I had the wagon-driver in for a cup of tea this morning after be brought some round bales….as we were talking he sniffed the air and said..”Smells like a good stew” …told him it was,and explained that it had been quietly warming for 3 days and that I just topped the pot up as I took stuff out….chuck in a few lumps of black pudding…another carrot…few tetties… couple of kidneys..jug of gravy if it dries out etc and shove it back in…I can do this for days until I get sick of it and give it to the Hounds.

He seemed amazed that I hadn’t poisoned myself and said that he wouldn’t touch something that had been…”festering for days” was the phrase he used…. but I genuinely can’t see the problem. I’ll scrape the worst of the mould off cheese and eat it…eat stuff that’s totally out of date…. and I’m as healthy as fuck.

People are far too worried about “food poisoning”. It’s not “poisoning” that makes most of them ill…it’s having a weak digestive system that can’t cope with the smallest upset and their own pathetic self-indulgence….”Call an ambulance…that yogurt I just ate is 2 days out of date”

Wankers.

Nominated by: Foxchaser-Fiddler

”Pakistani PM says he should not have to beg for help after catastrophic floods”

Yes it’s all our fucking fault. We give off less than 2% of emissions but it is rich polluting nations that are to blame. I notice he doesnt mention China, the biggest polluter of all, which will give fuck all unless there is some neo colonisation attached. And perhaps money spent on infrastructure instead of nuclear weapons might have helped.

Fuck the backward bastards.

MSN News Link

Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble

(CEO: Stephen Bird = FUKIG TWT – Day Admin)

No, the cat hasn’t just walked across my keyboard. Here’s me thinking that no company could possibly come up with a more ridiculous rebranding than Liverpool Victoria to LV=. But how wrong I was.

First, a bit of history. Two Scottish investment companies, Standard Life and Aberdeen Asset Management, merged in 2017 to form Standard Life Aberdeen. The directors then spent the next few years busily engaged in paying themselves big fat bonuses whilst buggering up the company, losing business, cutting the dividend and pissing loads of dosh up the wall by sponsoring golf, rugby, skiing and the arts. Incidentally, with all that money, you would have thought the golfer in the photo could have afforded a bra. Anyway, I digress.

So how do they improve the company’s performance? Well obviously by handing over a load more lucre to a bunch of corporate rebranding consultants to disemvowel the name to ‘abrdn’. Brilliant! Pitch an investment company at the TikTok generation of aspirational dyslexics. That was 6 months ago, so how is the rebrand going? Well I’ve just checked the share price today and it’s tanked by another 32% in the last 6 months, making a fall of 70% in total since the merger.

‘abrdn’? More like ‘cnts’.

Sky News Link

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt

A bloke goes into a Tesco store to buy a sarnie with cash, only to find that there’s no checkouts with humans anymore. Instead he has to use a self-serve checkout that uses cameras and weight-sensors to work out what items the customer wants to buy.

These self-serve things have been around for years, but now Tesco has gone one stage further by insisting that customers can only buy their items not only by signing up to their loyalty card, but also to download their data-intrusive app to your phones and pay electronically.

Tesco is trialling these new cashless stores – calling them “GetGo” – for people who don’t have time or inclination to pay with cash. In other words its probably aimed at the smartphone generation who don’t care about what personal information is being farmed whenever they use the loyalty cards or the Tesco app via their phones.

Critics also feel that this is going to be the “dystopian” future with all supermarkets and retailers shedding hundreds of their staff in favour of self-serve checkouts. At the same time valuable personal information from their customers will be used and probably sold to third parties so that the shopper will be assailed with spam and cold callers.

Returning to the bloke who couldn’t buy a sarnie the old fashioned way, Tesco responded in a rather aloof way, more or less implying that if he doesn’t like it he can fuck off elsewhere. Quote:-

“We want everyone to feel welcome in our stores and we’re really sorry to hear that Mr Rowson was not happy with his experience at our GetGo store in Holborn, central London. This store trial uses technology to offer a checkout-free experience, giving customers the opportunity to shop and pay without scanning a product or using a physical checkout. This saves time for those who want to pop in to pick up something for lunch or grab dinner on their way home.”

This is all very well, but technology quite often fails, especially during power outages (which could be on the way come winter). And then what? How do you pay without power?

If anyone has seen Tom Cruise’s 2002 sci-fi film “Minority Report” you’ll recall that pedestrians/drivers were being constantly monitored and tracked via CCTV and shoppers electronically data-farmed by what they were buying, how much and where from.

20 years on and here we are…

Telegraph News Link

Nominated by: Technocunt

Hugh Jackman is a cunt, isn’t he.

There’s always been something poncey about this aloof twinkletoes. It’s as if he genuinely considers himself to be talented, rather than the half-trick cunt he is. Whether he’s dressing up as a cat for spotty teenagers in endless noisy X-Men films, singing like an amputee in Les Mis, or any of the other forgettable turds he’s done, he’s fucking tedious. He’s so dreary, he makes Tom Hanks look exciting. Why does he stare at his claws as if he forgot he had them?

Has nobody told him or Nicole Kidman that they’ve only been cast to flog cinema seats to the Convicts down under?

The only decent film he’s been in is The Prestige and not because of Huge Arseman; it would’ve been even better without this dead-eyed, tiresome fop.

Recently, he decided to advertise Bill Gates’s latest book about climate change:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dMGC6kw6nKA

Despite owning yachts and his own private aeroplane, Jack-off doesn’t see the hypocrisy in wagging a book on climate change in your face. Stick your claws up your jacksie.

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous