“Elf on the Shelf” is a cunt.

Don’t know what it is but I’m hearing it everywhere.
I don’t know that if I understood it I would be cunting it, but right now I am.

Nominated by Birdman

Elf on the fucking Shelf (yes there really is one featuring ‘naughty’ elves) is “a marketing juggernaut dressed up as a tradition” whose purpose is “to spy on kids” and that one shouldn’t “bully your child into thinking that good behaviour equals gifts” says The Atlantic columnist Kate Tuttle in the USA.

Washington Post reviewer Hank Stuever characterized the concept as “just another nannycam in a nanny state obsessed with penal codes”.

Professor Laura Pinto suggests that it conditions kids to accept the surveillance state and that it communicates to children that “it’s okay for other people to spy on you, and you’re not entitled to privacy.” She argues that “if you grow up thinking it’s cool for the elves to watch me and report back to Santa, well, then it’s cool for the NSA to watch me and report back to the government … The rule of play is that kids get to interact with a doll or video game or what have you, but not so with the Elf on the Shelf: The rule is that you don’t touch the elf. Think about the message that sends.”

Basically you buy this piece of shit at Thanksgiving (that’s the day we all sit around in the UK drinking heavily and thinking ‘Thank fuck for 1776 when we got rid of these cunts’). You then move it around the house each day pretending that Santa has sent it to make sure your kids are good in the run up to Christmas. So it’s OK for your brat to be a total cunt the rest of the year, is it?

Take a look at Amazon (another American crock of crap) where there are no less than 1,284 items exploiting this ‘tradition’. They come in all colours too – white, brown, black, yellow. As one cunter observed “Since when were Santa’s elves brown fuckers?”

But the last word goes to one canny mother on MumsNet : “I’ve got enough to do without moving some stupid toy elf around the house every day!”

Nominated by Dioclese

Christ on a fucking bike! I simply refuse to believe that this elf on a fucking shelf cuntishness exists, surely it is a joke?

You would have to be some sort of monumental, sans taste, council estate dwelling thick as pigshit cunt to part with your hard earned on this pile of cunt.

A product for the tasteless tacky human vermin if ever there was one. How fucking depressing.

Nominated by Dick Byrne

Houses covered in Christmas Lights are a cunt.

True to form,these cunting eyesores have started appearing in the less salubrious parts of Bristol,ironic when you consider the price of electricity these days – probably being run off the neighbours supply in most cases. What is the fucking point?. I saw one that had a giant inflatable Santa on the roof swinging a sack. The cunt must have been visible from Space.

Nominated by Mary Hinge

What cunt decided that spraying teeny little sparkly bits on Christmas and birthday cards was a good idea?

Mrs D is cursed with a December birthday and the other day received a card covered in red glitter. The bloody thing was opened on the kitchen table and, being aware of the evils of fucking glitter, has remained there ever since. OK so the fucking table is covered with little red shiny bits that we clean up every day with a damp cloth, but…

Why the fuck am I finding this shit on the bedroom floor?
Why is it on the sofa in the lounge?
Why is it on the bathroom mirror?

The fucking house is covered in glitter! All from one fucking card! It’s even on my face and clothes ffs!

Glitter is a cunt, and any cunt that sends cards with glitter on is a cunt and will be instantly removed from my Christmas card list, the sadistic cunt…

Nominated by Dioclese