Cyclists [3]


Anyone riding a bicycle over the age of 16 is a cunt. Not only do they not pay any road tax nor have insurance but they don’t have to pass a test to ride on the roads. Not that this is a problem as most think its OK to ride on the pavement instead.

They don’t stop at red lights and they view the rest of the highway code merely as suggestions which may be disregarded as it suits. They expect roads to be closed down so they can pursue their puffy hobby thus inconveniencing proper people who actually pay for the roads in the first place.

But the real clincher, the thing which gets right on my tits is their holier than thou, condescending and completely misplaced and erroneous assertion that they are actually doing something good, something worthwhile. They have evolved to a higher state of consciousness and are actually saving the planet and all us un-enlightened plebs from ourselves. Wrong, cunt! You are playing around on a kids toy and getting in everybodys’ way while you are about it.

Nominated by: Fat Rich

WTF is it with cyclists who listen to their iPods while driving along the road. Do these cunts have a death wish? How the fuck do they expect to hear what’s going on around them?

And headphone wearers are worst of all. Especially designer headphones. “Look at me! I’ve got £200 headphones on! I’ve got more money than sense, I’m a poser AND I have a death wish!”

Squash the stupid cunts…

Nominated by: Dioclese

28 thoughts on “Cyclists [3]

  1. They’re definitely the type of sanctimonious cunts who would happily kill somebody else’s baby in order to get their own spawn into the new grammar school in Sevenoaks… Oh yeah, a chance for “poor but bright kids…” how condescendingly noble, (ps – but only if your Mum’s got a wheat intolerance and your Dad’s a right bellend with a £2000 folding bicycle up his asre)

  2. I’m sat in my lurry at Droylesden square, Gt Man. (just setting the scene) waiting to turn left -indicating- when in the corner of mi left eye I notice some Cunt giving the bottom bar of my mirror bracket a five knuckle shuffle, yup, cyclist mirror hanger. Up the inside because there was room. No worries, this was a common event and the course of action was well rehearsed. Anticipate light change, Neutral, quick into reverse, snatch clutch, dip clutch, hand brake on, hand brake off, selecting second as the brakes come off and away we go cutting tight and leaving zero clearance at the apex. I squeezed the cunt into the barrier and he was last seen rubbing his shoulder. Got my story straight in case of a pull by the fuzz and away for a brilliant day. 1 – 0 and it’s not breakfast time yet. Many such tails all wins. It’s a game, seventeen tons will trump a bit of metal tube with a meat bag jockey every day.

    Behave like Cunts get treated like Cunts.

    • Nice one KC. I know where you’re talking about, seen loads of pedal pussies acting the twat there.

  3. Now I spoke to an engineer about the green effect of cycling to work and he explained it this way.
    on a short term journey the bycicle could be enviromentaly friendly, however on a long jounrney (using the roads) it actualy increases poloution and strips natuaral recources!
    so how did he work it out? well the more motor vehicles you hinder the greater the level of poloutant is put into the atmosphere plus your fuel consumption goes up.
    so each cyclist comuting between between where I work and live actualy cause me to burn more fossil fuel and put more poloutants into the atmosphire, which rather fucks up their green credentials! bunch of cunts! do the maths and buy an exercise bike rigged up to a dynamo if you want to save the plannet!

  4. There ought to be stickers available that you can stick on you’re car door every time you wipe one of these cunts out.

  5. General rule…. The bloke on a mountain bike cycling to work at a proper job is ok, the twat on an expensive racing bike with all the sports gear, shorts, sunglasses, helmet and perma-tan is a well paid cunt who probably has an Audi on the drive at home with which he tailgates all and sundry when he doesn’t fancy cycling. I pushbike occasionally to keep the fat off but luckily we have cycles paths everywhere where I am, so no need to get in anyone’s way.

  6. How’s about the cunts who take their bikes on the tube / train? If you’re that fucking fit cycle the whole way to work you inconsiderate cunt.

  7. Worst of all guys wearing cycling gear who don’t ride a bike. I don’t understand that one. Is it a fetish I’ve never heard of.

  8. Encountered one of these Lycra clad cunts today, full gear, including that helmet that looks like something out of “Alien”

    Hand signals seem to be something of a lost art these days, so I quickly went from “is he going left” to “is he going right”, to “fuck it, I don’t care”

  9. Mr Bastard is spot on, but may I add there are three different types of cyclists here (in London) each with their own particular brand of lunacy and in a way all cunts (including me forced onto a cycle due to wanker of a copper with a grudge. Fair do’s though, he was married to the bird I was knocking off)
    No 1. of the cunt cyclists are indeed as Mr Bastard indicated, the lycra clad luminous avengers with more Go-Pro cameras stuck in all directions than the BBC poses just so they can upload their rants onto youtube and score brownie points with their mums and spend all night wanking over the ‘hits’ their new post is getting.
    I hated these f’krs when I drove around London and I still hate them as much now, even more than bus drivers and that is saying something.
    No 2 is the me brigade; have to cycle to work as sucking what oxygen there is left on public transport through other peoples sweaty armpits and anal expulsions is not my cup of tea thank you. Tried it once or twice but the biochem alarm went off the ,moment I walked in and if you’ve seen “Silkwood” I assure you it was a little like that when it happens.
    Nope, ingesting whatever bacterial and viral spores which incubate in some of the specimens you find on the DLR/Tube is a lot more hazardous than sparing with some stupid bint texting while driving her euro-box or dueling with Red Busses hell bent on eradicating every other road user on the planet.
    The plus side is I get to see all the nice trim arses on the bike riding women as they pass me going over Southwark bridge twice a day. The thought of immediate death just evaporates away with such a glorious vision.
    No 3; The Boris Bike Brigade. …. Honestly, just watch them. They ride around oblivious to everything, cross eight lane junctions with five feeder streets as if they are in the countryside with no one around, never look other than where they are going and never never alter speed. Menace!
    DVLA are cunts.

    • I use a 1950’s Triumph 3-speed roadster (in black naturally) that I salvaged from behind a closed down pub. I just couldn’t leave anything with wheels and a Triumph badge to rust, even if it doesn’t have an engine…..

  10. You can buy a little 50cc petrol engine that can be bolted onto a bike to make it do 35mph and 200 miles to the gallon, but the cunts in the government will not allow it.

    Instead cyclist have to face you mad homicidal arse-wipes every day.

    • 35mph and you need an engine? I’d stick to smoking 20 fags a day and all those curries mate!

      You can do 35mph on a road bike if you put in the effort 🙂
      53 x 12 (gearing) @ 100rpm (crank rotations) = 34.7mph

      Yes I ride a road bike, yes I am a cunt, but I am a fit cunt for my age!
      I love to go out and see people in their 20’s riding, they come past me at like 30mph and think get out of the way Grandad, then I just sit on their wheel whilst they bury themselves trying to get away, and then I drop them on a hill and leave them feeling most annoyed – cunts

      • They made them in the 1950’s, BSA Winged Wheel and the Cyclemaster 32cc 2-stroke plus others. Look great in a period black rod brake pushbike. I think there’s an old Cyclemaster engine in the back of me shed somewhere….

  11. Get me fucking started on cyclists and I have to change my panty liner. Over here in Holland every cunt and his/her brother own at least 5 bikes. This is ok if they stick to the cycle paths, but unfortunately Dutch law clearly states that these two wheel wankers have right of way and can literally get away with anything riding wherever they wish. If one runs into the back of your car the reasoning is if your hadn’t been there in the first place the altercation wouldn’t have happened. Fucking stupid cheese noshing kutten!
    (Kutten=Dutch for cunts)

    • Do you have trucks in Holland MH? Problem solved, just avoid the witnesses.

      Kutten. One for the now International Cunters Dictionary Mr Dioclese?

      • Yes we have trucks here but to wipe out all witnesses would probably qualify me for mass murder. Even the prison wardens bikes in choky.
        Info: Kutten is plural. Singular cunt is kut.

  12. ok final rant, I was born and bought up on boxhill, surrey, I used to have a 3 speed raleigh Griffter and used to cycle to and from work in dorking everyday, admitedly going to work was a dodle, but after a days work at a metal fabricator I would then cycle home, likewise when I was shagging the bird in westcote, I used to cycle home.
    So from personal expeariance, it is not a major acomplishment to cycle up the zig zag road folks, try pebble hill on the other side with a 3 speed gurder between your legs.

  13. Ah, the Raleigh Grifter, weighed in at about 20kg if I recall correctly!
    If you managed to lug that fucking behemoth up Boxhill with 3 gears you have nothing but admiration from me!

    My current carbon road bike is classed as heavy and that weighs just 8.5kg 😮
    I could get that down to the UCI limit of 6.8kg if I spent another £3000 upgrading the groupset to SRAM Red or Shimano Dura-Ace Di2 and put some Mavic Cosmic Carbones on it, think the wife might have something to say about that though 😀

      • The Porridge Shit 
        The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: a) flush and keep going, or b) risk it piling up to your arse while you sit there helpless. 

  14. The difference between a car driver,a pushbike thing (CUNT)and a pedestrian is A) car driver has his castle third party,fire and theft
    B)a fucking mong
    C)a good old pedestrian takes his time, chooses what form of transport ;Tits and arse in summer and peeping tom in the winter months and close you curtains

  15. I wonder -as motorists- we arrange a national rub a cyclist with Germaloids day whether that’d shift em? Pain in the arse Cunts.

  16. After this morning joyless ride I’d like to add dayglo clad fekin horse riders to this cunting, they’re of the same ilk in my book, four legged shitting bikes. Cunts. Fek off into a field and take yer fekin horse with you. Who do you think you are? Dick Turpin! His mam used to work in’t Rovers Return.

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