Public Service Announcement: Flying Ant Day

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All, Flying Ant Day will soon be upon us, so here’s what you need to know.

There’s no specific day as such. This takes place between late June and August and is when queen ants take to the air pursued by hundreds of horny males. So, much like the Summer mating rituals of humans, except we don’t fly after the females.

The media will no doubt offer advice on how to keep these irritating bastards out of your house.

The Express will probably suggest sealing all doors and windows with expanding foam, and sitting with your feet in a bowl of iced water as you attempt not to suffocate/die of heatstroke, because they always offer such sensible advice, the absolute morons.

Some people will suggest burning sage, of dried tea leaves, or something equally useless.

My advice, purchase a full beekeepers outfit and wear it constantly. Temu sells them. Or you could buy a can of Raid and zap them into oblivion.

Stoke Sentinel

You’re welcome, no need to thank me.

Nominated by : Jeezum Priest

95 thoughts on “Public Service Announcement: Flying Ant Day”

  1. They’re just ants JP,
    not the Luftwaffe.

    we have em in our composer.
    harmless!
    only fly for a day then fo back to doing ant stuff..
    lifting weights, spoiling picnics and stuff.

    Are you worried they’ll carry you off?

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    • ps
      burning sage?

      who suggested that?!
      sitting bull?
      burning sage is for calming the angry spirits of red injuns on sacred grounds.

      Sheffield doesn’t have a large apache community.

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      • Burning sage is very popular amongst the aging hippy community, Mis.

        Clarissa and Farquhar are great supporters of the practice. It’s known as smudging, and is the upper-class idiot version of Feng Shui.

      • I’m sure Feng Shui is no 14 on the menu at the Golden Dragon.
        Or fried cat and prawn crackers in English.

  3. Flying ant day, now that’s something worth celebrating.
    Maybe we should push for a whole month..
    Ants have achieved more in history than the pavement apes.

    Though I imagine blacks have ruined more picnics than ants have. And ants have never carried off someone’s television before.

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  4. I haven’t seen flying ants since the 80’s! Even before I lost my mobility and was walking dogs in the park or woods never saw any. Perhaps even the ants know what a shit hole area this is now. Not enough white people to nip🤭

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  5. Those flying fuckers usually hatch out in my polytunnel in June each year, for which I keep a tub of DDT handy.

    None at all this year though, obviously due to climate collapse.
    So Mental Ed has banned electric towel rails to save the Ant.

    Well done Ed.

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    • DDT Geordie?
      Crap.
      Get yourself some Agent Orange then napalm the bastards
      🐜
      (Mind you, you`ll have no garden left, but that`s a small price to pay).

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  6. One day and a few flying ants?
    You lucky cunts!

    What tourists don’t get at all on the beaches, and very few in built up resorts is fucking cicadas.

    These are the noisy, huge flying insects that hang out for the entire summer in forests, parks and any garden where there are a few trees.

    If you get just one outside of your house then you can’t easily have a conversation and you will need to turn up the telly to be able to hear it.

    If you make a loud noise or spray where you think one is with water, they may shut the fuck up for a minute or so, but they soon start off again.

    If you are unlucky enough to have one get into your house where it can’t escape then you will go through hell for weeks.
    They will make their mating call constantly but when they sense movement, like when you go looking for the cunts, then they shut up and you can’t find them.

    Half a dozen of them in a pine forest would be deafening, but there is never half a dozen, they hang out together in their thousands.

    You can be driving at speed on a motorway with your windows up and music on, but when you pass a patch where they are you can still hear them.

    And we have to put up with the horrible cunts for at least 3 months…. Every fucking year.

    Good morning.

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    • Shame there’d not one to blast particles of sausagemeat into muzzıes, see if they turn into ashes, like vampires exposed to sunlight or English wimmin exposed to personal accountability.
      Call it the ‘Koran Kannon’.
      Morning Odin/all.

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      • Empty paint ball rounds using a syringe then refill with semi melted lard. Handled carefully prior to shooting they don’t leak. Ideal ammo for dealing with pesky peacefuls.

  8. If you have a sweet tooth, you will be overrun by ants. They’ve been known to carry away big fat cunts who eat the wrong foods, which wasn’t mentioned in the previous article on obese bastards.

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  10. Anyone would think its like Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds’, although they are welcome to swarm and devour Chris Packham.

    I was reading about the heatwave of 76′ and the massive swarms of ladybirds that bit people. I wasn’t born but does anyone else remember this? Maybe JP was cornered on his way home by a swarm fresh out of burning sage and this triggered his fly ant anxiety?

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    • I remember it LL.
      I was a kid, we were in Southport and there was ladybirds everywhere.

      apparently they came over from France like most opportunists,
      and we’re starving.

      I complained I’d been bitten and my dad gave me a clout for telling lies.
      “stop telling lies they don’t bite”.😡

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    • LL, yes I remember the panicked headlines about vast ladybird swarms.

      According to the media at the time they were supposed to terrorise the public and decimate farmers crops.

      Guess what? It didn’t happen.

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    • As teenagers, if we ever got a warm day we would go to the lido and get a tan, and hopefully get a fit girl too.

      Sun oil and creams were unheard of by us and probably only used by póófs.
      But in the summer of ’76 I was advised that if you wanted to get a good tan then olive oil was the thing to use.

      Back then I don’t think that it was stocked in supermarkets like it is now.

      By mistake and in my stupidity, I brought a bottle of cod liver oil.

      I spread it all over myself and did notice the strange pong and the local cats sitting on my garden wall.

      I got a good tan nevertheless.

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    • I was on the beach in Blackpool with my young family in ‘76 and the ladybirds were everywhere. They were also attracted to yellow cars from what I can remember.

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      • I know that tastes were different then Sammy, but anyone that buys a bright yellow car deserves whatever they get.

        I wonder what ladybirds mistake one for?

        It’s obviously a horrible yellow car.
        Probably driven by a bender.

      • From one extreme to another. In the winter of ‘63 my parents and I in my late teens were transferred to a new estate from the blackjack eating vermin in Bradford Manchester to Darnhill Heywood and nearly froze to death.

      • Same experience here Sammy. The winter of ’63, the summer of ’76 and you even survived the winter of ’47 as a toddler. We were so ill-informed we just thought of it as the British weather, we didn’t realise the climate change apocalypse was upon us. Strange we’re still here really. The move out of the slums was for us in 1970, in my late teens like your good self. That council house, talk about flash, it had indoor plumbing!

        As for yellow cars Arty, in the early/mid seventies it was the fashionable colour to have. Others in subsequent years for instance were silver and red. Sure as the sun rises in the east yellow will return to fashion one day.

      • I remember the Summer of 1976. Bubbling tarmac roads, ladybirds, Gallagher and Lyle, cunt ice cream vans overcharging, Elsie Tanner’s return, the Pistols on Granada, the aertex Admiral Man United shirt, Farrah Fawcett.

    • Remember it well, I was on a trip to Herm as we got off the boat from St Peter’s port the stone harbour steps were covered in them.
      Thousands of squashed 🐞.
      No mention of “global warming” in 76. It got hot in may and stayed hot until September..🌄
      We called it a GREAT SUMMER..!

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  12. I hate them.

    I view them as an aggressive, rival civilization, especially after they invaded my home in several places a few years ago, having infested the wall cavities. The previous owners had obviously not been on the ball.

    They are cheeky bastards who will take what is yours. Their sheer numbers, organisation and determination make them a formidable, communist type of enemy, which require robust and unceasing action. For anybody who has seen that science fiction film, Phase IV, it will be understood that they are attempting to take over the world.

    I have since pushed the bug scum back to the fringes of the property by committing a determined programme of genocide against them. Attacking their nests and bases, using boiling water, ant powder, borax, and fruit laced with nasty chemicals. I also trod on them whenever I see them near my house.

    On flying ant day I massacre as many of their vile queens and other varieties as possible to undermine their cause and numbers the following year.

    The war turned in my favour some time ago, but they never stop trying to reassert themselves. There can never be complacency. I will always be on my guard and ready to exterminate them.

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      • We don’t have any nasty ones, like army or driver ants, now they can be real bastards!

      • Indeed Jeezum and an unusual attitude these days. Good for you V Bomber. On the regional television news programmes down here there are regular stories featuring people in social housing in the East End staring at the black mould on the walls and complaining bitterly that the authorities are tardy in coming out to clean it off for them. Conincidentally they all seem to be ethnics.

      • @Lord S;

        There are pockets of red ants round here, aggressive bastards which crawl up your legs biting as they go. Makes you move fast as they head for your scrotum I can tell you!

    • I just cranked up my hose pipe, V Bomber, and I drowned scores of them. This was a bit ago. But I did every single one. On the flags, on the walls, on the garden umbrella. A total genocide with the pressure hose on full blast. As for the bodies? A quick sweep up and alight in the incinerator. Popping and crackling like Billy-O.

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  13. I think an army of ants who don’t know their own strength, could be beneficial to us and be the secret ingredient we’ve been looking for in helping us keep illegals at bay.

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  14. The towel headed immies will think it is the return of one of the great plagues of Eejit, the one wheew the sky turns black with flying insects. There will be protests across Londinistan to demand reparations from the Zionists. All of this is prophesied in the second book of Netanyahu.

    Good morning, everyone.

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  17. no doubt all advice will be aired on the bbc public infornation service and propaganda programme…..or more commonly known as ‘Eastenders’

    Reply ↓

    • Ah, DeadEnders aka NeverEnders. Still churning out woke mockney shite. four decades of absolute crap. After Dirty Den and Angie left, it turned to permanent turd. They were the only two who made it worth watching.

      And, I was well disappointed with Zoe Slater’s return, She used to be killer. Fit as fuck. Now, she is like all other Walford slags… Fat, fake tanned and shouty. Just like her ‘Mavva’ the infamous slapper, Kat.

      Oh yeah, ‘Zow’ now has a long lost kid… Uppity, chippy, irritating, shouty and – you guessed it – black. What a surprise, eh?

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  19. It has to be remembered that ants were around before the Ice Age, so just after this event with the earth being cooler, unlike now, flying ant day would have been much later in the year. So just like Mad Ed, even insects are influenced by the so called “Climate Change.”

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  20. Remember the last World Cup being played in hamshankland and bored me to tears. With this robotic shite they are playing now, they should’ve allowed an army of ants to complete. The yanks would’ve loved that especially with anything to do with the mentioning of anything military.

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  22. Anyone remember the Colorado Beetle scare?
    There were posters in public places urging people to inform the police if they sighted one.
    Apparently they were going to bring Britain to the point of famine.
    Which, invariably, didn’t happen.
    And now we don’t hear fuck all about them?
    Have they retired?

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  23. They are harmless. But, there are fucking loads of them.
    Last year, our back garden was like a a scene out of the Ten Commandments.
    I expected Chuck Heston in Moses garb to turn up.😉

    Our big green garden parasol thing turned black. The little chaps seemed to love it.😆

    Best thing to do is let them have their annual ant rave, and they fuck off overnight and fly somewhere else. Needless to say, they make wimmin scream. The Mrs isn’t scared of them. But all her relatives and friends are. They are a spectacular sight in numbers. But the way some women screech , you’d think it was a squadron of Tie Fighters led by Darth Vader.🤣

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    • I like em.
      one day a year they party in the garden,
      they don’t leave litter or play loud music.

      I leave em to it

      You can train em JP,
      to fly to wrist and use them to hunt rabbits.

      I can just imagine you in your baggy shorts out on the Sheffield moorland
      with your trained ant.

      ” come on kes!
      come on girl!”

      swinging a lure,
      your falconry glove held aloft…
      ..

      Reply ↓

    • I don’t mind them either, Miserable. A step up from lagered up chavs, with their stinking barbecues and their shitty music.

      Yeah, I quite like the little fellows. Especially Marco. Merrick, Terry Lee….

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  25. OT from the WC (the World Cup, not the bog)…

    That last Germany game just sums up how diabolically bad this World Cup in America is. Cunt of a ground announcer thinks he’s doing the bastard Superbowl, and – to add insult to injury – a flat chested lesbian referee. When the States was once renowned for its totty and the fit cheerleaders of the NASL. Now long gone and killed by woke, like everything else. Bestie will be turning in his grave.

    Fuck it, Italia 90 is going on the DVD player today. I’ve got every game.

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  26. The ants are super intelligent, they are coming to get us (see Phase VI). They already outnumber us by trillions to one. Once they invent their own biolabs and build them along the Ukraine/Russian border we will be totally fucked.

    They are absolutely everywhere, they are coming up the garden path, they are pouring in through the letterbox. An unstoppable horde, they are climbing my legs now. No escape..Aaargh…Noooo…

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  27. O/T Iran very unlucky as they fail to make knockout stages of World Cup. Oh dear, what a shame.

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  28. I believe they are receiving signals from an aggressive, alien civilization. Similar to what happens to members of our ruling elite and others suffering from the “woke mind virus”.

    The wavelength of the transmissions is effective on weaker brains, and in those with higher levels of soy and oestrogen in their bloodstream. Hence, the totally irrational and illogical behaviour that they seem unable to stop engaging in. In the case of the ants, it is their collective mass and intelligence, centered on the queen ants, which the alien guidance has effect upon.

    In the case of humans, who are their main obstacle and whose brains they want to suck out, the objective is to render them less effective. Less organised and stable, more stupid and lazy, particularly in the higher echelons such that, like the fish, the whole will rot from the head down. However, for their ant allies, the opposite is so. If enough energy can be transferred to them, they may well grow in size and become a formidable enemy for us. Imagine every worker ant increasing in mass by ten or a hundred times.

    Every time a worker ant bites somebody and makes it back to the nest, human brain-wave information contained at the molecular level of the captured blood can be interpreted and digested by the queen ants. This is one of the reasons cheap ant powder isn’t very effective any more. They know to avoid it.

    Now you know, take the necessary steps, but remember: Mum’s the word. They’re always listening…

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    • Good Lord, I can see my advice was rather naive, when I suggested a can of bug spray.

      How about a military grade flame thrower?

      Or lure them into the house and then burn it to the ground after sealing all windows and doors, air bricks and vents?

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    • Christ V Bomber, of course, you’ve nailed it! That’s why they’ve taken Radio4 off 198kHz, they’re clearing the frequency for the use of the mind controlling transmissions of the alien invaders. Signals on that frequency penetrate everywhere, even the nuclear armed subs deep in the ocean monitor it reliably. We really are fucked.

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  29. What I could do with right now whilst thinking of something black and small, are a couple of Pygmy women. One sitting on my dong and the other rubbing her tits in my face. Fan me down and swap places, giving me a tit wank and the other smother my face with her snatch.

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  30. Does anyone know if ants get the covids? Our best chance to stop their bid for world domination is if they get long covids. Then they will just lie about all day on their tiny sofas watching daytime telly and eating Domino’s pizza.

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    • Chinese are like ants.

      .basically a yellow 5ft ant.

      working away secretly,
      eat anything .
      snidey little cunts

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