I’d like to nominate Ramblers.

I noticed four figures the other day walking down the Fell,not following the signposted route. Even though it was pissing down, I jumped on the quad and got the dogs and away we went to meet them. When I got to them, it turned out to be a couple with 2 kids. To be fair to them,they were apologetic and admitted that they were on the wrong path when I pointed it out.

The reason that I want to Cunt them isn’t that they were trespassing,it’s that they thought it a good idea to drag 2 kids on such a shite holiday. Who in their fucking right mind would want to holiday in tents in the middle of nowhere in fucking March? There they stood,dithering with the cold and wet, having “the time of their lives”..fucking idiots. If my parents had tried to drag me on some kind of holiday like that, I’d have called Barnardos and demanded to be taken into care.

If your idea of a holiday is sitting under canvas,piss-wet,eaten alive by midges,dining on half-cooked sausages and burnt beans while tramping over acres of barren moor,you are a Cunt.

Fuck Bear Grylls too,the man is a raving wanker.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

Admin note, watch out for these fuckers Dick!

Another first for Blighty. The world’s worst ever dose orf clap.
(what some cunts will do to get in the Guinness Book orf Records)

Now Yours Truly has gorn on record before about encounters various with the old crotch crickets and the gooey stuff and not to forget the old cock rot. An old soldier’s lot. What you sign up for but bugger me that do in Burma in ’44 took a few years to clear. Now a man in Blighty has caught the world’s “worst-ever” case of super-gonorrhoea.
He had a regular partner in the UK, but picked up the superbug after a shag with a woman in South East Asia. Public Health England says it is the first time the infection cannot be cured with first choice antibiotics. Health officials are now tracing any other sexual partners of the man, who has not been identified, in an attempt to contain the infection’s spread.
He picked up the infection earlier in the year.

The main antibiotic treatment – a combination of azithromycin and ceftriaxone – has failed to treat the disease. Dr Gwenda Hughes, from Public Health England, said after pulling out her wire probe from the infected man’s horse prong: “This is the first time any cunt has displayed such high-level resistance to both of these drugs and to most other commonly used antibiotics.”Discussions with the World Health Organization and the European Centres for Disease Control agree this is a world first.”

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

OK, for a bit of an ‘outside-the-box’ cunting, how about this for a nomination – my own shitcunt of a nephew. 16 years in and this cunt probably boils my piss more than any real person I know.

I’ve mentioned the cunt a few times in passing. This isn’t some ‘playing up to the crowd’ piece of familial self-flagellation here; this boy is a cunt, and in a few years time is set to become a major leaguer with his vocal, effectively extreme liberal views. No, I do not really ‘love’ him (FFS) – he represents absolutely everything I detest in modern life and neatly encapsulates almost any social issue I have ever cunted within these hallowed pages. In fact this cunting covers many topics which not only boil piss, but make the shit hang sideways in sheer anger to the point where my toilet visits resemble some kind of disgusting David Copperfield illusion show.

A bit of background – sister fucking dearest has spent her entire life ‘getting lucky’. Her serious working life summates to the grand total of 5 years after graduating; thereafter becoming the bugaboo-wielding posh-tart mummy wheeling her kids – thrice – around the suburbs and living off the money of her dentist husband.

The oldest of the three, reared on a new-age parenting diet of naughty steps, safe spaces and fucking hemp, has adequately demonstrated the severe and dangerous deficiencies of proper discipline and boundaries. This cunt got his own way from extremely early on, despite my own protestations and to his credit, even my brother-in-law tried to argue the case many times for less liberalism. But no, sister dearest knew fucking best – don’t shout at him, don’t correct him and don’t stifle him – and in dong so, raised a Frankenstein’s millennial monster cunt of unfathomable proportions.

This fucker champions LGTBXYZ, claims to be a feminist and spent the whole of GE ’17 driving everyone insane with Corbyn pro-propaganda. Never off the fucking phone for a moment, this bastard has that utterly infuriating tendency to talk in that upward inflection, interspersed with the word ‘like’ every three fucking verbs and adds that beyond-the-pale habit of a slight Atlantic twang to what should be a proper fucking whitebread Southwest accent. The cunt is so loud and obnoxious it is untrue. He has applied three times to get on QT and so far failed – it’s about the only possible good thing I can say in favour of the BBC.

It’s my own personal nightmare. Like that episode of Black Mirror where that poor fucker is consigned to spend over 1,440,000 years re-living the scene of his crime with ‘I Wish it Could be Christmas Every Day’ playing on loop; just as inhuman is my suffering with the future Owen Jones right in my fucking midst. This probably says more about me than him, but in recent years he has had targeted abuse and aggro from some other kids and I actually sympathise with them instead of him, because I know fine well what he is like. One incident saw kids inscribe on his locker “reserved for a shit”; another saw some irreverent soul just print off and post endless photoshopped images of him standing next to Bungle, Zippy and George with no caption. Each time sister mentions these incidents, I have to leave the room and laugh so fucking hard without making a sound.

It might sound cruel but he irrefutably brings all this upon himself. A superiority complex and and a sense of entitlement fostered all his life to date has molded him into one of Britain’s future all-time cunts. He stands out, even at his posh school full of obnoxious wankers, as tosspot zero. So come one, come all and don’t stand on ceremony to cunt my very own nephew. The fucking cunt.

Nominated by.The Empire Cunts Back

I’d like to Cunt the current trend for every sporting event to be preceded by a minutes silence/clapping for whichever person with even the most tenuous of connection to the sport has croaked.

The camera pans along the players, who these days seem to have to lead out a veritable smorgasbord of handicapped children ranging in colour from deathly pale to coal-tar sooty.

Everyone has to pretend that they give a fuck that some old fart who played for Accrington Stanley in 1935 or whatever has finally told his boring interminable anecdotes for the final time.

The supporters are just as bad,determined to virtue signal their “goodness” to all and sundry,their moon-faced bovine expressions bringing to mind bargain-bucket day at Burger King…..unless they happen to be Liverpool fans,of course,in which case they’ll be too busy trampling their “family” underfoot in an attempt to get in for free. (Self-pity city spongers)

It doesn’t happen at the decent sports…rugby,cricket,horse-racing. More at the kind of sports popular with Ian Wright’s type. I don’t see why the game should be delayed to honour some fucker who we can be certain won’t appreciate it.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler