Petty PETA – Not so Merry-Go-Round

The animal rights charity Peta has called for British fairgrounds to stop using horses and other animals on carousels because it encourages exploitation and instead replace them with objects that celebrate human achievement.

“It would be wonderful to see UK fairgrounds replace animal-shaped carousel figures with vehicles such as cars, unicycles, tractors, aeroplanes, rockets, and bulldozers – or more whimsical designs like shooting stars, rainbows, or brooms,” said Peta spokescunt Elisa Allen.

I would suggest these dickheads read their history. Horses have been domesticated for about 5000 years and have been essential for human development, used in everything from travel, transport, war, hunting, and trade, helping build great civilizations and empires and opening up trade routes like the Silk Road and the King’s Highway. How much more human achievement do these cunts want?

What better way to be celebrated than being ridden by a fat hyperactive six year old at a depressing British seaside resort.

Maybe these joyless fucking weirdos should concentrate their efforts on actual real life animals that are being exploited and not a child’s fairground ride. I hope their suggestions of vehicles are all electric or we will have the Just Stop Oil nutters laying down in front of Bertie the Bulldozer. Maybe whizzing round on a rainbow coloured dildo or a peaceful Rotherham taxi driver will keep everyone happy?

Daily Mail

Nominated by: Anyone?

Overrated Film Directors

A simple Google search will reveal quite a few big names appearing in the top 10s of overrated directors, including the likes of Woody Allen, Ridley Scott, Michael Bay, Tarantino and even Martin Scorsese.

Some argue the reasons for this include one or two-hit wonders who live off that reputation such as George Lucas and Star Wars; or Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction from Tarantino.

Other critics believe some directors play it safe by keeping to the same formula such as Chris Nolan and his Memento and Inception. Or Scorsese and his Goodfellas, Casino, Gangs of New York and the Irishman.

If I’m being honest I don’t really care what these critics say, or even if they have a point or not. That said, if there was one director that really gets on my nerves and can never quite understand why he receives so many plaudits as one of the greatest directors EVER, and that would be Alfred Hitchcock!

Over the Christmas and New Year holiday period I decided to give this cunt a chance by watching 5 of his most highly praised films – Psycho, Rear Window, North by North West, Vertigo and The Birds.

It was a herculean effort getting through this lot, but I suppose the best of the bunch would have to be Psycho if only because it had some truly suspenseful moments and it didn’t star Hitchcock’s usual blandies in James Stewart and Cary Grant.

The other 4 films were adequate, but still doesn’t explain why film critics fall over themselves bigging all of them up as something really special and typically “Hitchcockian”

In my opinion he made some boring, bland, tedious, predictable shite. Give me Akira Kurosawa, any day of the week as he pisses all over him in the director stakes!

With this in mind who would you say was the most overrated director, past or present?


Nominated by: Technocunt

Andrew “200 crimes” Bell and the Probation Service

This twat was arrested just a few days ago for public order offences, racial abuse and threatening to slit the throat of a hostel worker – just another typical day, I suppose!

Turns out he has well over 200 other crimes under his belt, a quarter of which were for public order offences.

A probation officer came up with a very obvious No shit, Sherlock, conclusion – “There was an established pattern of offending which included serious threats of violence. There was a concern Bell’s behaviour could escalate.

With all this in mind, what was the outcome of his latest offence? Well here it is, and I quote:-

Magistrates imposed a six-week prison sentence but suspended it for 12 months after hearing that a short immediate jail term was not deemed beneficial by the probation service. Bell must also pay £50 compensation to hostel workers involved in the incident.

The magistrates are cunts for such a pathetic 6 week stay in prison. But this was overturned by the Probation Service, who felt it would “not be beneficial”. Instead he gets a 12 months suspended and to cough up 50 quid for being a bit naughty! (The £50 will be courtesy of the Taxpayer as he is claiming benefits.)

It’s amazing enough that this cunt is still out on the streets despite making a career out of crime. But now we have another farcical “sentencing” even though some poor hostel worker suffered racial abuse and the deadly threat of having his throat cut!

Bellend walks out of court laughing, while the hostel security guard has to cope with PTSD for the rest of his life. And I bet he won’t see that 50 quid either, or at least not in one big chunk!

Magistrates and the Probation Service really are deluded cunts, but this case not only takes the biscuit, but the whole fucking tin!

Cumbria Crack

Nominated by: Technocunt

Woke Workplace Bribery

Remember the good old days when you showed up for work, put in a shift and then fucked off home? Well thanks to a toxic mix of a labour shortage and the selfish entitlement of Gen Z now entering the workforce exploiting the post-Covid ‘new normal’, those days are now over.

Companies desperate to hire and retain staff are giving in to ridiculous demands from woke Gen Z employees such as time off for birthdays, yoga sessions and pet bereavement leave.

Daily Mail News Link

This won’t make a business more productive. Once you cave in to these demands and go down down the rabbit hole of appeasing these spoilt infantilised brats, like anything woke, it is never enough and more demands will be made. They will be paying them to get out of bed and a private taxi in next before they even set foot inside the office.

They seem to think every company should be like a Silicon Valley tech start up, lounging around on beans bags brainstorming and eating their hippie salads for a £100,000 a year.

The carrot and stick approach can be incentivising and produce results but fuck the carrot, these workshy bastards just need a good fucking clubbing.

Nominated by: Liberal Liquidator

Card Cloning Thieves

Here I am sat enjoying my Sunday afternoon and I thought I’d have a quick look at my online banking. Some utter cunt has had it away with £1686.42.

What’s odd about this is the first transaction was for SAGA £76.84 the rest was made up of 45 transactions to Hobbycraft. The cunt had sat there for about 9 hours skanking money in £5, £10, £20 £35 and £40 amounts.

I have to say my bank, Barclays, were absolutely brilliant in dealing with it, within 24 hours or so every penny was refunded.

The chances of catching the cunt that did this is virtually nil, the bank is unlikely to investigate further. To be honest I thought the SAGA payment would be easy to trace, the cunts only flog insurance and holidays I reckon.

Todays lesson is not to have too much sat in your current account, which I’ve already addressed. Scum bags, I’d publicly flog them before rubbing lemon juice in the flayed flesh, all this is prior to letting a pack of hound on the cunts.

I know banks get a cunting from time to time, but on this occasion I have nothing but praise for the way I was treated.

Nominated by: Bertram Cuntatious DCO

And seconded by: Norman

Superb cunting, Bertram, and seconded by me.

I was once screwed by one of these cunts a few years ago in 2012, and I have refused to do online banking ever since. Even now, I still do it the ‘old way’. People always tell me ‘But… But… It’s the way it’s done now and you need an online account’.

No, I fucking don’t. Yeah, it’s convenient, but it can slso be a pain in the arse. When my brother in law made more than one payment from his online account, his cunt of a bank actually stopped his account, thinking he was a fraud. Yet, it was his account and his fucking money.