Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Harry Potter

Posted on by

harry

Harry Potter movies are the biggest pile of cheesy cack on the face of the Earth. I wouldn’t mind but Sky insist on devoting an entire channel to them every time the school holidays come around – which means every other week or so.

I’ve never read the books but judging by the quality of the films it’s hard to believe Rowling got as much money as she did for writing them

Ah well, there’s no accounting for taste I suppose – or lack thereof as is the case here.?

Nominated by: Colin Murray’s Brain

In the follow up series, Harry’s kids go to Hogwarts, they don’t have any houses for the students to join like Griffindor or Slitherin – to give them a sense of fraternity – no they all get together in a one size fits all group.

They don’t do spells anymore because Health & Safety say that’s too dangerous, instead they post things on SpellBook where it’s one tap of a wand to like it.

They don’t play Quidditch either for the same reason, opting for a communal game of roll the soft ball along the floor instead (where every gets a star for just turning up).

Readers familiar with the series will also notice that Hogwarts no longer bares any resemblance to the Hogwarts of old any more as a mass of characters from Terry Pratchet’s Disc World have now taking up residency there courtesy of the free movement of magic agreement.

The first 3 parts have alread been penned with movies shortly to follow:

1. Harry Potter Jnr and the Transgender witch (or is it warlock) conundrum.

2. Harry Potter Jnr and the mysterious SpellBook dislike.

3. Harry Potter Jnr and the muggle lives matter SJW.

Casting begins early next year with Harry being played by Idris Elba, young Harry junior by Jaden Smith with the main baddy reportedly to be played by the affable Hugh Bonnaville.

Nominated by: Rebel without a Cunt!

Baronness Jenny Tonge

Posted on by

tonge_1

Baronness Jenny Tonge is a jew hating Hamas loving cunt who has been suspended from the lib dems for hosting a lords event and sitting by silently whilst attendees accused the Jews of antagonising the Germans during WW2. What a rancid cunt.

Labour have previously said she would be welcome in the party under comrade Corbyn. Why does that not surprise me? She was recently campaigning for the lib dems in Richmond Park so hopefully that has fucked their chances!

Nominated by: Shaun of the Dead 69

Skip parasites

Posted on by

the-world_s-top-10-best-things-made-with-refuse-skips-9

Skip parasites are cunts… There are two types of skip parasite… One is the neighbour who doesn’t give you the time of day for most of the year, yet when you hire a skip to clear out some crap the smarmy cunt will come on all nicey nice and say ‘Oh, I’ve got this tree… I’ve got this car bumper etc…’ And they suddenly know you exist just so they can put their crap in a skip that you paid good money for… Fucking two-faced leeching scum cunts…

The other variety of parasite is the thieving scum who will shamelessly park outside your house in broad daylight and ferret through what you have thrown away… I caught one daft bitch doing this and nicking rolls of discarded wallpaper… She came out with all this hippy bollocks, ‘Hey! You don’t want it… Why can’t I have it?…’ I told the horrible slag that she didn’t pay for it and that I would whack her with said wallpaper roll if she didn’t fuck off pronto… No doubt about it, Skips attract right cunts…

Nominated by: Norman

Anthropomorphic global warming

Posted on by

I’m cunting man made global warming.

Trump doesn’t believe in it.
And the crazy fucker is correct.

I have a degree in earth science and a masters in climatology.
Just so u know that I’m not just spouting.
I got these under my belt prior to the religion of global warming being the new Islam.

It’s an industry.
Scientists who sign up get lucrative grants and new jobs.
Scientists who disagree get finished.

The world is still pulling out of the last ice age and temps are expected to rise, as they are.
They are abusing this fact.

I’ll keep it simple but the warming lobby tell you that carbon dioxide is causing the planet to warm to a level where we will be generally flooded in 50 years.
That this CO2 is produced by us burning fossil fuels. Material that is naturally on this planet.

The amount of CO2 which Mount St. Helens blew out over 2 days when it blew in the early 80’s is
more than the industrialised world has exhaled in the last 30 years.

You think the earth would rig up a system whereby it’s natural exhaust gas would render all life impossible?

I went to a lecture last year where I actually heard an advocate of warming say that when the temp reaches a certain level, plants will reverse and start to breath in oxygen and breath out CO2 and destroy the planet.
Utter lunacy.

I did my degree 20 years ago before the thought nazis took hold.
They still told us that in 20 years, London, Holland and Maldives would be under water.
Result- no sea level rise.
Then they said it would flood the Maldives but not rise in Europe till later.
Gibberish as a connected body of water will rise universally.

Told us ice caps would all be gone-
Northern ice caps reached a 50 year high last winter.

Man made global warming is an industry which off shoots globalisation.
And it will die with the death of its master.

Nominated by: Lord Ferrigno

Noddy Holder’s Christmas song

Posted on by

This is the Dioclese 2016 Christmas song – one I’ve been hating for years – so fair game for a right cunting. Even Noddy Holder hates this fucking song but in fairness did add ‘…but it makes a bloody good pension fund!’

So here it is – ‘Merry Bloody Christmas Everybody’. The lyrics as cynical and bastardised as they could possible be, summing up not just that Christmas is a cunt but that fucking Christmas music is an even bigger cunt!

Nominated by: Dioclese