“Phone in” radio


Radio phone-ins should be cunted. It’s the cheapest form of radio to make and there’s no quality control at all – so long as the time is filled with the worthless opinions of cunts, everyone’s happy.

Many years ago, a friend and I used to regularly phone in to these shows to make mischief, knowing that there was little doubt that we would be put through to the presenter live on air. I once hijacked almost an entire show on the subject of ‘Nostalgia’ by phoning in and claiming to be one of the actors who had been inside the Bungle costume on the children’s TV show ‘Rainbow’.

The idiot local radio presenter cunt couldn’t get enough of my fabricated stories: “Wasn’t it hot inside the costume?” he asked. Yes, I said, that’s why I rarely wore anything but a tiny pair of red Speedos underneath. “You could never see the join or the zips in the costume,” he said. I know, I replied, there had been complaints from parents that the early costume looked like a crappy fancy dress outfit, so I was actually sewn into the later costumes. This made loo breaks impossible, I continued, so they fitted me with the same kind of ‘bottle’ that astronauts use. So next time you see old re-runs of ‘Rainbow’, just imagine Bungle with a bottle of warm urine strapped to his inside leg…

But my friend topped this by getting through to Jeremy Vine. The subject of the show was something like ‘Confessions’ and my friend called in saying that he’d been stealing coats and jackets out of pubs – two a week for almost ten years – and was unable to help himself. Vine expressed concern and actually invited him back the following week to speak to a psychiatric counsellor where my friend gladly elaborated the story: when he had first moved to London, he’d had his own rather expensive jacket stolen from a pub, so he assumed his compulsion must be a kind of revenge stealing. “Do you actually want to stop?” asked the counsellor in hushed tones. “Of course I do,” said my friend, “I keep them all in a lock-up and the rent is crippling me…”

There’s an amusing postscript to the Jeremy Vine hoax. About eighteen months later, a so-called ‘conceptual artist’ (translation: cunt) by the name of Mike Ballard announced his next ‘exhibition’ – a gallery space hung with jackets and coats he claimed to have been stealing out of pubs for almost ten years (“two a week… in revenge for having my own jacket stolen from a pub when I first moved to London”). In reality it was clear that the lazy cunt had simply heard my friend hoax Jeremy Vine and then thought he’d just pinch the idea for a bit of conceptual art – which just serves to demonstrate what indolent, work-shy cunts modern artists are. He was probably pissing away his grant and decided to nick someone else’s idea off the radio at the last minute because it was easier than having to think up something original.

Nominated by: Fred West

Ken Livingstone [4]


It’s hard to think of a more offensive, repulsive, evil creature that inhabits British politics than that newt molesting tub of donkey semen Ken Livingstone. Actually, it’s impossible. Even Galloway seems like a saint, which just shows how utterly unworthy of the gift of life Livingstone is. After losing the Mayoral election to Boris, Livingstone announced his retirement from politics. We should have known that would be a lie, because not long after Corbyn became party leader he gave his good mate a prominent shadow defence role. Considering Livingstone’s love of the IRA, utter hatred of the UK, especially the British armed forces, it’s quite insulting.

And over the past 48 hours, Livingstone has once again shown the world why he is unfit to do anything but clean the walls of a sewer. This time, he tried to defend Nazi Naz Shah after her own, despicable, anti-Semitic comments on social media. Livingstone even went as far as to make the bizarre claim that Hitler was a Zionist before the holocaust. No he wasn’t. It’s true that the Nazi’s were deporting Jews before they decided to commit mass murder. But Hitler never had any intention of helping Jews to create the nation they had dreamed of for so long. He wanted them out of Germany because he fucking despised them, and blamed them for all of Germany’s problems.

Today, we have numerous Labour MP’s criticising Corbyn for acting too slowly, and demanding that Shah and Livingstone be kicked out of the party. The reason that Corbyn acted so slowly, is because he thought they could just ride out the anger. He was wrong. As I said in a previous post, there has been a distinct rise in anti-Semitism since Corbyn became leader. I don’t know if Corbyn himself is an anti-Semite, but his reluctance to act against those who are, suggests that he does condone it. His reluctance is understandable in Livingstone’s case, because their close friendship goes back at least to the early 80’s, with McDonnell included in that.

They’re all cut from the same cloth. Anti British, Pro IRA, Pro Hamas/Hezbollah, Anti nuke, and certainly in Livingstone’s case, Anti Semitic. It says a lot about Corbyn’s Labour that instead of criticising Shah and Livingstone for their disgraceful comments, the Chief Whip instead chose to criticise Labour MP John Mann, for daring to confront Livingstone over his views. Mann has been consistent in confronting Livingstone over his anti Jewish views (which kind of makes me wonder why’s he a Labour MP). The same cannot be said of the MP’s now criticising Corbyn for not acting quickly enough. They’ve all been very quiet during Livingstone’s past excursions into the realms of Jew hating, such as when he compared a Jewish journalist to a Nazi concentration camp guard. So are why are they getting noisy now? Surely it’s nothing to do with the local elections next Thursday?

Anyway, back to Livingstone. He should be kicked out of the Labour party once and for all. He’s a smug, arrogant, nasal voiced little cunt, with a perpetual smirk on his face, who is evil to the core. Give it a couple of months, and Livingstone will be back in the fold. All sins forgiven as far Corbyn’s Labour is concerned. Whether he makes an apology is questionable. I doubt that he will. He’s always refused to apologise for disgraceful comments in the past, so I think we can assume that none will be forthcoming for his latest scandal. It would be pretty pointless anyway, because we all know that, like Livingstone himself, it would be meaningless.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Holly Brockwell


Holly Brockwell deserves an almighty cunting.

Who? you may be asking, well this stupid cunt is on TV right now moaning because at the age of 30 her doctor won’t grant her a sterilization operation.

Why the fuck should we (well the NHS) fund this cunts surgery?

Ever heard of taking responsibility for your own actions you stupid cunt?

If you don’t want kids then don’t get pregnant, it really is that fucking simple, there is this thing called the Pill, also condoms, coils and even not letting your boyfriend shoot his muck inside you.
Jesus fucking Christ, if she does get this operation then what happens in 15 years time when she realises she now wants kids.

Another NHS operation to undo the sterilization by reconnecting the Falopian tubes? (and yes, it is possible)

Talk about a fucking narcissistic, self-absorbed, wants to get on TV and gain exposure, irresponsible, Grade A – CUNT

Nominated by: Boaby

John O’Farrell

"Oh fuck! She's tickling my balls..."

“Oh fuck! She’s tickling my balls…”

I’d like to nominate John O’Farrell for this steaming pile of wank in the Guardian.

The gist of this “satirical” piece was that the issues surrounding the Referendum are so complicated (bless) that we should make our decision based on who is supporting each side. So because twats like Farage and Johnson support Leave, we should all vote Remain.

Unfortunately for this unfunny spunk-bubble, this idea cuts both ways. Blair, Cumberbatch and Bonio all support Remain so all non-cunts should vote Leave.

I know the definition of “racism” has been stretched beyond breaking point in the last couple of decades but I simply cannot see how one can be “racist” against a bureaucracy.

Yanis Varoufakis (the Commie economist who was briefly finance minister of Greece last year) absolutely skewered the EU in his latest book. Varoufakis destroyed the EU cuntocrats for their arrogance, their corruption and, above all, for their incompetence. Hard to see Varoufakis as a racist Little Englander!

Personally, I think the UK should stay in the EU but treat the rules in exactly the same way as the French and Germans do ie: ignore them if you don’t like them. If you don’t like an EU rule, don’t get your knickers in a fucking twist, ignore the fucker. And if the EU fines you, don’t pay the fucking fine.

Nominated by: Cunt’s Mate Cunt



OMG! I am so fucking sick and tired of hearing about bloody Hillsborough.

Don’t get me wrong. It was a needless tragedy that 96 fans went to a football match and lost their lives. I get it. We all get it. But for fuck’s sake change the bloody record. It’s now been ruled that the victims were killed unlawfully. OK, so how does that help exactly? Too many (unticketed) fans + some idiotic policing = 96 deaths. As others have said, there needed to be too many fans to begin with, so for the scouse cunts to claim everyone else is to blame except them strikes me as a bit thick. Oh wait, they’re from Scouserpool. Bottom line, it was a very unfortunate event that nobody wanted or set out to do.

On the other hand, the murdering scum scouse fans who deliberately killed 39 opposition supporters in a fucking riot in the Heysel stadium in 1985 is all but glossed over. That slaughter was deliberate, perpetrated by the same group of scum supporters we’re all supposed to feel sorry for over Hillsborough. Is it just me?

Scouserpool FC is scum. Their fans are scum. The fucking 5 year ban for English clubs resulting from the murderous scouse rioting kept my team out of the UEFA Cup 3 fucking times. Bastards! Scouserpool FC should have been banned from European competition forever for crimes against humanity. THAT would have been justice for the 39.

The endless media favouritism directed at that club makes me puke too. Everytime they’re on the box, we’re forced to witness several minutes of their pathetic anthem before kick off. No other club gets that. Everything about that crap city is shite. Wasn’t it 2008 when Scouserpool was voted European Capital of Culture or some such nonsense? What a laugh. The only way that rancid place is a capital of culture is if all the supermarkets ordered extra quantities of yogurt that year.

Nominated by: Imitation Yank

Right… Those Scouse cunts….
So they have finally got their verdict (the one they wanted), but will there be closure?
Will there fuck… Now the compo claims start… Didn’t see that coming… This will never, ever end… They will make sure of that… It’s like a family business…

But what I want to know is why the arselicking, Scouseloving papers and TV fail to point out certain facts about these not so loveable vermin…

There’s plenty of evidence that Liverpool have consistently sought to capitalise on what Hillsborough brought them (just enough sympathy to wash away their Heysel disgrace for instance, allowing them their stunning attempt to present its own twentieth anniversary in 2005 as a joint Liverpool-Juventus commemoration – grief hijacking extraordinaire!)…

There was that Scouse cunt, John Aldridge at the replayed semi-final at Old Trafford a mere three weeks after Hillsborough… His disgraceful taunting of Forest’s Brian Laws following the latter’s own goal was unbecoming in any circumstances and fully deserved Tony Adams’ retribution – “That’s for Brian Laws, you cunt” – three weeks later when Arsenal stole the championship at Anfield…

Of course that came after the all-Merseyside cup final (just five weeks after Hillsborough) which, as though nothing had happened, was once again marked by images of numerous scousers scaling the stadium walls to gain entry and, with the fences removed, pitch invasions that they’d been put up to prevent…. Meanwhile, stewards on duty that day were called to a disturbance at one entrance ten minutes into the game where they were met by the sight of hordes of scousers attempting to storm their way in… Forget the earlier ridiculous calls for the season to be abandoned and Liverpool awarded the FA Cup in memoriam – some of the club’s fans had in mind a far more fitting way to honour the disaster’s victims…. Which begs the question: if the police did open the gate at the Leppings Lane End, why did they? Could it be that there were hordes of baying, ticketless scousers causing so much mayhem that the coppers were forced to open it? It is no secret that scousers were jumping the turnstiles at that end during that game,….

And of course there were the ever-present ‘Liverpool FC celebrate Munich 1958’ banners and the ‘Who’s that dying on the runway?’ song that these cunts sang for decades… Not forgetting, of course, the massacre of 39 Juventus supporters at Heysel… Don’t see too much of an outcry from Scousers about ‘Justice For The 39’, do we?
What I want to know is why did it take the deaths of 96 of their own for these scum to actually grow a conscience? Cunts…

Nominated by: Norman