David Beckham [12]


We’ve all seen the 14 hour queues to see the Queen lying in state.

Fair do’s to those going, bit odd to me but each to their own, but I just get the feeling David Fucking Beckham joined the queue for publicity. He’s a publicity hound. Indeed the news of the Queen’s death was dominated by Beckham for a day.

Maybe I’m just a cynical cunt and his remorse was genuine, but I somehow fucking doubt it.

I wonder who ‘encouraged’ him to do this? I noticed his bag of bones didn’t bother standing in a queue for 14 hours!

Sly News Link.

Nominated by: Cuntybollocks

103 thoughts on “David Beckham [12]

    • Whoever Beckham’s PR advisors are,
      They’re a dawn sight better than Schofield/Willoughby’s!!

      He’s done it because as we all know that what he wants, what he really really wants,
      Is a knighthood.

      I don’t want him to have it.
      Not because a man shouldn’t have everything his heart desires in life.
      No,
      Because I’m petty and spiteful.

      He gets a knighthood for shagging skellingtons?

      Yet, Ted Bundy does it and gets the electronic chair?

    • Must be bloody uncomfortable. Like shagging a skellington. Necrophilia.

      How much are the sandwögs paying him? £150m or something I think. …..

      Given that I’m currently on the bones of my arse, I’d certainly not pass up that kind of money for being an “ambassador” or whatever the fuck he’s supposed to be. In fact I’d do pretty much anything, but if I’d already got £300m in the bank I’d tell them shove it up their arse and set light to it.

      Gormless, narcissistic, money-grubbing arsehole.

      • I can’t stand the f****** cunt or his fame hungry family. There is no depth to which this shitbag won’t plummet to get noticed. And on top of all that crap he wasn’t even a good footy player.

  1. If he jumped the queue, then he’s a cunt. He didn’t jump the queue and he’s still a cunt…apparently.

    I agree he is a publicity seeking cunt, bereft of morals in the pursuit of dosh and his wife is a munter…..but the bloke can’t win on here.

    • Ok well I’ll stick up for the cunt. He said something like he was brought up to be patriotic and respect the Queen. I know where he comes from so I can believe that. I think his spell playing for England also supports that. Apparently he was in the queue for several hours before he was recognised, hardly the actions of a publicity seeker. If he was after that he would have had the stick insect with him and at least one of his kids. It would take more than standing in that queue to get him a knighthood.
      So, for the second time in a few days I say…….not a cunt!

      • Not a Cunt. For the reasons given

        I dont even think he’s a Cunt for trying to promote the World Cup in Qatar.

        I mean he’s put his head slightly over the parapet laying himself open to being anti lbgt.

        Handsomely rewarded no doubt..

      • I don’t think being paid £150 million to make the savages organising the Quatar World Cup look vaguely civilised would be an issue if he hadn’t previously revelled in his status of gay icon.

      • That was the point I made as author of the Beckham cunting last week. I wouldn’t give a shit if say, Robbie Savage or John Terry had pocketed the $150 million, but as Beckham has luxuriated in his, “gay icon” status for over twenty years, it’s just a massive insult to everyone who has enabled this cunt’s ascent to uber-rich humanitarian, LBGTQ+ icon, blah blah blah.

        “Islam? Dat da one wiv dat Profit Mohammed fella? That’s like me! I love to profit!”

      • Yeah, unlike the dungbuster shitfield and sketor willoughby he actually qued up. Fair doos I say.

    • What’s that in his hand?
      A shepherds crook?
      Umbrella?
      Hook a duck pole?

      Not even shaved, tut tut,
      Our Queen laying there spark out,
      And he can’t be bothered to shave?

      Disgraceful.

  2. Looks like there’s more than one cunt coming through from the header pic. And that was taken just before he cried his eyes out, when they informed him he couldn’t go any further.

  3. I have to be honest and say Beckham went up a point in my estimation. Mind you he started from a zero base.

    I seriously doubt he did it for publicity. He seemed genuine to me when interviewed…So IMHO not a cunt – just on this occasion…

    • I dislike simply because of his reedy squeaky voice.

      His shameless money-grubbing self promotion doesn’t bother me.

      His vinegar titted sour faced skeletal wife doesn’t bother me.

      His shilling for the Arabs doesn’t bother me.

      His effeminate voice is enough to push him on a cattle truck at bayonet point.

      • Yeah his voice does remind me of some Dickensian Cockney street urchin. Except instead of begging for another bowel of gruel he wants another few million from his Qatari paymasters.

  4. Nope, not a cunt.
    He queued.
    It may well have been for the publicity, but he stood there for hours, along with all the other members of the public. That’s some stunt for a bit of publicity.

    • Now, can we please put this queued /jumped the queue thing at the bottom of the bin, where it deserves to be?
      The Queen will be spinning in her coffin. She wanted a Simplicity Cremation, she told me in a dream when Philip carked it.

    • I queued up overnight one Christmas to get the kids Furbys!!😡

      No cunt kissed my arse and gave me a knighthood!

      I’m a veteran of the 96 Toys R us massacre.

      And then queued again because batteries not included 😩

  5. Maybe Becks is a borderline necrophiliac and was hoping the coffin lid wasn’t on. He is married to a skeletal, cadaverous looking bint after all.

  6. Just a hunch, but if I genuinely mourned the death of the Queen and had great respect for her, I’m not sure I’d queue up knowing the media would focus on me if I was a mega famous cunt.

    I’d be thinking, “I’d like to go, but I shouldn’t create a media circus about me right now. It should be all about her”

    But he went, didn’t he?

    He had advisors doesn’t he?

    He must’ve known the media frenzy it would (and did) cause?

    I could be wrong, but I doubt it. I hardly ever am, of course.

    And yes, Schofield is a queue jumping cunt, but that Holly Willoughby would get it, so I’ll let her off.

    I bet she goes like the clappers.

  7. Instead of doing what his publicist suggested, he could have improved his reputation no end if he’d put the hours into beating up his sons and selling his wife to one of his Arab friends.

    • She could be one of those ‘porta potty’ girls these Arabs (allegedly) love, according the Mr Cunt Engine.

      Can’t be true all that, can it?

      I’m not fucking googling it.

      • Someone on here said that Lindsay Lohan was into that…I hope not….I’ve always fancied her a go on her.

      • Yes, I can imagine an ultimate fantasy girl would lose her appeal if she’s had a load of bearded, swarthy types shitting all over her.

        Would I shag a prime Kylie Minogue if Bin Laden had just shat on her?

        I doubt it.

      • That was also me. But in that case, I have the pics to prove it.
        Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum gave me some copies last Friday when we were at evening prayers.

  8. Off topic but I must post this. The BBC has just shown the queen’s death certificate which lists the cause of her demise as “old age”.

    I am reliably informed that a doctor is almost never allowed to give this as a cause of death. Since Harold Shipman more detail is required. A doctor of my acquaintance who has worked with the elderly does not believe it anyway considering she was working a few hours before.

      • More seditious rants FF, Joe Soap will be onto you!

        If you’re reading this Joe S, it’s all fun nothing serious.

      • No, Joe, he’s serious! He’s a nasty man who needs admonishing. You and the Worcestershire Warrior are just the one’s to do it.

        You know it makes sense.

      • Sleep with one eye open, Dick – the (Un)Dynamic Duo are on your case. Avoid Worcestershire bike sheds at all costs.

      • Y’know,it’s a funny thing to say but I wouldn’t be surprised if Charles was dead himself within a twelvemonth…..he has,after all those years,achieved his life’s aim and I wouldn’t be surprised if his body just said “Job finally done” and jacked in.

      • Its not exactly a vote of confidence in your legacy to see multiple countries who will more than likely become republics in the coming years. Even cash is falling slowly out of use so we might not even see his mug on a fiver for very long. Not that you are common enough to carry cash Fiddler.

      • As Harry slowly teased his girlfriend’s clit he suddenly detected the unmistakable taste of Horse spunk. He pulled back and winked at her as she lay there. “So Grandma” he whispered “that’s how you died”

      • I heard she had a pair of scissors in her hand, got confused cut through a live cable. Thought it was a ribbon. Queen Mother too, family curse.

      • As a lad, I used to eagerly watch “John Craven’s Newsround” because every week without fail, the Queen Mother would almost choke to death on a fish bone, the wooden-toothed old bag.
        Was that what finally finished her off?

      • I remember that.
        Always choking.
        Not a quick learner obviously.

        Get fishfingers!
        No bones!

        Think she was a bit Downs Thomas.

      • Like her daughter Margaret.
        Hideously scalded BOTH feet in a far too hot bath, one after the other as her circulation was so bad after decades of heavy smoking that she couldn’t feel it.
        She was always getting spunked on by Peter Sellers, wasn’t she?

    • I can see Charles stressing himself to death. Not over the big things like WW3, but things like cold toilet seats, fluff on curtains and having to censor himself during the Christmas Day speech…

      “This year has been very difficult and emotional for me. My dear mother died, my brother remains at large as a sweaty sex trafficker and my own son called me a, “Satanic bum-chum of Jimmy Savile” on The Graham Norton Show.

      But the worst blow came last month, when I received a court summons for receiving carrier bags of cash from the Arabs. This is the way I have done business since 1985. I use the money to hush up Mohamed Al-Fayed, the bloody blackmailing bastard!

      Anyway, have a wonderful Christmas, unless like me, you are a closet Islam dabbler and let’s face it, 2023 can’t be more insane! Can it?”

      • He’s going to be a lot more entertaining than the queen ever was.
        (Wouldn’t be hard)
        I very much enjoyed his meltdown over the pen.
        Looking forward to many more such moments.

  9. No fan of Beckham and don’t really like whataboutery if I’m honest.

    However, I have a fucking shitload more respect for him than I do that utter cunt Schofield

    What an absolute wanker

    • To be fair to Schofield, he did start to queue, but there were too many standing-still mens’ arses to gawp at and he had to be sidetracked before he lost control and launched into a homösexual assault frenzy.

      • He got a bit anxious when it got to 2.00am and he started to think “This isn’t the kind of stiff I would usually queue for. I could be on Clapham Common right now”.

    • Someone told me that prince Charles (now king)
      Has someone who puts toothpaste on his brush for him?!!!

      Is this true?

      Can’t even put his own toothpaste on a brush?

      Jesus.

      • Doesn’t he have half a dozen eggs at breakfast all different or something? Like a geriatric Goldilocks.

      • It’s absolutely true, MNC.
        A footman even has a shit for him, so he doesn’t have to bother!
        That’s true, the bloke in the pub told me.

      • He didn’t know what the stuff on his sandwiches was when he went into the fridge. Camilla: “That’s clingfilm, dear.”
        What a bubble-head.

      • Hundreds of years ago they had a ‘Groom of the Stool’ or ‘Yoman of the Stoole’ basically wiping the kings shitty arse. It evolved to become quite a powerful position at the court because you had the kings ear.

        Still lazy cunts mind.

      • No, a powdered wig servant held the toothpaste laden brush, whilst two others lifted Charlie on to it and jiggled him about. He would’ve had a piss at the same time and the jiggling shook the drops off.

  10. Beckham barely registers on the cunt scale to me. He’s worked hard (for a footballer) to get where he is. Maybe just maybe he wanted to pay his respects like many other people.

    Typically though he is a cunt because he found a route to riches through his talent. We do like to kick people for becoming a success in this country.

    Some people do become massive cunts once they’ve made it but he’s far from the worst.

    I’m sure he’s done some cuntish things but this isn’t one of them.

    • Not falling for the little cunt ‘paying his respects. Not for one second.
      This weasel only does anything – and I mean anything – if there is something in it for him and Skellington Spice.

      Manchester United vs AC Milan at Old Trafford. Beckham gets pulled off for Milan, to a huge ovation (Why? The litle cunt sold us out!). And one of those daft green and yellow scarves was chucked at him. Of course, he puts it on and laps even more imbecilic applause. But he doesn’t say a dickybird about those Glazer cunts and never has done. He got his fizzog onthe front of the papers and that’s all he wanted. That is all he ever wants. True red, my arse.

    • Bet she’s a terrible shag?
      Dry, joyless,
      Body like a bicycle frame.
      Titties like wasp stings.

      I’d be nervous in case I heard a crack or splintering sound?

      Or a bit of her fell off.

  11. Didn’t he have an affair with a briefly famous lass who wanked off a pig or some such?

    From memory she wasn’t much of an improvement over the deck chair he married,so he drowned his sorrows in Arab money.

    Oh well..

      • What, with being shackled to Skellington Spice for decades now. Doesn’t Becks crave for a massive pair of tits to put his head into? i know I would. As the great Eric Morecambe (RIP) would say about Beckham, ‘This boy’s a fool’.

    • I’d forgotten about that.
      Rebecca Loos, the pig wanker.
      She had to artificially extract pig jizz for a Channel 5 farm program.
      With her mouth, i seem to recall.

    • “He (Beckham) cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a ball, he cannot tackle and he doesn’t score many goals. Apart from that, he’s alright.”

      – George Best.

      True enough, Beckham will never be near as good as Bestie, as long as I have a hole in my arse.

  12. He’s a cunt cos people I talk to reckon he’s one of the greatest footballers they’ve ever seen and all on the strength of one free kick against Greece. He’s decent at best. I’m with Norman on this topic. I remember that with a simple speeding fine and the thick cunt spent thousands on that Nick Freeman bloke to get him off on some twatty technicality. If he was a true man (of the people) he’d have held his hands up took responsibility and took the points and a fine or a speed awareness course. The fucking twat.

    • Too right, Sir Talbot. His predecessor at Manchester United – Andrei Kanchelskis – was miles better. And Gordon Hill and Stevie Coppell were also both better than Beckham.

    • He clearly worships his own reputation and status of a, “legend” (as all retired footballers are bestowed now) and protects it and nurtures it and wants the crowning glory of a Shitehood from King Tampon. On yersel’ son, they mean fuck all these days. It used to be you got one for massacring Arabs in 19th century Sudan or suchlike, now you get one for money-laundering some cash through a charity like all the celebrity Sirs.

  13. Oh and he got himself suspended from England duty one time so he wouldn’t have to play against Azerbaijan away. Should never have played for England again. Oh and his wife and that useless eldest brat of his can fuck off as well.

    • I had no idea what Brooklyn Beckham actually did for a living.

      A ‘model, photographer and media personality’ according to Wikipedia.

      Looks a bit dim so i can believe the model shite.
      Photographer?
      Isn’t that any cunt with a smartphone and no job these days?
      Media personality? Not a job.

      Also a supporter of Kilary Clinton during her election campaign and married to a shite actress. Jewish wedding despite being barely Jewish (and on his dad’s side not his mother’s)

      A prize, look-at-me, clueless, arse-cunt then.

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