Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Danny Dyer [4]

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Danny Dyer. A TV mockney shit-geezer who has spent so long hamming up his hars-yer-farver schtick that he no longer knows where the impersonation ends and where Danny Dyer begins.

I’ve never minded a bit of embellished cockney, to tell you the truth. Arthur Daley, Eric Bristow, Babs Windsor – all a bit entertaining. The problem comes when they carry on the whole Apples-and-Pears cuntitude malarkey outside of their day job.

Enter full-time scumcunt Danny Dyer. This cunting could be longer than all of the Dostoevsky novels combined and it would still fail to get to the nub of why I despise this fucker so haughtily. Remember those ‘long play’ films of logs burning, train rides, sleigh rides and so on? I keep trying to find one of a hobnail boot repeatedly stamping on Dyer’s face, but alas, no joy thus far.

The cunt is over and above intolerable. From presenting shit like Danny Dyer’s Deadliest Faeces, starring in the latest London Live Algarve-based gangster caricature cuntery, or just being a plutonium-core salted-bomb of a cunt on Eastenders, this fucking gobshite just never fucking switches off the cunt-meter. Case in point – Friday night’s little turn on the fucking bizarre evening edition of Good Morning Britain (after the Belgium/England game), he played up to the liberal stance by maafing off and giving it large over Brexit, David Cameron, and generally giving it the whole pub-philosopher spiel on all matters associated.

Lapped up by the Guardian set, interestingly. Unclear whether Dyer somehow assuages their guilt for otherwise hating the working class, or whether the hipsters are just being cunts by ‘ironically’ loving a liberal shit-talking stereotype of East end London. Regardless, my piss boils supercritically watching fawning cunts like Piers Morgan or David Mitchell simper over Dyer’s every exaggerated mockney fucking vowel.

Danny Dyer – a bigger cunt you’ll be hard-pressed to find between Waltham Forest to West Ham.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

(He was right about one thing however – Cameron is a tosser)

Estate agents

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Estate Agents are cunts, aren’t they.

(riiinng)

Mr. Dickhead: “Hello, Cunts & Co, Gavin speaking, how may I help you?”

Captain Mags: “Hello, I’d like to sell my flat. How much do you charge?”

Mr. Dickhead: “Hello sir, 1.5%, plus VAT. Can I have your details, phone number, e-mail, and mobile so we can continually bombard you with houses far too expensive for you and miles out of the area?”

Captain Mags: “1.5% is a bit high. What do I receive for that?”

Mr. Dickhead: “We spend almost five minutes showing people around your flat. We also spend three minutes putting your details on-line. Furthermore, we spend an additional minute putting your property in the window. Sometimes we answer the phone. It’s just non-stop work. Can I take your e-mail address?”

Captain Mags: “Erm, that doesn’t sound like much.”

Mr. Dickhead: “We’ll also promise to lie to you about properties, lose your details, not respect your privacy and ignore your phone calls.”

Captain Mags: “Will you also promise to have appalling customer service and no business sense apart from your own rapacious thirst and immoral sensibilities?”

Mr. Dickhead: “We will endeavour to do so. We will constantly treat you as if WE’RE doing YOU a favour. Moreover, you will be shown around properties by cocky half-wits whose knowledge factor is nought and professionalism is atrocious. Can I take your e-mail address?”

Captain Mags: “Certainly. It’s CaptainMagnanimous@kissmyarseyoufuckingwankers.co.uk”

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

Leo Varadkar

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A cunting for the Irish ” Tee-Shock ” ( spelling deliberately childish)

Fucking piss is flashing steam right now as I mistakenly left the BBC news on in the background by mistake ( only watched for the weather report, something they cant put a fucking remain slant on ) and caught the remaining statement of the kingmaker extraordinaire as he entered the EU summit….( not verbatim )

“The UK better accept they can’t cherry pick, “”WE”” are 27 states of 500 million people and I’m afraid the future partnership wont be one of equals”

What, you fucking cretinous little fuck ?

My insides are fucking squirming and vessels are bursting inside my eyeballs if the black spots and white stars I’m seeing are anything to go by

How fucking dare you …. equals eh ? If that’s the case, can we have back the £14 BILLION we contributed to your bailout fund after the banking crisis? That’ll go a small way to our Brexit bill for starters you sneering cunt.

Second, the special arrangement that allowed 3 MILLION Irish free travel within the isles might just need looked at again eh fucker ?

Third, the fucking kick in the teeth to anyone who looked upon us British Isles and Ireland as like minded folk with a common purpose after all the shit. I know it’s different with my English cousins on this, but the Scots never had the same grief with the Irish even though many of our families (mine) served tours in Northern Ireland as well …and this isn’t about that conflict but, nah, no longer the case I’m afraid.

I look upon the republic no different from a Romania or Lithuania now because your cunt of a taoiseach has made it perfectly clear where you stand.

You’re now with the big boys, the 500million strong EU..hahahahah

Well, my friend, I think you’ll fucking find the Italians and Austrians have just started a domino effect in that diseased riddled club and I hope once the Dutch rise and the German ADF stick it to Merkel, the Euro currency finally tumbles and your tax haven hole is brought to its fucking knees again…….try asking us for another fucking bail out then…… cunts

This isn’t meant to be a rant against the boy band producing Irish, but I’m genuinely fucked off that they’ve made their choice clear over us and them …even though we’ve never been an anti European people!!

Finished with them as neighbours if they allow the EU to use them to make a cunt of the UK.

Nominated by Squint Cuntwood

Rebecca Steinfeld and Daniel Keidan

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This pair of fuckwits have been to the Supreme Court because they want a civil partnership. Not because they are queer, but they feel that marriage is *patriarchal*

What a load of horse shit. Why do the court waste their time on self-advertising cunts like this. They live together so I dare say he already waddles up her whoopsadaisy, dare say she tells him what to do.

I don’t even really see why there has to be gay marriage but to give two heterosexuals the *right* to something never intended for them seems a fucking waste of time.

It seems to me girly tosspots like him, and women with daddy issues ought to realise that their “problem” means fuck all to the courts or anybody who lives in the real world.

Nominated by W.C.Boggs

Michael Dowden

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This thick as arse’oles cunt was the first “Incident Commander” on the scene at the Grenfell Barbie. As that well respected and revered libo-lefty only good as a bum wipe rag The Guardian reports from the enquiry:

“Michael Dowden, a firefighter for 14 years and watch manager at North Kensington fire station, was forced to repeatedly admit his ignorance of the risks to the building, the evacuation strategy and the vulnerability of its occupants during evidence that raised serious questions about the rigour of the London fire brigade’s procedures on high-rise safety.”
“He said that he had received no training in what to look for when undertaking familiarisation checks of buildings and when he did visit Grenfell in 2016, he did not inspect any of the cladding works, the conditions of the fire doors or could not remember if he went up the tower. He did not note it had a single escape route or whether there were sprinklers.”

Bugger me. Point is the building was in the cunt’s patch and it was his responsibility to check and if necessary test it for fire safety.

“The inquiry also heard that a routine document with essential details about buildings to guide firefighters during a fire was not created for Grenfell Tower. It was supposed to inform them of the dimensions of the building, number of flats, hydrant and dry riser locations, fire lift locations, stairwells, entrances, exits, sprinklers and the surrounding streets. The information that Dowden did print off and take to the fire with his crew was last updated in 2009, seven years before the completion of the refurbishment. It said the building had a “stay put” policy but little else.”

Double bugger me. Hence when London’s Finest do rock up they do fuck all and at the highly emotional enquiry Dowden does a Monty Python impression with a knotted handkerchief on his head. The thick cunt does display some glimmer orf street nouse though by parroting impenetrable union brief taught jargon and throws a doubtless totally genuine fit orf the vapours when film of the Barbie is shown. After counselling the poor darling will hopefully be in a fitter state to claim his compo for Repetitive Stress Disorder (he keeps making the same fuck-ups).

Yours Truly doubtless a senile old cunt but in my day we did not need training to put fires out or save members orf the public from collapsing buildings. All part orf everyday life – but then there was a war on.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke