Cyclists [5]

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Cyclists are total and utter bell-ends. They seem to think that they own the bloody road,pedalling along in groups making overtaking virtually impossible. They jump red lights,ignore road signs and get quite snippy when you pull up in front of them to get out and explain to them what you think of their bellendery.

Well,you wannabe Bradley Wiggenses,you can all fuck off with your cunt-containing lycra, foreskin helmets and general total wanker attitude.

As for the prick who told me this morning that he had my” threatening behaviour” on camera,you’re just lucky that you don’t have a fucking good view of your lower digestive tract on camera.

Nominated by: Dick Fiddler

I fucking loathe the Lycra benders. They use the dual carriageway by me for time trials, the zoned out cunts. These pricks then think that the road, a busy main A road, is just for them, and traffic should give them all consideration and right of way. All these pricks care about is their time, so road positioning and indicating, or any of the rules of the road go out the fucking window, the riding four abreast cunts.

Pushbikes, especially those ridden by a pointy hatted, immac legged ponce, should not be allowed on a road where they have to compete with 70 mph traffic.

Team sky? Team cunt more like.

Nominated by: Gutstick Japseye

Cyclists [3]

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Anyone riding a bicycle over the age of 16 is a cunt. Not only do they not pay any road tax nor have insurance but they don’t have to pass a test to ride on the roads. Not that this is a problem as most think its OK to ride on the pavement instead.

They don’t stop at red lights and they view the rest of the highway code merely as suggestions which may be disregarded as it suits. They expect roads to be closed down so they can pursue their puffy hobby thus inconveniencing proper people who actually pay for the roads in the first place.

But the real clincher, the thing which gets right on my tits is their holier than thou, condescending and completely misplaced and erroneous assertion that they are actually doing something good, something worthwhile. They have evolved to a higher state of consciousness and are actually saving the planet and all us un-enlightened plebs from ourselves. Wrong, cunt! You are playing around on a kids toy and getting in everybodys’ way while you are about it.

Nominated by: Fat Rich

WTF is it with cyclists who listen to their iPods while driving along the road. Do these cunts have a death wish? How the fuck do they expect to hear what’s going on around them?

And headphone wearers are worst of all. Especially designer headphones. “Look at me! I’ve got £200 headphones on! I’ve got more money than sense, I’m a poser AND I have a death wish!”

Squash the stupid cunts…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Prudential Bike Ride

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The Prudential Bike Ride is an absolute CUNT!

This morning I am meant to be taking the mother in law to the cemetary in Gunnersbury to pay her respects on the anniversary of her husbands death, followed by a visit to her favourite fishmonger, pets at home and B & Q to get some plants to cheer her up.

But no.

Instead I am a prisoner in my own home due to the entirety of West London being gridlocked because a bunch of lycra clad Scania fodder need the A4, the hammersmith flyover, the Cromwell road and the A316 closed off so that they can wiggle their arses at the cunt behind in a procession of maximum cuntishness.

Already had one head on collision on our road where an impatient cunt decided to drive on the wrong side to try and turn right….straight into another car.

Prudential can go and fuck their collective mums with their AIDS riddled micropenises if they think they will ever get my business after this fucking fiasco.

And I hope the cyclists headbutt an oncoming HGV.

FUCK YOU. FUCK ALL OF YOU, YOU BUNCH OF STD INFECTED VAGINAS!!!

I HOPE YOU ALL DIE SCREAMING!!!

Nominated by: Odins Balls

Cunts on bikes

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If it’s not bad enough having cunts with footballs, now we have cunts on bikes. Literally.

Today we are blessed with the Women’s Tour fucking up our town. It was a pain on the arse last year, and it’s going to be a pain in the arse again this year. Mind you, I might be persuaded to take a gander if they were more like the picture rather than a load of over muscled sporty tarts in lycra. Lycra. On bikes. Never a good look when the bird in question has legs like a weightlifter.

Thankfully I’m on holiday so I’ll miss the whole shooting match. Excellent. Must make a note to go away the same time next year as well!

Nominate by: Dioclese

Cunts on roads

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I would like to nominate people who use roads as leisure and recreation facililties, as Cunts.

Lets start with the Cyclists, not the ones who cycle to go somewhere, but the ones who prefer to cycle alongside other men in equally tight clothing, riding 3 abreast so it makes it difficult to overtake. Newsflash to your wife, he is a closet gay. Then said wife turns up on a news programme whinging you got run over, and demand more action to make the roads safer (gonna come back to that at the end)

Then we have the joggers who jog along country roads, facing the traffic, as they sensibly should, so they can see and get out of the way of oncoming traffic. However, If you just stay in the road regardless of what is coming, you may as well run away from traffic, as is reduces the closing speed, and you won’t see your death coming.

Finally we have horse riders. Why the fuck are you even in the road? Just fuck off into the fields and bridleways, you are the dumbest cunts of the lot.

Roads were built for, and paid from motorists tax, for the safe and expedient access to town and cities. They pretty much contain vehicles that are capable of at least 60mph driven by people who have had the most basic training. So if you think you still want to jog, cycle ride a horse on these roads, don’t fucking whinge if you got scared, injured, lost a loved one, because that is evolution at work, you dumb cunts! Rant over

Nominated by : Angry Motorist