Wee Jimmy and ‘indyref2’
Regulars on IsAC will know that I’ve got a great affection for Scotland, and for the Scots in general (which is a good job, as I’m married to one!). My comment is qualified by use of the term ‘in general’, because when it comes to taking or leaving something, I can most surely leave the SNP, and in particular its mumping chief mouthpiece, Nicola ‘Wee Jimmy Krankie’ Sturgeon.
In all conscience I cannot therefore quote St. Margaret of Grantham and say ‘rejoice! rejoice!’ on learning that Wee Jimmy has delivered forth yet another pronouncement on the subject of a second referendum on Scottish independence. In an article in ‘The National’ (Scotland’s answer to the ‘Volkischer Beobachter’), The Dear Leader has stated that an ‘indyref2 update’ will be made when MSPs return to Holyrood after the Easter recess. Heck, I can hardly contain my apathy; ‘hod me back’, as the missus would say.
No doubt like most of Nick Nick’s utterances, this one will be made through those now familiar mean, pinched little lips, the demeanour as ever one of petulance and tested patience, the expression as sour as a baby sucking on a very bitter lemon. Wee Jimmy Krankie with a poker up her arse, one who cannot acknowledge with grace the fact that the Scots have already voted on the proposal, and turned it down. Like Remoaners, she and her ilk now want another ‘peoples’ vote’, aka a ‘losers’ vote’.
Sturgeon is the broken record of British politics, an angry wasp buzzing around inside a jam jar; and yet at the same time, evincing an air of smug triumphalism which comes from the absolute certainty in the justice of The Cause.
Independence may come at some point or it may never come, but one thing is certain. Wee Jimmy will continue to peddle her agenda of grudge and grievance for as long as there are ears to hear. Just dae us a favour and gie it a fuckin’ rest. Plum Wodehouse once wrote ‘it is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine’. Many a true word is spoken in jest, and never was that more true than in the case of Nicola Sturgeon, Scotland’s First Gurner.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Newcastle City Council have called on the Police to ban a march by a “right-wing hate group.” Councillor Habib Rahman has been lobbying the Police to ban the march because,much to his disappointment,no doubt,the Council lack the powers to ban a legitimate organisation from marching, He has condemned the group as hate filled bigots looking to stir up racial tensions. He has also contacted local Muslim organisations to tell them that he will do his utmost to prevent such marches taking place in the future.

I thought that I’d look up this vile group of racists to find out what hate-filled bile they were preaching. I found their “mission statement”…..

“NORTHEAST FRONTLINE PATRIOTS

We have started this group to highlight issues that are happening up and down this country. Sexual abuse and grooming of children will be our main focus along with terrorism and anything else that threatens this country. We want to highlight the forgotten abuse that goes on in care homes, and all other public sectors that abuse their power and think its acceptable to commit these crimes against children and adults alike. We want to stand out from other groups and we believe a paedophille is a paedophille no matter what colour, religion or creed. We have no place in society for such heinous crimes. We will strive to listen to all our members and will always take their views onboard. We want this movement to help all victims of these crimes, we will support them and their families unconditionally. We have no place for racism and will always demonstrate peacefully. We believe in freedom of speech, democracy and will always welcome everyone who also oppose such crimes. There will be no egos we are all equals in this movement as we believe this is the way forward. We will expel nazis and they will never be welcomed here as there is no place in society for these people either. We will always support our armed forces and veterans along with the homeless who have been failed by this government, we will be the voice for them all. We will never ask for money as we believe to many groups are very money oriented and it costs nothing to voice your opinions. We are here to serve this country anyway we can. We are the voice of the people and we will always fight for your rights. We will support all other groups with the same notions as us and we will welcome all groups to support us. Unity is a key factor within this organisation as we believe if everyone comes together we will have a stronger voice. One voice can be heard but many voices cannot be ignored. Unlike the government of this country we will never cover anything up and we will certainly never turn a blind eye. We shall be doing local things to start with, with a view to expanding the movement across the country. We believe flash demonstrations have a huge impact and are hard hitting in local areas so we encourage everyone to do this in their local areas”

Doesn’t exactly read like a hate-filled manifesto designed to stir up racial tensions to me, but I suppose that I’m not the Councillor who has kept a discreet silence on Muslim grooming gangs and “special interest” groups in Newcastle. How lucky that he’s there to protect the peaceful people of Newcastle from those that would commit vile atrocities and spread hatred.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

Tiger Woods is a cunt…
All this fucking fuss about ‘The Greatest Sports Comeback Ever’…
I know the likes of the BBC will obviously say this about comebacks (Cuz he black), but even a cunt who has never played golf in his life could have won the thing in 11 fucking years…

Also, like so many of them out there, the past shitty behaviour of Woods will now be conveniently overlooked or not mentioned at all… After all he’s a role model who has struggled against oppression and this gives him carte fucking blanche like the rest of ’em…Oh Lordy Yessir….

Nominated by Norman

Netball.

A very quick non-political, non-religious, non-sexist, non-racist, non-Brexit interlude of a cunting for this pile of old pony.

Netball. More specifically the Beeb’s sad and cynical attempt to ‘big up’ a playground game and represent it as a major sport, because they can’t afford much else and there’s a World Cup coming along.

It’s shite (and I speak as an emeritus professor of know it all with a PhD from ISAC, never having watched a game but seeing the same news clip twice already). A bunch of giggly tarts handing a ball around before it gets to the tall one stood next to the net. Everyone stops. Tall girl puts the ball in the net. All the other girls hop about and cheer. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Sports moment of the year 2018? Hardly.

Netball is no more interesting or relevant than many other ‘keep the kids busy’ pastimes – rounders, cross-country, hide and seek, British Bulldog – that should be illegal beyond the age of 16 (At which age, the boys need to be brushing up on their knife-fighting skills if they are to survive ‘on the street’ and the young ladies can move on to more interesting and useful endeavours; shagging, shopping, cooking, cleaning, nail technology and shagging some more.)

If you can’t live without live prime time netball, get the girls in the office to stand in a line and pass a crumpled sheet of A4 from one end to the other, where the last girl puts it in the bin. Whoopy fucking doo.

At least with rounders nobody in the UK takes it seriously once they have discovered the joys of wanking. (Not so in the US, where the two pastimes seem mutually supportive and go on well into middle age. Baseball? Rounders for fat cunts, no more).

Netball Schmetball. Turn it off immediately and do not, for fuck’s sake, encourage the Beeb in any way. That way lies madness: Wheelchair Netball, Celebrity Netball, Celebrity Netball in a Jungle, Celebrity Comic Relief Para-disabled Netball on ice, Naked Netball on Love Island with Bare Grylls.

Anyway; just had to get that off my chest. It’s been a busy few days and I didn’t want to take Morning Assembly in a foul mood.

Gunner.

Nominated by Gunner Sugden

What the fuck is going on with with these stupid bastards? A load of thick unwashed and attention seeking academics are disrupting the capital by putting boats in Oxford Circus and supergluing themselves to windows and trains while that stupid old sod Prattemborough bangs on about the death of the planet.

So what’s the answer? Well here’s the punch line – they don’t have one. Never mind. Protesting will solve everything.

Here’s my answer. Leave the stupid bastards superglued to whatever they attach themselves to until they starve and wallow in their own shit. Glued yourself to a train? Hold on tight because its leaving on time. Parked a boat in Oxford Street? Bulldoze the fucker and anyone who gets in the way.

And while we’re at it, starve the bastards of the oxygen of publicity by ignoring them on the media. Some silly bitch appeared on Good Morning Britain yesterday and Madeley asked what was the point of it all. She replied “It got me on TV” which pretty much sums it all up.

She actually said that she expected the human race to be extinct within her childrens’ lifetime. And this cunt is a lecturer teaching our children!?! Well, let’s hope the silly cow leads the way and going extinct first.

There’s some really stupid people out there. Why the fuck do we pander to them?

Fuck ’em all and the horse they rode in on..

Nominated by Dioclese

Extinction Rebellion are in desperate need of nomination. A bunch of middle class, private school, university ‘educated’ jobless fucktards, who think they have a divine right to tell us plebs that we need to stop using planes, cars, trucks, vans, trains, motorbikes, etc, and start using more eco friendly modes of transport. Presumably they mean walk, ride donkeys, horses, camels, Great Danes, pedal bikes.

For the past three days, these ignorant, arrogant posh fuckers have brought chaos to London…sorry…MORE chaos to London, by staging protests and causing a massive nuisance to road users, commuters and businesses. Not to mention the cost to the taxpayer for policing and the inevitable clean up of rubbish that these ‘eco’ warriors will inevitably leave behind them. When I joined the protest of military veterans in London, in support of Sgt Alexander Blackman (Marine A), we did so peacefully, respectfully and tidily. Plod had little to do that day, because unlike on protests such as their suffering now, they didn’t have to make any arrests, or put up with any abuse. Many of them are military veterans themselves, so they knew the score. And I dare Westminster council was quite pleased, because they didn’t have to pay for any clean up. Unlike these fuckers though.

This morning (Wednesday 17th April) Adam Boulton had one of the leaders of this group of trust funders on, and completely destroyed him, to the point that little Tarquin spat his dummy out and stormed off. The only thing that spoiled it, was Boulton referring to the group as right wing. Fucking what? Robin Boardman-Pattison is his name. Real working class name that, isn’t it? RBP reckons that we should all stop taking foreign holidays because, muh airplanes are killing the world. The interweb is not a good place to be if you’re a hypocrite. And Robin Boardman-Pattison is a massive hypocrite. There are loads of photos of this gobby little shite on his jollies. His foreign jollies. Skiing in the alps, visiting Pisa, Rome, other EU countries, and various exotic destinations around the world. And I dare most of his chums have similar photos too. I’m pretty sure they didn’t walk to their foreign holidays, they must have taken bikes. Or horses? Nah. We all know the cunts got their by plane.

I have a theory. I don’t think these dickweeds really want everyone to stop using things like cars and planes. I think they want us plebs to stop using cars and planes, so that THEY can drive and fly wherever they want, without being disturbed by us unwashed peasants. Fuck off Extinction Rebellion. You want my car? Come get it. I’ll show you a great view of it’s underside.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw