Theresa’s Favourite Word

Hello children. Are you sitting comfortably? Boris! Take your hands from around Dominic’s throat, you wicked boy. Alright. Now I’ll begin. Today’s story is about “back” words. You can find lots of “back” words in a big book of words called a dictionary. Let’s look at some of them shall we. First – backbone. Amber, dear, do you know what this means?

I’m not sure Miss, but my dad says people called fucking politicians who meet in a big house haven’t got any fucking backbone. What’s fucking Miss?

Never mind that now, Amber. Let’s move on to backward. Jacob, would you like to do this one?

Yes, Miss. Backward means being thick and stupid but my dad told me not to use it outside the home in case the thought police heard me and took me to a politically correct – speak induction centre. My dad says all fucking peacefuls are backward because they have no fucking music, literature or art and want to live in the fucking 9th Century. What does fucking mean, Miss?

Never mind that now Jacob. The next word is backstab. Michael, I think you will know this one.

Oh, yes please Miss. It’s like when Ian told me not to tell anyone about having his hand up Anna’s skirt during milk break today but I came and told you Miss. He said he was looking for his pencil but Anna said he was finger fucking her. What’s fucking, Miss?

Alright. One last “back” word before I explain what fucking is. This word is backstop. Any ideas children? Oh my, you’ve all got your hands up! Well I’ll have to choose one of you – David, you intelligent boy, tell us what backstop means.

Well Miss, backstop is a word that means nothing in itself and was dreamt up in a backroom by Uncle Ollie and Nanny Theresa while they were sitting on their backsides trying to get through the backlog of work caused by their backsliding and backtracking on the Brexit negotiations. They were afraid of a backlash from everyone so invented the word backstop which means the same as fucking, Miss.

What do you mean, David?

Well Miss, Ollie and Nanny T have promised Jean-Claude to give the British voters a good fucking up the arse without them realising it until it was too late so they decided to create the word backstop as a synonym for a good fucking up the arse. My dad says Uncle Ollie likes to give Nanny T a good backstop with lots of backflow over a chair in the backroom. What’s backflow, Miss? Treacherous cunts.

Nominated by Fimbriations

Theresa’s Brexit plan

Hello children. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin. Today’s story is about Nanny Theresa and her box of Brexit plans.

Now, Nanny T, according to Reuters, spent last Friday showing her withered old box to a lot of people and trying to get them to all agree that it was a lovely box full of wonderful plans. Well, children, when we try to get everyone to agree to something this is called “finding a consensus” and it involves all the people who Nanny T thinks are important.

On Friday Nanny T tried to find a consensus of her ministers, her divided Conservative Party and the Northern Irish lawmakers who prop up her minority government. But naughty Nanny T forgot some people didn’t she, children. Can you guess who she forgot? Come on, hands up if you know the answer.

Yes, Boris – please Miss, is it pikey bastards? Good guess Boris but no, that’s not the answer.

Yes Jacob – is it Albanian criminals Miss? No, Jacob – good try but not correct.

Yes Nigel – is it peacefuls driving on the pavement Miss? No, Nigel.

David, you’re a clever boy, who do you think naughty Nanny T forgot about? Is it spineless senior police officers Miss? No, David.

Well children, it is a difficult question so I’ll give you a clue to the answer – 17.5 million voters. Treacherous cunt.

Nominated by Fimbriations

Theresa May [19]

Theresa May the Dancing Queen.

Fuck me she makes Gordon Brown look normal.

And in the body of her speech ‘Support my plan or we may not get a Brexit’ This sounds like a threat to me, but then she has never actually put forward a convincing argument or UK negotiating position, just kept on giving without ever digging in.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Theresa May [18]

Theresa May is overdue another cunting.
I am listening to World at One. Boris’s attack on her proposal is of course a lead item’ but it strikes me that May’s flagship ‘Chequers Agreement’ has no support from anyone.

Remainers don’t like it.
Leavers don’t like it.
That cunt Barnier doesn’t like it.

So why the fuck is this stupid, inadequate woman still clinging to it?
My only conclusion is that she is a cunt. I am open to argument.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Theresa May [17]

Theresa May is still a monumental cunt…

The PM we all know and don’t love has announced plans to boost Britain’s investment in Africa after Brexit, during her first trip to the continent as prime minister….

In a speech in Cape Town, she pledged £4bn in support for African economies, to create jobs for young people….

4 billion?! Tickety fucking boo… But there’s only one (OK, three) problems with that…

1. The UK is supposed to be skint… It can’t afford decent police, a decent armed forces,
public transport is shit, health care is overran (guess why), bins aren’t emptied, libraries are closing etc…

2. Aren’t most of this lot now over here in Blighty anyway? Last March (the so-called Beast From The East) Manchester looked like a cross between the set of Zulu and Scott Of The Antarctic… Not to mention the hordes of them outside a Manchester court, ‘protesting’ because one of their ‘brothers’ had been (rightfully) sent down for rape…

3. The aforementioned dark chappies and their ‘wifeys’ don’t want to fucking work (and won’t)… They don’t have to, not with the UK lavishing free money, housing, and healthcare on them… Whatever they want, they fucking get… They want to get the cunts to work over here before they throw money at them to work over there…

So fuck off Appeaser May, you Judas cunt!

Nominated by Norman

Theresa May has got to be one of the UK’s better known cunts with a little power. She seriously misjudged the electorate when she asked them to strengthen her hand in Brexit negotiations. She was truly cunted at the ballot box and clung to power by doing a deal with the DUP, who have members and supporters who famously nearly cunted Thatcher into an early grave, in their assassination attempt at the Brighton hotel in October 1984. I nominate that May is cunted out of power by her backstabbing cabinet following a no-deal Brexit in March 2019. She has proved worthy of her nomination following her lukewarm concern at the Grenfell tower massacre and making such Tory-out-of-touch cunty remarks like “there’s no magic money tree” in response to concerns over the Tory austerity that’s ravaged the poor since 2010.

Nominated by northerncunter