Steven Moffat [3]

Steven Moffat’s crimes against my favourite childhood show mean Moffat is due another cunting on this esteemed website. Dr Who was (and should be) a kids’ show. It was always a bit cheesy and the effects were crap. But the point is, it was FUN. Tom Baker’s ludicrous overacting when trying to keep a straight face when faced with yet another “alien” that was clearly an extra covered in tinfoil and various bits of leftover props from other BBC shows. The goodies were good and the baddies were bad – only the Emperor in Star Wars comes close to Davros for sheer bloody-minded evil. I’m pretty sure Davros was wanking in that chair when he told Tom Baker he would release a virus that would destroy all lifeforms in the galaxy.

I saw the first episode of the latest series and didn’t have much of an opinion one way or the other. Pearl Mackie is neither the best nor the worst actress to play a Dr Who companion. I didn’t watch the rest of the series. But last night I got around to watching the first part of the Cybermen story. Fuck me, I don’t know what that was but it wasn’t Dr Who. The Cybermen should be doing something demented and improbable like taking over the Moon to use the tides to destroy the Earth or crashing a spaceship to wipe out the dinosaurs. The biggest problem though was that the episode was dull, so dull.

As I said, Dr Who should be fun; the crazier the plan by the Daleks or Cybermen or Ice Warriors the better. And I bet the BBC wouldn’t ever show Tom Baker’s one and only Cybermen story again – the Doctor and a couple of other characters were forced by the silver maniacs to wear suicide belts to blow up the planet of gold. They wouldn’t show that because retards would say it was a coded attack on everyone’s favourite victim group.

I’m not actually opposed to a female lead if the producers had a particular person in mind who they believed would be right for role. But it just seems that Moffat wanted a woman, any woman for the job. And most of the wankstains who go on about this don’t seem to be Dr Who fans anyway; why the fuck do they care about who plays the main character in a show they don’t even watch?

And Moffat, I’d just like to say that anyone who comes up with their own nickname – like perennial ISAC nominee Bonio – is a total and utter bellend. “Grand Moff” for fuck’s sake! What’s that sound I hear? It’s peter Cushing spinning in his grave.

Nominated by Cunts mate Cunt

The Doctor


Dr Who – Time Travelling Tosser

Have always regarded Dr Who as a bucket of toss done on the cheap. Only excuse for it. Crap effects, crap actors, crap scripts, wobbly sets and invariably the same fucking gravel pit outside location.

Now with a mega budget spearheading the BBC’s ‘original drama’ output and swollowing up most of the licence payer’s hard earned that should be going to fund genuine ‘original drama’. Dr Who has slid up the jacksie of the BBC to be preened, petted and oiled in the camp corridors of power and emerged as an ironic, post modernist my darlings, bucket of toss.

Despite tottering into the age of CGI the ancient old cunt is still produced with crap effects, crap actors, crap scripts etc, etc, etc because that is the only way the campos at the BBC can do things. And avoiding endless plugs for the fucking programme is like trying to hide a pair of wank stained long johns at a vicarage. You can’t get away from ‘em.

Dr Who? Dr Cunt, that’s who.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

( …and you can even buy commemorative stamps FFS! Ed. )