Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

John Chau

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John Chau is a cunt.
This idiot decided he needed to spread the word of God to an isolated tribe on a protected island off India somewhere. The dopey cunt had to bribe some fishermen to take him to this where this tribe live like Stone Age fuckers, all spears and grass skirts type of thing, where bible crazy John would introduce them to the enlightened word of his lord. Forget the fact that it is forbidden to interact with these people, whose last contact with the modern world was them firing arrows at a helicopter that had been sent to check on them after the 2004 tsunami. Forget the fact that John couldn’t speak a word of the no doubt pops and clicks that make up their language. And, forget the fact that the dull cunt had already tried to make contact with them, only to be chased of the island, with his trusty bible, which was covering his heart, taking a direct hit from an arrow. Disciple John returned the next day, with gifts of fish and footballs (what the fuck!), only to be rewarded with a broadside of arrows, this time missing his bible, and killing the silly cunt. This must make him a sure thing for this years Darwin awards.

Nominated by Gutstick Japseye Dr

The Common Cold

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Let me introduce you to Bleary Eyes, who lives on Watership Down and may or may not be a rabbit, it’s hard to tell. Head twice the right size, eyes bulging and sightless, coat motheaten, can barely hop. Slime oozing from every orifice, and not long for this world, Bleary Eyes, who has myxomatosis, is a dead ringer for the Common Cold patient, and specifically for me last night as my nose couldn’t work out whether to pour litres of mucus on the sheets or down my throat, the latter producing sensations of strangulation which made sleep an unattainable fantasy.

Feeble coughing, necessitated by having a ball of barbed wire in my lung and not wanting to disturb it, merely brings a mass of partially-set gluey snot to larynx level from which it snaps back into the killing zone, or very occasionally fires it clean into the fan heater. Even Kleenex Person-size only absorbs a quarter of what emerges should you further inflame your nose by blowing it once. Fuck, here goes with the dishcloth.

No position is comfortable for the CC victim. Whose own nose-snorkelling noises like an old man drowning (too close to the truth, that, but it will serve) and coughing like a struggling sheep attacked with CS gas, combine with the awareness that the symptoms are getting worse and you may not make it to A&E before double pneumonia sets in.

It’s not bloody funny. No it isn’t. Shut up. It’s a cunt, that’s what it is.

Nominated by Komodo

Dead Pool [118]

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Congratulations to Pedantic Cunt who has won the Dead Pool by picking the 41st President of the United States George HW Bush. He was 94.

On to Deadpool 118

Here are the rules (pay special attention to the first one):

1. Nominate who you think is the next cunt on the way out. You can have up to five choices. List your nominations in the comments of this post. It’s the current Dead Pool. Comments not in this post (e.g. in the previous one or other posts) will be ignored!

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and we start again. Of course, you can always be a really annoying cunt and steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the previous pool (like Black and White Cunt frequently does).

3. It actually has to be some newsworthy cunt that people have actually heard of!

Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.

The Birmingham University Rainbow Network

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Birmingham University’s Rainbow Network

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/nov/14/birmingham-university-warned-of-risk-lgbt-rights-dubai-campus

This is nothing by the way to do with Dubai, it’s their country so they make the rules but Fuck me do these cunts have no sense of reality. They have just realised that at their Dubai campus (for fuck sake) their is no legal recognition of LGBT rights because being gay is against the law in Dubai. They have been warned that certain things may not be tolerated by the local peaceful. Actually not tolerated is wrong, you will be jailed if you are gay. In the UK all your SJW bullshit and whinging just makes everyone on edge and feel they are at risk of losing their job or professional reputation just for having a slightly less right on view than yourself and maybe saying in your opinion a misplaced comment or joke. But now you can go and see what tolerance levels the peacefuls have for your gay selves. Also while your studying at the Dubai campus why don’t you go fly your rainbow flag from the top of the refectory and see how quickly your arse is whisked into desert chokey. So Listen you bunch of self serving cunts if you don’t get how lucky you are to live in this country by now then you never will and if you don’t like it then I’m sure the tax payer will happily chip in so you can complete your education in that bastion of human rights Dubai.

Nominated by Cuntsince1066

C4 ‘News’

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C4 News is a cunt.

Where to begin, the smug metrosexual intonations of its presenters, John Snow with his xylophone ties and stupid socks, I’m so hip I wear a white poppy and is down with the kids at Glasto. Or the peaceful in full hijab just to remind us that C4 is fully inclusive, token Asian male and a reformed chap from the Fatherland, I am surprised they haven’t got the full set yet and have a lovely hairy 6ft tranny presenter yet, only a matter of time, oh and lest forget the annoying twat who chases after people for a comment, glad he was smacked by a UKIP chap a few years back. So for shear irritation and everything wrong in Modern Britain its C4 news for me.

Nominated by Gareth Kendall