Use the comments section below to write a nomination for your cunt.

We won’t write your cunt up for you. If you can’t be fucking bothered, neither can we . So don’t be a cunt by submitting a one liner!

The admins will review this page periodically and will either:
1. Post your nomination immediately
2. Schedule it for posting later
3. Decide it’s not appropriate!

After reviewing the nomination, it will be deleted so when it disappears from this page then you know it’s been actioned. Nominations posted elsewhere will be ignored.

[1] Posting in all lower case triggers the spam filter and automatically consigns your comments to oblivion.
[2] Don’t be a lazy cunt and use an eMoji as a name ‘cos it just gets binned and you’re wasting your time and ours.
[3] Write a nomination not War and Peace. We have to read it to check the content and we have better things to do! “Brevity is the soul of wit
[4] DON’T COMMENT ON NOMINATIONS. Wait until they’re posted. Comments will be deleted.
[5] Please write it up as it will appear to save us time correcting spelling, punctuation, paragraph spacing etc. Frankly some of you lazy illiterate fuckers are trying our patience and asking to be binned

PLEASE NOTE that unsubstantiated allegations against living people or institutions will not be considered. Where possible please enclose a link to a reputable news source.


7 thoughts on “Nominations

  1. Maro Itoji:

    for those that dont know, he is an England RU player. And a good one, for an Englishman. He is also black.
    He covets St Marcus’s status. But what to do? Cant claim starvation, went to Harrow. Seems to actually have both parents. Hmm? What then? I know, let’s campaign for laptops for all. At no personal cost, natch.
    He is backed by 2000 headteachers. You know, the cunts whose aim seems to be 52 week holidays for their staff. And by Roc Nation which has something to do with a millionaire Yank rapper.
    The cost to the taxpayer is a mere peccadillo. I mean, what’s a free laptop to every fucking kid in the UK gonna cost? And think of the money saved for parent’s tabs and scratchcards.
    We are truly blessed with such selfless sportsmen.

    Admin, article was in Sunday Times, Jan 17. Link would be behind their paywall.

  2. A rather infectious cunting please for what I call Plague Lingo, or the simpering infectious bullshit that we’re served up by big business in the name of Community Spirit.

    ‘Feeding the nation’ – A phrase chundered out by supermarkets loving the inflated sense of their own importance. No, sunbeam, you’re not. You’re a 36-year-old Dungeons and Dragons player scrubbing the piss-encrusted latrines in Morrisons in Chorlton-cum-Hardy. You aren’t coming round after the Archers omnibus to feed me warm blancmange off a plastic spoon.

    ‘We’re all in this together’ – We really aren’t. Some of us are living off microwaved pouches of cat food in a one-bedroom bedsit with nothing to do but wank ourselves into oblivion. Others are perfectly happy to spaff away the economy and other people’s mental health indefinitely as long as they never have to take the Thameslink again. Others still are mates or wives of shitbag Tory ministers, so have made a few sov on the back of the bat ‘flu. So no, in it together we ain’t.

    ‘Together we can do this’ – Again, we’re buying a few tins of sherbet in the supermarket, not skipping hand in hand to a utopia where nobody ever has to cough again and everyone has a shrine to Saint Chris Shitty in the downstairs khazi. And what’s ‘this’? Together we can do what? Capture and castrate Boris Johnson? In fairness it might take a few of us to back that sack of lard into a corner.

    ‘Let’s stay safe’ – This isn’t an Enid Blyton novel; picture the kind of (probably Lib Dem) milquetoast wanker who, in 2021, turns to someone else and says, wringing their hands, “Darling, let’s stay safe”. “Oh yes dearest, let’s!” Let’s. Fuck off. And as for ‘safe’ – they wouldn’t give a fuck if you tripped over an aubergine, or had a heart attack after finding out the price for Preparation H. Nor did they give a fuck last year if you went into one of their ‘stores’ with the ‘flu. But not any more; let’s stay safe! Let’s! Fucking let’s! Because otherwise you might actually have to spend a few days with the wife.

    I know it doesn’t seem like much but this collectivist, faux-concerned bollocks chills me to the bone. If we all care so fucking deeply about each other why the hell are we sending four tins of beans and a wizened mushroom to free school meals kids, or losing hundreds of thousands of potentially dangerous people’s criminal records?

    I could go on, but maybe you cunts could take it from here and come up with a few more bits of nauseating bat-flu bollocks? Let’s – fucking let’s again – think of it as Cunts in the Community.

  3. A diverse cunting for East Anglia brewers Greene King.

    In the spirit of the great and glorious 21st century phenomenon of not offending non-white people and that only black lives matter, Greene King have decided to rename the Black Boy in Bury St Edmunds because “the name could cause offense to some people” and they’re looking for suggestions for a new name.

    I would suggest perhaps “The White Slaver”, “The Evil imperialist”, “The White Trash” or perhaps “The Honky’s Head” the later being accompanied with a pub sign showing the aforementioned head on a plate help by a black headsman.

    However it is likely this could offend some white folk, not that this seems to be anything that needs to be considered these days.

    Frankly,GK should simply have grown a pair and told these poor easily offended people to fuck the fuck off…

    Iink to story :

    • Please publish this one – Greene King have done exactly this with the Black Boy in Shinfield Berks.

      I remember, back in the 80’s, they had an inset in the wall outside and a wooden manikin of a black native boy inside it. Looked like it had been there for many years and the owners kept it painted up and looking good. Then, in the 90’s I think if might have been, the manikin went and the sign changed to a chimney sweep’s boy. Then in the 00’s the signage changed to a black horse.

      I thought it was bad in the 80’s, buckling to political correctness, but having to change the name completely is absolutely taking the pee.

      We could do with somebody like Putin running the UK. He’s on record as saying:”immigrants need Russia more than Russia needs immigrants so, if immigrants don’t like what Russia is, they should go elsewhere”. The same applies to “wokes” – go and be a (unt elsewhere!

  4. The Catholic Church, in Ireland particularly.

    I was brought up catholic. My mother was Irish and had a peculiar catholicism based on superstition and fear. Fear of nuns. Fear of priests.
    Evidence coming out of Ireland shows that for many years unmarried mothers had their babies taken away by the church and that a large number of babies died and were disposed of. By what means we can only guess. Many, many 1000s of babies.
    This horror is added to by pee doh scandals in the church and priests fathering children while condemning ordinary Irish people for immorality.

    So my point is – ‘How could anybody take this cult seriously with what we know went on and goes on?’ And what has the pomp, hierarchy, hypocrisy and venality of this church got to do with the teachings of the New Testament?

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