If you have ever had the misfortune of travelling on the Tube during rush hour you will have met Fat Cow. She is on every train and at every station.

Most people, as their train arrives at their destination already have their ticket/pass in their hand but not Fat Cow. FC waits until she is at the ticket barrier before she starts rooting around in her cavernous bag. Naturally she has an arse the size of the Hoover Dam and always chooses one of the middle barriers in order to cause the maximum disruption. Within seconds hundreds of people are backed up, trying to get around her massive frame, bumping into people trying to get through the other barriers.

People have got work to get to, buses to catch but does Fat Cow care? Like fuck she does. Ah, there’s my purse, now which pocket did I put my ticket in?

Fat cow is at every station and, no matter how quickly you run up the stairs the bitch always gets there before you. Fuck knows how but she does ,that’s all I know.

I want this fat, stupid, self centred, socially unaware , thick as shit porker taken out and shot!!
Total cunt!

Nominated by Freddie the Frog

Well it looks as though ‘ The Alex Salmond Show’ is set to run and run.
The turd that will not flush has now resigned from the SNP to spare the party ’embarrassment’ while he fights accusations of sexual harassment. Meantime, he’s taking action against the Scottish Government to contest the complaints process used against him, and has started up a ‘crowd funder’ so that punters can donate towards his legal costs.
This cunt has a brassneck wider than the Firth of Forth, but given that many saps in the nationalist movement in Scotland appear to have more money than sense, no doubt the cash will roll in. I’ve got a few souvenir Confederate dollars I picked up when on holiday in the States, and he’s more than welcome to these. Or maybe I’ll send him the old nine bob note that’s been lying in the bottom of my desk drawer for yonks, because I reckon the slimy fucker’s as bent as one.

Nominated by Ron Knee

And just to prove what a shed load of gullible cunts there are in Jockland, the cunt hit his target in less than two hours

I want to Cunt Ungrateful Parents.

I mean these spongers who whine over things like when their latest rat-faced brat can’t go to the same school as it’s siblings,,”Eh,wor poor Ebony-Charise’s nivver been apart from Romeo-Dylan, Kylie-Adele, and whatever the other ‘uns called. It’s not rite parting the bairns.”

Mother is invariably a single parent,and her brood straddle the entire spectrum in both colour and learning needs. The lazy trout doesn’t work but her hobbies include scratching lottery cards and smoking, “me tabs,eh,I cannet cope without me tabs”. Normally outfitted by Sports Direct,they slob around in “trackies” and trainers,oblivious to the revolted stares of normal people glimpsing some 20 stone,saggy-titted sea-lion dressed in exercise gear.

Father or “Baby-Daddy” is never sighted.

These people live their entire lives,and raise their pasty-faced,unhealthy,perpetually welfare-dependent brood on the taxpayers’ pound. They should be fucking grateful that they live in a country where they can choose to neither work nor want. They should be grateful that they live in a country that taxes it’s citizens to enable a feral underclass to enjoy free healthcare,free housing,free education…free fucking money, even.

The trouble is that they aren’t grateful,they are the worst group for whining that “It’s not fair, we’re entitled……..”, Entitled,apparently,to sit on their fat,lazy arses and expect other people to keep them and their appalling tribe of brats. I just wish that I was “entitled” to say “Fuck Off. I detest your greedy.irresponsible,whining dependency and refuse to contribute to a lifestyle which disgusts me.”

Fuck them.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler