What joy it brought me to see this news item on Al Beeb. It seems 500 of these devices are being given away free so that Endies (surely only a matter of time before “endie” is used as an insult like Spaz or Flid..?) can advertise their mongitude* to the emergency services via a handy “contact card with key information.”

How I will cheer when some hairy-arsed fireman is confronted with one of these polyester knob sleeves (complete with “STOP! Look inside to keep me SAFE**” printed on it 48 point), removes the contact card and decides to call the dribbly’s social worker for advice on neurodivergence, rather than cutting the spazzer out of the wreckage before it carries out some sort of mongtastic Joan of Arc impression.

The sergeant quoted in the article explains she’s concerned her son, being an endie, is likely to “run off”; not if his legs are trapped in the mangled remains of the engine block, he’s not.

There may be vanishingly unlikely edge cases where the willy warmers have a small degree of utility, but I’m buggered if I can think of one offhand.

* I have an idea for a game show called “What’s wrong with the mong?” where celebrity favourites like Katie Price and Carol Vorderperson are paired with consultant paediatricians and have to guess what ails a variety of dribblies.

** I am mightily pissed off with this widespread belief in the fallacy that ‘things’ can keep you ‘safe.’ It’s a bag of horse tits put about by cunts who don’t understand what safety is.

BBC News

Nominated by: Gloria Snockers

Humza Yousaf. Proof that ‘positive discrimination’ is not the answer.

This useless idiot has decided to fuck off after making a right pigs ear of trying to run Scotland. He was promoted to first minister not on ability, but the fact he was from the ‘minorities’ proof if proof is needed that being a bit swarthy and from the minorities are not the best qualifications to run a country…….sometimes, yes sometimes the ability to know what you are doing should be more important than ticking race boxes.

BBC News

Nominated by: Chuff Chugger

(“Anyone seen my brain? It’s this big!“-  Day Admin)

Yes, it is real. Well according to the desperate hacks at The Guardian:

The Guardian

However, it is not as bad as you might think. Although there are allegations that “Crooked Joe” is a sex obsessed undead maniac, the so-called “Bump” is not a reference to his aged todger being seen on the campaign trail. No, it is all about a rise in his numbers from a poll taken in Wisconsin and a other “swing” states. In some he is almost level with the Orange Man.

What can be the reason for this exciting development? Apparently it is down to extra support given by Obummer who has been resurrected to add some extra oomph to the octogenarian’s bid for a second term. Either that, or it might just be more wishful thinking from the lefties who are worried about Trump’s “piles ” ie $billions from floating Truth Social.

Roll on November.

Nominated by: Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea

And seconded by: General Cuntster

I would like to second this nomination and add that it’s not just the Community Con Artist working behind the scenesnto help the Horny Old Coffin Dodger, but ‘Ole Slick Hilly is at it as well.

The Demonrats are pissing all over themselves in terror as the reality dawns on them that Donald Trump is not only the likely Repubicunt opponent but also the likely General Election winner.

Here’s your own lovable old whore, Auntie Beeb trying to convince you that because a bunch of Leftist Elites pay a lot of money to mingle with this scum that they actually are leading in the race and poised to win.

BBC News

By the way did anyone notice some of the celebretards attending the dinner? Bitch Queen Latifa and Fucking Lizzo!

I don’t care how much money these 2 heffers pay for their tickets, the event will lose money when they belly up to the buffet.

OMG! Sex Machine Joe, Queen Latifa and Lizzo in a Menage et Hog!

I’m going to be sick.

ATTORNEY FOR DONALD TRUMP: Your Honors, our constitution bars anyone who has engaged in insurrection from holding any office under the United States. On behalf of Mr Trump I ask you to pretend this isn’t so.

JUSTICE 1: I’m not averse to a game of ‘let’s pretend’. Used to play it when I was a child.

JUSTICE 2: What about the television coverage of his speech before the riot at the Capitol? We all saw what happened.

ATTORNEY: Mr Trump is asking you to pretend you didn’t see it. And to remember he personally appointed three of your Honors to your present position.

JUSTICE 3: Ah yes, I see. Interesting.

JUSTICE 4: But some people might accuse us of a lack of impartiality.

ATTORNEY: No-one you need to worry about. What are they going to do, sue you?

JUSTICE 5: Point well taken.

JUSTICE 6: I’m convinced. Who cares what the constitution says anyway?

ATTORNEY: Mr Trump would like you to find in his favor and pretend it’s for the good of the country.

CHIEF JUSTICE: Sounds good to me. We’re all agreed then? And in a few weeks we get to decide whether he’s immune from criminal prosecution. If the constitution says anything about it, we can pretend that it doesn’t.

JUSTICE 7; I like this game.

The Hill News

Nominated by: Allan

An emergency cunting for the Rochdale by-election result purlease!

The turd that you cannot flush away George Galloway won by a 6000 majority.

“This is a victory for Gaza” – no it’s not! You are elected to serve the people of Rochdale and the returning officer should have interrupted him and reminded him of that or declared his nomination and null and void.

Do you think the people of Gaza have heard of Rochdale? No! Fuck off you single issue, self serving, pointless cunt.

It used to be that an MP needed a house in the constituency where they serve. Galloway must have about 6 houses for the number of constituencies in which he has served.

Labour would have done better if they had dug up Gracie Fields and reanimated her.

BBC News

Nominated by: Anton Pillar