A quick and succinct cunting for Grayson Perry.
This exhibitionist, mincing, pointless cunt is in the paper today talking about a TV series and how it made him cry. Well, you dragged up twat, watching anything you are in would make me cry.
What the fuck has happened to us when creatures like this and that other mincing drag queen Izzard get serious attention rather than the ridicule they so richly deserve.
The cunts.
Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble
Mad Mütter Merkel is ein big cunt, isn’t she? Again.
We can have a deal but we must “commit to accepting the rules.” Oh. Has this loopy, tunnel-visioned dough-faced frau been in a coma for 26 months? Has she gone blind from overdosing on sauerkraut? Did the frumpy harpee miss our Referendum because she was concentrating on rapey immigrants and shoring up the concrete bollards outside der Khristmås markets too much?
We know the Fourth Reich supports/loves/is the EU. We know it suits the Fatherland to have a captive, enslaved market to whom to flog its Teutonic tat. We know the EU is perfect for easing the, erm, guilt of those difficult early 20th century years. This, though, is more schizen, perhaps even the last gasps of power before the Queen of Europe (© Angela Merkel) is finally usurped.
A future of global, tarrif-free cars await our the British buyers so…
Nein, danke-shun, überKunt.
Nominated by Captain Magnanimous
Say bye bye to the Fat Controller and a great big culturally enriched hello to the average build, gender neutral, ethnic minority peaceful economic migrant controller…
Yes, you heard it right. The politically correct 21st century has finally inveigled (look it up the thick cunts) the last bastion of childhood, Thomas the Tank Engine. I shit you not! Thomas is going out into the world in an attempt to get our children to embrace the wonders of ethnic diversity. Never mind Sodor! Look out world – because Thomas is coming…
New multi-cultural characters in the show include Ashima from India; Yong Bao from China; and Shane from Australia. It’s not yet known how the rail-bound little train will manage to cross oceans, but fantasy elements and dream sequences seems to offer up a likely solution.
And while we’re at it, let’s not forget sexual equality. Not content with just a female controller, longtime favourites Percy, Gordon, James and Emily will be joined by new characters Nia and Rebecca to balance the gender divide. The gender divide FFS! They’re fucking fictional toy trains!
Author the Rev Awdry’s granddaughter, Claire Chambers, welcomed the changes to the franchise, saying she thinks her grandfather would be “very happy” with them. Not as happy as her perhaps as the new characters represent wonderful merchandising opportunities for expanding your little darlings collection of lovable characters just in time for Christmas.
Apparently, each episode will end with a “life lesson” from Thomas. Like how to make shed loads of money by exploiting pester power perhaps?
Ringo won’t be doing the narrative for the new series. Wise man! Leave the cunts to fuck it up all on their own.
Meanwhile here’s a preview of some episodes of the new show…
Nominated by Dioclese
Herman Van Rompuy, former President of the EUSSR deserves a nomination. He stuck his bald head above the parapet a few days ago to issue his own version of Project Fear. Van Rompuy is claiming that Brexit poses an ‘existential threat’ to the UK and will lead to an increase in support for Scottish independence. In an interview with the Observer, Van Rompuy said, “We could end up with a situation in which the EU27 becomes more united and a United Kingdom less united”.
An ironic thing to say, considering the Italian government is currently threatening to withhold its contribution to the EU budget over the illegal immigrant crisis. And then there’s countries like Hungary and Poland being threatened with legal action over their refusal to take in hordes of Muslim males. The same Muslim males that Merkel invited to come to Germany a couple of years ago. Yes, the EU27 are really united.
Nigel Farage was right when he described Van Rompuy as a “Nobody who has the charisma of a damp rag and appearance of a low-wage bank clerk”. Even when he was the Belgian Prime Minister, he was an instantly forgettable, less than mediocre, fart of a man. And as EU President, he was even less impressive. And as Farage rightly points out, Van Rompuy is an EU fanatic. His one and only dream is a United States of Europe. And it’s the same with all the other pro-EU fanatics.
Van Rompuy’s vision of a united Europe, is one where all Europeans countries kow tow to an undemocratic, unelected group of EU Presidents and commissioners, that ultimately answers to the German government. THAT is the EU that Van Rompuy wants. And it is our duty to see that Van Rompuy’s dream is left in tatters.
Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw
Bono has announced he would be flying the EU flag on stage in the forthcoming U2 tour, because waving it was now “a radical act”. This was momentous for me – it was the 100th time, exactly, since I started making notes in my desk diary, that Bono has done something that made me think ‘Jesus, what a c##t’.
And therefore thinking of starting a movement to make August 30, from now on, official World ‘Bono Is A Cunt’ Day.
People can mark this in different ways, according to their own personal experience of the Irish dwarven gobshite’s unbearable sanctimoniousness, balcony-playing liberalism and eye watering hypocrisy. You may for example like to pin banknotes to your shirt, in reference some of those comments on people needing to pay tax to help the poor, whilst Bono himself was maintaining offshore tax haven accounts for all the royalties from his whining, recycled-Radio 2-rock sales to clueless local authority traffic office workers and regional double glazing sales managers. Or you might carry the flag of any of the half arsed Third World regimes that the cunt in question has come out in support of, over the years, usually just before they started arresting their opponents. Or you could wear tinted glasses indoors at night. Like an absolute cunt.
I think this could really catch on.
Nominated by Rural Cunt
To add on to Rural Cunt’s excellent first cunting, Bono is a monumental Mount Rushmore monolithic cunt…
If that tax dodging pontificating hypocritical Paddywood and Potatoland gobshite, Bonio, says one more thing about Brexit and Britain leaving the EU… Doesn’t the multimillionaire bogtrotting gnome cunt realise, it is a British matter?… That the British people voted for it?… It is nothing to do ‘wid Oi-urlund’ and even less to do with ivory tower tax dodging celebrity areslicking gobshites like him… So I suggest old dog biscuit and his horrendous mastiff-esque wife fuck off to one of their tax havens (Amsterdam and Monte Carlo being just two of them) and leave British business to British people… Savvy, you bogtrotting cunt?…
Nominated by Norman