This is a piece from the BBC website newspaper review this morning (10th May):

“The Daily Telegraph says a new apprenticeship scheme is being launched to allow school leavers to work as doctors without a traditional medical degree. They would get training straight after their A-Levels. The paper says the scheme will begin this autumn in a bid to tackle NHS staff shortages. The chief executive of NHS England describes it as a “radical new approach”.”

Can you imagine it?. In addition to having pharmacies over-prescribing antibiotics, instead of GPs, meaning they become less effective, and Lady Nugee will have to take three courses of the things to deal with the boil on her arse, now they want keen young amateurs to practice, straight out of school, to be amateur medics.

At one time playing doctors and nurses was something most kids got over as toddlers, now it seems little Jemima, who loves watching Casualty with mummy and daddy on Saturday nights in Islington, so wants to be a doctor that she will be given the opportunity for the laying on of hands before she has gained any sort of medical qualification. The mnd boggles! Is Sunak deliberately trying to make himself unemployed?

telegraph

Nominated by W. C. Boggs.

A nomination for rubbish ‘life hack/how to’ videos.

I used to see these on Facebook and still see them on Youtube.

You’ve probably seen them; they usually have a title or caption in pidgin English; New techniqe take Construcion industries by storm’, or Recipe saves you time. You will eat this every day!’ and it’s always the same 5 ingredients: mince/ground berf, onion, potato, cheese, bacon. Nothing green then, cunts?

For the construction ones its usually dangerous, or nothing a machine you could hire could achieve in a quarter of the time, saving you paying some time-wasting wallah over just the space of a week, or something for which tools have excited for centuries. a guy carrying a bucket on his head on a ladder.
Ever heard of a hod, son?

They’re the sort of video only ever shared by the most basic of cunts without any common sense or practical skills and who live in squalor.

‘This is cool *gurgle*’

No it’s dogshit, you thick cunt. McDonslds uses more variation than that pile of shit and the bloke doing that on a building site or his own home will end up burning the skin from his hands/hurting his neck/twisting ankle/ electricuted/with lung problems/poisoned/blind/braking his fingers.

The trouble is they wouldnt know this because they don’t have the capability to do anything beyond talking on the phone or tapping on a keyboard, the fucking slugs.

Life hack? Start by Licking that window clean, you cunt.

Youtube

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime link provided by Jeezum Priest.

A deserted, fully-lit council office in Bodmin, Cornwall. What could be going on here? Have the staff all walked out in disgust because someone put the jam on top of the cream on his scone in the staff canteen?

Are they hiding smuggled contraband and had to scarper fast when they saw the Excise Officer approaching? Is Rick ‘Mr Padstow’ Stein outside making another boring programme about how fucking marvellous Cornwall is and they’re all trying to be filmed in the background?

No, none of these. In fact it’s 9.30pm and the lights are all on because nobody has been trained to switch them off. It’s not the first time either, and apparently County Hall in Truro is just as bad.

Anyway, Management are on top of it now. After training in how to switch off a light, staff will receive training in how to tie their shoelaces and how to wipe their arses after a shit.

Cornwall live

Nominated by Geordie Twatt.

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s culture, media and entertainment correspondent Ron Knee reporting. Followers of the site will be well aware of ‘EastEnders’, the BBC series renowned for its gritty yet realistic depiction of East End life. I’m delighted to be joined by the show’s executive producer Josephine Bloggs, who is going to tell us about a couple of stunningly original plot developments”.

“Hi Ron! Hi everybody! Please call me Joe. All my chums at Auntie do. So let me
start by revealing our new 2023 Christmas storyline. Are you ready? There’s *gasp* going to be a murder in the square on Christmas Day!”.

“Huh? We only gave you this interview because you promised some ‘original’ content. There have been over thirty murders in ‘EastEnders’ to date!”.

“Yes but this is a first. A murder on Christmas Day. At least I think it’s a first; I’ll have to get back to you on that one. Anyway that’s irrelevant. What matters is we’re giving the punters what they want. The fans like nothing more than a whopping dose of despondency and misery during the festive season”.

“Er, right. So what else have you got for us?”.

“Well now this really is sensational. I’m letting the cat out of the bag *snigger* but just between us, I can reveal that Michelle Collins is returning to the show as Cindy Beale!”.

“But hang on. I thought that the character died in prison sometime in the 1980s. That’s hardly true to life is it?”.

“Oh don’t be a grumpy old crosspatch. It’s a real first for the show, just like when we killed off Dirty Den, then resurrected him, then killed him off again. People do ‘die’ and come back in real life you know. Cindy might’ve been in a coma or something for 25 years”.

“Cosmic. Well thanks for joining us Joe. I’m sure that our followers are reassured to learn of the BBC’s on-going commitment to realism in drama. You can rest assured that on the basis of these revelations, they’ll be flocking to renew their licence payments in their thousands. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

Ok.co.uk

Metro

Nominated by Ron Knee.

The Theatre Royal Stratford East is urging white people not to attend a black themed play so that there can be a safe, private space for an ‘all black-identifying audience’ which will be ‘free from the white gaze’

MSN Link.

I expect Lammy and that hideous racist Shola Mos Arrogant Loudmouth have already booked their tickets.

The play didn’t exactly go down a bomb in the US, but I’m sure the Guardian and Indy will be wetting their knickers over it.

What better way to eradicate bigotry and division than by creating more of the same?

Nominated by : mystic maven