ENGLAND! I suppose it is out of order to cunt a whole country but can I say, it appears to me to be most definitely fucked and well on the way to cuntdom. I am just back from a few weeks in the still quite green but now not so pleasant land that I left 40 years ago to emigrate to Australia. Admittedly I was only in Birmingham and the Midlands generally but I think that was a good representation.

Whilst I had a great time I did find it quite depressing at times to see just how much things seem to have changed for the worse. The weather was not very good but Birmingham just seemed so damp and depressing.Sure, they have revitalised the city center but some of the suburbs….fuck me, the litter in some places would put a Mumbai slum to shame. Chicken shops and Burger joints everywhere and crowds of “yoofs “on every corner. More burquas than Kabul, more deep tans than Kingston Jamaica and more mosques than Saudi Arabia and in some suburbs hardly any Anglo Saxon appearing people. Almost all of the people I met, when I told them I had emigrated years ago all said the same thing. “I wish I had, this country is fucked “.

Another thing, all of the pavements have “Acne “……..Singapore did the right thing when they banned chewing gum. What a blight those dark spots are, every 6 inches or so. And don’t start me on the dog shit and beggars on every corner and in every doorway in the city center. Broad Street Birmingham on a Friday night was like a hookers convention as streams of hen parties competed to see who could get pissed the quickest. Quite entertaining though as I watched pretty, scantily clad young things puking their guts up in the gutter.

Now, I aint saying Australia is perfect but fuck me, it is a lot better than the country I used to love. Not much to love there now I am sad to say.

Nominated by Grumpy Old Cunt

An obscure cunting with more than a hint of Scousism.

‘A British tourist accused of spray painting his name on a historic landmark in Thailand could face 10 years in prison.
Local police said Lee Furlong, 23, from Liverpool, has admitted defacing Tha Phae Gate in the city of Chiang Mai.
Video appears to show a man spraying “Scouser Lee” on the gate, part of which dates back to the 13th Century.’

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Sorry but this thick-as-pig-shit, married-for-money-to-a-rich-motherfucker n!gger-nagger deserves another cunting for now comparing Brexit supporters with terrorists.

This thick as pig shit and twice as nasty bitch deserves to be exposed for the fucking whinging self centered cunt that she is.

The truth is she sounds as shrill and demented as Alistair Campbellend, and hopefully after March 29th next year the pair of them will be discarded on the waste ground round a manure factory and totally irrelevant.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

Hellow, Iym Rrob Brry-donn and Iym a bit of a cunt, aren’t I?

Wel-come to the Rrob Brrydonn Show. A show all abowt ME! A smug, unfunny, Welsh oompah-loompah wallowing in my own e-go. Yes!

Fisrstlee, we’ll take a look at some of my wonderful prrogrammes. Like Would I Lie To You, a pannell show where I can tayke the piss out of David Mitchell for being a posh, Sutherrn Sofftee, and likewyse tayke the piss out of Lee Mack for being an ignorant Northerrn monkey! I’ll occasionally gurn at the cam-er-a and flash my phosphorescent gnashers.
Aren’t I fabyoo-lus!

And who could forget my programme The Trip where I’m able to contrive all sorts of situations in Italy and Spain just to be able to make sorry imitations of Anthony Hopkins and various James Bonds. And…I wasn’t even the more irritating one in the programme. Heh Heh!

Don’t tell me you have-unt seen my P & O advertisements? Ah! I’m so jocular. They’re paying me to PER-SWAYDE you to go. Ha ha! Of course, in ree-al life, I wouldn’t be seen dead on a cruise ship! Ha ha, I’m wonderful.

Iym only a short-arse, you know. I ee-ven wear high he-als.

Have you heard my Man-Trapped-In-A-Box? Ha ha ha, aren’t I hilaaaarious?

Iym Rob Brrydon and I’m a bit of a cunt. Ha ha!

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

‘Women are from Venus, men are from Mars’, so they say. It’s a useful turn of phrase to describe variations in attitude and outlook between the sexes. I reckon that a prime example of this syndrome can be found in relation to the use of mobile phones.

Yesterday I got on a bus and chanced to sit in front of a lardy scratter who was giving it what for on her mobile, verbal diarrhoea of the ‘so ah sez to ‘er ah sez listen ah sez’ variety. You’ve all been there.

After about ten minutes, a bloke opposite gets a call, which proceeded like this; ‘hello…yeah…yeah…right see ya’. Fifteen seconds max. Meanwhile the whale spouts on…and on… until lo and behold, a second phone in her bag goes off. Wtf??

A SECOND phone, presumably for when the battery in the first gives up the ghost.

Then it’s ‘gotta go that’s my other phone ring ya later’ (!!!!), on to second phone and off we go again… ‘yeah ‘ello like ah’m on the bus (no shit, Sherlock!) no ah wuz just speakin’ to ‘er no she ‘adn’t ‘eard so ah told ‘er wot ‘ad ‘appened like an’ she sez…’.

After 45 minutes of ear-bashing my journey came to a merciful end, and I walked up the road day-dreaming about taking that mobile and stuffing sideways into the fat sow’s fucking fat gob. Where mobile phone use is concerned, women are indeed from Venus, and men are indeed from Mars.

What on earth do they find to yak and burble on about for so fucking long?

Nominated by Ron Knee