Toolstation

So I am 60+ year old who has just ordered, amongst other things, a shitty £4 window scrapper from Tool Station. I then get an email stating my order contains an “age restricted product” and I now need to send a copy of my driving licence or passport within 24 hours to some bollox email address or they won’t deliver it.

What a fucking nonsense. So I can send them a copy of my passport, or any other fuckers I find on the internet, they will then deliver the scrapper, irrespective of what spotty adolescent opens the door and takes receipt of it.

The fact I paid on credit card, for which you need to be 18, seems to be neither here nor there. What bell end fires off copies of his passport to fuck knows who, risking identity theft, for a £4 scrapper.

Now I know why they are called Tool Station, because they are a bunch of tools. CUNTS.

Nominated by: Sideline Sid

Dead Pool [177]

Well done to Cunty Cunti Council who correctly predicted the “Queen of Technicolour” Rhonda Fleming would be next to conk out.Fleming was 97 and died from aspiration pneumonia

On to Deadpool 177

The rules:

1) Pick 5 famous Cunts you think will conk out next.It is first come first serve.You can always be a cunt and steal other peoples nominations from previous pools (Like Black and White Cunt frequently does.

2) Anyone who nominates the World’s Oldest man or woman is a cunt who will be ignored.

3) It must be a famous cunt we have heard of.

4) If your pick has already been taken, tough tits, it’s first come first served (only because we can’t be arsed to check )

My nominations:

Sandra Day O’Connor
Leon Spinks
Derek Draper
Nobby Stiles
Dai Davies

Rick Harrison’s Nervous laughter

I’m cunting nervous laughs.

I’m a fan of the American TV show ‘Pawn Stars’. It’s about a pawn shop in Las Vegas, some interesting things on it, it’s light hearted, and I like the stars of the show Rick Harrison, his son Corey and morbidly obese assistant Chumley.

The only thing I don’t like is Rick laughs after every single thing he says.

“It’d be around $500,hehehe”
“I’m going to have to call my coin guy, hehehe”

Now I like him he’s a nice bloke and I know he can’t help it, it’s a nervous laugh, he means no harm. But it boils my blood for some reason, if I worked there id either
A) develop a nervous tic of my own suppressing my growing rage
B) snap.
Scream “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LAUGHING AT YOU CUNT?!!!
Then feel sad at hurting his feelings.

Can this be cured this nervous laugh thing?
It needs to be, its annoying as fuck.

Heeheehee..

Nominated by: Miserable Northern Cunt

(Exhibit A – DA   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoFYFXrNpMU&ab_channel=PawnStars)

The British Medical Association (2)

Cough and say “ahh” please for a cunting for the British Medical Association, who Whitty-like, has been stirring up the scare stories about Covid 19 today, now breathlessly demanding “face coverings” (face nappies) for every working environment, unless you work solo.

They had some self important old tart and a parking stanley rep of the BMA on Wireless 4 PM just now, and of course they are lapping it up. Like a pair of old maids, scaring each other with stories about a dangerous rapist on the loose, both the BMA/BBC were really wheeling out the hyperbole, tempered with that faux concerned tone of voice..

Of course, the fact that many people will be travelling on buses and trains where the ignorant fuckers will be wearing their nappies as chinstraps never even crosses their minds…..

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs

The Drawback of a Cashless Society

Earlier this week I was doing the weekly shop and at the checkout there is a young-ish couple in front trying to pay at the till using Apple Pay*

Unfortunately for them neither of their phones would work on the contactless scanner. So at this point you’d think they’d whip out the credit cards/debit cards or cash and pay the old fashioned way…right?

No. Like the Her Maj the Queen, neither of them carry money.
“Dean, you’ll have to go check in the car babe, see if my purse or credit card is in the car”.

By this time the queue is becoming a conga line. Her phone rings. It’s Dean, I expect he said something along the lines of “There’s no purse in the car babe”. At this point he must have gone home to get some actual physical method of payment, leaving the wannabe Towie star girlfriend to wait with the shopping.

Fortunately, the checkout supervisor sees whats going on and puts the shopping to one side so the rest of us can carry on with out lives.

Why in the fuck would you leave the house to go shopping without money or a credit/debit card.

What also vexed me was their persistence in calling each other “Babe”.
Fuck off with that shit. It reminded me of ‘ickle Maaark Owen from TakeThat, singing a Dogawful song of that same name back in 1994 and I had flash backs from it. “The horror…..the horror.”

*Other mobile payment service are available.

Nominated by: Harold Steptoe