Jose Mourinho

Real Madrid-coach Jose Mourinho attends

In a sport run, managed, officiated and played by cunts, The Special Cunt is in a league of his own. Fluent in at least four different languages, he’s incapable of being humble in any of them. So when his team of expensively assembled mercenaries fails to win a match, he trots out the same old litany of pathetic excuses and associated paranoia.

No wonder his players are such a bunch of cunts as well — from his sex pest centre back right the way through to his diving, spitting centre forward.

Nominated by: Norman Cunter

Old Jose is a miserable cunt… He makes Kenny Dalglish look like a song and dance man…

Even if he had a thousand quid in each ear and was taking Kylie Minogue up the jacksy, Mourinho wouldn’t even crack a smile…

John Terry is a family sized bumpor cunt too…

Nominated by: Norman

Cunt O’MaCunto

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Went out for a little swigaroo last night in my local. Quietly having a Ginger Grouse when in walk some rowdy so-and-so’s, you know the type, tattoos and hipster beards (cunts). It didn’t take long for the twits to make their way over to myself and the beautiful Mrs O’MaCunto, when one of these arse-holes plonked his trilby on my head (I mean a fucking TRILBY! On a night out! What an unforgivable cunt).

Well, I charmed these fine young gentlemen with a ‘Nice one, now please fuck off lads’, quite polite of me considering the situation I thought, and upon looking around, the cunts soon discovered it wasn’t the sort of establishment that ‘selfies’ and putting fucking Creed on the jukebox would be accepted. They soon made their way to the exits, departing with a cheeky ‘Yeah, you can keep the hat mate!!’, and off they went on their merry way, sure to end up fingering some transgender looking filly en route to a kebab house.

Anyway, then the Mrs turns to me and says ‘You look like Olly Murs in that hat’. Therefore, it is with great regret that I must cunt myself for resembling that bag of shit. What a fucking dreadful end to the week.

Nominated by : Cunt O’MaCunto

John Hammond

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John Hammond is an annoying little cunt.

This prancing, preening, cocky little twat is being pushed forward (it would seem) as the “face of BBC weather”, being put up to present every feature about the weather on the BBC news. What an ugly little troll of a face it is too, good only for a prolonged spell as a stand-in punchbag. Watching this annoying little cunt, and worse hearing his thin whiny voice is bad enough, but his intonations (“brrrrright and breezy”, “it’ll be a bright, crisssssspp day”) and the annoying way he keeps smacking his lips together before every bloody sentence is the worst.

Add to that his hand movements (creepy in the extreme if you ask me) and the way he almost bounces around as he presents the same boring weather as yesterday and you have a little fanny hole of a annoying little cunt that makes my blood boil every time I see him.

Get that creepy, lisping little cunt off my TV BBC!

Nominated by: Colin Murray’s Brain

Kevin Maguire [2]

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Kevin Maguire, Daily Mirror associate editor, all round wank stain. He’s overdue a cunting. The simple fact he works for that shitty rag the Daily Mirror makes him a cunt. But I’ve just watched him doing a review of the years biggest news stories on Sky News with the Daily Mail’s Andrew Pierce and my hatred of this Geordie scum bag has grown even deeper.

For a start, he’s a left winger. Turns out he’s actually as far to the left as Annie Lennox. Yes, that far. He’s also a rude bastard, constantly talking over Andrew Pierce whenever Pierce said something Maguire didn’t like. That seemed to be pretty much everything Pierce said, because Maguire could be seen shaking his head and talking over Pierce virtually every time Pierce spoke. I have to say, I gained a certain respect for Pierce’s restraint. If Maguire had been that rude to me, I would have been arrested, and Maguire would have been rushed to hospital to have my chair extracted from his mouth. One thing I really cannot tolerate is bad manners. Maguire is a big bag of bad manners.

What really sickens me about this piece of shit though, is his willingness to go on tv and publicly suck Ed Miliband’s penis. Metaphorically that is, not actually. It was quite a feat actually, because he was simultaneously (metaphorically of course) disappearing up Obama’s anus. Every time Red Ed’s name was mentioned, this little shit’s eyes lit up. The buck toothed twat can do no wrong in Maguire’s eyes. Even Calamity Clegg got a reasonably easy ride. And Maguire couldn’t believe it when Pierce had the audacity to claim that UKIP were hurting Labour to a slightly lesser degree than they were hurting the Tories. It just isn’t happening according to Maguire. The evidence suggests otherwise.

I’ve made it known in the past that my hatred of Lefties is every bit as strong as my hatred of Muslims. And I hate Maguire even more than I hate Miliband and Balls.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

David Baddiel

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David Baddilel is a twat…

UK Gold (a shit channel that cuts everything up with adverts) has recently had some Morecambe and Wise thing on: Not much stuff from Eric and Ernie themselves, but plenty from cunts like Punt and Baddiel. Instead of showing a Morecambe and Wise sketch, they show Baddilel watching it on a big screen and laughing (in that Des O’ Connoer style showbiz manner!).

Nobody wants to watch Baddiel anyway. But who the fuck wants to watch the little turd laughing at a big screen? That’s entertainment?! Television is dead….

Nominated by: Norman