HOW TO NOMINATE YOUR CHOSEN CUNT
Use the comments section below to write up your cunt for a nomination.
We won’t write your cunt up for you. If you can’t be fucking bothered, neither can we – so don’t be a cunt by submitting a one liner
The admins will review this page periodically and will either
1. Post your nomination immediately
2. Schedule it for posting later
3. Decide it’s not appropriate!
After reviewing the nomination, it will be deleted so when it disappears from this page then you know it’s been actioned.
This system makes it easier and quicker to find nominations and for admin to control them. The site receives several hundred comments a day as it’s a chore ploughing through them all. It should also help keep comments on the front page on topic. Nominations posted elsewhere will be ignored.
*** SOME SIMPLE RULES ***
[1] Posting in all lower case triggers the spam filter and automatically consigns your comments to oblivion.
[2] Don’t be a lazy cunt and use an eMoji as a name ‘cos it just gets binned and you’re wasting your time and ours.
[3] Write a nomination not War and Peace. We have to read it to check the content and we have better things to do! “Brevity is the soul of wit”
(4) Don’t comment on nominations. Wait until they’re posted. Comments will be deleted.
(5) Please write it up as it will appear to save us time correcting spelling, punctuation, paragraph spacing etc.
LET’S GET CUNTING!
Heathrow Third Runway
Donald Trump’s instincts have again been proved totally correct, that Paris climate accord is a bunch of cunt. Today climate alarmists have thrown yet another spanner into the proposed construction of what China would have decide upon and constructed in 50 days, but has taken our increasingly can’t-do country 50 fucking years – a runway. A fucking runway. According to the courts our democratically elected government isn’t allowed to build infrastructure vital to growth if it means we’ll miss out on the target of being carbon neutral mid-century. So that’s it, we’re living in an increasingly crowded dystopian country and building things which alleviate pressure on transport are now unlawful. Simple answer: change the fucking law. I’m tired of the courts binding our hands from doing things good for the country – everything from deporting terrorists, escaping the Fourth Reich, to building roads is being obstructed by unelected judges, fuck ’em.
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An overdue Scottish cunting (no, not for The Turdgun again) for…roll of drums and squeal of pipes…the Earl and Countess of Dumbarton. It was originally just going to be for Harry, aka HRH Prince Ginger Knobhead, but it’s now for both of them, as they’re as bad as each other.
I’ve never understood why a Countess’ husband isn’t a Count.
Harry is really the Cunt of Dumbarse. I also understand that Dumbarton has a bit of a reputation for being a shithole.
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Yorkshire Teabaggers
Mark Twain once observed that “truth is stranger than fiction”. Anyone witnessing the recent Twatterstorm surrounding Rishi Sunak and Yorkshire Tea could not fail to agree.
For those who might have missed this farce, the newly appointed Chancellor of the Exchequer posted a picture of himself, indicating that he was taking time off from budget preparations to brew some tea. Prominently on display in the picture was a large bag of Yorkshire Tea; “nothing like a good Yorkshire brew!” said Sunak, the MP for Richmond in North Yorkshire.
Sadly but predictably, loonies of the Owen Jones Persuasion promptly began to bombard the company’s account, protesting at the alignment of its product with the vile Tory Sunak and his hated party. Others called for the organisation of a boycott of Yorkshire Tea, completely ignoring the blindingly obviously fact (as reiterated by the company) that the manufacturers were not involved in any way in the creation of this most innocuous photograph.
This stuff is pure comedy gold; you really couldn’t make it up. Twatter isn’t the real world of course, but then the real world is not a place that these barking mad “teabaggers” have much familiarity with. Hounding people and trying to shout down those with whom you disagree is a surefire sign that you’ve lost the argument. Raging at a teabag is a surefire sign that you’ve lost the bloody plot.
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Harry Hewitt & That Markle Woman
Canada have just announced they’ll not pay for the cost of the Freeloading Ono’s security after they cease royal duties in March now that they’re just going to be regular people and the Canadian public certainly don’t want to pay. The cost of security for this pair is estimated at £20million per year, due to the fact they’re going to be jetting around all over the world doing their important charidee work (which includes telling the plebs to fly less the ignorant cunts). At the current rate they’ll cost British taxpayers £200million a decade. I’d like somebody to estimate the pubic services that could be funded instead of these detestable aristocunts – hospital beds, home carers, school textbooks, policemen on the beat. How ’bout this money you make from your after-dinner circle jerks is donated back to the country that actually has to work for a living to support you you spoiled misbegotten motherless cunt? How ’bout you start raising donations for poor souls in this country whorebag?
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BBC news
Well fuck my old brown boots, what a pile of absolute cunt.
Being a bit chilled this evening and Mrs Kunty having retired to bed early, I thought I’d have a bit of worldly education and watch the news. Well, fuck me sideways, it appears we’re all going to imminently die either because of the bat eating chinkies, the flooding caused by Greta Thunderbirds boat, or some more aircraft landing in a West London shithole. However, all is not lost as some washed up, tattooed, footberalist is trying to inflate his bank balance by opening some kind of jumpers for goalposts academy in fucking Miami. Fortunately, the televisual apparatus remains intact as I inadvertently hit the off button before launching the remote control at the telly. Blood pressure is now 6000 over 9000 and global warming issue now only due to the temperature of my piss.
FRO.
CUNTS.
8
Unwanted Wedding Invitations.
My wife and I have been invited to a wedding in mid June. A distant cousin, whom I haven’t seen in donkey’s years, sent me a invite card along with wanting to know a confirmation date.
Quite frankly I can’t stand these fucking things whether its a wedding, a christening, some cunt’s birthday or anniversary etc. I hate the family gatherings and all the faffing about with the small-talk and the strain of putting on a fixed-smile for hours on end.
Not only that but its the hassle and expense of getting to the venue (in this case Portsmouth – which is about 7 hours and almost 400 miles from where I live in the Lake District). Add to that the expense of a hotel for the night, plus a gift for the happy bastards, followed by the long trek home.
I am now desperately trying to think of a good enough excuse not to go! But the only snag is that there’s an 18th birthday party I’ve been invited too a couple of months later on, which means thinking of an excuse not to go to that as well.
Perhaps its because I’m in my late 50s and I just don’t have the patience or the inclination to bother with these social/family gatherings; all I want is a peaceful life away from all the bollocks. But it really is a pain in the arse trying to think up plausible excuses not to go to these things but without coming over a right old miserable cunt.
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