Lovely big, firm peaches. What a joy they are to behold. I salivate at the sight.

So this is a problem, I hear you ask? Well I’m beginning to think that it might be in my case, because I just can’t stop thinking about them. If I’m awake, I’m searching the internet for pictures of them. If I’m out, the radar is on; it’s murder on holiday, at the beach or by the pool. If I’m asleep, I dream about them.

The older I get, the worse it seems to get. I fear for my blood pressure. The wife says I’m obsessed, and blames it all on ‘that Salma Hayak’, but it’s hardly her fault for having those made in heaven beauties of hers. Imagine massaging them with warm oil for an hour or six…

Perhaps I am a bit sick in the head at that, but if I am, the problem is that I don’t really want to be cured. So I’ll console myself with the thought that as addictions go, it’s pretty harmless. It’s hardly crack is it, so the worst side effect I’m likely to get is a sore knob.

Maybe counselling would help…

muscle and fitness

Nominated by Ron Knee

Way back when I was young, we as a family all sat down to watch the Eurovision song contest……back when it was a ‘proper’ contest and you had to admit at the end, the winning song was probably one of the best on merit.

I loved the running ‘tongue in cheek’ ridicule of other songs, singers and countries by the fantastic Wogan commentary. To be fair, for me it wasn’t about the songs, but simply put- Wogan. He made it watchable and entertaining…even with the inevitable (and amusing) tactical voting between countries….Wogan always predicted correctly what would happen.

However….over the last 20 odd years it has been hijacked by the gay community…not as a song contest, but as a showpiece for puffy weirdos. The ‘community’ see it as a vehicle to promote licking and arseing….and is a propaganda tool to be used on the young and innocent who tune in to see what it’s all about.

I gave up watching after the demise of Wogan…..I watched the first two years of Norton and to be fair he didn’t do a bad job of piss taking, but now he has realised taking the piss means he is actually taking the piss out of his own kind, then he has pretty much stopped.

Don’t get me wrong, I was never an avid fan, but it used to be good with Wogan and a few beers and tune in and out of during the evening….not it’s just a big advert to try and ‘normalise’ puffery.

Gaytimes

Nominated by Chuff Chugger.

Mark Harper is a cunt.

The Transport Minister is whining about how the upcoming rail strikes will ‘cynically’ target the Eurovision Song Contest.

Fuck the Eurovision, Who gives a fuck about a totally rigged freakshow full of poofs and circus acts? What about the rail strike on the day of the all Manchester FA Cup Final? No mention from Harper of that, is there?

Yer another career MP appeasing the rainbow mob. Get your priorities right, you cunt.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-65441184

Nominated by : Norman

Well it didn’t take Joe O’Biden long to resume normal duties and remind us all why he is a senile old fart and should stand down at the end of his term rather than decide to run again subjecting the U.S and wider world to more insane policies, gaffes and car crash interviews.

At a recent event at the White House Biden was asked where was the last foreign country he had visited.

“The last country I’ve travelled, I’m trying to think of the last one I was in. I’ve been to, met 89 heads of state so far, so uh…. trying to think where was the last place I was; its hard to keep track…um I was….”

“Ireland!” came the helpful reply from a child in the audience jogging the Hair-Sniffer-in-Chiefs memory of a visit to the country less than two weeks before.

Given this anti-British plastic paddy never stops banging on about his ancestral heritage and his love of all things Irish, you would think he would remember visiting the fucking place. His White House handlers must have thought they were in safe territory since he has been known to channel his inner Ron Burgundy and read “End of quote. Repeat the line” from teleprompters during speeches but was outfoxed a random question about his travels.

It got worse when asked how long had he had Alzheimers?

“As long as I can remember”.

Nurse!

NYP

Nominated by Liberal Liquidator.

The incessant bullshit in the media surrounding women’s football.

I know that’s quite a mouthful, but just saying women’s football is wrong it isn’t what I am cunting. I want women to be able to play football. I do not see why they can’t and should be encouraged to do so as often and to the highest standard they can. Just the way men can.

Here is my problem I can honestly say that I could pick a team from England’s pub leagues that could annihilate the national women’s team. I could easily, I may have mentioned before that I played low end semi pro and top level pub stuff. The last pub team I was involved in could boast several ex professional players. Not YTS kids but men who had had professional contracts with football league teams. And that was from just one team, (ok a top team), in a small Yorkshire town. How many more ex professionals could I call on registered with Sunday pub leagues nationally? Several hundred is my guess.

This cunting isn’t about knocking the women who play, (some maybe ex players on MOD) but not generally. It is about the fucking nonsense spouted on the; you’ve guessed it the beeb sky, bt sports et al. Sometimes I look for the scores and have to wade through the nonsense women’s leagues on web just to get to the get to championship men’s results. It used to be bad enough when the Scottish premier division was placed above the English leagues. That is also a shite standard.

FFS honestly. It is like being force fed green beans as a kid when what you really want is a piece of meat and chips.

Women’s football is massively subsidised by the men’s game. No fucker actually pays owt but a couple of quid to watch it. Kids go free Oaps free etc. Even national fixtures give away free tickets, loads and loads go to schools, just to get people inside the ground.

Top women’s teams now fly to fixtures fuck me that’s environmentally sound, not. or cost affective.

Right the cunting is specifically about the bullshit media coverage that surrounds women playing football not women actually playing to which I say get on with it and enjoy. Just don’t believe the hype.

football foundation

parliament publications

Nominated by Everyonesacunt