Use the comments section below to write up your cunt for a nomination.

We won’t write your cunt up for you. If you can’t be fucking bothered, neither can we – so don’t be a cunt by submitting a one liner

The admins will review this page periodically and will either
1. Post your nomination immediately
2. Schedule it for posting later
3. Decide it’s not appropriate!

After reviewing the nomination, it will be deleted so when it disappears from this page then you know it’s been actioned.

How many fucking times to we have to tell you not to reply to the nominations below? Wait until they are posted!

This system makes it easier and quicker to find nominations and for admin to control them. The site receives several hundred comments a day as it’s a chore ploughing through them all. It should also help keep comments on the front page on topic. Nominations posted elsewhere will be ignored.

[1] Posting in all lower case triggers the spam filter and automatically consigns your comments to oblivion.
[2] Don’t be a lazy cunt and use an eMoji as a name ‘cos it just gets binned and you’re wasting your time and ours.
[3] Write a nomination not War and Peace. We have to read it to check the content and we have better things to do! “Brevity is the soul of wit


8 thoughts on “Nominations

  1. May I please cunt the people of England?
    As a loyal Englishman, it’s utterly depressing that when the Hunchback is forced from office and the new Tory leader may be forced to call a general election, 90% of spinless English cunts will re-vote LibLabCon.
    There is, of course, no-one to vote for if you’re a working or middle class person; all the three main parties utterly despise us and with good reason.
    We are the people that saw off Hitler and numerous other threats to our sovereignty.
    Yet for the past forty years, we’ve been getting softer and wussier, culminating in the current state of snowflakiness.
    Our country is under threat from corporations, politicians, darkies of all stripe, the council-estate dwelling, jobless indigenous scum and general left-wing cuntiness.
    They all seek to undo our traditions, our heritage and everything that it means to be English.
    And what do we do?
    Fuck all; as long as we have our cars, our phones, our Starbucks, regular employment and an overly-expensive roof over our heads; we’re content to be
    worthless, spineless, lazy chicken-shit cunts, forever grumping and grumbling but never standing up.
    Of course, most cunters on here are guilty of this, at least in terms of (in)action, if not thought, myself included.
    What recently happened to Tommy Robinson was a good indication of the “elite” ‘s opinion of us – I have it on good authority (brother-in-law being a DI in the Met) that this will happen to anyone who sticks their head too far above the parapet, no surprise there.
    It was heartening to see many white blokes out demonstrating in London and, surprisingly, no-one being arrested and charged with trumped up bullshit.
    In this cunter’s personal opinion (and feel free to say that I’m wrong), I believe that not a damn thing will change until Catweazle Corbyn gets the keys to #10 (inevitable) and really starts fucking us, leading to quite literal desperation amongst
    the white working/middle class, with industry decimated and an astronomical tax burden imposed.
    Then, and only then, will there be riots and hopefully a revolution, after which, all enemies of the country will be executed or deported and we can return this green and pleasant land to how it was 50 years ago.
    Thankyou, fellow cunters.

  2. I have just had the misfortune to watch Bargain Hunt as my other half gives me no choice if I happen to be in.
    I feel I just have to give Anita Manning a cunting of massive propoprtions. This woman almost makes Nicola Sturgeon seem likeable (Ok, gone a bit far there, but you get the jist). It may just be me, but she irritates the fuck out of me. Her fucking died black hair makes her look like a walking Pagoda and her exaggerated Scottish accent makes me want to put my foot through the TV. She fits the BBC mold perfectly. No talent whatsoever.
    I always thought Tim Wonnacott was a cunt, but now I feel I must apologise to him as he has been totally out cunted.
    Sorry Tim!

  3. The Government and it’s ‘Spaceport’ deserve a nomination. We all know that May has a tendency to ignore the advice of people who are paid to advise her, preferring instead to listen to the voices in her head. But this is just fucking ridiculous.

    It was recently announced that the Government was keen to get back in on the space race, having abandoned our previous participation about fifty years ago. Now, experts will tell you that the best location for a facility to launch rockets into space is close to the equator. Apparently, the reason for this is that equator is where Earth’s rotational speed is at its highest. This gives rockets a natural boost, and saves having to pay the cost of extra fuel and boosters.

    Like I said though, May prefers to ignore the advice of people who know better, and instead of siting the ‘spaceport’ on a British territory close to the equator, she and her government have instead chosen to site the damn place in….Sutherland, Scotland. This will make Britain’s shiny new launch facility the most northerly launch facility in the world, and means that when we eventually get round to actually launching rockets, we, the taxpayer, will have to pay extra to ensure they have enough fuel to get into orbit. (Sarcastic applause) Well done Theresa.

    I have nothing against Sutherland. I’m sure it’s a perfectly nice place. But there is no practical or financial reason for our new venture into the realm of the Death Star to be placed there. There is, however, a very good political reason. With the SNP’s calls for a second once in a lifetime referendum on independence, the government wants the Scottish people to know that it fully supports them, cares about them, and would prefer they didn’t vote to leave the United Kingdom.

    In other words, it’s a blatant attempt to bribe the Scottish into staying in the union. We all know that May is a moron, she seems determined to prove that she really is on another planet.

  4. Whilst I am on a roll, I would like to nominate free air users for a cunting.
    In a bit of a rush, notice one tyre a bit low on air, so go to Sainsbury’s garage to pump it up. Why do I always get behind some cunt who want to make checking his/her tyre pressures a fucking day out. I’m surprised some of the cunts dont take sandwiches.
    Then they decide to check their water level. I always thought that taking the pressure cap off a hot car was a little on the dangerous side, but what the fuck they do it anyway.
    Then they get back in their car, fuck about again for 5 minutes doing god knows what and then drive away. Not bad, only took 20 minutes. Cunts.

  5. Indonesia Farmers are cunts, aren’t they?

    Imagine an Indonesian farm that operated on a licence to breed protected saltwater and New Guinea crocodiles both for preservation and to harvest some of the animals. Sounds a bit odd, doesn’t it. Yet it provides economy for the area.

    Now imagine that you’re not very bright and wander into the enclosure to pick some grass for feeding. Can you imagine what might be the consequence? Yes, that’s right. The crocodiles had a little snack.
    I wonder what lesson could’ve been learnt here.

    The End.

    Oh, I forgot the last bit. After the local idiot was buried, a mob of angry farmers descended on the enclosure and, as revenge, slaughtered 292 crocs in vengeance of the deceased. They were furious that their trespassing friend was killed so they destroyed all the rare breed species providing a living to locals as well as promoting conservation issues!

    I understand this is Indonesia, a country that still believes in weird nonsense and flying horses (probably) but what were they thinking? Were the crocodiles aware of their “crime”? Has vengeance been served? Is this the 9th century?

    Wing-nut, thick-as-shit murdering peasants.
    And cunts.

  6. (riiiiing)

    Cuntish Gas Supplier: Hello, I’m phoning to arrange a time when we can fit the new Smart Meter.

    Captain M: Wow. Has it been a whole year since you called?

    Cuntish Gas Supplier: Well I ‘ave tried 23 times this week.

    Captain M: As I tell you every year, I don’t want a Smart Meter.

    Cuntish Gas Supplier: I’m just phoning to arrange a time-

    Captain M: Why are you so obsessed! I don’t want to be hacked or for it to go on fire after being badly installed.

    Cuntish Gas Supplier: That hasn’t happened for days.

    Captain M: And will it be more difficult to switch gas/electricity suppliers?

    Cuntish Gas Supplier: No, no, no. Not at all, mate. Definitely not. All false. Hearsay and lies.

    Captain M: Really?

    Cuntish Gas Supplier: Alright it’ll be a nightmare. But it’ll bring an end to them estimated bills!

    Captain M: Oh?

    Cuntish Gas Supplier: No, not really. Not at all, in fact.

    Captain M: Great, speak to you next year.

    Cuntish Gas Supplier: There is loads of evidence that Smart Meters will save you money AND energy!

    Captain M: (sigh)

    Cuntish Gas Supplier: Naa, that’s a lie too. No evidence at all.

    Captain M: I’ve even heard they’re difficult to understand. Like listening to an argument between Ian “Lan-daaan” Wright and Roy “King Pikey” Keane?

    Cuntish Gas Supplier: They’re not AS difficult as that, but…

    Captain M: As I ask you every year, can you give me one genuinely good reason to install a smart meter?

    Cuntish Gas Supplier: Yeah! They were first championed by Ed Milliband….

    …Hello…? Captain M…?


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