Sadiq Khan [14]

A Halal cunting with a side order of vindaloo for the short-arsed wacky Pak! Mayor of London Sadiq Kunt.

The little motherfucker has been meddling in the Brexit debate yet again.

Every time this wankstain interferes in matters above his pay grade, he needs an ISAC thrashing for his ignorance and stupidity.

Khan ought to keep his snivelling beak out of Europe and recall that n LONDON which he is paid to worry about has experienced 109 murders at last count this year, and he shows fuck all interest, apart from coming out with his pompous prepared speeches.

Fuck off Sadiq – go and buy yourself a van and start up a cheap takeaway – if you think you can manage it.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

Hogging gym equipment

People who hog gym equipment are cunts. Right now there’s some inconsiderate cunt hogging the main barbell area (where the deadlift and other such exercises are done) in the gym. He’s been there for over half an hour and seems to be spending most of that time on his phone with the occasional few reps thrown in in between. What an inconsiderate cunt.

Nominated by OpinionatedCunt

Strictly Cunts Prancing [2]

Twats in sequined shirts and tackle nipping trousers twirling birds with sprayed on faces around a dancefloor, while a panel of d-listers and a clap at anything audience of sheeples look on. That’s ‘Strictly Cunts Prancing’ for you, and you’ll have seen it at some point. It’s another of those hopeless ‘talent’ fodder shows which infest weekend telly schedules, and I’ll occasionally look in on it as a comparable alternative to my regular Saturday night pastime of self-flagellation.
In all honestly I wouldn’t mind ‘SCP’ if it confined itself to the box. My problem with it is that it’s spread across the meeja like one of those nasty little rashes you’re stuck with but would rather not have. Most of the spiel comes not so much from the programme itself, but from the irritating antics of the wannabe and never-will-be cunts who take part. The meeja and the Twatterati have been in meltdown of late over the antics of 32-year-old Seann and 29-year-old Katya, who *gasp* were photographed snogging outside a pub. Seann’s girlfriend Rebecca publicly elbowed the lad, claiming that he referred to her as ‘psycho’ for suggesting that something untoward was going on. This blockbuster story continued when in a follow-up routine, Seann and Katya danced with a guitar between them, which led to fans claiming that *gulp* show bosses wanted to keep the pair apart during the routine. They subsequently finished in the bottom two, but *gasp* survived the dance-off. This led 29-year-old reject Vicky to *shock* hint at a ‘fix’ to keep the pair in as a ratings and publicity booster. Noooooo… Al-beebra would never indulge in such machinations, surely??
Now some might of course accuse me of hypocritically indulging a pathetic interest in these goings-on myself. In my defence, I’ll state that my fascination stems not so much from the ‘events’ themselves, but from genuine puzzlement as to how the whole vacuous shebang is able to exert such a hold on the interest of so many for so long. It’s not ‘fake news’ as such, more like ‘none news’, yet it’s lapped up. I just don’t get it, but it’ll no doubt run and run, even though it’s a bag o’ shite.

Rebecca Humphries is 32.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Gordon Brown [13]

Gordon Brown is a cunt. This sweaty sock who flogged off all the UK’s gold at rock bottom prices wants a Royal Commission into Brexit. It’s terms of reference would be “to listen to the voices of the British people”.

Royal Commissions are not noted for the alacrity of their proceedings and the only thing in the world wider than the proposed terms of reference is Eddie Izzard’s butt crack. No need to worry about the findings of such a Commission because the Sun will be extinguished and the Earth a ball of lifeless rock by the time it finishes.

So, Mr G Brown, here is the voice of one British person – fuck off you loser and do the world a favour by expiring.

Nominated by Fimbriations