Smoking intolerance

Public furtive objection to Smoking!! Please.

A massive cunting to people who begin pointedly sniffing or coughing when they get within 100 paces of me trying to enjoy a snout. I agree its a shitty habit etc etc, and I’m not a heavy smoker BUT! I actually go out of my way to not smoke around others. Always outside, if I see people coming along I’ll cross the road or shift to suit the wind. It’s not enough though is it? The looks that are cast my way like I’m some sort of Leper ringing a fucking bell I can take, but the pronounced sniffing and coughing that always follows is getting the old gander up.

Should I quit? Absolutely, but for now it’s my choice and my money. I despise fat people (amongst many) but I certainly don’t go around audibly tutting and shaking my head at every Jabba The Hut I encounter in Aldi or Asda. I think the next time it happens I’m just going to go out of my way to blow it right into their eyes. The Cunts.

Nominated by Roger the Shrubber.. son of Roger


I’d noticed that my broadband and phone bill had crept up to over £60 and knew that my contract was due to run out in 3 months time, so I rang them to see what could be done to get it reduced. The woman on the other end virtually told me to Fuck Off until nearer the time that the contract ran out.

I was so mad that I signed up with EE who were offering exactly the same package for less than £30. Two days later I got a message from BT saying that I’d have to pay a cancellation fee..I ignored it. Two days later got a phone call from BT to say that they could immediately cancel,without charges,my present contract and offer me a new 18 month contract identical to my present one for £29. I agreed because it meant not having to set up a new e-mail address,and tbf,. they’ve always been good about getting the phone working when the snow or winds cause disruption.

Now, I’m grateful to them for the new contract, but really all it does is expose how much they’ve been overcharging in the past. Loyalty to a company seems to carry a penalty these days instead of a discount.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

The Feckless

It’s time to cunt those that don’t give a shit,

Leaving for work from a reasonable house in a reasonable car on a reasonable wage at 5am I drove through I few know estates. Not a fuckin light on no cunt at the bus stop. The useless lazy cunts are still in bed after a nite of drugs booze and sex. The kids will obviously be collected for school via taxi coz the munter parents can’t be arsed to take them, free meals free transportation to and from . Social services in daily attendance to ensure parents get the support they need . Sky , big TV phone a given .

Fuck off let the cunts die and fuck off so can pay less to them that pay nothing CUNTS

Nominated by Harry The Bastard

John Bercow

Bercow again.

We have seen this unelected (except by fellow cunts) twat do his best to overturn Brexit. Now the diminutive goblin lookalike wants to forbid Trump to address parliament.

A pointless tosser who has puffed himself up to deny the elected president of our greatest ally the courtesy of parliament. What the fuck is the point of parliament when insignificant cunts like Bercow are allowed so much say?

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Fine weather gardening

I nominate Spring, Summer and Autumn for a serious cunting.
Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not the actual seasons as years ago they were pleasant variances in the annual weather cycle…… Until a few years ago and getting WORSE, the advent of a multitude of “professional gardeners” who charge a fortune to walk around in noise-cancelling headphones while they noise up the local environment, every fucking minute of the fucking day going house to house with the fucking petrol mower droning on and on and on and on and on, a sound that penetrates every nook and cranny.
But FAR WORSE are those fucking cunt LEAF BLOWERS that said “gardener” spends an hour moving stuff from a to d to c and back to a, giving the illusion of doing something, while the incessant staccato vroom, vroooooom, VROOOOM from these acursed Satanic creations is even worse than the constant down of the fucking mower. USE A BROOM YOU CUNTS.
If there was ever a case for legalising Kalashnikovs, this is it, and the more affluent the area the worse it is, with often two or three of the cunts inflicting this sonic Chinese water torture on us.
There is no escape, and this is one time where the curse of profound deafness must become a blessing.
At the moment there is a pair of cunts going from house to house behind where I’m working, FOUR HOURS of this incessant droning is driving me fucking barmy that spoils every day, and this is only day one of the “gardening season”. Roll on December. CUNTS.

Nominated by Sheikh Anvakh