James Corden (5)

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I’d like to nominate that fat cunt James Cordon for a cunting. How did he get an OBE? Services to drama? My eye. He’s only done a failed sketch show, voice overs for cartoons and a bunch of adverts. Horne and Cordon was utter shite.

He’s a fat, indolent, toss pot who doesn’t really have any talent as a comedian or actor. How can confused.com use actors like him? The insurers they pimp probably don’t cover actors or lard arses. I think he should work in a chip shop.

Nominated by Anton Pillar.

Hang on there’s a steward’s enquiry out on the COTY result!

This just in from the Fox News desk.

“And on Tucker Carlson Tonight – the *only* non-libtard news show in the world currently – we’re pleased to have that limey fat cunt James Corden on our show after these announcements…

“Hi James. Great to have you on the show.”

“Hi Tucker, thanks for having me.”

“So James why aren’t you in some libtard march right now on Regents Street in London or moaning about anything Trump does or says, or – in a lot of cases doesn’t say – in New York?”

“Well Tucker I am actually in London, and I am here because I truly thought I’d been nominated for the ISAC Award of 2016.”

“And to explain – to those unfamiliar with ISAC – that’s the ‘Is A Cunt’ Award right?”

“Yeah that’s it. I mean for most of the year I have been laying the groundwork for being the biggest cunt of the year both here in the UK with my League of Their Own dross and over there in the states with my totally unfunny Late Show but – the clincher I thought – Carpool Karaoke. I mean how much more of a cunt can I be!?! I have no redeeming features, I’m unfunny and I make mates in order to further my own career. Well if that’s not the embodiment of being a cunt then I don’t know what is.”

“Well James you’re certainly leaning against an open door as far as Fox is concerned. So who actually won it this year?”

“Tim Farron.”

“Who?”

“Exactly! He’s the leader of a political party in the UK right now but no one knows who he is! He even had to wear blackface, white lipstick and a straw boater just to receive the award!”

“Hmmm, well we had a President do that same thing 8yrs ago James so I guess this guy must be a cunt as well?”

“Oh yeah deffo is…just not as much of a cunt as I am Tucker!”

“Ok well thanks for your time James, appreciated. Next on Tucker Carlson Tonight: did Hillary get her pissflap augmentation operation done free of charge courtesy of ObamaCare? After these messages…

Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt!

Alexander Armstrong

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Alexander Armstrong is a smug wanker.

The cunt does a quiz called Pointless with some weird looking cunt called Richard Osman.

“Xander”,as the pretentious wanker styles himself,is another of the Oxbridge comedians and was one half of the dreadful, formulaic Armstrong and Miller, who thankfully seem to have sunk without trace.

His singing brings to mind a bullock being castrated without pain-relief, and yet the bastard is convinced that he is a cross between Pavarotti and Elvis,and never misses the chance to plug, on the BBC, his latest collection of “Songs to Cause You To Burst Your Own Eardrums With An Ice-Pick to.”

The cunt wears a very poor hairpiece which looks to have been wrenched off Bruce Forsyth’s mechanically kept alive corpse. He is also related through marriage, to Giles Coren, Victoria Coren and the appalling David Mitchell….reason enough to cunt him, for not running amok at a family get-together with a flame-thrower.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler.

Stubborn Old People

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Stubborn old people are cunts.

Many of us have a old person with health and mobility problems within our families and usually it’s not a big problem unless they are total cunts.They are the persons who need a lot a help, but being the cunts they are, refuse help and make the problems a lot worse for everyone.

They know they can’t drive a car anymore, that it would be a danger to everyone but they still do it in a pathetic attempt to prove that they are still able cunts, which usually ends with a car crash and someone badly hurt.

They know they can’t walk without a cane or a mighty fall may happen but still choose to do it, then they take a bad fall breaking something leaving everyone worried and feeling helpless.

They are cunts because they let their pride win over reality and don’t listen to anyone, making a lot a problems worse for them and their families.I know that being old must be hard, but not accepting it and being a cunt is worse.

Nominated by Elder Cunt.

Menzies (Ming) Campbell

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Pre Question Time:

By the way, can I just give a massive pre-cunting to that Goliath of a cunt, Ming, Mong, Mung or whatever the fuck his name is Campbellend. He’s on Question Time tomorrow night so brace yourselves for a flood of meaningless shite to be flooding from the daft old cunt’s pie hole with his jam jar bottoms glasses. What a cunt.

Nominated by kendo nag.

Post Question Time:

Ming Campbell is a cunt. He was on QT and had a moan about Norman Tebbitt referring to “foreigners” in the Lords debate on the Brexit bill.
The description of a foreigner is “someone who comes from a country other than ones own”. So now it’s wrong to be factually correct is it you soppy liberal cunt ?
Absolutely typical of his wishy washy type, where absolutely anything and everything, can be construed as being offensive.

Nominated by Johnson.

Spot the difference Pre- and Post-Question Time?

The voters say not, it would seem.

Barbra Streisand

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Fat people are cunts. Especially celebrity fat people.

That silly fat cunt Barbra Streisand just came out and said: “Donald Trump is making me gain weight. I start the day with liquids, but after the morning news, I eat pancakes smothered in maple syrup!”

So let me get this right. Donald Trump comes round your house and forces you to buy some pancakes and maple syrup. He then forces you to stuff them into your fat ugly fucking face. …Surely that’s illegal! ….why haven’t you called the police?
Maybe it’s because he isn’t making you do anything. More likely it’s because you are a fat greedy cunt and you should stop stuffing your face.

I can’t really say anything. I’ve been stuffing my fat face with all kinds of junk lately but at least I admit that no one is making me.
It’s not advertising, cheap pricing or Donald fucking Trump.
It’s just because I’m a greedy fat cunt.
Same as Barbra cunting Streisand.

Nominated by DeploytheSausage