Cyclists [14]

Cyclists are cunts, they really are, check out this bit of Oscar winning bullshit from this sweaty,ugly, cunt who should be a professional footballer with acting skills like that, she needs her bike folding in half and ramming up her arse.

Thats my opinion, so imagine what the Laaaaand Rover driver must be thinking, the new law is a joke, its going to be hit and run city i think, fucking cyclists are cunts.

Nominated by: Fuglyucker

66 thoughts on “Cyclists [14]

  1. Bigger bull bars.
    BF AT3’s.
    Cyclist Headcam confiscated.
    A large glass of single malt, to celebrate.

    • Goodyear Xtra Grip 7.50 x 16’s would be better.

      More pressure as smaller surface area, stiff old cross-plies, and would leave a nice shaped pattern on the deceased carcass.

  2. Jeremy vine need to be under the wheels of a kosovan lorry driver, the smug cunt

    • The new Highway code ruling is indeed fuckin stupid,
      Putting both driver and cyclists both in danger.

      I just ignore it anyway,
      Fuck em.

      But im not getting stuck into cyclists again,
      Because I’ll feel a right berk in 10yrs time when we are all on bicycles thanks to ecoloonies like Greta and Boris Johnson.

      See you in Halfords.

      • I know Miserable, it will be like 1930’s China except for Dick and the hounds in his Hilux telling everyone to “clear out of the fucking way”.

      • My pending career as a rickshaw driver will burn the calories off LL.

        I’ll look like a advert for the RSPCA,
        All ribs and shivering.

        You with a tool trailer for your tricycle…😀

      • I’m tempted to buy a 1980s Isuzu truck, the sort you see blowing out plumes of black smoke in India or the far east.

        And then do nothing but drive round and round Greta’s house for a week. Follow her around if she goes anywhere. I usually do anyway. They can shove their bloody ‘restraining order’ up their fucking arses an’ all.

      • Here in Texas there are many 4X4 diesel pickups and they can do “coaling” or “rolling coal” (nothing to do with white chics & black cocks).
        Drive by a pedestrian or cyclist and floor the accelerator at the right moment and black smoke billows out to smother them.
        Mexicans sometimes have stupid wire wheels that extend like a cone way out past the car with spinners at the end of the cone. Those could clip a cyclist and result in a great video clip.
        Not many cyclists in my parts. That may change if fuel prices jump much higher.

      • Meat Curtains @

        Those big yank pickups?
        I really like them!
        Here in the UK theyre dead expensive.

        I like pickup trucks, bluegrass music, whisky, outdoor cooking, im heavily bearded and have bad teeth.

        Am I a hillbilly?

      • I can almost hearths duallng banjos. You should move here. Just come through the southern border. Less paperwork.

      • Mis: there is a rather nice V8 Toyota Tundra crew cab pick-up (Yank Import) on E-bay.
        Be perfect for those days out in the Peak District👍

        All I ask in return for the grads up, is a lift to Lord Fiddles May Ball.
        Have you received your invite yet? Mine is late…(again☹️).

      • Evening CG, 👍
        Yeah got my invite weeks ago!
        Hes probably got your postcode wrong or something?

        He always invites me to functions,
        I host the” light your own farts” competition and the ‘milk the bull ‘ game.

        Im like a son to him really although hes too shy to say that outright .

        Occasionally he sets the dogs on me or drunkenly shoots over my head as I dodge through the trees.
        But its all light-hearted.

      • You really don’t want to go to Lord Fiddlers ” May Ball”.
        Truly you don’t.
        The finale is the burning of the Wicker Man.
        I got away last year, by the skin of my teeth.

      • And I gracefully declined this years invitation.
        I wrote ” deceased, return to sender”
        on the envelope.

      • Meanwhile the Chinese are driving around in BMW’s and Range Rovers. How they must laugh at the West.

  3. Utter cunt, plenty of room, maybe the Land Rover should be fitted with a TARDIS Device that shrinks the exterior to the size of a dinky toy.

    Fucking hate the Lycra clad cunts.

    • I do not wear lycra, am very happy on my WWI Enfield sports model with the Heath Robinson 3-speed gears AND (importantly) do not ride on roads. Unless there’s no alternative. But then I’d usually drive. If I cycle, however, the onus is on me not to get run over.

      Ecstatic when overtaking wankers with my flappy trousers and stockman’s overcoat must say and they’re wearing 5 grands worth of bullshit. I was going to put something else but have forgotten what it was now. Sometimes wear bicycle clips? Probably not, I lost them 20 years ago. I think. Might have been 30. Hate the cvnts with a great hatred.

      On an unrelated note, arsenic cyanide is a great product, especially when superheated and projected through jets – like those backpack water pistols. Except it’s arsenic cyanide. Or a spray. Or even frozen in a million ton lump dropped from a great heighth. (This paragraph is about centipedes.)

  4. An insane decision in support of an insane law. The Land Rover driver did nothing illegal and this sets a dangerous precedent – the police and not the CPS deciding who they are going to find guilty or innocent today – the driver should have just aimed at the Edward Coulson statue – he would have got a fkin OBE.
    And if cyclists are “road users” then why aren’t they licensed, taxed and insured like I have to be?
    This will not end well.

  5. They are always saying “lessons will be learnt”…

    Well from this I conclude

    A) accidentally hit a cyclist
    Make sure they’re dead.
    In doubt?
    Go back and finish them off.

    B) remember to take any cameras/phone/helmet cams.
    Destroy all evidence.
    Get a. Adrenaline rush!
    Do it again!!👍😁

    • Mnc@ – Get them bikes in the back of the van – some of them are worth good money, just need a bit of blood etc cleaning off – this time next year we’ll all be millionaires! 😀👍

  6. I’m surprised anyone does anything anymore as there’s always some soft cunt waiting to fucking ruin it.

  7. Typical fuckin edjit cyclist we have to contend with these days and matters a fuck whether man or woman.
    They are road racing bikes that a way beyond there abilities, the lycraclad cunts
    She slowed down the stupid cunt and couldn’t unclip from the peddle the numb skull ,When all she had to do was keep peddling.
    Then blames the driver for her lack of abilities.Go get a bike with stabilizers you entitled child.
    I bet the driver slowed down and pulled over a bit for her to peddle through
    She probably a solicitor or a school teacher and is horrified by people driving anywhere near her
    Cycling is not for you luv so sell the fuckin thing and your shammies
    Love the photo on the nom😂😂

    • Mecuntry@ – With clip pedals (SPD’s) it is always necessary to change down gears when slowing down – otherwise there is too much torque for the pedal rotation, and – trapped by the pedals with no way to stabilise – the rider falls over.
      I don’t ever use clip pedals, annoying pain in the arse dangerous things.

      • @Vernon,I use em on my last racer (pinarello paris 2005 circa 2006 a collectors item , valverde won many spring classics and the tour of Spain on this bike during those years). and even though an under 16 would burn me for speed at this stage of my life it’s hard to beat clip in pedals and proper shoes for winding it up, but for town and urban leisure cycling flat mt pedals and what ever clothes I have on at the time
        About torque ,Vernon really the pussies today would never be able to push a 53 x 11 chainset and cassette even with the wind behind em never mind about maxing it out which is fucking hard to do , it’s all aboutfucking cadence and that fucker Froome spinning like a jerryathric and measuring the watts like a machine . Pro racing and even amateur died some time ago and not because of the drugs . Anyway I went on a bit

  8. Listened to the voice over on the link and it would possibly appear the silly tart got her feet caught in those stupid pedals that your shoes clip in to, they are proper dangerous and should only be used for professional cunts who cycle, not your average fat middle aged slag who thinks she’s a cyclist.

    Dumb bitch should have broken a few bones and slapped with a fine for lying.

  9. I nearly got offed by a bicycle last week and it was entirely my fault. It was dark and I was crossing the road (completely sober by the way). Some cunt on a bike shouts at me and swerves around me calling me a prick and a wanker. The truth is I was looking for pairs of headlights not his little white light. I just didn’t see the cunt, no excuses. I think dozy pedestrians, especially with phone in hand, are more of a problem than cyclists. Oh, and those electric scooter cunts are a fucking menace too.

  10. Freddie, did you not know that mobility scooter its are the most entitled people of all.
    They drive on pavements, and heaven help you if you don’t get out of the way sharpish.
    They drive them into shops, fuck you if you just bobbed in for some milk, they are going to trundle in slow motion right down the middle of the aisle, reading every fucking packet label on the way.
    At the cash machine, they will take 15 minutes to fumble the £10 into their purse ( which they keep strapped to their groin, because no one is going there), then do a 15 point turn before leaving, after running over your foot at least once.
    They really are cunts.

  11. I was cycling home through town last year during the cough and approached a junction when this blacky pulled straight out in front of me. I pulled the brakes at the same time the thick cunt pressed his .
    Meanwhile a taxi was behind as I looked around on hearing the sound of his heavily pressed brakes as he was trying to turn left but l was blocking him because of blacky blocking me .
    I’m now hemmed in between the two cars and and the taxi driver ,a local bred roles down the passenger window and I say “ah for fucksake”
    He looks at blacky staring blankly at the event that unfolded and stares back at me and replied “ i suppose that’s my fault isn’t it” I could do nothing but laugh and blacky didn’t get the joke .
    He caught up with me later and bibbd the hooter as he past having a laugh , I saluted back

  12. Cycling is the 2020s version of golf in that white, fat, old cunts who are shit at every other sport start doing it because they can spend more money on it than other people and think they’re special. They all look like cunts. Having said that, I’d happily have a ride on that Victoria Pendleton.

  13. Cyclists seem to be flavour of the month just now, yet they are the cause of linear misses on a daily basis.


  14. A £1000 fine?!! Wtf ! They were going slow and the cyclist fell off because she couldn’t control the bike. Most of the comments from cyclist’s agreed it was nonsense except one who said the car wasn’t 1.5 metres away : so is it supposed to drive into the field because the road isn’t very wide? Ffs

  15. I saw a longer version of that video last week and there was plenty of room.
    I have nothing against cyclists and like a ride on my bike but those in that video are just like the extinction Rebellion, insulate Britain lot that are out to take control/revenge on motorists. Utter cunts that dive better than a Brazilian footballer.

  16. I had a run in with 4 cyclist cunts the other day.
    They were riding in file on a narrow pavement.
    I told them to use the cycle paths on each side of the road, only to be told “Life is too short to worry about such things”
    There followed a long bout of effing and blinding from me. I must have sounded like a Tourettes sufferer as they road away.
    Utter, utter CUNTS.
    BTW I ride a bike but only on roads to get from A to B not as a pastime.

    • Well, life is too short indeed.
      Too short to stuff a mushroom!
      Give them cycle paths.
      They turn into psychopaths.
      Shoot the lot.

      • I wish they were banned from canal paths, it ruins some very nice walks to have these cunts whizzing past every two minutes, frightening dogs and blundering in to people. About one in 25 says thanks if you move to let them past. They are going far too fast to take in any scenery, so I don’t know why the thick cunts can’t go round and round the block where they live, or preferably go along a busy motorway during the rush hour. I did see a chap throw a rather expensive looking bike in the Kennet & Avon after the gobshite riding it had insulted his wife – gave me
        a warm glow for the rest of the day.

  17. I have a wayward headlight washer jet that is perfect for the fuckers cycling down the 10 inch gap on my left side in queuing traffic,, screenwash in the eye, s stings like a bitch, the only problem now is I’m topping up the washers all the time with nearly neat screenwash, I never get tired of the reactions from the cunts.. 😂😂😂

  18. Professional cyclists on the Tour de France etc don’t stop for toilet breaks, they just go in their shorts the dirty cunts. Imagine pedalling for 6 hours with a large soft stool getting squashed and smeared all over your nether regions and starting to ooze out the lycra, mixed in with piss and sweat and probably semen too. I read they have to bin them afterwards they are so foul. Sorry if anyone reads this while having their tea. Pasta and meatballs for me, yum.

    • Actually, I heard that the truly dedicated have their colon redirected into a coloncomy bag!
      Shit on!

      • What a load of bollocks. Professional athletes with their finely tuned bodies don’t shit themselves in the middle of a competition.

        Err…..except Gary Lineker, but he’s one of the world’s biggest cunts so that doesn’t count.

    • @Themamagic , it happens when some cunt in a race has had a dodgy breakfast and suffers the runs during the middle, most pull up and are finished but I remember a stage race where this happened and he kept going with shit flinging everywhere from the spokes at high speed . Nobody in the bunch would ride next nor near him as he was sent to Coventry and out the back he went .
      He was power washed down at a petrol station when arrived at the finish because the kip town landlady was not letting inext nor near the door. The fucking laughing was mighty

      • I stand by my post, I saw it on the Internet so it must be true. On a vaguely related subject I am thinking about becoming a stool donor. Yes they fucking do exist! Don’t fancy giving blood and using both my kidneys but happy to help those less fortunate than myself by donating some excess shit. A pity nobody will ever read this post as an interesting subject. Also got good story about a scientist in remote Mongolia who discovered a new disease and used a novel method of transporting samples back to civilization. Yes, it does involve eating shit. And this one is even truer!

  19. Also what a bunch of cunts Northamptonshire five oh are, the cycling dragon must of been dishing out blow jobs I reckon….

  20. No mention in the film about Penalty Points, but they usually come with ‘undue care & attention.’ That could fuck with your insurance, as well as getting the fine.
    The clumsy cunt should have been wearing L plates like the one that was on the back of that Land Rover. I might then have had a bit of sympathy if that had been the case.

  21. I’ve got a bike, you can ride it if you like,
    It’s got a basket, a bell, and things that make it look good,
    I would give it to you if I could,
    But I borrowed it.

    All angry lycra type wearing cyclists want nailing to a gibbet post, and their bikes want the cutting torch though them. Fuck off please.

    The Peak District has become some sort of Mecca for these cunts, and they are filling up the cafés, just nursing a cup of coffee for an hour and talking bollocks.

    I don’t mind the mountain bike lads, they have a good sense of humour, and are mad bastards.
    I like talking to them and asking where they have been etc.

    • @Dickvan , A front basket you say, now that’s not aero u no, and will never have respect at the mountain coffee Cuntshop.
      You will be ignored by the peloton poseurs as they frown upon your means of transport smilingly so the snob ends, but you made it up there so fuck em dear Lisa

      • I’ve got an old Raleigh Lenton in my shed somewhere.

        I brought it from a junk shop in Yardley in the early 80’s, I would think.

        The chap wanted 8 quid for it.
        I haggled him down to a fiver.
        I threw it on the back of my lorry and thought what a bargain.

        When I got home I ripped this tape off the rear wheel frame, and underneath it was as rotten as a pear.

        I sleeved it with some oversized tubing and gas welded it up.
        It was a funny metal and it didn’t weld nice, but it held.

        I wonder if any Brummy Cunters can remember this junk shop?
        It was around the corner from that Swan shopping centre.

    • Raleigh lenton that’s the 1950s frame and you were robbed for paying a fiver for it😂😂
      They did make great frames in the 70s and early 80s proper race bikes and should have capitalized on it
      As for the material metal it used to be 501 or 753 steel tubes, if you could afford it 👍

      • Mercian made wonderful frames also in that period, just to add ,Incase there are any road racers still alive🤫

      • Blimey, you know your bikes Mecuntry.

        I liked the colour of the Lenton. It is that weird green colour.

        I was desperate for a bike at the time.

        I had an ancient Sunbeam bike, I wish I’d never sold it. The quality was obvious, it even had an enclosed oil bath for the chain.

        The Lenton was shite. Heavy. I think the frame must have been made out of lead.

  22. One down my road earlier kicking off. Shouting oh no no no… Funny enough she did not even reverse out. I’m a motorbiker so I know what it’s like but frankly just an overdramatic poof.

  23. There are cyclists who cycle to and from work, to save the planet, or possibly because they are cheap skates or on a drink drive ban, God bless them. There are cyclists who cycle to and from the shops to save money and possibly have mental issues, or no car, or on a drink driving ban. There are small people I refer to as children, who are not allowed to drive a car yet, so I will let that slide (not their fault they are not allowed to buy a land rover and run over cyclists). Then there are the middle class wankers who wake up on a sunday and think “I will put on tight lycra, get on my overpriced bike with the other wankers I know and cycle down the narrowest road possible and hold up everyone else, not because I am cycling anywhere, because I will end up back at home” Ban foxhunting and hunt these wankers instead, get some toffs on horses with hounds and a bugle, and they will soon fuck off the road. Bottom line, if you need to cycle somewhere then you get my respect, if you are some faux pleasure cyclist wannabe lance armstrong, fuck off you sad cunt

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