Woke Workplace Bribery

Remember the good old days when you showed up for work, put in a shift and then fucked off home? Well thanks to a toxic mix of a labour shortage and the selfish entitlement of Gen Z now entering the workforce exploiting the post-Covid ‘new normal’, those days are now over.

Companies desperate to hire and retain staff are giving in to ridiculous demands from woke Gen Z employees such as time off for birthdays, yoga sessions and pet bereavement leave.

Daily Mail News Link

This won’t make a business more productive. Once you cave in to these demands and go down down the rabbit hole of appeasing these spoilt infantilised brats, like anything woke, it is never enough and more demands will be made. They will be paying them to get out of bed and a private taxi in next before they even set foot inside the office.

They seem to think every company should be like a Silicon Valley tech start up, lounging around on beans bags brainstorming and eating their hippie salads for a £100,000 a year.

The carrot and stick approach can be incentivising and produce results but fuck the carrot, these workshy bastards just need a good fucking clubbing.

Nominated by: Liberal Liquidator

58 thoughts on “Woke Workplace Bribery

  1. Want your birthday off?
    Book it as a holiday from alloted holidays.

    Yoga? Hobbies are to be outside of work hours.

    Pet bereavement?
    Sorry like, animal lover myself,
    Take a unpaid week off if you want?
    Or should we just class it as your resignation?

  2. Happy New Year everybody.

    All I can say is that these cunts are in for a shock because most companies won’t drop ther trousers and bend over for their demands.

  3. ‘80% aspire to work with cutting-edge technology.’
    That’ll be an electric carving knife then.
    Which is fine, because working in a kitchen is where most of them will end up.

  4. I expect to see timpson’s to go bust this year..
    And good riddance.. a day off for your birthday what are you eight..

    Grow up and get back to work.

  5. These people are very thick I feel for the employers who as a last resort have to hire them . Common sense is an alien concept to them. The way we are going as a society is doomed. The Muslim worshippers will have the upper hand soon ” not in my lifetime I’m 67 ” and these cunts will have to kiss carpet five times a day, can you imagine that five times without being on the phone shock horror. I can see an explosion of mental illness on the way. Self inflicted pain for being a woke rabble. One last thing I saw a couple of cunts saying we should stop farming to save the world from climate catastrophe, I did say they are not all there in the head. Woke Cunts will get everything they deserve.

    • …..but it won’t be long before the ’employers’ are from the same GenZ generation….and they the company will just disappear up it’s own arsehole as they will immediately realise that no one in the company actually does anything productive to make a profit.

      My brother in law used to be a computer programmer, writing and developing code for computer games when it really took off in the early 2000’s….no one in the company had to go and be proactive to get in business……the phone was simply ringing all the time with new contracts coming in. Then every fucker got into doing it, then it all went online, and the phone started to stop ringing quite so much. No one in the business had any idea as to how to get business in…..they weren’t businessmen, just a load of geeks with a previously full order book. When it came to realising they had to go out and find business they were fucked and the business folded. I know it pre dates gen z, but I could see this happening in the workplace years ago. Gen Z think business and work just happens and ‘someone’ else makes it happen while they all want to be managers and earn 80k a year for doing fuck all.

      I love dealing with these fucking idiots in customer service on a day to day basis. Particularly if I need to go into my bank. They all strut around on the shop floor…beards, spiky hair, tight suit trousers and a waistcoat with no jacket and a tablet in hand. They have zero clue what goes on and how to solve a problem unless they tablet can answer in for them….I fucking laugh at them. They give off the aura of importance but the fucking cleaners have a better idea of life and solving problems.

      Bunch of cunts

  6. During the lockdown The care home organisation Mrs Fistula works for paid every member of staff their Taxi from home to work and back again. The service she works for were shelling out 2k a month.
    Their insane reason for this appalling waste of money was they thought it less likely to catch Covid if you got a Taxi rather than a bus or train to work.

  7. Timpsons is run by some bloke who sees himself as a ‘progressive employer’.

    I’m saw him interviewed on telly,
    Nice enough bloke but naive.

    He employs ex lags and jailbirds.
    Saying nobody will employ them with a criminal record so when he does, they’re grateful to him.

    I think he’s got to much faith in humankind.

    And in all honesty I don’t want my house keys cut by Levi Bellfeild,
    Or Ian Huntley engraving my pets name tag.

    I don’t think teaching dodgy cunts to cut keys is such a great idea?

      • Well…….I took my ‘far eastern sourced’ ‘rolex’ into my local Timpsons a few years ago as I wanted bracelet adjusted which needed a link taking out. The bird in there asked me if it was a genuine rolex, I said it wasn’t and she told me they aeren’t allowed to work on fakes and they are told to retain them and call the police if there’s a scene.

        ….a criminal employee preaching to me about the law….the irony.

        True story that.

    • I bought a small axe and when I got it home I found there was no edge to it, got it from Wilco,s Chinese shite of course so I took It to Timsons to see if they could sharpen it for me, well the prick behind the counter said ooh that’s dangerous you shouldn’t be carrying that around I wasn’t waving it around just showing it to him in the end I had to leave the place and I won’t be going back, the cunt fuck Timsons.

      • Irony is he’d probably murdered his family with a Wilko axe the hypocrite.

      • “…so I took It to Timsons to see if they could sharpen it for me”

        Haven’t you got a file CM? Borrow a neighbour’s/mate’s bench or angle grinder? You can even raise a passable edge just honing it on yer back doorstep like Ma Chops used to do with her carving knives, that memorable vision of simpler more practical times is sealed in my memory.
        I bought a fresh pack of Stanley blades in about 2005 and they’re still going strong with just an occasional lapping on a sheet of 2000grit wet ‘n’ dry to restore an edge fit for corneal surgery!! Drill bits; same again, anything over 3mm I can touch up with a diamond wheel in the chuck of my bench lathe. The thing I’ve found with chinese ‘edged’ tools is yeah they’ll take an edge but they won’t keep it ’cause of the shit ‘steel’ they use.
        I consider the ability to edge a cutting tool it a basic ‘life skill’ (fuck me they could do it with flint axes 10,000 yrs ago!) but has the average Gen Z know’nowt ever been taught that in woodwork class? Jesus christ they’re gonna be fucked when shit meets fan.
        And there’s something deeply satisfying about digging up say, a knackered old chisel at a boot fair, and bringing it back to a glinting, razor edged, mirror finish.

        Chop’s ‘go to’ knife is a 1950’s Sheffield steel, British Rail butter knife which will cleave through a 1″ steak in a single stroke, carve wafer thin ham off a gammon joint or bisect the squishiest of tomatoes… also brilliant for spreading butter!

      • What an informative post. I did sharpen an axe with a file while perched on a stump, takes a while but what a good result.

        I read of a scientist visiting the New Guinea highlands who noticed a local mans machete was blunt so he sharpened it for him with his file.

        Delighted the villager showed it to the village next thing dozens of tools were presented for the same.

        Next thing villagers came in for treatment for various cut injuries some quite severe to themselves

    • You’re right MNC. He hasn’t thought it through, has he?

      Imagine Colin Pitchfork being given a job there and some attractive young ladies come in with their house keys to get copies made?

      What could possibly go wrong?

  8. This sense of entitlement by younger generations comes as no surprise. Even 20 – 30 years ago, youngsters new from education seemed quite amazed to find they were expected to work 8 hour days.
    Scroll on 15 years, they were
    even more amazed to find that they actually had to apply for jobs, and be interviewed.
    There actually was no job fairy, waving a magic wand, conjuring up a 4 hour day with two 30 minute breaks and an hour for lunch.
    But this modern expectation, paid birthday leave, beer Friday etc. is all down to employers. Just stop it, it’s pathetic and unnecessary.

  9. This doesn’t happen in firms owned by one person.
    I report directly to the owner of the business, a man who is brutal, uncompromising and cold.
    He made two of my underperforming colleagues redundant the week before Christmas.
    No wokery here. Good, old-fashioned hard work yields a fantastic product, good profits, innovation and high standing in our business.
    We cut out the dead wood and employ no benders, tran§bumders or darkıes.
    Just very decent folk including hard-working Poles.

  10. Any cunters ever sacked a employee?

    Not something to do lightly,
    It’s a man’s earnings,
    He has bills to pay etc.

    I have , and I thoughly enjoyed it,
    No regrets!
    He was a pisstaker and cocky.

    • Just imagine the uproar, if you had to sack a sootie slave today? That’s something I would not do lightly.

    • Morning MNC…see my post above…I didn’t sack the 2 guys myself, but had to advise the owner on who he’d be advised to make redundant, given their skills, attitude, timekeeping, profitability, etc.
      I didn’t agree with one of the guys getting binned, but the other one was one of those Tesla types. A cyclist and electric car fan, not really a leftie but hoity-toity nonetheless.
      I did feel like a bit of a Judas though.
      Not for long, happily!
      Self-preservation is a great motivator.

  11. I agree with this nom but when a pet you’ve had for many year dies it can be gutting for many.

    Problem is, it would taken advantage of. Some twat would say he has 100 pet Guinea pigs. One dying every few weeks I bet.

    • Morning CB…imagine working in a firm that enthusiastically employs wimminz, fruits and darkıes?!
      Fuck that, having to walk around on eggshells.

      • Thomas the wimmins I work with take NO prisoners and call a spade a spade. The fuck word appears on a regular basis. Whether that’s a result of employing me, draw your own conclusions.

        The boss did thank me for a rather drawn out Wednesday the other week. My reply was what you do works for me, no complaints here.

      • Indeed, CM…20 years I contracted for a Bristol-based aeroplane manufacturer.
        Full of inefficiencies; wimminz are lazy skivers and bud bud ding dings, whilst clever, are snidey fuckers who play the race card without hesitation, same as pakıs and gollıes.

      • Only time I’ve really worked for any sustained period alongside women was a number of years ago for a PPE manufacturer/wholesaler.

        Out of a workforce of 35 people – over half were women.

        All I can say is that it was the worst job I’ve ever had. The company was rotten from top to bottom and you didn’t need to be Hercule Poirot to understand why.

        I need a go and have a lie down just thinking about that place.

      • My company does Thomas. They are now sending emails to each other with their preferred pronoun attached to it.

        Thank fuck i’m retiring in April . I was going to continue part time but all this woke madness has made it impossible to work there.

      • Not had it yet, but when some cubt says, “Address me by my correct pronouns please,” I will say, “Ok, what should I use for your possessive adjective and verb to be? Third person singular or plural? Do you match your object pronoun with its subject pronoun?”

        They’ll say “Eh? What are those?” so just say, “If you’re going to fuck with grammar and tell everyone how to use it, at least fucking learn it first. You cunt.”

      • Preferred pronouns are third person,

        You wouldn’t even use a third person pronoun when speaking to them.

        Doesn’t make sense, they want to control how you speak of them when they are not there.

        I suggest they smeg off

      • Yes, you’d use second person speaking to them.

        Singular or plural though lol (same word, yes.)

        It’s a load of poorly thought out bollocks and I won’t play their stupid games.

      • Why don’t ordinary people say say well yes they maybe your preferred pronouns but I prefer to use the traditional ones.

  12. Anyone still do 6 till 2, 2 till 10 & 10 till 6? These shifts were once paid the full 8 hours, including a one hour lunchtime & 2 fifteen minute tea breaks.

    • I’ve done 6-2 and 2-10 fixed shifts before. Either you wake up ridiculously early and kill your sleep or work late and have little semblance of a social life. Happy I’m out of warehouse work now.

      • I did 6-2, 2-10 for Heinz in Wigan for years (shit to work for but good money).
        Every other weekend we got Friday, Saturday and Sunday off so no suffering of the social life here OC. Northern Soul all nighters, Raves, speed and shagging my up King Street in Wigan were the order of the day from 1988 to 1993 when i idiotically decided to settle down, at the age of 26. Wish I had a Time Machine.

    • Fuck that all to hell – when we handed over the ParcelFarce sorting hub I thought I’d have a change from the ‘wandering electrical gypsy’ sub-contracting lifestyle and go ‘on the books’; basically because as leccy forman on the build I “knew where all the bodies were buried”. They had that 3shift regime in place and the maint crew would do 2 wks of each shift. Stuck it out for 9 months but it really fucks your life up.

  13. People should get time off for birthdays imo but the rest of the demands are fucking ridiculous. Then again my birthday’s Christmas Eve so maybe having it during the holiday season influences my viewpoint somewhat.

    • I have a birthday close to Christmas Day too. I have a rule though. I never work on my birthday. Never have and never will. If ever I’m put in a position where I’d be required to work that day, my employer will be given a choice. Fuck off with that shit or I quit. Simple as that. It’s not that I’m big on birthdays per se, it’s just the principle. The world needs to leave me the fuck alone on that specific day. And on the other 364 days too if I’m lucky.

  14. We’ve 3 Gen Z types who work with us.

    One of them is a good lad with a fair bit of harsh work experience behind him so he knows he’s working in a half decent environment now.

    The other 2 by comparison are a pair of entitled, bad attitude, spoilt mammy’s boys. The type who get their mammy’s to phone in sick for them or the type who struggle to raise their heads up from their phones to engage in any form of human communication.

    One of them had to be given a verbal warning when he came to work last month with love bites all over his neck. He’s about 23 an all – the fucking loser.

    Good news is that both of these wankers are receiving written warnings tomorrow morning upon their return to work for not doing what they were asked to do on the last day before the Christmas break.

    The pair of them will be gone by the end of January. Little cunts.

    Happy New Year.

  15. What was the number of these cunts who have no intention of working 25%

    Not only birthdays, yoga but 2 hours a day gaming, 1 hour social media, 2 hours for lunch and breaks, be lucky to get any work out of the cunts, no wonder the government want to get people who retired early back into the workplace.

    I saw a report on a DC in Bradford, did all the online orders for M&S, employed loads of misfits but the place looked fucking immaculate, loads of automation, not like the fucking DC I worked in for a years back in 2002. I guess employing mongs is win win, ticks the box and they don’t complain too much 😂

  16. Mrs Fistula’s care home company employed a Lesbian with narcolepsy to do waking nights.( no i’m not making this up ) She was responsible for caring for very vulnerable people.
    The company knew about the Dyke’s condition but wanted to be all inclusive.

  17. There are exceptions-not all parents are lazy cunts who produce entitled progeny.

    Recently, I had occasion to visit A&E (no mortal shells involved), with a family member.
    After being triaged and taken to an “amber” ward, a young girl came into the cubicle to see if everything was alright and to ask if we needed anything.
    I asked if she was a medical student.

    She told me that she was in fact on a work experience placement, prior to attending medical school.
    She had worked the previous night, 4-midnight and come back on duty at 6am. For a 12 hour shift.
    She had no complaints. An 18 year old girl.
    👏👏👏

  18. With regard to entitlement, one thing that I have noticed is that experience is not being rewarded, as it was in the past.

    Youngsters in the trades feel they should be earning/charging the same (or often more) than tradesmen with 20-30 years more experience, then whinge when they are quiet.

    Pay your dues, you fuckers.
    I will always pay for quality.

    Obviously there are probably some exceptional young trades-but there really is no better teacher than experience…..

  19. It all went downhill when HR was given more importance and they got places on the board of directors. They never used to understand what is actually done in the company ( and still don’t). They were good for making interviewees a cuppa before handing them over to the people who actually know stuff. Now they are on megabucks and invent all the silly woke roles. Progress eh?

    • My employer is HR mad and likes to introduce so-called wellbeing initiatives in the office, one recent one being a board with post it notes on it for you to take, with messages like ” You are enough”, “Turn that frown upside down” and “Today is going to be great”. When no one is looking, I like to add my own , such as ” Just get on with your work” and ” The best things in life are actually very expensive”. They are also about to run a course for people who may be feeling negative at the start of the New Year. When I have been openly critical of these ideas, I am told that it is very demoralising for the organisers, who are only trying to make a better environment for us employees, and are in no way trying to avoid getting on with the daily grind. What a festering bag of cunt.

  20. In 2000 I worked for an America based but British owned company which had a good but limited product. When the customer accepted the product and there was no further work the HR manager was made redundant. She was a very nice lady probably in her early 40s in tears. It was terrible. We were given the option to go to the USA for 6 months but I thought this business is finished and jumped ship. I don’t know what happened to her but it’s a shame.

    In the company I work for now the owners wife is head of HR and she calls the shots.

    Gen-Z programmers that don’t know what ANSI escape sequences are really get my goat.

    • Most programmers of my acquaintance are bell end cunts.

      What’s the big deal with these arseholes? Most of them program in 3GLs. There are only 3 constructs in a 3GL. Sequence (of commands), iteration and condition. After that it’s just syntax, meaning how you actually code those things in C++ or Java or whatever. And yet they waltz around thinking they’re brilliant and really should be called Software Engineers 🤣. And of course they know everything. When there’s something wrong with the network, they’ll know how to fix it. Design a well normalised database schema? Yep they’ll know all about that better than anyone else. Need to migrate the accounting system off a legacy mainframe to Linux servers, upgrade it and change the storage subsystem as well. Tricky and involved? Hell no! Just ask a fucking programmer. They’ll know. Cunts.

  21. I work for a bit of a wokie company who make very handsome profits each year.
    That said they are ruthless as fuck and have zero tolerance for people not performing although they seem to pick lefties, trannies, wimminz, hómosexuals, effnicks and dark-quays who can and do put a shift in, as rare as that is and sounds.
    The down side is the baggage each group above brings. I have to endure and ‘tolerate’ such things as over the top gay pride events, multi faith prayer rooms and safe spaces for the wimminz and the normal MSM recycled opinions etc each person has.
    I think the firm tolerate that shit under the unwritten rule/law that people perform and make money and anyone not pulling their weight regardless of gender/ethnic origin or sexual persuasion/deviancy will get dropped quicker than a lead fart…………

    I believe the owners and senior managers are all closet Nazis and only tolerate the ‘progressive’ types as it looks good for the companies public image and is good for the PR.
    Trust me, if the political winds change I think my firm would show it’s true face and mercilessly smash these freaks back into the shadows and fucking sack the lot of them!

    It’s just a charade the company does to look cool in front of the millennial and gen Z twats who make up a large part of their customers.

  22. Not exclusive to these “gen Z” cunts, but the slacking off and pandering I’ve seen in multiple US offices has simply amazed me. I could write an essay about this subject, but I’ll limit my rant to just two anecdotes:

    1) Large retailer in the US. I worked for a while (as a contractor) in their corporate HQ. Friday was “casual day”. As per usual, I showed up for work in shirt and tie, looking the part and doing what I was paid to do. On a trip to the printer I noticed groups of employees wearing Hawaiian shirts, shorts, flip-flops, etc. hanging around cubicles. Chatting, lounging around and generally doing fuck all. I muttered “lazy cunts” to myself and went back to my desk. A couple of hours later, I needed the loo and re-traced my steps past the printer to the Men’s room. And what did I see on the way there? Yep, the same groups of lazy cunts still lounging around and doing sweet FA.

    2) Another company I worked for, same state different city, had a large break room containing 2 tennis table tables and a table football game. It would be bad enough if the cunts who went in there only did so over the lunch break. Oh no. These cunts had leagues and tournaments and would spend long periods in there goofing off during the work day. I’d often get rude and badly worded support tickets from some of these cunts, often with unreasonable deadlines. I’d go over to their desks to seek clarification on some issue or other, hoping to get the work done before their ridiculous deadline. Guess what? Yep, they’re not there. So I try again a little later. Still not there. In fact their entire team was MIA. Comes to find out they’re all in the break room, some playing table tennis while others cheered them on.

    That’s not the best part either. When a deadline was missed and fingers were pointed at me, I naturally pointed out the vague meandering bollocks in their tickets which I needed their help to understand. However, I was unable to acquire that information because their entire team were playing table tennis for fucking ages. And guess who the bad guy was in these scenarios. Yep, ME!!! Also, these cunts would leave the door open to the breakroom so the office cubes in the immediate vicinity (including mine) had to endure the whooping, screeching and yelling as they pissed company time up the wall. Now I could have gone in there and told them to STFU, but trying to be diplomatic I’d stroll over and quietly close the door myself. Guess who the killjoy, not-joining-in miserable bastard was in that scenario. Yep ME!!! Not only that, the next set of cunts would go in there for their goofing off session and leave the fucking door open. Rinse and repeat. Ignorant, selfish, inconsiderate, work shy cunts.

    But I’m the bad guy for actually DOING my work, NOT goofing off for hours on end and NOT disrupting other people and adversely impacting their productivity.

    And guess what management did about it. You already know. Cunts.

Comments are closed.