6 thoughts on “Nominations”

1. The Most Boring Song Ever
   Some time ago I put up a nom. entitled ‘Done To Death Songs’. This was a bitter condemnation of all those songs which if you never hear again in your life, it will be too soon. No more ‘My Way’. No more ‘Bohemian Rhapsody, or ‘Yesterday’, or fucking ‘Mack the Knife’.
   Anyway, on one of those recent glorious afternoons, the wife and I were lazing in the garden (Dog but she still looks good in a bikini), sipping cool Pinot, and listening to ‘golden oldies’ on the radio. Then bastard, on IT came, the most boring song ever. I refer to that turgid dirge ‘Release Me’, foisted on the world in 1967 by the original ‘Tango Man’, Mr Engelbert Humperdinck.
   Now younger readers may be unfamiliar with this pile of maudlin wank, so here’s the magnificently mulleted Mr Dinck, seen here still cranking out his hit over twenty years later;

   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch_Fz2Np-Z4

   What a soaring feat of songwriting this is. Four lines of melody, eight lines of lyrics, no chorus to the verse, no middle eight, all wrapped up in a gloriously cheesy arrangement. To think that on release, this excresence was top of the charts for weeks, keeping the magnificent Beatles double ‘A’ side ‘Strawberry Fields Forever/Penny Lane’ from the No. 1 spot. Every 80-year-old must have fired up their zimmer frames and lurched down to their local record shop to buy it.
   Over fifty years have passed, yet my loathing for this putrid piece of shite remains undiminished. I’d managed to bury my hatred in the back of my mind, only to have it resurface on a beautiful day that deserved better. So I hereby nominate Humper the cunt, the composers, and indeed every cunt at Decca Records for foisting this coma-inducing bilge on the hapless public (also not forgetting the DJ who polluted the airwaves with it once more the other day).
   ‘Release Me’; the most boring song of all time. Unless of course cunters, you know better…

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2. BBC “Analysis”

   The BBC has dozens of correspondents who presumably “analyze” situations and enlighten us with their insight. Many organizations and industries, particularly the financial industry, use analysts and one of their main jobs is to foresee what might happen in the future based on factual and statistical information. Get it wrong too often and they are out of a job.

   However, the BBC´s idea of an analysis is to quote an unnamed “source” or just do a Google search and a quick copy and paste job. One in particular pisses me off – Frank Gardner who is the “Security Correspondent” and pops up every time there is a terrorist incident. In the latest “dispatch”, presumably written from his dining room table as I imagine he is “working” from home, Frank gives us his “analysis” of the killing of the Al-Qaeda leader in North Africa which occurred in Mali at the hands of French forces.

   His analysis amounts to four paragraphs which contain nothing original. No quotes from French security officials or Al-Quaeda contacts which any real journalist should have. Instead he refers to an ancient UN security report. This is followed by four paragraphs on the French presence in Mali taken from the archives.

   Presumably Frank earns a huge salary in keeping with his expertise and no doubt will retire on a generous pension. Of course, taxpayers will not begrudge him his due. After all, it must be hard work pounding away at a computer and trying to analyze what it happening in Mali one day, Iraq the next and Yemen the day after.

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3. Colin Kaepernick is definitely due a nomination. For those who don’t know, Kaepernick is an American footballer. At least, he was. To my knowledge he’s currently without a team due to him being a complete and utter cunt. Kaepernick is the arrogant, self-important douche bag who started the insidious tradition of taking a knee. He used to play for the San Francisco 49’ers, where he had two great seasons. Then he started to get a bit shit, and he was about to be benched. So Colin came up with a way to get publicity. At his next game, during the playing of the National Anthem, Kaepernick knelt. It was interpreted by many in the crowd as a deliberate insult to the flag and the many men and women who died fighting for their country.

   It was actually a public tantrum, thrown by a mediocre player who knew that his glory days were behind him. Kaepernick though, called it a symbol of solidarity for his black brothers and sisters living under oppression. Which was bullshit because, as was pointed out by numerous people, Kaepernick is mixed race and was adopted and raised by a white middle class family. And his playing career has ensured that he his a multi-millionaire. His knowledge of black social issues is about extensive as my knowledge of particle physics. And I know fuck all about particle physics.

   This gesture quickly spread throughout American football, with many black multi-millionaire players taking the knee, and although the NFA initially fully supported it, they changed their tune a bit when they realised that ordinary Americans had taken great offense and had stopped watching their games. Naturally, this led to a loss of revenue. It started spreading into other sports too. And now it’s infected the police, the civil service and other institutions infested with far left pussies. And I wonder how many of these plods and lefties taking the knee, know that their pathetic gesture is not, as claimed, a symbol of unity for black people and the imagined injustice that black people face at the hands of the police (and there are statistics to prove that it’s bullshit), know that the gesture was actually started as a childish tantrum by someone who knew that their best days were literally behind him?

   Step up Kaepernick, you are a cunt.

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4. “MAYOR” STEVE ROTHERAM:

   Let’s give a good ISAC welcome please to former Labour MP – another of those with a Fancy Nancy speaking voice, who has this morning decided that schools in his fiefdom ought not to be re-opened due to Covid 19. Of course all these failed Labour politicians enjoy putting the boot in at any suggestion the government makes, but fair do’s Stephen (who likes to be known as Steve as a contraction of the forename gives the illusion of popularity), has obviously thought long and hard about this – or at least in the 16/17 hours before he made his pronouncement on the BBC – yesterday he was engaged in far more importanrt work:

   https://www.itv.com/news/granada/2020-06-05/metro-mayors-to-become-djs-for-a-night-to-decide-which-of-their-areas-has-the-better-music/

   Why are these vapid cunts paid so much money for doing fuck all? Metropolitan Mayors and PCCs are almost always failed washed up back bench MPs who got kicked out of their constituency, or seeing the writing on the wall, resigned before they were told to fuck off by their constituents.

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5. Alexis Ohanian is a cunt.
   This twat runs Reddit which is a website for weak people who have had their thinking process saturated by political correctness. He has resigned from the board urging members to replace him with a black candidate.
   Fuck me.
   I’m not sure whether this is the vain desperation of an attention-seeking eunuch or the beginning of the end.

   Hoo-ee, what a virtue-signalling cunt.

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6. A Yo Ho Ho ! of a cunting for the Border Force / Coastguard / RNLI water taxi service. With a side cunting for the French authorities, who they are in cahoots with.
   You know the score, Cunters. Bunch of mainly peaceful cunts get to France, obtain a boat, by whatever means, then set out on the jolly old briny for Dearest Blighty. Cuntish, French maritime forces escort them half way across, where they are ‘ rescued ‘ by our stunningly efficient aquatic ring and ride service.
   Aforementioned foreign cunts are then transported to the land of milk and honey, where they will show their gratitude by murdering, raping, thieving and scrounging.
   Today is the 6th June, a memorable day, the question is.
   Was it all worth it ?

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