now just dull rambling speeches into cuntdom, delivered with a constantly bemused face which is so delightfully punchable – his head is increasingly resembling a cancerous potato. Central to the shit-mix is Paul Merton, who once upon a time at least had irreverent timing and wit, now reduced to a randomly barking shitheel whose outbursts are neither funny nor indeed fucking relevant. Guests this episode were Alan Johnson – a fucking member right down to his own surname – and Ross Noble, a truly unfunny rambling fucker whose head and sigmoid colon make a perfect geometric fit.

To be fair, HIGNFY is far from the only show that has been politicised beyond any humour; but it is one of the worst and most dramatic examples of right-on hijacking that I can think of. Plus, the ‘guest’ host list could be worthy of a cunting all on its own. A special place in cunting hell is reserved for the likes of Victoria Coren-Mitchell, her chinless fucking husband David, Alexander Armstrong, Miranda Hart and fucking Eddie ‘Top Cunt’ Izzard. Every single one of these bastards boils my piss into supercritical steam.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back.

Stephen Gilbert

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Speaking of obnoxious Lib Dems, Stephen Gilbert a former MP for Newquay and St Austell deserves a cunting.

Recently, Gilbert went onto Facebook and launched into a rant against everyone who voted to leave the EU. Like all butt hurt liberals and Remainers, he’s completely incapable of arguing with facts and logic, so he followed standard butt hurt procedure and posted a picture of an EU flag with one of the stars as a tear, below which he wrote: “F***wits the lot of ‘em. From Great Britain to irrelevant England in 24 hours. Now, how do you claim refugee status?”

Gilbert first became MP for Newquay and St Austell in 2010 with a majority of 1,312, clearly very popular. He lost his seat to the Tory candidate back in 2015 and apparently, has spent the past two years training to be a teacher. With his attitude though, I wouldn’t want him within 30 miles of my daughter’s school. He has one big problem in his quest for re-election. The constituency of Newquay and St Austell voted Leave by a margin of 64%.

So basically, this far left Farron fucktard is asking people he has badly insulted to send him back to Westminster. Seems a pretty dumb thing to do if you ask me. Then again, we all know that Lib Dems are hardly rocket scientists. If I was a voter there, I would have given him an unambiguous FUCK OFF!  (Ed:  The electorate there did just that).

In one rant, he has insulted 17.4 million British people and proven once again that the Lib Dems are not a party for Britain, they are traitorous, pro-EU, pro-immigrant, anti-British, democracy hating cunts.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw.

Counselling

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I would like to nominate “counselling” and “counsellers”. What a load of mumbo jumbo fucking soft as shit fucking bollocks. I’ve been through a couple of ” traumas” in my life and both times I was offered “counselling”. Oh just fuck off. I don’t need a complete stranger telling me how I am supposed to feel. I don’t need some know it all cunt telling me it’s ok to show emotions.

Borough Market reopened just recently and the traders and workers are being offered the New Religion. Never mind that they’ve been terrorised by fucking goatshaggers, don’t worry about all the money they’ve lost…..just give them some sandal wearing soft cunt and his happy clappy bullshit. Fucking marvellous.

Am I the only one who has noticed that our rulers, including the Royal Ponces, have been encouraging us to recognise that we might be mentally ill, depressed and it’s ok to cry?

Of course we are depressed you cunts!! We are being fucked up the arse by rich cunts, foreign cunts, fucking religious nutty cunts, telly cunts and shitarse politician cunts. The answer is not fucking happy clappy counselling bollocks…….it’s bricks, petrol bombs and blood on the streets. Yes, I’m angry and I’m getting fucking angrier by the day!

Counselling is just another modern religion and counsellors are just 21st century witch doctors. All designed to disguise the obvious fact that the world is shit and then you die. Nothing else to say except stick it up your bumhole you muggy cunts.

Nominated by Freddie The Frog.

George Osborne (9)

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I feel sorry for George Osborne. No really I do! It must be terribly hard holding down all those highly paid jobs and finding the time to slag off Theresa May!

Now May might have fucked up big time by screwing up a election she should never have called in the first place, but George seems to have forgotten all about his 7 years as Chancellor. He seems to have forgotten all about Project Fear. He seems to have conveniently forgotten about the post referendum emergency budget he promised us and never carried out.

No, George just wants to behave like a spoilt petulant brat unable to accept that losing his job was pretty much all down to himself fucking up big time and that the austerity everyone voted against was the austerity he introduced as Chancellor.

Easier to turn on the very party you helped to lead and bitch on about the woman who sacked you than to admit that you’re a 100% 24 carat solid gold fuck up, eh George?..

Nominated by Dioclese.

Precocious Brats

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Precocious Brats need a cunting. There is an article on the BBC website recently about an 11 year old girl who complained about the collective punishment of her class for one kids behaviour by describing this as a war crime under the Geneva Convention. Instead of being told to shut up until she has tits, she is now being hailed by some as a great thinker and being promised a years worth of icecream. Jesus wept. You dread to think what this is going to grow into.

Nominated by Mary Hinge.