Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

The humble tea bag

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PG Tips and Tetley are both utterly idiotic, lefty cunts.

I’ve just had to remake my cup of tea 4 times and boil the kettle twice just to make 1 cup.
Why?
Coz the fuckin bags keep splitting.

I just thought I had a bad batch but on further investigation I found out that the stupid deranged lefty cunts have removed all plastic from their bags and replaced it with (non waterproof) biodegradable tissue paper.

Has it not occurred to them that the plastic was in there for a fucking reason?

Well it was you cunts and now your tea bags are shite!

Pg tips is owned by unilever – Dutch cunts.
Tetley is owned by Tata – the shittest CAR company in the world. It’s fuckin Indian for crying out loud … the cunts can’t even DRIVE a car, let alone MAKE one …
And what the fuck is a CAR company doing trying to make fucking tea?!

The Americunts bought up our prestigious chocolate company, Cadburys … the inventors of chocolate … and then proceeded to fuck up all the recipes.
Apparently the Americans weren’t too keen on the taste and wanted it more like theirs.
Well FUCK YOU!!
If you don’t like it fuck off and make your own and stay away from our shit you cunts …
Anyway.
…. I digress.
(Sorry about that, this tea is weak so I’m getting stressed).

Unilever.
Tata.

HANDS OFF OUR FUCKING TEA ! ! !

Why don’t you just do the world a favour and go kill yourselves.
Some things piss me off.
Some things boil my piss.
BUT MESSING WITH MY TEA ….

*deep breath deep breath*

I’m switching to Yorkshire tea.
…though no doubt some Americunt or white flag waving fucking frog will come and buy that too.

CUNTS!

*sigh*
I need another cuppa but I don’t have the patience …

On further investigation I’ve just found out that all of this shit was started by a cunt called Michael Armitage, a CUNT … Sorry, GARDENER … from Wrexham.
Apparently they don’t biodegrade when you throw them on the compost heap …
DON’T THROW THEM ON THE FUCKING COMPOST HEAP THEN YOU TWAT.

230,000 cunts signed his petition ….

Unilever’s solution?
Non waterproof tea bags.

Seems the whole world is full to brim with cunts……….

Nominated by Deploy the sausage.

 

Philip Hammond (5)

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Hammond and his Treasury cronies are platinum, executive class, global ™ cunts.

Our strong and stable government has just sold 7.7% of its shares in RBS, at a loss to the taxpayer of £2 Billion. In April, RBS reported a profit for the first quarter of £792 Million. The mismatch between these figures is obvious. RBS, after all the problems arising from the fraudulent sale of worthless instruments leading to its financial collapse and its rescue by you and me, is now in profit. If the government retained its shares in RBS and collected the dividends on these, it could repay the loss to the taxpayer incurred in buying the shares in the first place, and maybe a little something extra to pay for the Forces, or infrastructure, or the NHS…and then if it liked, sell the shares at a price related to RBS’s recovery. But no. The government, incompetent in every department, has opted to return RBS to the private sector for what it can get, because private is good and public is bad. And it’s run out of money, again/still/for ever. And because the CEO is no longer content with being paid mere telephone numbers but wants a bigger slice.

Hey, cunts, RBS was completely restructured under public control, downsized drastically, and forced to pay gigantic sums of money to the US authorities (who are a lot harder on corporate fraud and malfeasance than our fluffy-gloved unregulators). But it worked! Now it’s back to business as usual, in profit, and likely to remain so.. And that without the government’s even bothering to get voting rights on the original share purchase! Pretty damn good for public.

So…It ain’t broken,we’re still out of pocket, let’s not wait to get paid back, but instead pay Morgan Stanley, Citigroup, Goldman Sachs and JPMorgan -all of them – an undisclosed wedge to lose this embarrassing success at a loss. (Not for the first time, either. The previous sale of shares in 2015 lost us another £2Bn)

If the global entrepreneurial types responsible for this crock of shit had appeared on Dragon’s Den, Shifty Sugar, the dodgy stereo king, would have told them to fuck off in short order. Your business plan is a load of old tut, and you are irredeemable, unqualified cunts.

Nominated by Komodo

Boris’s Barnet

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As the old crimper’s gag goes:

“ ‘Ere now I gotta wear a pair of knickers on me barnet”
“Why?”
“You’ve cut it like a cunt”

Thus hairstyle maketh the man. Point is this cozening cunt deliberately scruffs up his barnet for the camera. Must think it makes him look like a man orf the people, not the over privileged spawn orf Eton that he in fact is. However nothing can mask the beaky nose and the greedy rapacious eyes. “Me me first” Boris.

Blighty has a Foreign Secretary that looks like a shambling pervert and a demented hunch back Prime Minister from the Brothers Grimm, the Downing Street House of Horrors. Write your own cast list. Who needs Gun Boats when we have Boris to frighten the natives. Trouble is these days the natives just tell the dosser cunt to fuck off and do your flies up. As a diplomat (first requirement on the job description) he is a disaster and is rightly regarded as an international joke.

Recall those heady days after Cameron fucked himself for the leadership and Johnson and Gove knifed each other in the back to let May through. Much talk orf Johnson’s debating skills and speech making prowess. Transpires the cunt literally sounds like he is talking out of his arse – “Pop pop flubber flubber fluster oh shit yahoo raspberry”.

Puffing posturing cunt courts the media until one orf his regular cock-ups obliges him to hide his cowardly arse. Then he allegedly indulges in “extramarital adulterous liaisons”(quote courtesy the Appeal Court), love child ect ect until the all clear sounds. Perfect credentials to hold one orf the highest offices of state.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

 

John Cleese (alas)

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I would like to nominate John Cleese for a cunting. It saddens me to have to do this, because like a lot of people, I’m a big fan of Monty Python. However, it seems that age has turned a once funny man, into a petulant little twat. Prior to the vote on the amendment to the Data Protection Bill, Cleese tweeted that if the vote was lost, and the free press not shackled (he didn’t use those exact words), he would quit the UK, because he didn’t want to live in an England where “people live in fear of the Daily Mail”. Aww diddums. The fact is, the only people who really have anything to fear, from the Daily Mail or any other newspaper, are those who are doing something they shouldn’t. To grandly announce that you’ll quit the UK if the press isn’t subjected to ludicrously tighter controls, is a sure sign that you’re a cunt.

It remains to be seen whether Cleese will make good on his promise. Personally, I think he’ll do the same thing that all those US celebrities did, after threatening to leave the US if Donald Trump was elected President, nothing. Naturally, now the amendment has been voted out, people are starting to take the piss out of Cleese. And I’m afraid the only way he can avoid looking like the cunt he is, is to make good on his threat and fuck off. I suggest you try China, John, they hate the press over their. And Tai Chi is very good for people your age.

On a lighter note, I’m currently enjoying a glass of whiskey and a cigar, the thought of press hating cunts like Gary Lineker, Hugh Grant, Steve Coogan, Tom Watson, Ed Miliband, Max Moseley, etc, all frothing at the mouth because they have once again failed to have Sovietesque restraints placed on the press. Long may it continue. Incidentally, I forgot to add this in my Tom Watson/Ed Miliband nomination, but prior to the vote, Miliband disingenuously claimed in an interview that journalists had posed as medical staff in order to get information after the Manchester Arena attack. These allegations were investigated a while ago, and not a shred of evidence was found to support them. So fuck you Ed, you donkey toothed cunt.

Nominated by, Quick Draw McGraw

 

Miss America

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Well it’s finally happened, you can’t have women in bikinis in a beauty contest because it objectifies them. Can you fucking well believe the hypocrisy?

We all know where this is headed, next year it will be the hijab and the year after it will be the full yashmak.

Then we”ll get the blubbermensch,the trannies and the disfigured and before too long you’ll have the ultimate inclusive pageant.

That brings up the old joke :
Question : Did you see who won the “Miss Serbia” beauty contest last night?
Answer: Nobody, there wasn’t even a runner up

Nominated by Paul Ya Plonker