Office of National Statistics

 

A cunting in triplicate please for the Office of National Statistics, who has reported today – and taken up by the BBC and other Dame Kweer lovers everywhere with great glee – that England has the highest rate of excess deaths due to Covid19.

Of course, what the ONS or the BBC has failed to report is that we probably take more bloody illegal immigrants than every other country, who are free to spread their germs at will, not to mention the rubber boat hirers that turn up in Dover and scamper away undetected.

I am sure Starmer will be creaming his TenaLadies at this news and will work it into his next speech

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs

Melksham Town Council

Right, Melksham Town Council are due a massive cunting.

To give you the gist, a former mayor of the town, who has done more for it than pretty much anyone else, defected from the Lib Dems to become an independent over concerns about the council leader and her lackeys centralising power. A few months later, six other councillors defected as well after coming round to his point of view, to the point where the ruling Lib Dems are in a precarious position. So, do they call an election, as they should do – Covid or no Covid – in response to such a situation? Do they fuck! Instead they are putting party politics above solving the town’s myriad of problems by attempting to cling onto power, which has created a huge rift where chaos and inaction reigns and nothing is getting done.aside from petty squabbles and internal bickering. I have lived here since I was a toddler and in all that time I have never, ever seen such a farce.


http://melkshamnews.com/2020/07/30/exclusive-melksham-town-council-now-in-a-very-very-dark-place-following-farcical-meeting-last-night/http://melkshamnews.com/2020/07/08/tensions-flare-at-town-council-meeting/

Nominated by: General Tso’s Chiggun

Thick people going to University

Let’s stop pretending everyone needs a degree. They don’t. Half the people on my degree course would’ve been better off leaving school at 16 and stacking shelves or wiping down tables in McDonalds.

Going to university simply prolongs the delusion of them believing they’re ‘gifted’.
I was told by my lecturer in English that three (including me) present out of twenty-odd would’ve been the only ones to get on the course ten years beforehand. The rest of the class bunked off when we called their bluff on a debate on X Factor being a waste of time. They didn’t fancy being humiliated for being thick and took the afternoon off.

I did think about taking an MA but frankly found the idea of going back to university horrifying. It must be more intellectually stimulating feeding Cow and Gate to the cerebrally fucked than being a university tutor in this day and age.

The fact is students are simply not very bright. They don’t even understand the nuances of humour enjoyed by tradesmen. They know nothing about anything and they don’t know how to talk to anyone more than 5 years older than themselves.

They are cunts. Nowadays I tell the prats stupid enough to say ‘well I have a degree in X or Y’ that they’d better ask for their money back because they all seem to have left university more stupid than when they began.

They can’t hack it. On social media they can block or mute you but in real life they can’t do or say a fucking thing. It’s like looking at a dog you’ve shouted at for shitting on the carpet. They simply have no clue how to react.

Too thick for university, too soft for the workplace.

Unkle Terry, stoke the fire…

Nominated by: Cuntamus Prime

Tour de Farce 2020

 

Been postponed until August 29th and may well not happen.

However I am a massive fan of this event. Not a great fan of cycling but this is a spectacular, made for tv sporting event and I fucking love it. I’ve been to stages in France, London and Yorkshire and it is shit. It may be free but it is shit. Watching on the telly is very different and I love it, don’t care what any cunt says. Don’t like it don’t watch it cunt!

However, I fear that this year every rider will be “taking the knee” before every stage, there will be helicopter shots of “Black Lives Matter” on the roads and in adjoining fields, endless interviews with black riders and white wokeys griping about raaaaay-sism. For fucks sake get you libtard claws out of sport you cunts. We want to see sport,

competition not to be lectured by cunts who don’t like democracy. Just fuck off with this bullshit you commie cunts.

My only hope is that the French, the biggest racists in Western Europe, won’t allow this to happen, but money always talks.

This may be the last Tour I will be watching.

Nominated by: Freddie the Frog

Loyalty Means Jackshit

Loyalty Means JackShit.

I’m sure we’ve all witnessed it: you signed up to a broadband provider, or cable TV provider etc. 5 or 10 years ago, and you’ve been paying the full subscription fee ever since.

Then you notice the latest adverts from these cunts offering decent discounts for new customers, while completely ignoring the loyal cunts who, to them, are just old cow fodder not deserving of anything other than yet another price rise in their subs!

Sky, Virgin Media and BT, are just a handful of cunts I used to subscribe too for years on end, only to see them give big 10-20% discounts for noobs to sign up to. And more often than not a month or two later I would get an email or letter from these bastards saying that my annual sub will be going up by 10%, probably to make up the shortfall on the new customer discounts.

At least with supermarkets they do offer some form of loyalty reward, as relatively trivial as it is. But with these telecoms bastards loyalty means sweet fuck all until such time you want to cancel your sub, and they go into panic mode by putting you through to their “Retentions Team”, whereby you can almost name your own price in order to stay with them!

Nominated by: Technocunt