Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

The Nationwide sisters ad

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Admin were kind enough to post my nomination on Modern Advertising during Autumn last year.

But a special mention must go to those infuriating Nationwide sisters. Two cringeworthy, middle-class shitcunts bludgeoning their way through truly awful ditties that seem to last a fucking eternity.

For all the cunters who will say ‘oo?’ Play the above if you dare!

For fucking Corbett Christ’s sake. Adverts are bad enough, but these tone-deaf cunts from the fucking Cotswolds make each advert break a desperate fucking scramble for the remote mute button.

Hopefully the rest of their lives will be tarnished by endless Google searches, complete with subsequent derision and hate campaigns.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

Stormzy

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Michael Omari aka Stormzy was born in a Croydon council house after his single parent mum emigrated from Ghana to Britain in the hope of giving herself and her family a better life.

Her son certainly got one when he scooped two Brit Awards last week. Accepting his awards he thanked God, his family — and then proceeded to attack the Tory Government.

He rapped: ‘Yo, Theresa May, where’s the money for Grenfell . . . and you got the cheek to call us savages, you should do some jail time . . . we should burn your house down and see if you can manage this.’

The PM has never called anyone ‘savages’ let alone the victims and survivors of Grenfell. Her government has committed £58 million to helping victims of the Grenfell tragedy and more will follow.

For all his life Stormzy has happily benefited from the health care, housing and education opportunities this country has provided and as he relaxes in his £2 million flat he repays our help and hospitality by inciting people to burn down the PMs house and calling the government murderers.

Well Stormzy, if thats’s how you feel feel free to fuck off back to shithole your mother rescued you from and see how long you last trashing their government.

And take your grime crap music with you because if that’s an example of the best in British music, then British music is well and truly fucked.

Nominated by Dioclese

Banksy [3]

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I note that Banksy hasn’t been cunted for over two years and is back in the news making a cunt of himself again. Talk about a one trick pony and the arse has well and truly been torn out of the trick. Same old stencilled shite that looks exactly the same as the ten that preceded It, accompanied by a slogan of vaguely subversive lefty bolleaux. Which, of course, his army of simpering, clueless disciples lap up as though it were a proclamation from God himself.

If I woke up in the night and found Banksy vandalising my property, I’d stove the cunts head in, I’ll tell you cunts that for fuck all.

Nominated by Mecha-rigsby

Clare Balding [4]

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Clare ‘Bernard’ Balding has somehow transmogrified from being a merely annoying horse-loving sportscunt commentator, to an al-BBC monstrous box-ticking pet project used to champion the usual causes of Wimmin, Homos, and Fruits. But her cuntitude is far deeper than the sum of those shitty liberal parts.

Her shouty-cunty faux-startled delivery alone is usually enough to grind the gears of even the most transcendental Buddhist. However, she unbelievably took it up a further notch this week by forcing her ‘outrage’ upon viewers at the fair and just disqualification of dismal snowflake and Winter Olympic skating failure, Elise Crashtie. Quite what Bernard Balding was so exasperated about is beyond me – just commentate on the unfolding events and spare us your fucking shit-opinion, you shit-haired cunt.

In fact, therein lies the real cunt – similar to recent cunting analysis on newsreaders like Tom Bradby, Balding is a joint-honours graduate from the school of cunt presenters who need to BE the news as much as deliver it. Listening to the indignant rug-muncher bark away for this ‘just’ cause and practically tug herself into a stupor of over-indulgent whiteknighting was enough to consider whether my right fist could ram through the LCD TV screen unscathed.

I remember a few years ago half-watching the Lord Mayor’s parade on TV. Balding, not yet the national cunt-treasure she was destined to become, interviewed some little boy with trademark simpleton zeal and alarmist exclamation. Afterward, going back to Dimblebee in the commentary pod, he made this truly bizarre statement, spoken in all sincerity: “I suspect that little boy never imagined when he woke up today that he would end up getting a chance to talk to Clare Balding.”

I bet he fucking well didn’t, the poor bastard.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

A simple and brief cunting again for Clare as she is the embodiment of the abc and vice versa.

Her stupid Ray Mears lacquered hair, Desperate Dan chin, and that boxers neck carries more weight than that the fact that she clearly knows fuck all about any sport (still) outside of the posh horses. Lots of fake enthusiasm and nodding of the head when listening to our washed up athletes makes her a national treasure forever apparently.

Not content with taxpayers money tho.. casts her net to C4 and BT also. The grabbing cunt.

Nominated by Slinky Pinky

Paloma Faith [2]

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Paloma fucking Faith. Again.

This half baked, talent-free cunt thinks more men should have worn white roses to some cuntfest or other. To show solidarity with some cuntfest or other.

Yes, that would make all the difference wouldn’t it. The pervs would think twice if more people wore white roses. Oxfam etc wouldn’t have these problems if a collection of lightweight, warbling cunts wore white roses.

What is the matter with this vacant, half baked cunt that she thinks futile gestures and her views on them matter?

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble