I would like to cunt quidditch – not the game in the Harry Potter films but the ‘sport’ played in the real world by cunts.

It has its own official rulebook a world cup and a UK premier league is about to start up. The game is non contact and mixed gender so ideal for student types.

It’s another way for snowflakes to escape the awful world they find themselves living in. What better way to forget Brexit and The Trump than to run around with a broomstick wedged between your arse cheeks.

Wikipedia have a page on it if you can be arsed.

The tidal wave of cuntishness continues.

Nominated by: Mahatma Koat

Harry Potter


Harry Potter movies are the biggest pile of cheesy cack on the face of the Earth. I wouldn’t mind but Sky insist on devoting an entire channel to them every time the school holidays come around – which means every other week or so.

I’ve never read the books but judging by the quality of the films it’s hard to believe Rowling got as much money as she did for writing them

Ah well, there’s no accounting for taste I suppose – or lack thereof as is the case here.?

Nominated by: Colin Murray’s Brain

In the follow up series, Harry’s kids go to Hogwarts, they don’t have any houses for the students to join like Griffindor or Slitherin – to give them a sense of fraternity – no they all get together in a one size fits all group.

They don’t do spells anymore because Health & Safety say that’s too dangerous, instead they post things on SpellBook where it’s one tap of a wand to like it.

They don’t play Quidditch either for the same reason, opting for a communal game of roll the soft ball along the floor instead (where every gets a star for just turning up).

Readers familiar with the series will also notice that Hogwarts no longer bares any resemblance to the Hogwarts of old any more as a mass of characters from Terry Pratchet’s Disc World have now taking up residency there courtesy of the free movement of magic agreement.

The first 3 parts have alread been penned with movies shortly to follow:

1. Harry Potter Jnr and the Transgender witch (or is it warlock) conundrum.

2. Harry Potter Jnr and the mysterious SpellBook dislike.

3. Harry Potter Jnr and the muggle lives matter SJW.

Casting begins early next year with Harry being played by Idris Elba, young Harry junior by Jaden Smith with the main baddy reportedly to be played by the affable Hugh Bonnaville.

Nominated by: Rebel without a Cunt!