Colin Firth


Colin Firth is long overdue for a cunting. Every time I’ve been to the cinema recently, the main feature and/or the trailers have featured this talentless cunt with his morose, hangdog face and dead eyes.

Firth’s screen presence is the cinematic equivalent of tumbleweed. He has negative charisma – whenever he’s on screen, the screen seems somehow emptier. What’s baffling is how the cunt ever achieved the kind of leading man status he currently enjoys. Personally I blame the female audience who swooned over him as Mr Darcy – although anyone who finds the idea of Firth in a wet shirt the least bit arousing must be the kind of frigid, sex-starved fat bird whose idea of raunch is a guilt-wracked rub to a Michael Bublé video.

Nominated by: Fred West

4 thoughts on “Colin Firth

  1. The memory of Firth diving into that duck pond (not in the novel naturally) still strikes me as the highpoint orf the absurd. The memsahib did wet her knickers over him for a few years in his younger days before his aged before its time boat race became the bloated ruin orf later life. Now the memsahib justs wets her knickers if she forgets her incontinence pads.

    It’s that moist look of pain in the eyes that gets the fillies every time eg Rock Hudson, Larry Olivier, Ian Charleston, Denholm Elliot, Firth et al, Fillies are suckers (pun intended) for bent men on screen. Long rumoured in the bizzo that Firth’s pendulum swings both ways. Interesting that he has cornered the market in the US for the closet camp Englishman donchathink?,

    In his case I put the moist look orf pain down to the prospect orf taking it up the arse with haemorrhoids.

    The cunt mourns his fleeting youth:

    • Sir Limply, ‘Nurenburg trials’ (Tipton rhyming slang) are not to be trivalised. As fellow suffers of ‘grape arse’ will know, they hurt and itch at the same. The scratching is divine, but the pain afterwards is enough to turn a man into a god. I suspect, if ‘Big Colin’ is of the bandit persuasion and suffers from the ‘arse scrunchies’ then taking it up da arse is orf da menu- if you get my drift. Doesn’t stop him from swallowing though.

    • Oddly enough, that morose photo resembles an older Dirk Bogarde.
      The expression might be the trademark of famous chutney ferrets

  2. I think we’re straying from the point here somewhat …… The man is a cunt! And a smug pompous cunt at that!
    Nanny mc feeble cunt!……. That’s it, I’m done.

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