I was doing a spot of grocery shopping yesterday and whilst waiting at the checkout, my eyes were drawn to the colourful magazines screaming headlines about people of whom I know nothing (apologies to Mr Chamberlain). Apparently, some girl I’ve never heard of has “a new bikini body” and one of the Kardashians has given her boyfriend the boot. Who gives a fuck? And who spends their money on these crappy rags?
(1) UN ambassador (!) Victoria Cunting Beckham is going to save babies from AIDS. She’s now a doctor is she? Or Jesus?
(2) Angelina Jolie – the world’s most beautiful woman (only to a sex-starved Albanian shepherd who’s allergic to wool) – is given a knighthood. For what exactly? Making a couple of speeches saying “rape is bad”? Thanks for that, I never knew!
(3) Thousands of women paying – paying, for fuck’s sake – to have their asses increased in size to look like some reality TV bint.
Words fail me. I’ll have to go and lie down in my special room with the rubber wallpaper. Perhaps Sir Limply will lend me some of his medication?
Neil Kinnock. This toucan nosed piece of shit has been sticking said nose out from under his rock lately. Today, he compared Gideon Osborne to Josef Goebbels. Apparently, Gideon has been telling lies for the past four and a half years whenever he’s said that Gordon Brown, aided by Balls and E Miliband, pushed the country in recession.
I’ve done a bit of research here, and I’ve found that from 1997 until 2007, Gordon Brown was employed as Chancellor of the Exchequer. This job apparently gave him control of the nation’s finances. A job, as it happened, he was completely un-fucking-qualified to hold. Turns out that Brown’s policy of tax and spend, spend, spend, turned a once wealthy nation into a financial basket case.
It gets worse, because Brown’s complete fucking economic incompetence caused him not only to sell most of the country’s gold, but to first announce to the world that he was selling it. This caused the gold market to collapse, meaning the dumb fat fucker got far less for OUR gold than he would have if he’d kept his fucking mouth shut. He also grandly announced an end to boom and bust, before embarking on the bitch of all spending sprees with OUR money. This caused us to go bust.
Now, all of this is established fact. Unless you’re in the Labour party of course, in which case the recession was caused by a pink unicorn that became a homicide bomber, after it was told it could no longer collect hen’s teeth.
I remember this cunt from the eighties. I remember how utterly useless this sheep shagging cock wipe was. I remember how thoroughly despicable and unpleasant he is. I also remember how he went to Brussels and got a cushy job. Then he got his wife a cushy job. And his fuckwit son. They all made a fortune sucking on the public tit. I had hoped he’d fucked off back to Wales, to live a life of sheep rape and counting the money he’s never earned.
No such luck though. Four years ago, the Unions who support the Labour party put Ed Miliband in charge, and up pops Kinnock, like a particularly foul smelling fart. Like most left wing scum, the only thing Kinnock deserves is a bullet to the temple. Although that’s just my opinion apparently. It makes me physically sick to think that should Buck Toothed Billy get into Number 10 next May, Kinnock will be right there, grinning like the evil little cunt he is.
I had a look at twitter once. Just to see what the fuss was about.
It must take a Stephen Fry size intellect to understand it, because as far as I could see, it was bollocks. Actually, you’d have to be a Stephen Fry sized twat to want to post on it.
Who the fuck is actually interested in anything that gets posted? It’s drivel.
Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw
I am amazed at the number of people who follow blogs on Twitter. Why the fuck don’t they just read the blog or subscribe to it? I don’t get it. What the fuck is the point of just introducing another layer of shite?
* * * * WE HAVE A WINNER! * * * *
Yes, Dioclese has won it again! What a clever little cunt I am!!
Congratulations to me who predicted the next dead cunt would be former Aussie PM Gough Whitlam who died on the 21st October. Being an extremely modest sort of bloke, I wasn’t monitoring it and didn’t realise how brilliant I was until somebody told me he’d snuffed it.
So we have a new Dead Pool champ and clearly I’m going to have to defend my title one more time! so the slate has been wiped clean and everyone gets to pick a new ‘dead cunt walking’ as we move on to The Dead Pool 15. Here’s the rules :
1. Nominate who you think is next on the way out.
You can have a maximum of five cunts each. Leave names in the Comments.
2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and we start again. Of course, you can always be a cunt and steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the last Dead Pool.
Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored. Any anonymous cunt who can’t be bothered to make up a name for themselves will also be ignored. Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.