Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Americanisms [3]

Posted on by

I have been saving up this nomination for months now whilst trying to write notes for it on whatever happened to be close to hand. I now have what I believe to be the best list which has ever been compiled by a human being with a grasp of the English language better than that of a four year old.

I am of course talking about the absolute abortions of spelling and grammar known as Americanisms.

So to start with:

– It’s not percentile, it’s percentage

– It’s not burglarize, it’s burgle

What’s the deal with putting a completely unnecessary Y at the end of words?

– It’s not normalcy, it’s normality

– It’s not equivalency, it’s equivalence

– It’s not relevency, it’s relevence

Also:

– It’s not worrysome, it’s worrying

– It’s not most everybody……….. on a spectrum from nobody to everybody, most everybody makes no grammatical or logical sense as those to words are mutually exclusive. It’s ALMOST EVERYBODY!!!!!!! As in NEARLY everybody.

– What the fuck does “the least worst option” even mean? Once again you have a spectrum of best to worst or least to most, you shouldn’t be hybridising (not an Americanism) spectra like that you cunts. In a given set of things, you can only have one thing that is the worst, then the second worst, then the third worst etc. To use a double negative like that is to say that it is the BEST option! The correct usage should be the least BAD option denoting that of all the bad options, that is the least bad. Cunts.

– It’s not “I could care less”, it’s I couldn’t care less. Meaning that on a caring scale of 0-10, you are at zero and it’s not possible to care any less than you already do…….. which is not at all!

– It’s not “somewhat of a rainy day”, it’s “something of a rainy day” or “a somewhat rainy day”. Somewhat is not a synonym for something, it’s a synonym for rather you cunts!

– This one really grips my shit “It’s not that big of a deal”. Aaarrgghh!!! The word big is being used like the word much and the word OF should not even be included. It’s should be either “It’s not that big a deal” or “It’s not that MUCH of a big deal”. Simple you simpering simpleton cunts.

– Factoid? What the fuck is a factoid? The suffix oid comes from the ancient greek meaning “like” – as in humanoid means human-like, cuboid mean cube-like. The factual nature of a claim is a binary concept, it either IS a fact or it ISN’T. There is only one thing which is fact-like and it’s so much like a fact we came up with a word for it and that word is FACT! We also came up with a word for illiterate Septics and that word is CUNT!

– I hate portmanteaus at the best of times (think BREXIT or BRINO) but even Septics manage to make a dog’s dinner out of portmanteaus purely because they can. Can somebody please tell what sense it makes to take two words – grip and traction (which both mean the same thing), then splice them together to create an entirely new word called gription which means………… the exact same thing as the two words that have just been dissected?

– Oh and I found the missing I from aluminum……. it seems to have turned up in the word erudite (Septics insist on pronouncing it e-ree-oo-dite).

Even WordPress agrees with me for the most part as a lot of the Americanisms I have listed here have red lines under them indicating that they are complete bollocks.

So in conclusion, Americanisms and those who use them – you are cunts.

Nominated by Two In The Stink

Ever see one of those wanky American talking head shows for the Feministas, such as that abomination ‘The View’? A typical episode from one of these excrescences will at some point feature a self satisfied, gobby guest spouting some virtual signalling, aspirational bollocks. Inevitably, Loopi Goldberg, Oompah Winfrey or whoever will then yell out ‘yeah, you go gurrrrll!’, at which point the audience will promptly start yelling and clapping on cue like maniacs.

Fucking hell, I wish the Yanks would stick this smarmy expression up their fat arses. While they’re at it, they can stick the likes of ‘right on, man’, ‘ahhsome,dude!’, ‘get my shit together’, ‘check it out’ and ‘way to go!’ right up the shitter as well. Cunts.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Posted in USA

Only Fools and Horses

Posted on by


Looking at the pic of Del Boy above, I’ve decide that Only Fools and Horses needs a cunting…

Not the early years, mind… The first few years with Granddad and then Uncle Albert (1981-1988) were great… Classic comedy that was up there with Steptoe & Son, Rising Damp, Till Death Us Do Part’ and Porridge… But it became a dead horse that was well and truly flogged and endorsed all that femstapo PC shite before it became trendy…

The show was first of all ruined by the arrival of ‘strong’ (ie: bitches) female characters… The irritating (but slightly doable) Cassandra and then the absolutely horrendous Raquel and her devil child, Damian… Raquel was a man hating harridan who destroyed the three men against the world team, Yoko style….

Then the stories just got absurd and totally reliant on cheap laughs… Del has a doppelganger who is a Mafia Don and the Trotter Brothers then stay at the mafioso mansion and also get out alive… Then there was the peaceful cunt who kept shouting ‘Gary’ and also the ludicrous Batman and Robin bollocks, the watch that made them millionaires, and the Jonathan Ross (cunt) gameshow shite… Not forgetting that Beckham cunt too…

It went on far too long and ended up ridiculous… Del looking like an old man, but still doing the wide boy routine and a 40 odd year old Rodders still being a puppy dog type plonker…. The constant pop culture references also grated (‘It’s like having a seance with Mister Bean’) and the way the supporting cast were overused didn’t help either…

It was a really great comedy in its early years, but by the time it reached ‘National Treasure’ status, both the fools and the horses should have been put down…

Nominated by Norman

Payday Loan Companies

Posted on by

Considering Wonga looks like it’s about to go under (at the time of writing) now seems like the perfect time to cunt payday loan companies.

Honestly, these cunts are some of the most depraved organisations in Britain. We all know how the fuckers operate – they scam the thick and the financially vulnerable out of their money by forcing them to pay back massive amounts of on their loan, sometimes well in excess of 5000% depending on which company you use.

Oh, and the people who use them are usually cunts as well – don’t get me wrong, plenty of decent people fall into these traps through a variety of circumstances but that doesn’t change the fact that a large portion of their customer bases are chav thickos who think they’re owed everything despite leeching off the welfare state and having no idea how to budget. Cunts.

Nominated by OpinionatedCunt

Parking Collection Services

Posted on by

Parking Collection Services are a monumental organisation of money-grubbing arseholes and cunts.

The building next to ours at work has employed this troupe of intellectually-defective, simian arseholes to patrol and manage the parking spaces in front of their building. Our end parking space which falls under our landlord’s building demise abuts theirs. PCS has mistakenly ticketed our vehicles parked in our space. They have gone on to issue the usual £60 fine, complete with photos of our vehicles parked (in our space) and the concomitant threat of an increase to £100 if not paid within 14 days. Our finance dept mistakenly paid the fine. This matter was then brought to my attention.

I spoke with a junior monkey-breed girl from PCS who, as you would expect, was poorly-spoken, arrogant and nasty as fuck. I explained to the cloth eared, argumentative dimwit that they had ticketed our vehicles which were parked on our landlord’s demise, not on their client’s demise. All to no avail; “we can’t issue a refund”. Why not I asked? Apparently by paying their charge we admittedly liability. I told her they could issue a refund, as could any company (this is not a fine, remember but a charge) but clearly didn’t want to as they are in business to screw money out of anyone and anything that has the capacity to pay them.

Well I have sent the cunts a substantial rocket up their arse by letter including a copy of my landlord’s HMLR registration and a demand for the refund. PCS are a parasitical entity and I wouldn’t shed a tear if their offices suffered a la Grenfell.

The nastiest bunch of rude, arrogant, money-grabbing, parasitical cunts I have ever had to deal with who use bullying tactics to sustain their income. They are no better than a fucking tapeworm or a mosquito. If the cunts even so dare try to ticket any of our vehicles again they will be answering a civil claim for harassment. PCS, if you are reading this, you are a whopping great CUNT.

Nominated by Paul Maskinback

Lenny Henry [4]

Posted on by

ROLL UP, ROLL UP

BBC luvvie Sir Lenny Henry will be celebrating his 60th birthday on 29th August.

The corporation have decided to commemorate the occasion with a Sir Lenny Henry 60th Birthday Special. For your diaries it will be shown on Wednesday 22nd August (actually not his birthday) at 8pm.

The comedy extravaganza is to be hosted by racist and former newsreader Sir Trevor McDonald and featuring the unfunny racist one from Tiswas (spot the connection) and the extremely memorable Premier Inn adverts, (as to be honest I am struggling to find anything meaningful he has done in the last 20 years).

They will be joined by special guests we all thought unfunny the first time round, many, many years ago.

Make sure not to miss it, as it promises to be an evening you will never forget and a real fucking treat.

Nominated by Willie Stroker