David Haye

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Can I nominate David Haye the boxer for a cunting due to the fact the guy is a total fucking retard of a cunt. He should have learned the last time he wouldn’t shut his fucking mouth until it was shut for him. Just take the money for the fight you cunt and stop trying to big up the endless ball room dancing demo you turned the last few fights into, it’s embarrassing and if your going to retire stay fucking retired……..so rather than mouthing off to get public interest, just channel all that verbal energy into fighting better and putting on a good sportsman like show cuz at the moment you’re 2 steps away from the football hoolie cunts.

Nominated by fuglyucker.

Well here we are and the Haye V Bellew undercard is about as entertaining as a stubbed toe!

Christ this is drier than the Atacama Desert!

And the PC-ness of having a lady commentator alongside Johnny Nelson when she quite clearly has no fucking idea (purely because there’s a lady’s bout on) is ridiculous to the sublime.

I hope the main event is better than this shite otherwise I’ll ask Sky for a refund!

I’ve seen better fights in workingmens clubs of a Sunday afternoon in the old days of pub licencing laws where pubs weren’t allowed to open on Sunday afternoons!

Sixteen quid! Fucking joke!

Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt.

Michael Heseltine (2)

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Tarzan, Lord of the Westminster jungle, has been monkeying around…..again. As a result, he has been given the heave-ho as a government advisor, after swinging through the chambers of the Lords attempting to put a banana skin under Article 50.

Being interviewed by Sky on 8 March, he said P.M May’s role was a “man-sized” job. Nice one Tarzan, on International Wimmins Day too. That would normally have gone down like a fart in a spacesuit with the Feministas. Although, they will probably overlook it since he’s not just any old Tory toff from the neolithic age, to be ritually castigated, drawn and quartered in public, as would be standard operating procedure, for the loud and proud Fem-brigade.

Instead, he is a new improved ‘Remoaning Old Tory Toff’. Long gone for him, are the days of having to listen to 1980’s  shouts of  ‘Tory Scum’  and ‘Maggie Out’. He’s now a political lion – a giant amongst the bean stalks. Another great white hope, cutting through the Brexit undergrowth, determined to  hack Article 50 to death, like a mob of Rwandan Hutus butchering the Tutsis to slivers with their machetes.

Well, over the years, he may have stashed a nice bit of cash in the business world, which makes him fairly savvy you would suppose.  However, in 2014, he predicted the UK would join the Euro at some point……yeh, right, only at the point of a gun Blondie. I feel, on this issue, he has chosen to back a three legged horse. In fact, I would take the other side of the bet and suggest the next move in Euroland will be to count the countries that head for the exit. The fire exit for both the EU and the Euro currency is going to get very crowded in the next two to three years. The real question is: ‘Which countries will get trampled in the stampede?’

His tribe of Remoaners may well be judged by future historians as the long undiscovered “missing link” in human evolution. Even Neanderthal Man, it seems, possessed more common sense and a better grasp on reality than these characters.

Nominated by Mike Oxard.

 

International Wimmin’s Day (2)

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I would like to cunt International Women’s Day which was earlier this week. Here we fucking go again. It looks especially lame in this part of the world where they face the tyranny of wearing certain shoes at work or the deep injustice of someone suggesting they are a bit overweight.

What I can’t understand is how gender is relevant to most situations you find yourself in. Theres a special day for everything now (with the glaring omission of Men’s Day of course) it seems. At least no cunt has asked me for a pound yet!

Nominated by Mary Hinge.

International Women’s Day is a cunt…Well, the way it is done in Britain is anyway… At work today the radio had a ‘women only’ schedule… Which was basically a load of silly cow presenters babbling endless crap and playing total shite like Celine Dion, Madogga, Lily Mong, Adele Arbuckle, Sheryl Crow and Kylie on a loop… And praise was dished out to celebricunts like Madogga, Beyonce, Concorde Conk Streep, Dog Spice Beckham, and (naturally) Saint Jo Cox, Patron Saint Of Snowflakes…

No mention of the brave women in Syria who are fighting IS (while the greasy cowardly men fuck off to Germany to go -a-rapin’ and theivin’)… Shows what a joke this ‘womens day’ really is… It’s just a chance to arselick celebricunts and dumb down and throw shit at men… Fucking shite…

Nominated by Norman.

Caitlin Moran [2]

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Caitln Moran is a cunt for saying young girls shouldnt read books by men as they cant handle it.Feminist my arse had a man said that he would be labelled a chauvinist pig.Stupid anti-intellectual feminist harpie mong of a cuntbag.

Nominated by Shaun

I’ve cunted Moran a couple of times… This total cunt recently boasted about when she was younger she did some “rumpeteering”, describing herself as a sort of sexual David Attenborough, adventuring and researching…. First off, anyone who uses/creates a word like rumpeteering is a premium cunt… Secondly, this self important frump wants girls not to read books by ‘horrible men’ yet encourages them to act like slags with her bragging about promiscuity… Thirdly, who the fuck would shag that thing at any fucking time?!… I bet 99% of her ‘conquests’ were pissed… Also, who is this gluebag to say what people -anyone – can or can’t read?… This cunt – for all her liberal bullshit – would be more at home in North Korea…

Gobshite Moran also claims she loves The Bealtes… But you can’t dearie… They were four white men from Liverpool… And Lennon (pre-Yoko especially) and Macca weren’t the most pro-feminist blokes in the world… If the cap with hypocrisy written on it fits, let the feminazi gobshite wear it…

Nominated by Norman

Self Service Checkouts (2)

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I would like to give a cunting to self service checkouts.

I hate using these things and avoid them like the plague wherever possible. However, when I’m in a rush and out of 20 human checkouts, only two are open with half of humanity queueing for them, I cave in.

Oh what joy, as you shuffle your stuff from the basket, scan it and attempt to put it in those paper thin plastic bags. Bing, off goes that woman’s voice telling you there is an unexpected item in the miniscule bagging area. You mean my shopping you silly cunt? Now, I must wait for a real person to unblock the machine before carrying on. Next, the scanner doesn’t read the bar code despite numerous attempts. Argghhhh…and on it goes. Then, ‘Did you bring your own bags?’ No….’How many did you use?’ Eventually when it is time to pay – the only bit they really care about – the machine decides it doesn’t want feeding with my crumpled 20 pound note. Finally, I give up with using the readies and instead insert my flexible friend. Ahhh…finished.

Not only are supermarkets infested with these machines, even McDonald’s has got in on the act. Tap away at a screen to place your order and pay by plastic. Gone are the days of being greeted by “Would you like extra cholesterol with your fries?” or “How about diabetes with your bucket of Coke, sir?” from a human staff member.

Now the machines are taking over Terminator style. Do these businesses give us a discount for doing their work, reducing their wage bill and increasing their profits? Not a chance. They just lengthen the dole queue, laying off humans, for the taxpayer to pick up the tab.

Since, we the customers, have nothing better to do with our time, perhaps they would like us to unload a delivery truck or two on the way in, stack a few shelves as we wander around and tie a broom to our arses and sweep up as we leave.

Every little helps. Have a nice day. You cunts.

Nominated by Mike Oxard.