Football [5]

I’d like to cunt football.

So half of humanity are obsessed with this ‘beautiful game’.
Why? What the fuck is so great about watching a bunch of camp hipster illiterate fuckwits prance around after a ball?

How on earth is one game really any different from another? Let me guess, did one guy kick the ball towards the net? Gosh. What an utterly unique approach to the most mentally demanding of activities.

How is it that half the fuckers that play this game have some sort of affiliation with hotel room spitroasts, driving offenses or cheating on their wives? Why is every fan happy for their child to wear a shirt with these people’s names on? How come hardly anyone knows about grammar these days but everyone can pronounce every goatherders’ seventeen letter surname so long as his foot touches a ball?

And what is this obsession with going all doe-eyed at the mention of a cup ‘coming home’? It is not coming home if a bunch of somalis bring it home for you, is it?

I find the whole thing rather monotonous to be honest. But every person I have spoken to who has spent their childhood ‘kicking a ball about’ has truly shocking gaps in their education. I have recently spoken to one who did know what Auschwitz was.


Nominated by Cuntflap

Football Fans are Cunts. (That should get one or two Cunters’ attention)

Football fans really are the most entitled of any sports-followers. I’ve just been reading about a group of fans who are whinging because Mike Ashley ( Newcastle United Owner) had the audacity to flick them a sly V-sign after they’d stood outside a restaurant where he was dining shouting abuse. How very unreasonable of him. Now Mike Ashley may well be a Cunt,but if someone had been shouting abuse at me for 2 hours they’d have got a lot more than a sly V-sign.

Football fans seem to be the worst for thinking that they can hurl whatever foul abuse they fancy at people,and yet if the object of their ire has the bare-faced cheek to respond,they come over all shocked and giddy. Armed with the ubiquitous mobile-phone footage,suitably edited,they scream about how disgusted they were at their target’s behaviour. Normally “My kids were there,they were shocked” normally comes in to it. Never mind that they’ve been screaming pure vitriol for the preceding hour,their target telling them to “Fuck Off” comes as shocking behaviour worthy of police investigation…and worse still,the police are obliged to listen to the morons.

I know that other sports have their hecklers,but no other sport has the same level of pure spite that football fans exhibit. The spite doesn’t bother me,what bothers me is the hypocrisy. For grown men they seem to be remarkably thin-skinned. Apparently the mildest of swear-words or gesture,if directed at them, is enough to send them into a fit of the vapours.

Fuck them.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

Sadiq Khan [11]

Emergency cunting for all the dickheads on the Peoples Vote “March for the Future” that took place today – but especially for our esteemed London mayor, Dickhead Khan…

Khan told the crowd: “What’s really important is that those that say that a public vote is undemocratic, is unpatriotic, realise that in fact, the exact opposite is the truth. What could be more democratic, what could be more British, than trusting the judgement of the British people.”

Does this dozy cunt not see the contradiction in what he’s saying?? By writing off the 2016 referendum result, he’s denying the judgement of the British and being totally undemocratic.

And take a look as this shit :

Do these dim fuckers not realise that by staying in the EU, you are definitely NOT getting your country back!!!

By Christ on a Bike, if this is the intelligence level of average Brit these days, I’m booking a flight to Dignitas!!! I fucking despair…

Nominated by Dioclese

…and 17 million others who knew exactly what they were voting for

Michel Barnier [3]

Michel Barnier is a cunt of the highest order.

This French cunt was born into wealth and privilege. He was educated in the French private sector and graduated from an institution that has supplied the upper echelons ( sorry to use an adapted French cunt word – blame King Harold for losing) of French government and business since it was established in the early 19th Century. He has never had a ‘proper’ job as my mum would have said. Nothing new there then – no different to our domestic pig fuckers who went to Eton\Harrow and Oxford\Cambridge and now, or who did, sit in the asylum at Westminster.

But this French cunt has chosen to identify nostalgia, imputed with derogatory meaning, as a reason 17.5 million British people voted ‘Leave’.

Well yes, of course it’s nostalgia. I remember attending one of the best grammar schools in Birmingham even though I lived on a council estate and had Irish parents (you snowflake cunts know nothing about prejudice). I was there by merit not because daddy had deep pockets. I learned Greek and Latin, very useful at the off-licence when it was my turn to buy the packet of 5 Woodbines to share ( yes – share you millenniall bastards) with my mates. The majority of teachers served in one of the armed forces during the war. It had left scars, both physical and mental, on some of them. They wore gowns, the staffroom was a fog of cigarette smoke and Friday was the best day of the week because they all went to the pub for a liquid lunch which was followed by a tranquil afternoon. I once ran a 3 mile cross country race in bare feet in the snow because I had forgotten my pumps. That was the kind of enduring lesson that was taught.

Dear Jesus – can you imagine the Ofsted report? But I owe these good men a debt of gratitude an infinite lifespan would not be long enough to repay. They were patriots and proud of their country. They were prepared to fight for their freedom. They taught that negotiation with bullies was futile and they taught us never, ever trust the French. Self-serving cowards all. So shove my nostalgia up your arse Barnier and if ever I meet you I will tear you a new one with bare hands. They are as hard as my feet. Cunt

Nominated by Fimbriations

THAT Royal visit

Harry and Meghan have visited my home town of Melbourne whoopee fucking doo, what a pair of utter cunts. The colonials, alongside having to cough up for this shit are expected to roll u and clap and cheer these fuckers, for what? It’s like inviting someone to dinner and them slapping you with an invoice for an attendance fee.

Did I show up for this pointless anachronistic arse licking fest? Did I fuck, I was doing the the thing that these two work shy show ponies don’t like doing ie work, to boot the taxes I pay, 30% here, up 50% if you have the temerity to be skilled and earn decently, are garnered to be pissed up the wall on rubbish like this ginger knob and his been around the block side piece “gracing” us with their presence. About a million bucks it cost, a million.

Anyway the two of them visited yet another money pit dedicated to the advancement of aboriginals, the very definition of pissing into the wind, swanned around the place for 15 minutes before catching a tram to the beach, and this is expected to give us our jollies, what are they, retarded? Maybe if a down syndrome kid manged to catch a tram without having its foot amputated and walked along the beach without falling in it might be remarkable.

A high point: one small boy grabbed ginger’s nasty little beard, ooh cute as fuck, the wee prick is lucky it wasn’t a hundred years ago it would have been bludgeoned to the ground and been the the recipient of a good hard rogering with a large blunt object. But you get the point a modern, relatable PR friendly face being given to the royals designed to ensure they continue to be the recipients of our largesse for all time and we fall for it again, cunts.

Nominated by flange

India Willoughby [2]

India Willoughby is a cunt. I’m listening to the Spectator podcast in the gym as I type this (6th October) and, seeing as they always get someone of an opposing view on to debate the main article she just happens to be that person this week.

To sum up, her entire argument amounts to ‘children should be allowed to decide whether to have a sex change for themselves and if you disagree you’re a bigot who isn’t qualified to talk on such issues because you’re not a gender expert.” And god, her fucking voice – it’s taking everything I have not to punch my phone in anger at those awful ‘I’m better than you’ inflections.

She’s a horrible joke of a human being who IMHO should be prosecuted for encouraging child abuse.

Nominated by OpinionatedCunt