Perfume/Fragrance Adverts (2)

It’s that time of year when perfume/eau de toilette adverts are most prominent.
Let’s cut to the chase – (puts on America southern drawl accent) I do declare that perfume adverts are some of the most pretentious, cuntwaffle I ever did see.

In the red corner we have Johnny (I let my missus shit on my bed) Depp trying to make out that he’s some sort of macho, one of the wolf pack, frustrated rock guitarist, rebel hawiking perfume.

Let me just say that I would never buy aftershave from a bloke who’s girlfriend shits on his bed. For some reason I think it will probably smell like shit.

Then we have all the others. I remember the Brad Pitt Chanel advert and the Natalie Portman perfume advert.

I will not be bought by the promise of a movie star saying and doing things I don’t quite understand.

What was that quote from Fight Club?
“We buy things we don’t need to impress people who don’t care”

Nominated by: Harold

Dead Pool [267]

Pele at arrivals for Hublot Unveils Fifth Avenue Flagship Boutique, Hublot Fifth Avenue, New York, NY April 19, 2016. Photo By: Lev Radin/Everett Collection

Congratulations to King Cunt who correctly predicted the demise of arguably the greatest footballer of all time Pele.Pele was 82 and died today following a long struggle with cancer.

On to Dead Pool 267

The rules:

1)Pick 5 famous cunts you think will conk out next.No duplicates and it is first cone first serve.You can always be a cunt and steal someone elses nominations from previous pools.

2)Anyone who nominates the worlds oldest man or woman is a cunt that we will ignore.

3)It must be a famous cunt we have heard of.

4)No switching picks mid pool unless already taken.

5)Wins are awarded based on the timing of death announcements not necessarily time of death.

Cancer (5)

My absence for several days has been because I heard this week that my oldest friend who I met my first day (his, too, as a rating) is dying of cancer, This was relayed to me in a Christmas card without self pity or histrionics,

For several years now, since he moved to a different part of the country, and his dislike of telephones the exchange of birthday cards and Xmas cards with notes has been our main form of communication. Just this May when he wrote to me there was no suggestion, beyond the inevitable arthritis, the curse of the senior Briton, that anything was amiss. he became ill in October, and was given the terrible news that he had just a matter of months. As he has a long standing heart problem chemotherapy would kill him.

It occurred to me when I cunt the likes of Starmer, those little trollops Stacey Solomon and Carole Vorderman, the EU and Grieve etc, that they are temporary aberrations. Starmer will get grey hair thanks to his left wing loonies. Vorderman will lose her looks and people will realise Solomon is a talentless tart. Grieve will lose his false teeth and the EU will collapse due to it’s inherent corruption. It will end up like Jimmy Cagney at the end of “White Heat”.

But cancer, a disease that has been with us for centuries remains the killer it is. We waste billions on space travel, for example, and what good has it ever done the ordinary mortal? – it is just a rich man’s status symbol and plaything, like an even more expensive (and equally useless) HS2.

Then there is the six of one and half a dozen of the other Russian/Ukraine war, which will drag on like Vietnam, with billions thrown down the drain to “help”. Would it not be better to spend all that excess money on beating this cruel disease, which affects young and old. The same applies to Alzheimer’s as well, which can make life a living death for years. Let’s spend money where it could help.

My old shipmate might be said to have had a good innings, but he has spent his years of widowerhood caring for cats, who happily live in his workshop where he has been ensconced for years since his retirement, doing repairs of all sorts for his neighbours (at no charge) – Can you imagine me doing that?. He was also a much better sailor than I was as well.

I always seem to hear bad or sad news at Xmas time, which is why I hate it so much. T.S. Eliot said that “April was the cruellest month”. I think he meant “December”.

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs

The Multilingual NHS (25)

The Multi National Health Service

A short sharp cunting for the NHS

Having just opened a letter inviting me for Flu Jab there’s an additional 2 pages listing the instruction in no less than 29 languages.

I can’t be arsed to list them all but what the fuck is Tagalog and Twi???

What a steaming pile of Cunt.

Who the fuck speaks that and learn English you cunts or fuck right off back to where you came from.

Nominated by: CuntyMcCuntface

Captain Raymond – British Channel Fisherman


This bell end and his dim witted crew were woken to the cries of migrant scum in the water surrounding their fishing boat. Instead of laughing at them and urinating on their heads, these fucking imbeciles decided to rescue the illegal freeloading benefit sponges. How brave. How humanitarian of them.

It’s cunts like these which are adding to the problem. Those bastard scum illegal savages are dumb enough to attempt to cross the channel in the hopes of entering the UK illegally and with the sole intention of living off the British tax payer. If they then ‘get into difficulties’ along the way, well that’s just dur fromage (hard cheese).

Let the bastards drown, I say. That’ll reduce the number of the cunts getting to the UK and will act as a deterrent to others. A win-win if ever there was one. Thanks to these fucking do-gooders, the problem gets worse. Cunts.

Sly News Link.

Nominated by : Imitation Yank