Christmas In September

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Compliments of the season to everyone.

Don’t you just love Christmas? Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose…

Er hang on, it’s only the middle of September. Be that as it may, the shelves of my local supermarket are already bulging under the strain of Christmas puds, wrapping paper, selection boxes and mince pies. Charity letters extorting (sorry exhorting) us to ‘think of those less fortunate than ourselves at this time of year’ are dropping through my letterbox like dead flies. Caterers are urging us to make our Christmas meal reservation NOW. Any day now, you’ll be flattened by a barrage of adverts which will hit you with all the subtlety of a brick behind the ear, aimed at twisting your arm into ‘showing how much you love them’ by laying out on that smart phone or playstation for JUST 299.99. I bet you just can’t wait to walk into any shop and find they’ve got THAT cd on, the one with ‘Simply Having A Wonderful fucking Christmas Time’ and all that other shite on it. I know I can’t.

Welcome to Christmas in September. Yes, only a little over 100 shopping days left to go. From here on in, every business big or small, every corporate money making machine has but one goal, and that’s to part you from as much of your hard earned cash with as little effort and as much speed as is humanly possible. They desperately need our help in every boardroom in the country. They’ve got the size of shareholder dividends and fatcat bonuses to think about, poor buggers. So come on everyone, get out your credit cards and get those tills going; it’s the only bells they’re at all interested in hearing ring.

But don’t worry, don’t panic. You can have your tea before you rush out. The clocks don’t even go back for weeks yet. If you miss Christmas in September, there’s always Christmas in October, then Christmas in November…

I would say roll on the 26th December, but then the fucking sales will be in full swing. Cunts.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Dead Pool [114]

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Congratulations to King Cunt who was the first to nominate possibly the oldest living performing singer Charles Aznavour.The French singing legend died today at 94 after an 85 year career in Music and Showbiz.

On to Deadpool 114

Here are the rules (pay special attention to the first one):

1. Nominate who you think is the next cunt on the way out. You can have up to five choices. List your nominations in the comments of this post. It’s the current Dead Pool. Comments not in this post (e.g. in the previous one or other posts) will be ignored!

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and we start again. Of course, you can always be a really annoying cunt and steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the previous pool (like Black and White Cunt frequently does).

3. It actually has to be some newsworthy cunt that people have actually heard of!

Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.

Wiltshire Council

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Wiltshire Council are cunts.

Now, I grew up in Wiltshire (and as of the date of cunting (2nd September) I’m back there at the moment before starting my third year of university next week) and as I’ve mentioned on here a few times before my brother has severe autism (and yes, it’s a real thing and not just an excuse naughty kids use). As such, he goes to the special school in the next town over (we don’t have one in my town), which he not only loves going to but who have helped and are continuing to help him make a lot of progress towards becoming more independent.

Well, it turns out that Wiltshire fucking Council want to close the school, as well as the two other special schools in the county, in order to create one big ‘super school’ because it costs less money than ponying up the funding for the extra staff and resources required to keep the existing schools open in the face of an increase in pupils. Oh yeah, because closing down schools which contain disabled kids who can’t cope with change where said kids know the staff really well in favour of a far bigger, more unfamiliar setting where the staff won’t be able to give as much time to helping each individual child develop as they currently do, whilst in the process pissing off the vast majority of the families of these kids is totally a good idea.

This isn’t the first time Wiltshire Council have fucked the people of this county over either – I could give a laundry list of examples, but if I did then this cunting would turn into War and bloody Peace. I know this may sound like I’m an entitled cunt bitching just because it affects a member of my family, but trust me – if you lived here, you would know exactly how bad the cunts are.

Nominated by OpinionatedCunt

Women Who Aren’t

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For Christs sake, Homosexual Pride really brings out the exhibitionist fruitcake cunts, doesn’t it. Take a look at this *woman* (?), marrying her same sex partner.

Is this demented old cunt really a woman, or is there a dick hanging down amongst what looks like the result of digging Dame Barbara Cartload up several years after her death (unlike that fucking daft organisation NICE National Institute For Clinical Excellence which should be cunted every day, honey didn’t save her in the end – NICE thinks thats all you need for a cold.

I digress, what Stagecoach are doing appeasing this vacuous looking arsehole with a rainbow bus (which doubtless the residents of Manchester will pay for in increased fares), to take it to it’s wedding, I am at a loss to explain. Brian Souter must be turning in his grave, if the greedy old fucker is already in it, if he is not, I am sure, to quote one of my esteemed fellow cunters on this site, his piss must be boiling.

What is wrong with this decrepit country?. Why must we appease every freak that crawls out of the woodwork.

Nominated by W.C.Boggs

The French [3]

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EMERGENCY cunting for French “authorities.”

Apparently, they are insisting the luscious Marine Le Pen undergoes psychiatric “evaluation.”…

Why ?? Because she DARED to post images of DAESH executions on her website.

The Frogs really are the most cheesy appeasers. Snail-eating toerags.

Nominated by HBelindaHubbard