Now I’m no Grinch. I love a good a piss up as much as the next man. Even if the next man happens to be Oliver Reed, Peter O’Toole, Richard Harris or George Best, (may they all rest in glorious peace). But there comes a time when you have to stand up and say enough is fucking enough. As I type this, the time is; 00:10, 6/11/16. At approximately 23:55 on 05/11/16, I saw my first Christmas advert from one of the big stores.
Do you know what my overriding memory of LAST Christmas was? Standing in a queue at Debenhams in Manchester City centre, behind a woman who smelled as though she hadn’t bathed/showered for at least a month. And this was around 20th of December 2015, and it was pretty fucking cold, so you could probably add another month to my estimate. I would have walked away, but I really wanted my jar of boiled sweets. Along with excessive alcohol consumption, they’re the only thing that keep me sane.
I quite like the Christmas market we get every year. The giant bratwurst hotdogs bring great memories of being stationed in Germany. What I absolutely hate, is the recent tradition of the likes of John Lewis, Debenhams etcetera, doing these “tear jerking” adverts. I mean fuck……off! I will not be opening my wallet in your stores because you show an advert in which a paedo on the moon is spying on a young girl. In my view, Christmas is from the 14th December to the 26th, then it’s over for another year, and I can begin planning the fucking awesome New Year party for my mates, in my Man Cave.
Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw
