These flat-pack selling bastards with one of the worst customer experiences in the world (on par with Wong Kei in London’s Soho) are now on the sustainability bandwagon. What’s wrong with wanting to be a bit greener? Well nothing in my mind, unless of course you are an international brand flogging particle board wrapped in plastic veneer by the megaton and pretending you have green credentials!

I came across this article on the Ikea website and find the title of it outrageously alarming “Save money and the planet without leaving your home”. Its the ‘without leaving your home’ bit that I find alarming. What is that? Is it a leftover from the pandemic? Or is it yet another cynical marketing ploy to the new generation who want to stay in? The ‘without leaving your home’ is never explained in the article. Intrigued, I read on.

Their article then continues, this time trying to flog a portable induction hob, that wait for it, makes it possible for you to ‘cook up a storm without leaving the sofa.’ Please see this for yourself on their website via the link below. It is completely ludicrous. I’m not totally uncultured, I’ve been at a gathering to enjoy German Raclette, meat and cheese cooked at the table, and in Korea they have indoor BBQs at restaurant tables; all social and involves going out, unlike this sinister Ikea angle of ‘not leaving the sofa’.

Sadly this Ikea marketing ploy resonates all too well with the recent KFC delivery ads, you don’t have to move, you don’t even have to go to the kitchen and now you can cook on your coffee table without leaving the sofa and save the planet at the same time apparently. Wtaf?! Is this what makes people tick nowadays? Not leaving the sofa or the house to do anything?

Purveyors of rubbish meatballs and dodgy particle board. Maybe that’s what Ikea means in Swedish.


Nominated by: Cuntologist 

Jose Mourinho (3)

Jose Mourinho is still a cunt.

The Boring One has now washed up in Italy after Tottingham gave him the boot.

Moaning Maureen is now going to be the manager of Roma. Well, on their own heads be it. Apart from that first spell at Chelsea (which was down to the Ivan Oligarch and his cash), he has just moaned, upset clubs and nothing is ever his fault.

It’ll be a matter of time before he ‘walks away’ from Roma after some petty disagreement or other, as sure as shit is shat. I won’t even start about what I think of this cunt’s time at Old Trafford.

Jose was found out at his second spell at Chelsea and also badly sussed out during his time at Man United and Spurs. He was successful at Chelsea the first time because of Abramovich’s money, and also because he was basically a cunt managing a team of cunts like Terry, Drogba, Mikel, Ballack and so on.

Outside that bubble he is neither likeable or a decent man manager. He will now go from club to club for the rest of his managerial career, as his difficult and pain in the arse personality sours each assocaition one by one.

A bit like a more exotic Harry Redknapp or Sam Allardyce.

Nominated by: Norman

Jacinda Ardern (3)

For quite a few years now, Jacinda Arden has been the poster girl of the fawning woke elite. The woman that could do no wrong. Amongst her amazing feats are the following achievements-

– She gave birth to a child whilst in office. Apparently a woman with a job has never done this incredible thing before
– Her speeches are laced with empathy. Most of it forced.
– She’s a woman.
– Err……that’s it.

New Zealand is a tiny country with minuscule military and intelligence capacity. It’s been privileged to be a member of the Five Eyes Intelligence group of Anglosphere nations, along with the UK, the US, Australia and Canada. But sweet and lovely Jacinda has decided to ditch that in order to snuggle up to the wonderful, cuddly Chinese Communist Party.

For a while now New Zealand has been courting Chinese investment and is happy to ditch its traditional alliances with the English speaking countries to get this. To this end, Jacinda has –

– Refused to endorse a joint Five Eyes statement which was critical of the Chinese Communist Party over its treatment of the Uighurs.
– Said, through her foreign minister (a Maori with a tattood face) that New Zealand now has a preference for moving on from the Five Eyes alliance and is looking for new ‘multilateral opportunities’. Problem is that there are none.
– Sidled up to the Chinese at every opportunity and told Australia that they need to “treat China with more respect”. The Australians know very well what happens when you treat the CCP with respect – a country that gets into bed with China sells its soul and the Australians are painfully struggling to free themselves of that abusive relationship.

So it seems that Jacinda is not so nice and cuddly after all. Seems she’s not too bothered about forced labour camps, neo-colonialism and forced abortions on women who are nine months pregnant. Seems she’s happy to sell her country.

In fact, it seems like she’s a bit of a cunt.


Nominated by: Marvellous Mechanical Cunting Machine

Mark ‘Marcia’ Walker and Judge Ray Singh

My piss is boiling again. Mark Walker, a man who now demands to be known as ‘Marcia Walker’ as a male to female tranny, got put in prison for the child rape of two little girls. One of them was just four years old. Other offences include distributing child porn and making bomb threats against prominent people, including former PM Theresa May. How he’s ever allowed out into society is a mystery to me.

Towards the end of his sentence, he then had some National Geographic mags taken off him as they had pictures of naked kids in them. They also took razor blades off him. He went nuts and attacked the guards, which included spitting at them and shouting ‘I’ve got covid!’

Goes to court and guess what. The judge, Ray Singh (yes, that is his name lol) gave him 15 months suspended for two years.

In other words, this absolute piece of shit is back on the streets.

No, absolutely won’t be any issues here, will there. This cunt should’ve been executed in the first place anyway.

Fuck off.


Nominated by: Cuntybollocks 

British Cuisine

I would like to cunt British cuisine.

I love Britain and I am very proud to call myself British. Yes I am an Englishman but Mrs E/cunt is Welsh and generally I like all of our English speaking near neighbours; apart from the racist cunts in Plaid Cymru and the SNP fuckers.

Anyway I digress.

Sadly I my opinion our food is that it sucks. It is fucking tasteless or foul tasting shite.

Boiled Beef and carrots fuck off, Tripe and onions Yuk my wife is the only twat I know on earth that likes and eats such shit, toad in the hole a batter pudding and sausages fuck me tastes fucking ‘orrible,

The famous Barnsley meat pie butty, a meat pie in a bap!!!. Lava bread (sea weed) another one of Mrs E/cunts Welsh delights tastes like fucking sludge and probably is dredged from Cardiff bay,

Haggis how much whiskey do you need to drink before this becomes remotely edible? bread and butter pudding give over bland bland bland. Please feel free to add to this putrid disgusting list of tasteless torture.

It pains me to say this but the wops, dagos and frogs all make a far better fist of culinary delights than my own nation of which I am very proud. So it is with a heavy heart I cunt tasteless foul smelling bland British food.. Sorry…

Nominated by: Everyonesacunt