Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Emma Thompson [5]

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May I take this opportunity to nominate a timely re-cunting of the ‘fragrant ‘ and flagrantly narcissistic Emma Thompson . I am affronted that there exists a strata in society of pompous , pampered and arrogant dick-heads as exemplified by said thespian.

She seems to believe that she is doing us all a favour by enduring the privations of living in this drab, grey, cake obsessed country so that she can bestow her largesse in emerging from her gilded cage in order to sprinkle stardust on us bottom feeding plebs who she so clearly despises.

In order to achieve the aim of brightening our humdrum lives she has foisted upon us , in the past , a deeply unfunny and lamentably formulaic shite laden self -publicising TV series and even more blameworthy, if that were possible appeared in that execrable load of twat , the bore-a-thon Bridget Jones cuntfest, a (cunt word) franchise that celebrates the cuteness of menstrual, self-obsessed , cock lusting harridans.It’s enough to make one a dyed in the wool misogynist.

I love the female form in its various manifestations, but to combine moderate good looks with overwhelming cuntitude is a cruel joke. Run Kenneth run…

Nominated by: Simon deCuntford

Gogglebox

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A fucking TV show where people watch people watching TV and talking about it.

Seriously? this is how dumb the masses are these days? what next Googlebox where people watch other people searching Google on TV.

Fuck me does this planet need another black death or plague to thin the herd!

Nominated by: Boaby

Walkers Crisps

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Walkers Crisps deserve a cunting.

Not content with employing that Grand Master of Cuntitude, Lineker, to advertise their shit crisps,they have announced a 10% price rise due to Brexit! They say that exchange rate fluctuations are to blame,even though the potatoes are grown and crisps produced in the Uk.

Considering that the bags are 90% air,perhaps they could save their “increased costs” by getting some cunt to squeeze some of the air out before sealing. Or,better still,sack that bell end Lineker. Their crisps would still be shit,but I’d buy a bag just to say thanks for getting rid of him.

Nominated by: Dick Fiddler

Dale Carnegie

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Alas this is the way of things. The cunts at our gaff go on them and one course is £3,000 a pop (I shit you not), this Dale Carnegie shite where they learn to be more confident about themselves and give them confidence to chair meetings, give talks, speeches, etc.

They come back brimming with confidence and within 5mins I have the cunts in a pool of dribbling mess. What a waste of money!

As a contractor I am exempt from such bullshit but if the cunts were to send me on one I’d have Carnegie himself reaching for the valium & vodka solution within 10mins!

Hey cunts, ever heard of “common sense”? Works for me every time and for whatever shit life throws at me. Maybe you should have gone on the Dale Carnegie course for the hard of understanding, you cunts!

Nominated by: Rebel without a Cunt!

No smoking in pubs

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I don’t even smoke, it’s just depressing to see smokers being forced out in the rain standing around looking miserable just so they can have a quick fag. Worse, they make a right mess outside with their discarded ciggy butts; it would be much safer and cleaner allowing them to smoke indoors.

Why not be sensible and have separate “smoking” and “non-smoking” areas in pubs, or even separate smoker’s pubs? Imposing a blanket ban is dictatorial and unnecessary.

Nominated by: Colin Murray’s Brain