Harry Potter


Harry Potter movies are the biggest pile of cheesy cack on the face of the Earth. I wouldn’t mind but Sky insist on devoting an entire channel to them every time the school holidays come around – which means every other week or so.

I’ve never read the books but judging by the quality of the films it’s hard to believe Rowling got as much money as she did for writing them

Ah well, there’s no accounting for taste I suppose – or lack thereof as is the case here.?

Nominated by: Colin Murray’s Brain

In the follow up series, Harry’s kids go to Hogwarts, they don’t have any houses for the students to join like Griffindor or Slitherin – to give them a sense of fraternity – no they all get together in a one size fits all group.

They don’t do spells anymore because Health & Safety say that’s too dangerous, instead they post things on SpellBook where it’s one tap of a wand to like it.

They don’t play Quidditch either for the same reason, opting for a communal game of roll the soft ball along the floor instead (where every gets a star for just turning up).

Readers familiar with the series will also notice that Hogwarts no longer bares any resemblance to the Hogwarts of old any more as a mass of characters from Terry Pratchet’s Disc World have now taking up residency there courtesy of the free movement of magic agreement.

The first 3 parts have alread been penned with movies shortly to follow:

1. Harry Potter Jnr and the Transgender witch (or is it warlock) conundrum.

2. Harry Potter Jnr and the mysterious SpellBook dislike.

3. Harry Potter Jnr and the muggle lives matter SJW.

Casting begins early next year with Harry being played by Idris Elba, young Harry junior by Jaden Smith with the main baddy reportedly to be played by the affable Hugh Bonnaville.

Nominated by: Rebel without a Cunt!

50 thoughts on “Harry Potter

  1. The Harry Potter films are the biggest load of anti-working class shite…
    That Rowling bint saying ‘everyone (as in auditions) has a chance to be Harry Potter’…
    That’s why all the ‘stars’ were brats from rich and privileged backgrounds, with either rich parents or rich showbiz agent parents… Whether it’s that Radcliffe knobend, that ginger cunt, that overhyped taxdodger Watson, that Hitler Youth look-alike cunt…They’re all from the same posh parts of London… Then there’s the story itself… Lovely well spoken Harry Potter lives with his horrible, fat and dreadfully working class relatives in a horrid working class house, and the nasty working class oafs who lock him in a cupboard… Until he goes to Cuntworts and teams up with all the other posho girly swot arselick cunts…. And those stupid fucking spells in it… Crap like ‘Cuntdenum Bollockso!’ and ‘Knobendum Referendum!’ It’s Just Eton with wands and a total load of bolllocks….

    • Not that keen on the boy Wiz then Norman? you are not the only one mate. Fucking cuntery of the higest order.

      • Not to mention the several vintage Ford Anglias that got trashed making the second film…

    • If Harry Potter had been at my school, he would have been known as “that speccy cunt”.

    • I thought these films had a very middle class sensibility as well ,it all seems to be about escaping to another world,like these cunts lives are so fucking awful anyway! I walked home from work today and there were two beardy cunts who looked well into their thirties walking ahead and they were wetting themselves because they were going on a Harry Potter tour this weekend! How I kept quiet I don’t know. This fucking “kidult”stuff gives me the fucking creeps

      • The only thing I’ve ever enjoyed Emma Watson in was those paparazzi upskirt shots which revealed a natural bush beneath see-through knickers.

  2. I’ve only seen half of the first film, but from what I’ve been told that means I’ve seen them all.
    Described by my pal who had to take his kids to the first two as repetitive cunt rot.

    Any adult male who is a Harry Potter fan is a pansy cunt…especially those cunts who supposedly put a dust jacket from a different novel over a Potter book….

  3. Have had the distinction orf appearing in one orf the shite flics. No idea which one other than it had that wheezing cunt Robbie Coltrane in it. When my distinguished personage is requested I just turn up, trouser as much overtime as I can then fuck orf again. Who what or where is immaterial.
    Point is yours truly was required to prostitute ones art by fannying around some appalling lumps of polystyrene stuck in a field. Scenic creations not seen since the early days orf Star Trek or Doctor Who. When questioned about the crap scenery the army of assistant directors had but one stock response “They’ll sort it out in Post”.
    They never do and that is why the entire franchise looks so crapola orn the screen.

      • Oooh you bitch. Rather too fishy for a Stoke. Actually t’was me old mate Andy Serkis who makes a very nice little earner oit orf digital capture/green screen roles. Cornered the market. Looks a right cunt in the flesh.

  4. Every time I’ve seen a screen shot of any movie Daniel Radcliffe has been , it looks to me as if he’s holding in a shite.
    Never seen any potoshite filum and count myself lucky that my daughter ignored them.

    Heard last week that J K Howling was a billionaire AGAIN. …………….

    • That would be the socially conscious and liberal billionaire JK Rowling (in money)?

      Easy to have a social conscience when you’re minted!

  5. Never seen or read any of this childish shite. Filed it as trendy hippy crap along the lines of Lord of the Ringpieces.
    Did try to read one of her books – the Casual Vacancy. Utter crap. She also has some detective thing which is just as unreadable.

  6. I thought of a few parody titles come up with your own and add to the list punters
    Harry Pothead and the Deadly Munchies

    Harry Prickcheese: Dumbeldore gave me aids and my journey for the cure (or how I stopped worrying about the cure and started infecting others)

    Harry Prodigy and the Goblet of Firestarter!

    • Harry potter and the biggest pile of shite franchise……..

      Sorry Titslapper, that’s all i could come up with………

    • Harry Potter and the I’m a Celebrity Eviction.

      Harry Potter and the Deathly Silence…following Brexit.

      Dennis Potter and the Edgy 50’s Based Play (which turns out to be shit anyway but with Daniel Radcliffe in it)!

      Harry Potter and the Half Man/Woman Prince/Princess.

      Harry Potter and the “Black lives matter, in’it! So why ain’t their no black main characters in’it!”

      Harry Potter, Beatrix Potter, Dennis Potter and the Pot to Piss in.

      Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Strangeways Playing Xbox.

      Harry Potter and the Chamber of Hilary’s Secrets.

  7. J K howling is always portrayed as a poor single mother, struggling to give her kids a life, before the money came.
    There is even a movie about her “struggle”.
    What i don’t understand is how a single mother managed to uproot her kids and move to Edinburgh.
    Its not cheap to move there, and when she did, she seemed to spend all day in a cafe writing that tat.
    So obviously there was no job seeking. Either she had financial backing or she claimed dole when she was supping coffee and sitting in a chair that would later sell for thousands at auction.
    A fucking coffee shop chair i ask you ?

    • The spelling of her name is genderfluid thats another reason she sold her books so well. Like I mentioned in earlier HP cuntings shes a fantasy folklore thief many have done it much better and more faithful to the genre. Regardless of differing opinions her book promotes elitism, communism and lower level witchcraft

      • It must be quite easy to write a story, when no matter how much peril the good guys are in, a magic spell can make everything rosy again………….

  8. I would like to nominate Laurie Penny for a cunting. I was going to reply in the Skip Parasites thread but thought she deserved a cunting in her own right.

    For an Oxford educated individual she is as thick as an uncut loaf! Usual adage applies: more degrees than a thermometer and not an ounce of common sense!

    Usual “…immigrants are a net benefit to the UK economy…”.

    Yes Laurie, yes they are, paying taxes into our economy to the sum of millions right now.

    Alas, what no cunt then follows up with is the fact that those moneys “now” do not pay for houses, schools and hospitals “now” and the more it exacerbates the worse it’s going to get and impact more and more on the services available to everyone, which – unfortunately – includes those folk who were actually born and bred here (as much as that group is despised in this country these days).

    It’s virtue signalling cunts like her and her ilk which genuinely makes me feel unwanted in my own fucking country for fuck’s sake!

    Also, when free movement of trade is mentioned, why does no cunt ever ask what the figures are, ratio wise, between the UK and the rest of the EU?

    I bet it’s pretty much 1:1 for France, Germany, etc., the western European states. But I bet it’s 10,000:1 for the former eastern block/soviet states.

    So Laurie Penny, you explain to me how the disparity of numbers IN Vs OUT is even remotely fair YOU CUNT!

    • ….. and the cheeky Cunt on Question Time last night … it was pointed out the sharp increase in ‘immigration’ to the UK since the 23rd June ( I was going to refer to it as B’ Day .. but that certainly doesn’t sound right ) … and she sniped ..” The people that voted for Brexit should have thought of that when they voted.”.., blaming the sudden increase on them.

      What an ignorant Cunt …. the people that voted Brexit were thinking EXACTLY that, but only to put an end to (uncontrolled) immigration full stop.
      I hadn’t a clue who she was until last night, and as always, when the panel is introduced I wonder to myself ..’Who’s going to be the biggest Cunt’ … the minute she opened her mouth .. Bingo !

      • I too was happily ignorant of this cunt until last nights QT. Every week I know I am going to get pissed off by the panel but still watch it. Makes me a cunt I suppose.
        Anyway Penny was/is a typical Brexit is to blame for everything cunt who came out with the same old tired rhetoric. Leavers didn’t know what they were doing, were lied to etc, etc.
        How is it that the majority voted for leave yet the “balanced” QT audience seem full of remoaners and leftist cunts. Balance and the ABBC ? We will wait a long time for that.

  9. I would prefer to read fly fishing by j,r, hartly,and i would defo prefer lolita,by vladimir,nabokov,and of course how to fucking spell ,by h,smith,because my fucking spelling is a fucking shite.

  10. I’m happy to say I’ve not read one of her books or seen any of the films. Children’s fantasy stories aren’t my thing. I’ll be acquiring a few DVDs to get me over christmas and most of them will be rated 18.

  11. Looks like that spell for making some cunts legs disappear works tho….

    “Oscarius pistorious”…

  12. How much more money does Howling need ?
    Umpteen Potter books and filums, a filum about her writing the Potter filums, some non fantasy book, Potter again, this time on the stage, merchandise from the filums and now a prequel.
    Hopefully she will fall for a Nigerian phone scam soon and lose the lot.

    Ugly, ferret faced, saggy titted witch…………….

    While i was writing this, Blobbie Walliams has been on telly telling a Spanish reporter that he’d rather not say if he preferred Trump or Clinton.
    Little shitebag…………….

    • I reckon that when you have more money than God it’s all about the continued need for fame, recognition and adulation.

      I’ll take the fortune….but not the fame, fuck that…..

  13. Witch craft plain and simple,witch craft dressed up as fun,the book should be banned and people found to have read the book should be a burnt at the stake as to cleanse their souls,i suggest punishment should be carried out in public view,now then its known that sandi toksvic has read book and watched one of the film,she should be executed and made an example of ,fairs fair,many thanks,ANDZ.

    • I’ve had that cunt Toksvig (spell check stayed silent there) in my sights, ever since no 73.
      A Saturday morning programme that was on when i was about ten.
      I don’t know if that means that Tojsvig is a super duper mega cunt, or i was just a little psycho.

      Probably both………

      • What ever her name is bird,the one who cavorts with claire balding,can you picture it them 2 together in stockings both lay on silk sheets,rolling on top of each other,each one caressing the other,with barry white singing in the background.

      • I thought sandi toksvig was clive anderson in drag. never saw them on the same shows even though they were big in the nineties. Always assumed the name sandi toksvig was a clever anagram for something revealing too, maybe i have read too many conspiracy theories.

  14. The fucking films are for kids for fuck sake, What do you do , roll up your caks legs and put on your old blazer.? I don’t watch childrens films ,they are childish by nature ,I expect some cunt will be cunting childrens Tv next.
    Christ in the laundrette ,desperate cuntings.

    • Parents take their children to see them, which means they have to sit through them as well. The vast amounts of “cash for old rope” that J K Rowling gets, coupled with the shite that falls out of her mouth, is probably one inspiration for this cunting. Just a guess…

      • Got your wish trouserbulge children tv shows are getting cunted remember thine ISA commandant “cunt not, lest he be cunted”

  15. I’ve never read any of Rowlings books,but if they can encourage kids to actually pick up a book,written in normal English,instead of “text-speak”,and put down their mobile phones and turn off their computers,I reckon that they’re a good thing.

    • True Dick Fiddler, but from what I’ve heard, the books are full of made up words………..

  16. Children’s TV is a cunt.
    Every show, the kids have more power and money than their parents.
    They never seem to be ten pence short for a pizza and their parents would probably need therapy if their poor darling were.
    They also teach the kids that the word “no” doesn’t exist, which is just setting the slick little fuckers up for a great fall………….

    Children’s TV is definitely a cunt…………

    • Three things stand out about children’s TV from when I was a kid…

      Tom And Jerry beating the crap out of each other.
      Gerry Anderson and Derek Meddings blowing lots of shit up.
      Jon Pertwee as a Doctor Who that could throw a punch.

      …most everything else was lame even back then.

      • Jon Pertwee.

        When i cant think of anything to do, i go on YouTube and watch some Worzel Gummidge.
        Still hilarious and non pc…………

      • Loved Worzel, and Una Stubbs was superb as the sadistic Aunt Sally… Always fancied her when she was Rita in Till Death Us Do Part…

        Pertwee was a great Doctor as well… Out of the modern lot only Eccleston comes remotely near the classic first four of Hartnell, Troughton, Pertwee and Tom Baker..

      • Kids TV when I was a young ‘un….

        Tiswas (and Sally James… Lovely)

        Swap Shop (a bonanza of cunts in Edmonds, Chegwin, Philbin, and Craven)

        Marc (Bolan’s TV show and his last appearances)

        Emu’s Broadcasting Company (much better and fun than the later Windmill/Grotbags/Brats shite that was on ITV)

        Bod (with Derek Griffiths cunting jazz soundtrack)

        Handful Of Songs (hippy cunts singing hippy bollocks)

        Loads of shite cartoons (Battle Of The Planets, Tarzan (Fucking McKeema!), Space Sentinels, Grape Ape etc)

        Pipkins (featuring smug and likeable grumpy cunt, Hartley Hare)

      • Marc Bolan’s TV show.

        I’ve seen some footage of it in a documentary.
        Fuck , did he look ill doing it.
        If that tree hadn’t got him , i reckon something else would have.

        I still think of Marc Bolan when i see a murderous Mini……….

      • The funny thing is he was terrified of driving, he hated it always preferring someone else to drive.

        Gloria jones sealed his fate the stupid sillys were loaded on wine Thats the price you pay when you drink and drive folks I liked T.rex but I really liked his earlier weird folk sound with Tyrannosaurus Rex

  17. Can I nominate NICK CLEGG maybe He’s been on before.He surely is the biggest CUNT this planet has ever produced. And now folks he’s back , insincerity pouring out of him .
    If I have to watch him on TV with his stupid little boy misunderstood act once more I’ll go MAD

    • he’s had 9 previous (well-deserved) cuntings going back to 2009
      use the search facility in the menu bar – and enjoy

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