Gregory Porter

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Me old farmer Giles have been playing up somewhat chronic now there’s a decided nip in the air so generally not quite me ever loving peace prize winning self but even so this blues/jazz Porter jasper comes as a bit orf a poke up the arse. Indeed seems to be poking up everywhere so particularly pissed orf by the cunt and anything to do with him.

Whilst bending over as me butler applied me Anusol caught sight orf this crap on a bit orf newspaper in the cat’s litter tray: “Gregory Porter fans will already be well aware of the subtle power of his voice that can caress or confront, embrace or exhort, which slips down through the ears, trickling gently into the soul like whisky and honey. His third album, Liquid Spirit, is a cup that runneth over with lyrics ranging from the political and provocative to the deeply emotional, all sung in that rich, resonant voice”.

Have to say that the last time I have truly had that experience was taking a spot orf golden rain from the under gardener’s daughter. By God after a few ciders can that filly piss!

God spare me the bollocks. The memsahib had the cunt on the wireless but short order tuned to the gee-gees at Haydock Park. Said he sounded like a low rent Barry White (and he was a fucking flatulent joke) but minus the luvvvv.

To cap it all the tosser sports a titfer held orn by a bally balaclava. Apparently the old liquid soul luv machine wears the fandago to hide a skin condition. Never notice that then. Cunt in a twat hat.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Commission based selling

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Parasite shite hair cunt commission based outfits that cold call on pensioners and benefits inbreeds flogging “eco” boilers or thermal roof panels or insulation or new roofs or new driveways ect ect at one time only special discount prices with – you’ve guessed it – “free fitting”.

What a bunch of cunts.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Used car salesman are cunts too. Fell on hard times a few years ago and traded my car in for “quality used car ?” Turned out it was fucking death trap. Cost me a fucking fortune in the long run. Cunts the fucking lot of them !

Nominated by: Cuntface

Door to door salesen? Should set the dogs on the scum. I had an issue with a salesman from well known double glazing company. Could not get rid of him, he tried every trick in the book except offer his arse to secure the deal and I’ll bet he’d have done that if I hadn’t managed to push him out of the door.

Nominated by: Captain Japseye

Supermodels

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Who the fuck gets to designate the title ‘supermodel’ to these sour faced, pointless cunts.

When you look at what these oxygen thieves do for a living, you have to wonder what the fuck society has come to.

Walking up and down while wearing clothes……thats it. What everyone else does before they leave the house in the morning to go and work proper jobs.

Useless cunts

Nominated by: Odin’s balls

Most supermodels are poe faced, tantruming overpaid skinny tarts with no tits… What I don’t get though is why all these stick insects like Evangelista and Campbell were doing in George Michael’s videos, when he uses the tradesman’s entrance? Mind you, it could be because half of them looked like geezers with lip gloss..

Claudia Schiffer was fit in her day though…

Nominated by: Norman

Shelley Jupitus

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Who’s that under our Phill??

I know that loathsome professional Essex Lad Phill Jupitus (born Phillip Swan on the Isle of Wight) has been cunted several times before, but I recently heard him mention that he has a wife.

Anyone who would want to marry such a fat, hateful, talentless cunt is surely even more of a cunt than he is, and so I hereby nominate Phill Jupitus’s wife.

Nominated by: Fred West

Virgin Galactic

Virgin Galactic’s SpaceShipTwo on its first test flight over the Mojave Desert, California

Had Jolie, Bieber, Perry and the loathsome Brand been aboard the craft, forensics would have to spend ages sorting out the ship from the wreckage.

So Sir Richard, when you plan your next interstellar fuck up, please invite some selected guests to play the role of crash test dummies. I humbly suggest:

Eric Pickles (for maximum splat effect)
Jo and Russell Brand
Jihadi John
Justin Bieber

…and as many paedo’s as you can fit in once you evict the illegal immigrants, who will no doubt be stowing away

Nominated by: Captain Japseye