Kingdom of Heaven

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Ah, Ridley Scott’s “historical” epic Kingdom of Heaven, a film notable for being more historically inaccurate than Braveheart. Praised as one of the finest historical epics of modern times, in reality Kingdom of Heaven is a massive cunt.

The whole film is one long love-letter to Islam, portraying the Christians as boorish extremists who only want to kill kill kill, and the Muslims as enlightened progressives, desperate to live in peace with their hairy-arsed neighbours across the Jordan.

There are just so many things wrong with that film’s telling of history, from its attempt to make the crusader states look like faction-ridden hell holes (when in actual fact the Kingdom of Jerusalem was much more stable than its Muslim neighbours, and Muslim peasants there fared better then they did in Muslim-ruled territory) to its portrayal of Europe as a backward 3rd-world toilet full of dumb yokels (when in actual fact European agriculture was considerably more advanced than that in the Middle East at the time, a fact bourn out by contemporary Muslim accounts of the advanced farming the Europeans brought with them to the Holy Land).

We could go into the gross over-simplification of the motives and actions of various Christian leaders such as Reynald de Chatillon and Guy de Lusignan, but the worst (and most telling) mis-portrayal of all characters is that of Saladin, who is portrayed as an enlightened leader tolerant of all religions, when in reality he was an implacable opponent of Christendom, who dedicated his whole life to jihad against the Crusaders and wasted no opportunity to launch raids and even invasions of his Christian neighbours.

Yes, if you want a film that over-simplifies history, insults our cultural and religious heritage, and goes out of its way to arse-lick Islam and its lily-livered PC apologists at every turn Kingdom of Heaven is for you!

Nominated by: Colin Murrays Brain

Princess Charlotte

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Can I be the first to cunt the new Royal parasite?

Fucking Royals, they invaded my birthday two years ago and now they’ve annexed my son’s birthday. Cunts.

Nominated by: Cunts Mate Cunt

And I’d like to cunt it’s parents for not having the balls to just call it ‘Diana’ and that horse’s backside Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, for pretending that it’s her granddaughter when it fucking well isn’t!

Nominated by: Dioclese

Leo McKinstry

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Leo McKinstry is a huge cunt…

A Dacre/Desmond acolyte and, like so many other Mail and Express hacks, lets his own personal vendettas and personal hatreds dominate his writing…. Everything from foreigners, the disabled and the working class to Princess Di (McKinstry hates her, for some reason. I think he’s a misogynist.

I remember him going off on one with a vicious diatribe about Marilyn Monroe too… Fuck knows why…) and more have been on the end of his written rants. This human slug is a nasty cunt and like Dacre and all those other Mail and Express twats he should be fucking exterminated, as our friends from Skaro would say…

Nominated by: Norman

Gillian Duffy

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Gillian Duffy, as you’ll recall, is the woman who made a perfectly reasonable comment about people being concerned about the level of immigration, only to have Brown called her a “bigoted woman”.

I’ve often said that voters who vote for a particular party not because they agree with its policies, but because their parents and grandparents voted for them, are as thick as elephant shit. Duffy is living proof of this. Because on being told what Brown had called her, she threw her voting card in the bin. A few hours later, she retrieved said voting card and, when the day came, the brainless bitch voted Labour.

She didn’t vote for them because she forgave Brown and agree with his policies. She voted Labour because her parents were lifelong arseho….err….Labour supporters, and it’s what’s her dad would have wanted. Her dad had been dead for years. He wouldn’t have given a fuck. But like all bovine fuckwits, she just couldn’t bring herself to vote for another party, even though the leader of Labour had insulted her. And she did it, because her parents would not have approved.

Thick cunt.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw