The Turin Shroud

Those Who Say The Turin Shroud Is A Medieval Forgery.

This is one of my ‘There is no conflict between Science and Religion’ kind of Noms. Only in this case it is almost as if the skeptics are believers, believers skeptics. Let me explain;

We all remember the famous photograph of the blackboard with the dates ‘1260 -1390’ written on it. That was result of the carbon dating. It was a medieval forgery. Science has proved it. End of story. Everyone went home.

Years passed.

‘But I want to know how that medieval guy did it’ Barrie Schwortz the Chief Documenting Photographer of the group of scientists that were allowed to study the Shroud , ‘What were we looking at’.

You see gentle reader the image on the Turin Shroud is a very mysterious thing. Firstly, paradoxically the faint image on the cloth is actually a negative. When it is developed as a negative (the famous image we see) it is clearer. So it is s positive negative.

Next it is not a painting or a rubbing or a scortch. It was done not by camera obscura. Schwortz has said – Even with all our modern technology we cannot come close to replicating it’. They can actually ‘lift’ the properties of it and you get a 3d effect. This is not a mere trick. If it was a painting or a rubbing the properties would degrade not lift.

So that’s the positive for me. Now the negative. Which is really a positive. The carbon dating. It is generally agreed now by most members of STURP (Turin Shroud Research Project) that the snippets taken from the Shroud to carbon date were poorly chosen. Poorly chosen because an order of nuns (the Poor Clares) had repaired the Shroud after it was burnt in a fire. It was a reweave (it took a lay housewife in America to notice this)..

More evidence that it is much older than Medieval-they have examined the flax and because some chemical or other is missing shows that it is between 1, 500 to 3, 000 years old. A time frame that could include the burial of Jesus.

The man in the Shroud looks like Jesus doesn’t he? That’s because the iconography of Jesus goes back a very long way.

It is anatomically correct and consistent with a Jesus’s. crucifixion. Firstly there are rivulets of (real) blood at his hairline indicative of the crown of thorns. His legs aren’t broken because remember there was no need as he had died. There are the wounds in the upper part of his palms which would hold his body. The marks of the wounds on his back are consistent with scourging.

We know from the historical record that when the Shroud first came to light in the Middle Ages the Pope of the time said it was a fake and that it should not be venerated. The Archbishop of Turin at the result if the carbon dating declared it to be a hoax. This present Pope insists on calling it an icon not a relic.

And you have the scientists like Schwortz and others of STURP who have been up close and (literally) personal with are the ones championing it as the burial cloth of Christ. Its a funny old world..

Nominated by: Miles Plastic

EU Divorce Treaty Bullshit

The bullshit and hypocrisy around the proposal to ‘break international law’. regarding the EU divorce treaty.

‘The protocol states companies moving goods from Northern Ireland to Great Britain (England, Scotland and Wales) would have to fill out export declaration forms.

Another part of the protocol says the UK has to follow EU rules on state aid – the financial support governments give to businesses – ‘for goods related to Northern Ireland.’

Firstly, we should never have agreed to this in the first place. It is clearly designed to undermine the integrity of the UK, and align us with Brussels.
Secondly it has given the Remoaners another nettle to grasp.

The arguments made are that the UK will never be trusted again. A totally meaningless concept.
But the silliest argument is that we wont be able to condemn Russia, China etc for their illegal actions. Think about that one. Has any diplomatic objection or posturing ever made any difference to these cunts?

Another round of nonsense which the Remoaners desperately hope will return us to the crippled government they so desire.

Fire up the recently cunted Steve Bray. Your country needs you.

Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Akon’s Wankonda Paradise

A what the fuck is wrong with you, cunting for some degenerate, virtue signalling, rap star, cunt named, Akon.

First things first; any one named celebretard is a cunt. Madonna, cunt. Bono, cunt.
Beyonce, cunt. Sting, cunt. Cher, cunt. The recently cunted Banksy, cunt. Sadly, the list is endless. And sadder still is the edition of this stupid cunt known as Akon.

Aliaune Damala Badara Akon Thiam is a Senegalese/Africunt/Americunt who wants to build…wait for it…WAKONDA!

You cannot make this shit up!

Since 2018 this carpet kissing, jungle bunny has been in talks with the government of Senegal to build a modern African utopia just outside of Dakar. The goal is to make this a tourist destination for Black people from all over the world. Senegalese President, Macky Sall, has reportedly given Akon 3 square miles of land near some fucking airport for the city. Development is said to be well under way, with first phase completion sometime in 2023.

On September 1, Akon laid the utopia’s first stone and claimed new found inspiration in the tragic death of the world’s most famous actor that nobody ever heard of, Chadwick Boseman…THE Black Panther himself. Speaking at the ceremony, Akon said, “As you come from America, or Europe, or anywhere in the diaspora, and you feel like you want to visit Africa, we want Senegal to be your first stop.”

This great urban utopia will be a modern virtue signalling paradise. It will be designed by architect Hussein Bakri to resemble the fictional city of Wakonda. It will be entirely solar powered and will even have it’s own currency. Well not really. There will be no actual currency just a cryptocurrency named after it’s glorious founder…the Akoin.

Upon completion it will house 300,000 people and is expected to bring a financial boom to Senegalese tourism and indeed it’s overall economy. Which will be greatly need as the project is estimated to cost over 6 BILLION dollars.

Wait. What? Six BILLION fucking dollars! For a new utopian city, designed to bring black tourists to a 3rd world shit hole, that ranks 127th out of 150 on the Human Development Index. Are you fucking out of your mind? What the fuck are you thinking?

Six BILLION dollars? As of 2018 Senegal was $14,500,000 in debt that it couldn’t repay and was applying for loan relief from the IMF? Where in the fuck are they getting 6 BILLION dollars to build fucking Wakonda?

Do they have any idea of the real good they could do with that money? For 6 BILLION dollars they could line that famous puddle with mud bricks and run a bamboo pipeline directly to M’Tembe’s fly infested, dung covered hut. He’d never have to walk over there again. For Mohammed’s sake, they could even weave a mesh of palm leaves and filter out the Rhino piss. What the fuck are these cunts thinking?

One other point needs to be made here about this cunt Akon. In April of 2007, he performed a simulated sex act with a 15 year old girl at a concert in Trinidad and Tobago. The act was filmed and uploaded to the internet. It was also shown on local TV…CCN TV 6. The video was condemned by several Fox News personalities and removed from YouTube but reports say it was subsequently restored.

Most virtue signalling celebretatds are stupid cunts. But this degenerate Akon is a special kind of stupid cunt.

Nominated by: General Cuntster (Deceased)



Sadly we’re all too familiar with that breed of wanker known as Cycle Cunt. You see them everywhere, racing along pavements and streets with blatant disregard for the Highway Code, or even basic civility.

Unfortunately Cycle Cunts are now being aided and abetted by a new form of two-wheeled tosspot. You’ve probably noticed him infesting the highways and byways of our fair land in increasing numbers of late. Let’s dub him (or her, or them, or it; we wouldn’t want to discriminate) Electric Scooter Cunt.

Earlier today the wife was driving us sedately along the main drag when one these twats shot straight out of a narrow side street literally feet in front of us. The missus just about stood the car on end, causing agonising pain to shoot through my dodgy back as a consequence. The lout absolutely tore across the road (fucking hell, I didn’t realise that these things could travel so fast!) and shot off down the opposite street, but not before he had the time to glance back and give us that arrogant sneer so beloved of anti-social cunts everywhere.

I take it the deal with these scooters is the same as with their two-wheeled relative? No instruction or test required by the user, no tax, no licence, no helmet , no lights, oh, and no regard for anyone else out and about, in to order to be a fully qualified Electric Scooter Cunt.

I’m reminded of the classic Monty Python sketch about there being ‘just too many Whickers’. If they were making that today, it would have to be ‘just too many cunts on two wheels’.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

Shexit (Shetland Islands)

We can all do with a bit of light relief in these trying times, so hats off to the good burghers of the Shetland Islands for giving it to us, via a real poke in the eye for those twats in the SNP.

Shetlanders, who have never been keen on the notion of Scottish independence from the UK, seem to be increasingly frustrated by the attitude of the Holyrood parliament.

Concerned at what they see as the ‘hoarding of power and money’* by Holyrood, and cuts in funding to the islands, councillors in Lerwick have voted overwhelmingly to pursue self-determination.

Apparently this would effectively involve becoming a self-governing Crown dependency along the lines of Jersey and the Isle of Man, thereby remaining part of the UK whatever the future governance of Scotland turns out to be.

Oh the delicious irony of it. It’s audacious and hilarious. So come on Wee Jimmy Krankie, let’s hear the SNP’s position on this. After all, you and your Westminster mouthpiece Ian ‘Bloater’ Blackford do nothing but bleat on incessantly about how ‘the democratic aspirations of people must be met’. Why aren’t you endorsing the Shetlanders’ call for a referendum on the proposal?. Perhaps you’re troubled by the paradox of how you can keep Scotland together whilst trying your utmost to tear it out of the UK?. Who’s next, the Orkney Islands, perhaps?

Mmm, silence has been the deafening reply so far… go on Krankie, put that in your bagpipes and fucking smoke it.

* approximate translation into English; ‘it’s Shetland’s fookin’ oil!’.

Nominated by: Ron Knee