I would like to cunt christmas in general, and all the lazy work shy fuckwits that are already peddling the excuse ‘its christmas’ for not actually doing what they are paid to do.

Unless you have been to church the preceding 51 Sundays, only an uber cunt would claim they are christian and go along with the whole charade and celebrate accordingly. Its basically just another form of religious terrorism, being forced to give people time off to spend money they don’t have on people they couldn’t give a fuck about, and drink heavily. 3 weeks of productivity down the shitter for me. I loath religion and its fucked up traditions so very, very much.

And don’t get me started on New Year celebrations.


Nominated by: The Captain

Call me Scrooge but I fucking hate Christmas. Kids in general seem to be getting greedier and greedier competing to see who can get the most expensive presents, the latest phones, games consoles etc. My wife spends and spends, like you say money we haven’t got, then its me that has to work all the hours god sends to pay off the debt.

Christmas really is a cunt. Bah Humbug !

Nominated by: Cuntface

Christopher Biggins


With panto season upon us, who better to cunt than Christopher Biggins?

I mean what the actual fuck is this fat cunt actually famous for? Bit-part in Porridge, bit-part in I Claudius, bit-part (non-speaking) in the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Can anyone remember anything else? Thought not.

Now the cunt is wheeled out like a fucking “national treasure” (previously cunted) at every opportunity, famous for being famous rather than for any actual artistic endeavour. Absolutely the worst kind of luvvie who seems to be at parties more often than he’s actually working. Hang the cunt.

Nominated by: Fred West

David Quantick


Smirking, unfunny, lop-sided faced cunt often used as a talking head on ‘The Nation’s Top 50…’ list type programmes if they can’t get Stuart Maconie or Paul Morley (previously cunted).

Torture is too good for this cunt – if anyone ever spots him in the street, please punch him hard and rip his tongue out. Let’s see if he’s still smirking after that.

Nominated by: Fred West

The New Zealand Sand Fly


Say hello to one of the biggest little cunts on the planet. A true cunt amongst cunts. The New Zealand Sand Fly is a monumental cunt of cunts!!!

This fucker makes the dreaded Scottish midge look like a fucking pussycat. Insect repellant, head nets, gloves, full body protection and still the little cunt bites you. How do they do it?

And the even better thing about these sods it that you don’t feel them at the time. This bastard specialises in delayed action bites. They start itching about 12 hours later. Antihistamine cream? Don’t make me larf! Their bites spit on your antihistamine cream! And don’t even think about scratching because that just makes them itch even more.

I caught one on the window in our cabin one night. Felt really good squashing the little bastard except that he was full of blood. We weren’t sure whose blood until the next day. Then the itching started.

Yes, he is truly King in the world of blood suckers. Should have been a politician…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Christmas Trees


Christmas trees are cunts.

With their oohh look at me I’m all green and pretty and smell of pine (Dog piss after two days in my house). They should be left in the ground where they eventually die a horribly protracted death over a century or so. That’ll teach ‘em.

The decoration wearing, off-centre leaning, hoover blocking, end up in my front garden until March, top-of-the-tree fairy wearing bastards. Fuck ‘em!

Nominated by: Fleaboy

( And while we’re in the mood for a bit of festive cheer – like fuck we are! – cock an ear to the latest addition to the ‘Cunt Music’ page courtesy of Fred West. Nice one, Fred! )