A pebble dashed, burning ring cunting for that diabolical malady with the Medical term of “Gastric Upset ” but better described as “a dose of the Screaming Shits. ”

For two days now I have not been able to be more than a few steps away from the throne as the bubbling volcano in my guts keeps erupting without warning. All I have had to eat is dry toast and am trying to keep hydrated.

I suspect it all started from a dodgy seafood Pizza. I have never had it as bad as this before. My freckle is red raw from all the scouring and blotting.

Any fellow cunters know of a quick cure? Immodium has done fuck all and the antibiotics have not kicked in.

Nominated by: Grumpy Old Cunt

(Enjoy your breakfast! – Admin)

Before lockdown, my choice of exercise was swimming. Something you can do now but not here in Leicester, but that’s not the cunting. It’s the apps. ‘How many steps have you done? Loads, probably because I’ve got the runs.’ Fuck off, you cunt.

I’m not allowed to go swimming, I’ve devised a speedwalk up and down three hills that I do three time times a week to assist with keeping me fit (can’t run, bad back – as an aside I’m listening to knee grows bitch about whatever on the fahkin’ news).

I’ve had few but fitness apps deserve a cunting.

CUNTS!

(Sorry admin. I’ve had ‘a few’)

Nominated by: Dark key cunt 

Local lockdowns are cunts, or more specifically the people that cause them.

I live in one of the areas recently highlighted where infection rates are on the rise. It’s no surprise to me that all of these areas have a large proportion of a particular demographic of people living within them. I’m sure you can guess I’m referring to a peaceful community, who delight in regular gatherings with bare feet. Now I’m not about to say this is all their fault, but there’s no coincidence that all the areas affected have higher than average Asian populations.

Just as with most issues; crime, sexual abuse, paedophilia, poverty. These communities don’t believe that it’s their problem, but it fucking well is! These communities need to learn that if they continue to ignore hygiene and social distancing advice, more of them will die. Not only that but they’re putting every other cunt at risk too. I hope the government does undertake an in depth review as to why the virus seems to affect more BAME communities than white. They’ll no doubt obfuscate the real reason though and no doubt blame white people for touching more than one bag of chicken dippers whilst in the supermarket.

Nominated by: elcuntio

Right, I would like to cunt Newcastle United fans. Yesterday (30th July) it was announced that the proposed takeover of the club by a Saudi consortium was off. How do Newcastle fans react? By saying that ‘the club is dead”, they’re ‘crying their eyes out” and other such nonsensical rhetoric. Yeah, because there totally aren’t clubs like Bury, Hull, Bolton, Wigan, Macclesfield, Oldham and Southend who are in a far worse position than they are. For as big a cunt as Mike Ashley is he has brought them a degree of financial stability and there are far worse owners than him out there, and the reaction of Newcastle fans to the takeover news has demonstrated just how deluded and lacking in self awareness they are in regards to that fact.

Nominated by: General Tso’s Chiggun