Theresa’s Favourite Word

Hello children. Are you sitting comfortably? Boris! Take your hands from around Dominic’s throat, you wicked boy. Alright. Now I’ll begin. Today’s story is about “back” words. You can find lots of “back” words in a big book of words called a dictionary. Let’s look at some of them shall we. First – backbone. Amber, dear, do you know what this means?

I’m not sure Miss, but my dad says people called fucking politicians who meet in a big house haven’t got any fucking backbone. What’s fucking Miss?

Never mind that now, Amber. Let’s move on to backward. Jacob, would you like to do this one?

Yes, Miss. Backward means being thick and stupid but my dad told me not to use it outside the home in case the thought police heard me and took me to a politically correct – speak induction centre. My dad says all fucking peacefuls are backward because they have no fucking music, literature or art and want to live in the fucking 9th Century. What does fucking mean, Miss?

Never mind that now Jacob. The next word is backstab. Michael, I think you will know this one.

Oh, yes please Miss. It’s like when Ian told me not to tell anyone about having his hand up Anna’s skirt during milk break today but I came and told you Miss. He said he was looking for his pencil but Anna said he was finger fucking her. What’s fucking, Miss?

Alright. One last “back” word before I explain what fucking is. This word is backstop. Any ideas children? Oh my, you’ve all got your hands up! Well I’ll have to choose one of you – David, you intelligent boy, tell us what backstop means.

Well Miss, backstop is a word that means nothing in itself and was dreamt up in a backroom by Uncle Ollie and Nanny Theresa while they were sitting on their backsides trying to get through the backlog of work caused by their backsliding and backtracking on the Brexit negotiations. They were afraid of a backlash from everyone so invented the word backstop which means the same as fucking, Miss.

What do you mean, David?

Well Miss, Ollie and Nanny T have promised Jean-Claude to give the British voters a good fucking up the arse without them realising it until it was too late so they decided to create the word backstop as a synonym for a good fucking up the arse. My dad says Uncle Ollie likes to give Nanny T a good backstop with lots of backflow over a chair in the backroom. What’s backflow, Miss? Treacherous cunts.

Nominated by Fimbriations

The Easter Rising


Can I nominate all those cunts celebrating the Easter Uprising in Ireland at the moment? Most of them fucked off out of that shithole as soon as they could, only to spend the rest of their lives droning on about how fucking wonderful Ireland is.

The boring, racist, drunken cunts.

Nominated by: Guardian Hater

It’s twenty years this year since those bogtrotting, thick as pigshit, Fenian cunts bombed the shit out of my hometown of Manchester… So they can stick their Easter Uprising up their Fiddle O’ Diddle arses, to be sure to be sure!

Nominated by: Norman

Easter 1916 was on Sunday April 23rd and the Rising actually began on Monday the 24th.
These twats don’t even know their own history.

Nominated by: Cunt’s Mate Cunt

St Patrick’s Day

Irish yoga

St Patrick’s Day is the biggest cunt in the universe.

From shit pubs to shit “stout” Oirland has given us many things, and St Paddy’s Day is the absolute pits. Every March 17th plastics up and down England get to get dead drunk, shout, swear and sing “rebel songs” from the comfort of a town centre pub, safe in the knowledge Al-Qaeda or ISIL won’t gut them, a guarantee only made true by the hard work of British security services (which they say they hate).

And such is the hypocrisy on display when these lazy ass bastards, who profess to love Oiiirlannnd so much they can’t even be arsed to fuck off and live there and prefer instead to live here and mouth off about how much they “hate the fucking English”.

So we sensible folk look on, pity in our eyes, as these sad bastards – who profess to love their “spiritual home” so much yet will never know the joy of living there – make complete tits of themselves in naff green costumes serenaded by faux-traditional “music”.

One of the worst things about living in England is all the shit foreign customs we get to be “enriched” by, and St Paddy’s Day is the best (worst) example of that.

Nominated by: Colin Murray’s Brain

The fucking bogtrotters export their tedious national day and crappy stout all over the world. What amazes the fuck out of me is how non-Irish cunts lap it all up. Our own national day (Waitangi) passes by with nary a mention. Likewise St. Georges Day or American Independence.

But say the magic words ” St. Patrick” and presto fucking changeo every cunt suddenly thinks they’re in Dublin. Fake, boring and coming to a bar near you soon.

Nominated by: Kiwicunt

Gerry Adams


Worth reminding ourselves who this rat faced oirish cunt is. Son of Gerry Adams Snr and has a son called Gerry Adams Jnr. Can you guess the name of his grandfather? Why Gerry Adams. Obviously not much imagination in the family or a lot of incest. Indeed our Gerry has shed tears on air when talking about the abuse he received from his paedo father.

Is it possible to question his loyalty to the Parliament in which he served until 2011 or at least claimed expenses? Well Adams Snr set a fine example during WWII by helping the Nazi war effort by taking part in IRA operations against British forces. We do not forget that Lord Haw Haw was a mick.

With a slippery Fenian cunt like Adams it is always important to listen to what he does not say rather than to what he does say. Remember “putting arms beyond use”. Did not mean they were being destroyed as part of the peace process, just hiding them in a hole somewhere in Donegal (bandit country). Likewise his statements about Jean McConville. He has said that he was not involved in her abduction and her murder. It may be strictly true that he did not get his own hands dirty but it is a coaches and horses statement which still allows him to have participated in the planning and sanctioning. Typical Adams speak.

Have knocked around Northern Oirland meself in the ’70s and ’80s and had me old Bentley driven orf the road in bandit country by some paedo provo cunt in a van just because I was sporting English number plates. No secret then that Adams was an IRA brigade commander who went on to become chief of the whole shooting match. Adams is a typical two faced IRA cunt with a vast catalogue of previous. He is as guilty as hell. If he becomes a further embarrassment to the IRA there are plenty of arms buried in Donegal that can be returned to use.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

( Is this the same guy that played with Gerry and the Peacemakers? Ed. )

The Oirish


I remember talking to a bloke in a pub in Northern Ireland.

After a while the conversation turned to religion. I mentioned that I was an atheist, to which he replied: ‘Ay, but are you a protestant or a catholic atheist’.

I rest my case.

Nominated by: Flaxen Saxon