Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

The Cunt that gave me the Clap

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The Cunt that gave me the Clap

Swing back to the sixties – but did it ever? Certainly more characters around and Blighty still stood tall and proud if a trifle long haired. Summer of Love? That was 1967 and I was there but cannot be arsed to post any links. Embarrassing. Summer of Cunt. Moved in certain circles of a chemical nature and out of the remains of me mind recall a love fest that took place in a mews house in London somewhere near Harrods and Harvey Knicks. Little filly with eyes caked in black eye liner. Only defence me lud I was so stoned I shagged it.
Strange thing about a freshly shagged filly they do like to rabbit after. This filly just the same and while I kept dropping orf (as you do) Yours Truly got the life story in full. Daughter of an Italian Countess no less and a working girl. Proud of that and her career as a Groupie. Still active for “special sweet boys” and had just been fucked by Mick Jagger but she “No fuck Jaggaire when I with you”. Then she pulled out a package of pills from her sock (yes it was a full socks on shag) and lovingly offered YT two antibiotics “So you no get a syphilis”.
Fuck me and live the life. Next morning YT wakes up to the old itching horse prong and a terminal compulsion to piss. Down the Quack’s for the full Monty. Blood tests, wire probe up me dong (Christ that hurts), antibiotics by the shovel, never seen the old bastard so happy. Results come back, some Cairo pox or other, non specific (ie they don’t know what it is) and no specific cure. Keep taking the tablets and drink two litres of water a day for as long as. Good news is sufferers die with it rather than from it. Oh and no alcohol allowed old son. By the way who was your last partner? Mick Fucking Jaggaire.
Bastard Quack was right, over fifty years later and I still have my little love token from Mick (can I flog it on Ebay?). Like Jaggaire it returns from the dead for Stadium Performances only. Whenever YT gets run down, spot of flu, inflammation of me piles ect, it stages a comeback. Then I sod the Quack and drown it out with a bottle of single malt. A miserable time.
Schadenfreude. Not German techno but kraut for taking pleasure from the misery of others. The definition of a cunt. Hence me pleasure now at the decrepit state orf Jagger. Long lenses snap the ancient cunt wherever it goes or hides. Phizzog a ruin of classical proportions – old man’s ears, fading hair dye, skin wrinkled and creased like a bio-degraded condom. The last time I saw a cunt that decomposed it was on a mortuary slab being buggered by Jimmy Saville.
Tee fucking Hee.

Nominated by, Sir Limply Stoke

Admin note, Obviously “keep taking the pills and you will get over it” does not apply, Bad luck old man.

 

Robert Peston [5]

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Robert Peston is about due for a cunting.

Apart from….his…Irrrrrrrrrrrrrritating…hab…it…of talking slowly and raising and lowering his voice whilst pronouncing certain words, the insufferable prick has just suggested that the newest member of the Royal Family…no…not Meghan, Louis Arthur Charles, has been given names that are “basically Remain names”, and thereby suggesting that the Royals are pro-Remian. First of all, I don’t remember any member of the Royal family making any comment that even came close to supporting those traitors in Remain.

And second, no, Peston – Louis, Arthur and Charles are NOT basically remain names. They are not basically Brexit names. They are just…fucking…names. That’s all. We all know that, like all the other smug, self-important London based wankers, you have a needle dicked hard on for the EU.

But to suggest that names are pro-Remain hits a cunt factor of 1 billion. Even by your standards, that’s fucking impressive.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

Priyamvada Gopal

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Priyamvada Gopal

Who: No, not one of those self-indulgently shit Kula Shaker Hindu song titles from the 90s, but an incredibly pompous and stuck-up ‘madam’ university academic.

Cunt: This mekon-headed scumcunt – Cambridge lecturer by day and racist-card-playing full-time victim, also by day – is staging some kind of one-cunt protest after a campus porter called her ‘madam’ instead of ‘doctor’. And you’ve guessed it folks, such a jaw-droppingly heinous crime can only be explained as due to said porter’s deeply racist attitude.

Now thankfully, most on social media have rounded on this self-entitled fucking snob and called her out for her racist accusation fakery. This nomination is prompted though because I am increasingly reading about more and more intolerance-masked-as-victimhood in our Universities and seats of learning. Fees are actually going towards the salary of this fucking specimen with a forehead so large it surely induces feeling of gross inadequacy for the old Tefal man. But she’s one of many cunts in a sea of academia liberalists.

Last year we had that black Cambridge student – a balanced individual due to equally sized chips on both shoulders – claiming all whites are racist and all blacks are oppressed; the irony of him tweeting that claim from Jesus College apparently lost on him. Earlier this year we had Lammy cunting about on University ‘white privilege’, and student unions were the old stomping ground of The Crying Game’s worst black tribute act, Munroe Bergdorf.

Our universities are jam-packed with abhorrent cunts, which in a few years will include my own nephew. So whilst this is a solid cunting to Herr Doktor Madam Shitcunt Gopal, it is also a general expression of ire towards what our higher education institutions have become.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

Marrakesh Political Declaration

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This is essentially an EU sanctioned free movement agreement between all member EU states (including the UK cos we’re still part of that rabble – and probably always will be) and most African nations, dressed up in migration/development speak.

This basically means than any cunt from any African shithole who merely makes it to the EU (whether refugee, asylum seeker or economic migrant) should be gifted passage and any dissenting voices quelled.

Obviously – as a bi-lateral agreement – the same is true of all refugees, asylum seekers and economic migrants from the EU into those African countries listed in the declaration.

Well how very noble of them because the UK will be absolutely empty once millions of Brits decide to migrate to Burkina Faso, or maybe Mali, or maybe Chad…

Do they think we’re fucking mad? There’s only one way this thinly veiled “free movement” agreement is going to work and that is to basket case Europe further.

Even after all of the opposition to middle-eastern and African migration across most EU countries – at least over the last year – they, the EU, still went ahead with this ridiculous declaration on 2nd of May this year.

The EU is scared shitless and their only saviour is to import – literally – a boat load of Africunts into Europe who are dependent on the state and who will vote in favour of EU puppets to keep them in their paid for, easy ride existence in Western Europe.

Here is the declaration itself (it’s short)

Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt!

Paddy English football fans

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Paddy English football fans are cunts…
There’s nothing more irritating than some Bogtrotting twat from Potatoland gobbing off and moaning throughout a football match… These wankers always talk their shite loudly, they think they have a divine right to support United because of George Best, and they never, ever shut the fuck up… Think Alf Garnett’s Mick mate, Michael, in United megastore tat and you’ll get the picture… The celebrity type are also cunts too… That twat, Eamonn Holmes milking Fergie’s recent bad health… All over the media, squawking ‘I’m praying for my pal Sir Alex, So I am’…. What a fucking media whore cunt and a ‘lifelong red’? What part of Manchester or Salford is that fat cunt from?! and Dermot O’ Leary is as bad being a plastic Gooner… Hardcore Arsenal lifers must despise this cunt… Bullshitting about Wenger, saying how he cried twice when Wenger said his farewells at the Emirates? Fuck off!

And don’t get me started on English cunts who go around wearing Barcelona or Real Madrid shirts… Those pricks are just as bad….

Nominated by, Norman