Glasgow Police Up Uranus

Hello Detective Taggart.

Glasgow wimminz police are stupid cunts, especially this wimminz police cunt.
Apparently, a WPC in Glasgow called her station to report that she was being followed by a drone.

The silly bint was reassured that the drone she was shitting herself about was in fact JUPITER.

What daft cunts police are these days.

“It was only after a drawn-out “pursuit” that she sought help from senior officers, who told her it was Jupiter – some 365 million miles away.”

“A police source said: “The story is the talk of the steamie at her station. Nobody can quite believe it. She was very alarmed and spooked that she was being followed by a drone.

“Everyone was quite concerned so you can imagine the red face and embarrassment felt when it was pointed out that the bright light following her was a planet millions of miles away.”

Nominated by – Cuntington Smythe

60 thoughts on “Glasgow Police Up Uranus

  1. 😅😅😅

    What an astronomically illiterate moron. No wonder so many police officers have gone woke and taken the knee if this is the average level of intelligence.

    • Its probably the same WPC who ran into incoming traffic,
      Dodging through cars, to jump off a 30ft bridge because she was being chased by a black man.
      Tutns out it was just her shadow.

      • The fact that I genuinely don’t know if you’re joking or not says it all, really

  2. If she had been a Peaceful Officer she wouldn’t have been able to see it because of the letterbox over her head. That’s why we need more Peacefuls in the Police. You know it makes sense.

  3. In Gustav Holst’ ‘The Planets Suite’ Jupiter is the ‘bringer of jollility’.
    Maybe he was just having a bit of fun.

  4. Also, possibly the same WPC who called in backup from mountain rescue and caving clubs when she discovered a fellow officer trapped in a wall cavity!
    Turns out it was just her reflection in the bathroom mirror.

    • Morning Miserable.

      I believe this:-

      ‘Taken literally, the biblical account of the story of the Star of Bethlehem calls for not one, but two “stars.” One to be seen at the start of the Magi’s journey, while the other appearing to them upon their arrival in Bethlehem.

      Interestingly, in August of 3 B.C., Venus and Jupiter were prominent in the predawn eastern sky, and on Aug. 12 they came within just 9 arc minutes (0.15 degrees) of each other as seen from the Middle East. Incidentally, this sign would have been seen by men “in the east,” explaining the phrase in the Book of Matthew.

      Ten months later, Venus and Jupiter got together again for an even more spectacular encore on June 17, 2 B.C., when at sundown from Babylonia they were separated by just 4 arc minutes of each other, about 35 degrees above the western horizon. As the sky grew dark, the two brightest planets drew closer to each other until finally at 9:15 p.m. local time they drew to within 36 arc seconds (0.01 degree) equal to the mean apparent width of Jupiter as seen through a telescope, at an altitude of 15 degrees above the horizon. To most people, the two planets must have appeared to coalesce into a single “star” somewhat brighter than Venus alone.’

      • Morning Miles.
        So possibly have to move Christmas day to August 3rd?!!!
        We’ve been getting Jesus birthday wrong for all this time.
        Thats the thanks you get for good deeds!!☹️😀

      • This is correct – except it was Saturn and Jupiter, not Venus. The same “great conjunction” happened in 1623 and again last December.

      • Patrick Moore was great and he had a healthy dislike of illegal immicunts and political correctness.

  5. This is not so very surprising. The fatso police don’t get out much nowadays. They spend their time/overtime patrolling the internet looking for cunts using hurty words. It is easy to overlook the existence of the largest planet in the solar system when you weigh almost as much.

  6. I passed three coppers the other day. Two girls and one boy, all under 5ft 6. I laughed as I passed them . There is no way any of them could have arrested anyone who didnt want to get arrested.

    • They probably could… if they detected an old white male committing a ‘non-crime hate incident’ on Twatter.

  7. If we ignore her obvious stupidity, should she really be working for a police force with her level of paranoia?

    • Wimmin shouldn’t be coppers.
      Possibly sexist, but true.
      Ive never seen a WPO who wasn’t clearly a lesbian with a perchance for playing dressing up.
      Never respected one as a officer of the law, or thought them capable of a arrest.
      Ok they can work in the police station,
      Cleaning, brewing up, making butties, etc
      But not proper police work.
      And especially not driving!!!
      Yours sincerely
      Cressida Dick

      • Strapon is the absolute epitome of a useless Wimminz copper. Completely clueless, thick as shit and as dull as ditchwater. The fact that she is the highest ranking copper in the country says it all.
        I wouldn’t write off this dumb Glasgow bitch just yet.

  8. Round my way you’ll see Jupiter more often than you’ll see a copper. In fact, now I come to think of it, you’ll see the actual GOD Jupiter more often than a copper.

    • Just shout something very hurty to some delicate munter and you’ll be jumped on from a vanload of Old Bill parked round the corner, and given a good old kicking for your troubles!

    • If she has a BA in Theatre Studies like some recent recruits I know of, i wouldnt be that surprised.

  9. It is inconceivable that anyone could be quite so dense, but here we have yet another example of life in the UK that exceeds all expectations.

    Surely these are the ‘qualities’ that our modern police service are crying out for?

  10. I would imagine that this copper had to go through an allegedly rigorous selection process before donning the uniform . The ones who didn’t make it must be spectacularly thick.

    • Sorry Guzziguy but there is NO rigour any more. It’s all about making them feel good about themselves and being positive.
      If there had been rigour she wouldn’t have gotten past the front door.

  11. Quote from the article “She was found standing in the police yard with her hood up trying to hide from the “drone” and pointed out the bright white dot in the sky. They told her it was Jupiter, which is often visible on a clear night.”

    WTF is she doing wearing a hoodie?

    Interesting how she’s not publicly named and shamed. And yet it seems if an ordinary pleb is arrested for something like child abuse or carrying a Union Flag without permission, then his name and home address are released to the media even before he’s gone to court!

  12. WPC Simpleton: Guv, I’ve discovered 50 bodies in a property in town. Come quickly, bring back up. Dangerous serial killer inside the property. I can see him from the bushes in the garden.

    Chief inspector: Jesus, WPC Simpleton. Stay out of there until we get there. Any details on the suspect?

    WPC Simpleton: White male. Medium build. Medium height. Clean shaven. Smartly dressed. In fact, very smartly dressed. Top hat. Tails. Black suit and tie.

    CI: Top hat? What? Anything else?

    WPC Simpleton: Drives a Mercedes. Looks modified in some way. It’s black. And very long. He’s so prepared that he has his own coffins…oh shit. Wait. There are two more of them dressed the same way. They’re talking next to a dead body on a table.

    CI: What’s the address.

    WPC Simpleton: 40-44 High Street Road.

    CI: Yes, as I thought (sigh). It’s the local undertakers.

    WPC: With respect, I really don’t think their bad driving habits mean much at the moment, Guv. Bring the chopper!

  13. This is what happens when you dumb down the application process to get more effnicks on board.
    If she hides under a hoodie from a planet, wtf will she be like when faced with a stabby peaceful.
    Chocolate teapot springs to mind.

    • Hahahaha ” hides under a hoodie from a planet”. This takes a special level if idiocy.
      I wonder what her nickname will be? Jupiter?

  14. Am just waiting for a reboot of the classic 70s TV cop drama “The Sweeney”

    Obviously Jack Regan would be played by a fruitdrop with gender issues; and his sidekick, George Carter, would be a former ISIS activist, tuppence licker from war-torn Syria.

    Their boss, Chief Inspector. Frank Haskins, is now played by a 12 year old gender neutral who knows everything thanks to “its” trusty tablet and iPhone. And if it doesn’t get its way it throws a hissy fit and goes straight onto Twitter.

    Regan’s famous quotes “Shut it!” and “Get your trousers on, you’re nicked, my son!” to be replaced by “Hiya, how are you today?” and “When you’re ready could you pop down to the police station please. I would like to ask you a few questions over a nice cup of tea and and couple of vegan biscuits. Is that okay? Thanks!”

    • There’s talk of a new series of life on Mars. God knows how woke it’ll be.

    • They did a reboot Sweeney film a few years ago, with Ray Winstone.
      It was shit…
      (Surprise, surprise)

      • You’re right, it was fucking pants. I see that cunt Winstone has been reduced to selling his services to adverts for on-line betting.
        He’s a real inducement to make me have a flutter and no mistake.

  15. I was out for a walk one morning and two coppers came over to me, a young one who looked like he hadn’t started shaving and an older one.
    Young plod said to me “We’re looking for a missing woman, have you seen her?”
    I replied, “I don’t know what does she look like?”
    “Er…” He thought for a minute and said, “I’ll find out” then went off to talk into his radio.
    At that point, the older one shook his head, sighed, and said to me, “You can see why I’m retiring soon.”

  16. My old mate was a D.C.I and he constantly referred to the new breed of copper as “Dull Cunts.”

    He wasn’t wrong🤔

  17. My mate was caught by the police as he was driving a stolen truck full of brand new car batteries.
    He’s now been charged….

  18. News just in. The BBC are investigating reports that the light emitted from Jupiter was disproportionately white in appearance. They are currently appealing for more victims to come forward, so long as they are of colour. When asked to comment, Dame Strapon replied “this is clearly yet another example of white privilege attempting to cause distress to the citizens of this country. Therefore, we are treating this inordinately seriously as a hate crime. We will be working closely with NASA to be in a position to press charges”

    • Poor old Jupiter has about as much a chance of a fair trial as Derek Chauvin had.

  19. Morning all.
    This sort of laugh shows me what IsAC is all about. We can cunt the likes of Macron and the EU for serious cuntitude, but we can also get a good laugh at some twat’s sheer twattery.
    Love it CS, Nice one!

  20. Could be the reason the powers that be want all joining police officers to hold a degree qualification. Another reason why officers should patrol in two’s. I have witnessed how a person who gets spooked can become irrational.

  21. Wonder if she was a dark key? I know of a guy who was so sick of his pet shop in east Lonodn being broken into that left his black Akita there overnight. He got a visit form 2 rozzers the next day who had had a report of a “bear” being kept in the shop.

  22. “Sarge! Bein’ pursued by a greet black monsta – ah just left the chippy and the beast leapt at me”! 😱
    “Och – it’s only Diane Abbott, escaped her tank and wants hersel’ some fish she does, just give her a wee spray”!
    “Nay lass – deodorant”!
    What the fuck are they hiring?

  23. Reminds of my Dad a few years back. Two blokes were having a scrap near our house. My Dad wasn’t a coppers nark but they looked like they could kill one another. My Dad called the coppers who arrived two hours later and knocked on our door. “The two blokes aren’t there anymore” the copper says. To which my Dad replied “It wasn’t 15 rounds you know”.

  24. The police have taken Jupiter to Pitt Street Police station where they kicked the shit out of it. Because the offence was committed in Jupiter’s orbit it will be sentenced to appear at its local Sheriff court next week. If found guilty of harassing a police officer Jupiter may receive a 6 month custodial sentence or a community service order. The moons of Jupiter have been contacted to help police with their inquiries. This is Scotland in the 21st Century. Thick as two short planks.

  25. This is by no means the first time that planets have followed people. They are gathering information and reporting back to Andromeda which is on a collision course with our galaxy and approaching at 110 kilometres a second.
    Ask David Icke if you don’t believe me.

    • I’m not too worried about that. I’ll probably be set on fire by the asteroid Apophis hitting Basingstoke by then.

  26. Requirement for the modern police officer.
    Be a woman or effeminate man who would struggle to.lift a bag of cement.
    Have a BA in theatre studies.
    Be as thick as mince and a bedwetting nancy.
    Be willing to breakdance for gays and applaud yourself on bridges

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