Dog bless him.
He can feel the Hell Hounds nipping at his ankles.
You heard it here first.
Fuck the minimum national wage, which cunt thought that one up?
I know it’s been around for a while, but surely it’s outlived it’s purpose now, and just become an excuse for bosses to seriously underpay people.
I often take offence at small things, but this is massive, demeaning, devalues skills and needs kicking into touch.
Nominated by: Jeezum Priest
Trying to find a decent non-woke programme on the BBC these days is like trying to find an honest politician.
Nevertheless, the wife pointed me in the direction of “The Repair Shop” and the current series (s8 I think). And oh my, what a wonderful programme it is!
It follows a familiar formula of people bringing in their old antiques and curios that are in need of desperate repair. Most of the punters just want to pass on these heirlooms to their kids, although one suspects the more attractive items may well end up at an auction site for a profit.
The craftsmanship for each item is absolutely spot on, and it is a pity the show isn’t a little longer because it really is quite fascinating watching these genuine experts repair all sorts of antiques, paintings, clocks, watches and soft toys.
But there is one weakest link, and that’s the “presenter”, Jay Blades.
He walks around the repair shop like a clueless foreman, pretending to be interested in the items and what they mean to the punters, but in reality is more bothered about making sure the job gets done on his watch!
He wears a leather apron, and drinks copious amounts of tea in a mug (which seems appropriate); and puts on a rather bogus Cockney accent, as if he’s one of the lads.
But in essence like most foreman, he does fuck all throughout most of the show. It’s only when the punters come to collect their repaired antiques does this cunt turn up trying to look interested, while at the same time having the balls to put his hand out in the hope the punter will shake it as a measure of appreciation for his involvement – all 6 buckets of fuck all to be precise!
Take that cunt out of the equation and this show would be 10/10, and worthy of a small chunk of my licence fee. But as it is, this cunt is like a dollop of horse shit you’ve just driven over in your car, and sticks with you like a bad smell for the rest of the journey.
Cunt!
Nominated by: Technocunt
Congrats to Captain Quimson for correctly predicting the next famous person to pass away would be Geoffrey Chater.
Geoff reached the grand old age of 100. With an acting career which started in the ’50s, he had roles in some top films and telly, including Gandhi, Dad’s Army, Shelley, Tales of the Unexpected and some Harry Enfield sketch shows. So well done, Geoff. Rest in peace, matey.
On to Dead Pool 225.
You know the rules, but just in case:
1) Pick 5 famous cunts you think will be next to expire. No duplicates. It’s first come, first served but you can always be a cunt and steal someone else’s picks.
2) Anyone who picks the world’s oldest man or woman is a cunt and will be ignored.
3) It must be a famous cunt we have heard of.
4) You cannot change picks mid pool unless someone has already nabbed your pick.
5) Please check your picks haven’t already been taken as we can’t be arsed to check for you.
So without further ado, carry on predicting…
”Lewis Hamilton launches scheme to recruit black teachers in STEM subjects”
The poor underprivileged black boy is at it again. This time to address the lack of diversity in Motorsport.
Firstly, the lack of diversity in motorsport is fuck all to do with colour and everything to do with a wealthy, privileged background. Like Hamilton’s.
Secondly the lack of black STEM teachers is down to a basic gap in the ability of those with sub-Saharan heritage to grasp maths and science. You wont see any black scientific Nobel Laureates any time soon unless they lower the standards as they have for most other things.
This week has seen breakthroughs in a malaria vaccine and treatment for sickle cell. Both greatly affect blacks. So where has this breakthrough been engineered? Wakanda? Nigeria? Nope. Novartis (Swiss) and GSK (UK)
Yes, white privilege exploiting blacks by giving them medicines. Which will be aid that they dont pay for.
Perhaps Hamilton might want to reflect on that when he strives for diversity in brrm brrms.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/formula1/58790701
Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble
“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s political correspondent Ron Knee reporting. Today I’m joined by Sir Peter Arseley MP, to discuss his recent comments regarding MPs’ pay”
“Actually it’s Bottomley, old son”
“Er, indeed. Now Sir Peter, you’ve gone on record about what you regard as the ‘desperately difficult’ financial problems facing MPs on their £82k a year salary, plus expenses of course. Given that you find it hard to see how they ‘manage’ on this, you’re calling for an increase to a salary of £100k. How can you possibly justify this at this time?”
“Well you know Mr Ankle, I regard being an MP as a tremendous honour, but it’s also a tremendously difficult and demanding job, requiring a unique set of skills. Such ‘general practitioners of politics’ must be properly remunerated”
“Really? What is this ‘unique skill set’ of which you speak?”
“Well for example, you have to employ people to do research and draft replies to moaning constituents. The pressure’s awful when you’ve got relatives constantly badgering you to find a sinecure for their idiot offspring. Then you’ve got to read boring reports and attend tiresome committees, turn up occasionally to speak in the House and vote the party line, give interviews and be available to go on Question Time at the drop of a hat…”
“…stuff your face in the subsidised bars and restaurants of the Commons, seek out lucrative directorships… tell me, is also having no previous experience of working life and a degree in PPE considered an advantage?”
“I say! Those remarks are uncalled for and I resent them!”
“Oh dear. Sir Peter, we live in hard times. The average salary in Britain is £32k. People are seeing their incomes squeezed by price increases to fuel and food, and rising taxation. I don’t think the working public, especially those in really stressful occupations like nurses, firefighters, paramedics and the armed forces, will take kindly to the supposed plight of MPs”
“It’s as I said, MPs play a uniquely important role in national life. Let’s face it, anybody can become a nurse or a squaddie, these jobs are ten a penny”
“Pardon? Are you seriously suggesting…”
“Er, sorry old chap, there’s my pager going off. Reminder that I’ve got a vital meeting soon with Sir Thursby Churlish, the Minister of Bureaucracy and Regulation; spot of afternoon tea with him and his good lady wife, the fragrant Araminta. Must dash”
“Thank you. I’m sure that IsAC followers will be totally convinced by the veracity of your argument. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”
Nominated by: Ron Knee
And seconded by: CuntyMort
AHHH poor diddums, just a morning piss boiler for your enjoyment. £82,000 p.a plus expenses? Your having a laugh aren’t you? Fuck me, the most I ever earned was 30,000. Mrs CuntyMort and I managed just fine.
Sir Peter, If you are struggling may I make a suggestion? Try living within your means you avaricious cunt. Every fucker else has to do the same in the U.K
It’s about time the free loaders in the HofC did the job for the honour like they did years ago. Fucking politicians, boil my piss worse than watching the BBC