+ The naked selfie of this cunt +
+ has been removed because the +
+ cunt got Carter-Fuck to threaten +
+ legal action if we left it up +
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What can one say about the tawdry little tosser? The name is a gift sounding like it’s lifted from a third rate old actor/manager fallen on hard times and playing minor character parts in bad 1950s B movies or a headline from the News of the World circa 1962. Only difference between the Tory sex scandals orf the 60s and today is there are no dodgy prossies and Russian KGB pimps involved. We knew how to rock the establishment in those days.
Come lately to prominence for sexting and emailing snaps orf his decrepit little cock to sad slappers on social sites various. Not really my field but doubtless The Eye can enlighten us. Allegedly at least a dozen photos and more in assorted porno poses. A source told the Sun on Sunday: “He asked her to send an explicit picture back but she refused. The woman had no idea he was married and was horrified when she discovered the truth.”
The victim orf a classic newspaper sting, the horny little cunt was duped into online flirtatious chats and photo exchanges, and sent a graphic snap exposing himself while wearing a pair of paisley pyjamas. After an undercover reporter sent him an explicit picture supposedly of “Sophie”, Newmark then asked for a more explicit picture “Without your hands in the way and legs parted”. He then said: “I’ll send you something in return….”
Caught with his pants down and plastered all over the internet what has a pervie little cunt left to do but to pull a sickie. “I will be beginning residential psychiatric treatment for the next few weeks in the hope that professional help will enable me to salvage my life and my family.”
Mr Brooks Newmark has since resigned his post as Minister for Civil Society, a job that apparantly involved enhancing the exposure orf wimmen in Government circles. Some success surely. He has indicated to the Prime Minister that he will not fight the next erection.
Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke
The Ebola response
As hordes of diseased African cunts try to come into the country we are sending large numbers orf our troops and NHS staff over to Bugger Bugger Land where they will duly become infected and be brought back here to have every opportunity to spread the virus. On top of all this there are any number orf Christian Missionaries pouring into the region hoping that sporting a pair of Marigolds, a face mask and an erection will protect them if their prayers do not. Now call me an old soldier and an old cunt but thought that the classic way to bring an epidemic under control is to contain it and let it burn itself out.
Point is the jaspers are used to this kind orf thing. They consider a spot orf plague or Deng virus as a natural form orf birth control. All very tragic, every sympathy ect ect but Africa requires its pestilences to keep it vast populations in check. Then the next step is inoculation followed by castration.
You know it makes sense.
Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke
Sent from my cheapo chinko crappo smartmoneyphone
(…and that Jeremy Hunt’s a cunt too. Ed.)
Maroon 5 [2]
I’d preferably listen to jazz or, and it cunting pains me to say this, Muse!
I dunno who the lead singer is but his voice is so absurdly cuntish it defies all conceivable logic that any sentient person would go out of their way to pay money to listen to it.
The first time I heard ‘Pay phone’ (if you haven’t been subjected to it, please, just… just listen in the once so you can stop it a short time into the ‘song’ and remind yourself that you however bad your life is you still have the control to abort such a terrible occurrence) on the cunt filled abyss that is Radio 1 I genuinely believed it to be a joke/comedy song that was released as a piss-take. It’s the worst song I’ve ever heard.
“I’m at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone? Baby, it’s all wrong
Where are the plans we made for two?”
Those are the opening lyrics to the cunt-heap of it.
Take off your caps and stand in a moments reflection on the death of sanity and taste because, you sweet, pure, innocent cunts, that monstrosity sat astride the top of the sales charts in this fair country for 2 fucking weeks.
A dirty, yank, cunt-weasel import that should be drowned in the mid-Atlantic. Maroon cunting 5.
Nominated by: Cunt O’MaCunto
Noel Fielding
And now that blonde hair and Stetson look makes him appear even more of a prize twat…
Nominated by: Norman
Colin Firth
Firth’s screen presence is the cinematic equivalent of tumbleweed. He has negative charisma – whenever he’s on screen, the screen seems somehow emptier. What’s baffling is how the cunt ever achieved the kind of leading man status he currently enjoys. Personally I blame the female audience who swooned over him as Mr Darcy – although anyone who finds the idea of Firth in a wet shirt the least bit arousing must be the kind of frigid, sex-starved fat bird whose idea of raunch is a guilt-wracked rub to a Michael Bublé video.
Nominated by: Fred West